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PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:20 pm 
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Today I was 23 days in, and I woke up and felt alright. Opened my dresser, took out my contact box and there was a sliver, .25 or less. I put it under to the for like a minute and spit it out. I couldn't believe I did it. It took like an hour to feel it. I didn't even feel anything except a headache. Please someone give me some advice. Is this going to take away my 23 days sober?m I feel terrible right now. Worst then before I took it. Please, I need some encouragement. My mother is very sick, and her seeing me going through this once was enough. Please, I just need some comfort.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:30 pm 
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Wd wise, it isn't going to set you back at all. Doing what you did will not put you back on day 1 or 2 or anything like that.

What you should take away from this situation is just how fragile your recovery is right now.

I suggest you stop beating yourself up and learn from this mistake.

Didn't you find a piece of a strip yesterday, but flushed it? It looks like you may have some pieces of Suboxone or who knows what else in your room. Enlist the help of a friend or family member to help you go through your room and clean that crap out. Those pieces of Suboxone or whatever else may be there are triggers.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 9:43 pm 
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Thanks Romeo. I am in a fragile place. I will learn from this. I just can't believe I had the impulse to put it in my mouth! I dont know how not to be hard on myself but I'll do my best. Thanks

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 10:00 pm 
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I'm with Romeo on that one.

Day 24 tomorrow.

I replied to your other post so I won't repeat it here. Your still the man.

Stay strong brother


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 10:11 pm 
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You can't believe you had the impulse to put it in your mouth? Dude, you're a drug addict, that's what we do!! :wink:

Seriously, it's what we do, man. We have to learn how NOT to do that.

The fact that you came here and told on yourself is great. That's a really important step. Working at eliminating triggers is another great step. Seriously, with the help of a trusted friend or family member, clean out your room, man. Eliminating as many triggers as humanly possible gives us that much more chance of success.

I understand how it's hard not to beat yourself up, I'm the same way. One thing that helped me go easier on myself in that department was the realization that my addiction loves it when I beat myself up, it knows it's pushing me that much closer to using by having me beat myself up. KWIM?

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:53 am 
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Yes-- a learning experience. Realize that those impulses will be around much longer than 24 days, or 24 months. My 'impulse' waited for 7 years, while I worked with potent opioids every day in the OR. The impulse came after years of regular meetings, when I just happened to be in a 'fragile' mood while walking through a market in the Bahamas, and saw codeine on the counter. Who would have thought? Certainly not me!

Now, in a different career, I see how quickly the addict mind can appear out of nowhere. Someone walks in a bathroom at a friend's house, and for some reason gets the thought, out of nowhere, of opening the medicine cabinet. Or a good-meaning friend offers help with a vicodin, for toothache that has been keeping you up for a couple weeks...

The one thing that I have notice that people have in common, at the time of relapse, is the thought that it won't kill them. That fear that they had-- that you describe now-- disappears for a moment, long enough for the addict to use 'one last time.' The problem, then, is that the person DOES stop after that one time--- which proves that he has the power to use one MORE time. So he uses that 'power' to use one MORE time-- which again, proves that one time won't be that big a deal. At some point, of course, the addict isn't stopping anything... which is a bit of a head trip...

Keep the fear.


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