It is currently Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:00 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 105 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 8:22 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:14 pm
Posts: 66
I'm in a horrible situation. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and on suboxone with no script. I've made the decision to get off of it because I had such a bad experience with being on subutex during my first pregnancy.
When I was 28 weeks pregnant with my daughter, I opted to do a medically supervised detox. I was on 4 mg. the first 5 days, the doctor has me on a taper schedule using hydrocodone since it's short acting. The next 4 days were just comfort meds and I was done. I relapsed when my daughter was 3 weeks old :*(
I got back on Suboxone illegally do to not having insurance. I've since remarried and no one in my family knows I've been on Suboxone again for the past year and a half. My husband would be devastated.
I tapered from 6 mg down to 2 mg. I know that's still a high dose but that's as low as I could comfortably go. So I'm just done. My doctor said that all the hype about miscarrying due to withdrawal is not true in most cases, only in severe cases. He showed medical studies to prove it. I have 6 Norcos left from an old script I plan on using the next few days to break the fall, as they did in the hospital. Then I'm on my own. This is my first day with no sub and I'm already feeling bad.
I'm so terrified and could really use some support as I have none this time around. I don't work but I have an 18 month old who is extremely hard to entertain. She won't watch TV or play with toys. Also, I have no one to help me take care of her during the hell I'm about to go through. My husband doesn't help me and when he does, he's too rough and gruff with her and ends up making her cry.
I HAVE to do this. I'm also so afraid of being completely clean even though it's for the best. My life isn't the best right now with bad marital and family problems. I've also struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and suboxone really helped with it. I'm so so scared.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 9:35 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2014 2:07 pm
Posts: 7
Givemehope - I can really feel the emotion from your post. I have twins that are 3 years old now and I know that they are the most important thing in the world to me. Having been on sub since 2003, and the same dose since then essentially (5mg), I can tell you that there is no harm in using it as a short, intermediate, or long term solution. Here is my advice, though, having been a very long term sub patient, and having twins:

You have to first decide what is more important - your sobriety or your unborn child? Clearly, and I really mean CLEARLY, the answer is your unborn child. I don't care how much of an addict anyone is - as long as the drug they are doing doesn't hurt the child then that is secondary until the right time/place is granted to come down. That is a bit of an over generalization I know, there are many exceptions to that, but overall I just feel that way.

Get yourself to the lowest dose you can handle - like 2-4mg. Split that does up - there is no clinical evidence to support my theory, but common sense does support it. Think about it: if you put 4mg in your mouth once a day, that bup "hit" once a day starts your blood serum levels very high and reduces it over the 36 hour half-life. Now split that does in half - or even in 4 doses - and your serum levels are more steady state and not hit with that huge influx once a day; rather, your pills being taken throughout the day keep your fluctuations more stable and serum levels lower. I believe that large serum levels have a direct corelation to possible pregnancy/miscarriage issues; but that is not clinically proven either - it is just common sense.

I know when I used to listen to the propaganda that one should take just one dose a day that that was bull. The reason some doctors and counselors and the manufacturers tell you to do that, IMO, is to keep you from feeling like you are chasing the dragon with bup by grabbing more and more. And I will admit that on occassion, I do accidentally just "grab" a half a pill extra here and there - but more because it is like eating and you are bored, not to get high. Its a habit. Anyhow - that is the worst thing that has happened from my splitting doses, and that only happens once a week or so if that.

Now you have a good dose, splitting strategy - start doing that. If I read correctly, you don't have a doctor to give you a script? If you don't, you can find a way because you are pregnant - no place will allow a pregnant women to risk withdrawels and possible miscarriage. You will have no problem getting care and a script - I am sure of that. If you do a have a doctor, or once you do get one if you don't already, tell them that you want to remain on sub indefinitely for now because of the stress at home - you have children, an unsupportive husband, you name it.

There are SO many reasons NOT to try to get off sub right now - I could go on and on. Please, I am do emplore you, don't mess with that now. It is not the right time and place. You will have your hands full with your 18 month old, your new born, and your own health in short order...you just need this stupid "addiction" stuff to be out of the picture. Taking your sub like clockwork will put it out of the picture. You NEED to just focus on your health and your kids right now...messing with your body chemistry and adding the stress of getting off of sub right now is a recipe for disaster.

As to your family and husband who would be "devastated" - I'd be happy to e-mail privately your husband and explain my past 11 years of success (not a single dirty urine) and my six figure salary, my beautiful twins. I don't have everything I want in life yet, not by a long shot, but I have a great family and a good job that I love and having those is only possible because I don't fall into the trap of focusing on "getting off of sub" because of worries about what others think. My wife badgers me every so often about getting off of it, and I just tell her that is non-negotiable...and would you rather have me on dope again?

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 1:33 pm 
Offline
Site Admin
Site Admin
User avatar

Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 11:03 pm
Posts: 1544
Very good comments. I agree with the pharmacology and value of multiple-dosing... the only thing I don't agree with is the idea that single dosing is designed to 'keep people chasing the dragon'. I can assure you that there are valid reasons to dose once per day, from a psychological standpoint... but I agree with the value of a stable serum level during pregnancy. For adults, the fluctuation in blood level doesn't make much difference, even when dosed only once per day (provided that the dose is large enough). But for the fetus, changes in serum level could result in effects that are not subject to a 'ceiling effect'-- and in general, we don't want a changing environment for a developing fetus.

If you feel like you MUST stop buprenorphine, give it one shot--- and if you don't make it, get to a stable level and stay there. The worst thing you could do is spend several months in a weakened condition, not getting enough sleep and nutrition.


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
PostPosted: Mon Sep 01, 2014 2:17 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
GiveMeHope wrote:
I'm in a horrible situation. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and on suboxone with no script. I've made the decision to get off of it because I had such a bad experience with being on subutex during my first pregnancy.
When I was 28 weeks pregnant with my daughter, I opted to do a medically supervised detox. I was on 4 mg. the first 5 days, the doctor has me on a taper schedule using hydrocodone since it's short acting. The next 4 days were just comfort meds and I was done. I relapsed when my daughter was 3 weeks old :*(
I got back on Suboxone illegally do to not having insurance. I've since remarried and no one in my family knows I've been on Suboxone again for the past year and a half. My husband would be devastated.
I tapered from 6 mg down to 2 mg. I know that's still a high dose but that's as low as I could comfortably go. So I'm just done. My doctor said that all the hype about miscarrying due to withdrawal is not true in most cases, only in severe cases. He showed medical studies to prove it. I have 6 Norcos left from an old script I plan on using the next few days to break the fall, as they did in the hospital. Then I'm on my own. This is my first day with no sub and I'm already feeling bad.
I'm so terrified and could really use some support as I have none this time around. I don't work but I have an 18 month old who is extremely hard to entertain. She won't watch TV or play with toys. Also, I have no one to help me take care of her during the hell I'm about to go through. My husband doesn't help me and when he does, he's too rough and gruff with her and ends up making her cry.
I HAVE to do this. I'm also so afraid of being completely clean even though it's for the best. My life isn't the best right now with bad marital and family problems. I've also struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life and suboxone really helped with it. I'm so so scared.


Hey there girl...do I ever feel your pain. I have been almost exactly where you are, and hopefully can "give you some hope".
Now, you say yourself you have already made the decision to get off suboxone, and the "suboxdoc" also advised you to "give it a shot" if you felt you must, so that is the point of view I'm coming from- that you are "ready", that you really want to be clean of opiates, and you are willing to adhere to some type of recovery program so you do not relapse when you have two small children to care for. It also sounds like you have confided in your obgyn, right? So you have his or her support?

I was also addicted early in my first pregnancy (to oxy- non prescribed) and was self medicating for depression and anxiety...the only time I could stop crying and function "normally" was on opiates. I tried to quit when I became pregnant, then finally confided in my dr. who helped me check myself into a rehab where they slowly tapered me off with hydrocodone. I think I was about 4mo. when I was finally "clean"...the detox was not too bad, and giving birth "sober" to a non addicted baby was worth every second to me. The most helpful part was the counseling and education I got while I was in rehab which helped me emerge from the worst of the depression.

Since you also went through detox while pregnant already, you kind of know what to expect...and you know that Suboxone wdl is not as sever as other opiates, but it does last a bit longer. Not sure about using the Norco's to help - I believe I have read that may just prolong the process??
I believe you will also need to find some type of support group and/or dr. to help you work through the sources of depression and anxiety and help you learn healthy coping skills if you are to stay clean.

Having an 18mo old to care for while you go through wdls will not be easy, but it can be done. You will not be feeling "great', but you won't be bedridden either. I would just get as prepared as you can before you feel too tired - get meals made ahead of time- laundry done- house clean- then when you hit the worst of it, don't try to be "super mom". Be kind to yourself, and of course do what you need to do to care for both your toddler's needs and yourself.

I now have a healthy 12 year old boy, AND 10 year old daughter, so my kids are about as far apart as yours will be. I also relapsed - when my daughter was about 3, and unfortunately it was a looooong one. I started taking subs (unprescribed), and once dependent felt "stuck" because I had children to care for, but wanted "off" so I would be a more "present" mother....really a bad situation for me. HOWEVER I'm almost 70 days totally clean and sober today. I detoxed off subs at home while being a mom, so I hope that also gives you a little hope.

IMO if you need the subs to not relapse of course find a dr. who will prescribe them, and be honest with your husband- I'm sure he'd rather have you (and your unborn child) safe on suboxone than potentially "not safe" on some other substance.

Now, if you are really "ready", it is also my opinion that although you can be a great mom while on suboxone, you will really enjoy your children more and feel all those wonderful emotions that come with motherhood more fully if you can get totally substance free. I really really wish I would have tapered and jumped much sooner....so I am really rooting for you so you don't potentially end up with the same regrets I have.

Please pm me if you like- I'd be happy to help support you, no matter what your choice.

Please don't be so scared- you will be ok! And you have to stay strong- we mothers have to be!
:) BF

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 9:47 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:14 pm
Posts: 66
I cannot tell you how much it means to me for you three to have taken your time to respond. It was much needed today. I'm day 6 with no suboxone and day 2 with no "help" pills; which was totally cheating.

I feel horrible. Now I'm regretting not forcing myself to go lower with my taper. It wouldn't have been as painful as this. I'm so tempted to call my friend and just get one more and taper lower with it. But also feel like the Dr. is right. That would just set me back a few more weeks and more down time.

I'm really trying to give myself a good talkin' to. Lol obviously I don't feel THAT bad. In my opana wd days there's no way I could've typed anything out while laying on the floor praying for death. Good motivation huh? Haha I wish I had a family member I could call and get help with my baby. She's wanting me to do the hotdog dance with Mickey right now. Not happening. Poor thing.

I'm also having a much harder time this go around. Maybe because I know that I was able to take it up until 28 weeks and still have a healthy clean baby. However, I was abandoned by my baby's father upon finding out about sub use. Also, a lot of my family no longer talks to me because I was taking "drugs" while pregnant. They're VERY old-school, conservative, and intolerant. Also think they're immune to such atrocities in their family. My poor mother stuck with me but it about got the best of her. She went on anti-depressants and anti-anxieties. Now, she's in the process of a super messy divorce with my dad. I can't put her through it again. To really top it off, my husband prosecutes "those people" everyday. He talks about them constantly in horrible ways even though he knows all about my history. He's a newbie and thinks he's just somethin' else. (Eyeroll) I'm sure everyone thinks I learned my lesson the first time.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Sep 03, 2014 7:33 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
GiveMeHope wrote:
I cannot tell you how much it means to me for you three to have taken your time to respond. It was much needed today. I'm day 6 with no suboxone and day 2 with no "help" pills; which was totally cheating.

I feel horrible. Now I'm regretting not forcing myself to go lower with my taper. It wouldn't have been as painful as this. I'm so tempted to call my friend and just get one more and taper lower with it. But also feel like the Dr. is right. That would just set me back a few more weeks and more down time.

I'm really trying to give myself a good talkin' to. Lol obviously I don't feel THAT bad. In my opana wd days there's no way I could've typed anything out while laying on the floor praying for death. Good motivation huh? Haha I wish I had a family member I could call and get help with my baby. She's wanting me to do the hotdog dance with Mickey right now. Not happening. Poor thing.

I'm also having a much harder time this go around. Maybe because I know that I was able to take it up until 28 weeks and still have a healthy clean baby. However, I was abandoned by my baby's father upon finding out about sub use. Also, a lot of my family no longer talks to me because I was taking "drugs" while pregnant. They're VERY old-school, conservative, and intolerant. Also think they're immune to such atrocities in their family. My poor mother stuck with me but it about got the best of her. She went on anti-depressants and anti-anxieties. Now, she's in the process of a super messy divorce with my dad. I can't put her through it again. To really top it off, my husband prosecutes "those people" everyday. He talks about them constantly in horrible ways even though he knows all about my history. He's a newbie and thinks he's just somethin' else. (Eyeroll) I'm sure everyone thinks I learned my lesson the first time.

Hi again! So sorry you are feeling badly...I'm not sure how the "help pills" influenced your detox off the sub, but from 2mgs (that was your sub jump, right?) , you should start to feel better very soon each day, so hang in there! I also think it is a good sign you can type, and that you have a little sense of humor too- don't lose that!! I also am familiar with Micky's "hot dog dance" (lol)...and during my first few days after my jump, yeah, that would have been very low on my "to do" list. Don't feel badly- you will be dancing with your little girl again very soon....and the music will sound even better than ever!

I also have an intolerant family; my father is a Dr. who seems (or seemed) to have compassion enough for the whole world, but very little left over for his own daughter who I guess was supposed to be "perfect" (a very difficult expectation to meet, right?). I'm glad your mom stuck by you (I told you mothers were strong! :) ) My mom also worked hard to rebuild a family my father almost tore apart permanently. I also felt badly for my mom...but wouldn't you do the same thing willingly for your kids? At least you and I are most likely more tolerant, empathic parents because of our difficult experiences, right?

Do you remember all the things that helped ease you through your last jump? Here are some things that helped me, and others on this forum:

Hot baths and showers (not too hot of course since you are pg)
Uplifting music
Clonidine (can you take this while pregnant? ask your dr. I guess. I hope you can as it really helps and is non addicting)
Keep moving/ exercise daily as much as you can manage
Get outdoors and stay in the "light"
Keep posting!!

Still rooting for you!
:D BF

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Sep 04, 2014 4:42 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2014 3:37 am
Posts: 9
Hi there, when I read your post I felt my heart break. One of my main issues and concerns right now being 14 weeks pregnant and trying to taper right now is that I also have been on my medication in total secret and isolation...the father knows but we are no longer recently together. ..but none of my family knows and they are my all and only support. I got on Zofran a month before I became pregnant to get off heroin. I did not plan to get pregnant, took precautions and after-precautions, but well...it seems like this little one is fighting to be here! I've never had kids before...my family does not know ANYTHING about my heroin addiction, if you can believe it. When I told my detox doctor about my pregnancy and my desire to try and taper off before the delivery, he just gave me a bunch of opinions about how I shouldn't have the baby, and then when I just wasn't up to that idea, he told me as well that trying to get off the medication just wasn't possible. I'm so happy to hear your experience with your doctor, it just seems like such b***$*** that getting off it is more dangerous than staying on it and risking the baby having withdrawals! Right now I'm at about 4mg...I think I did closer to 2 or 3 mg today? I have 8mg tablets that I have to break and they crumble into odd pieces that make it difficult...my doctor insists on trying to keep me at higher doses and a about a month ago, I was doing really well getting down to I'm guessing 1 or 2 mg a day but I was taking it way too fast...and in stress throughout me and the dad breaking up I took 8 mg in one day :( my advice and support is this: while you may feel in your times of need that you are not strong enough and use or abuse, the result will ALWAYS be the same: you WILL become weaker in the end, and you will become just that much more dependant and crippled when you're on the way to getting stronger to be there for your kids. It's taken me a month to get back down to the low levels I'd been close to before because of that ONE day. I know in your isolation you need someone to be there for you...but it canNOT be your sneaky addiction. I know you can make it through this if you believe in yourself...at least that's what I'm trying to tell myself. But...don't be afraid to ask for help in these next few rough days if you can. Play it off that you're sick, have the flu, whatever...I don't know what its like to have a 2 year old yet...I don't really know how to offer help in that way :/ but while I know energy drinks are bad for you honestly drinking them might help in this time as they give you so much energy and also the niacin helps to flush your system quicker. You need to overwhelm yourself with positivity and inspiration right now, you tube videos of people's transformations in different ways are some of my personal favorites, music, prayer, these forums, your attitude and will to overcome is what's going to make you through this. Today...I tried not taking any at all...I felt so bad I lasted maybe 3/4 hours after my normal time of taking my subutex. But tomorrow I'm going to try and again...and this time I'm going to be thinking of you at the same time, about at the same pregnancy week as me, in secret as well with so much fear of what if my family found out if I can't do this...don't focus on the fear it will hold you back. Believe in yourself, I know I do! And I'm praying for you too sista...we're in this together and you're not alone, you and I we can beat this! Good luck love xo!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 12:39 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:14 pm
Posts: 66
Thank you girls so much for posting. It's so incredibly encouraging and I'm literally in tears right now over it.

I've neglected to post the past few days out of complete embarrassment and fear of letting someone down or losing support. I hate myself right now. I've done nothing but cry the last 2 days. I fell off the wagon BAD. I woke up a couple days ago with the most crushing depression and anxiety. Satan himself must've known this because later that morning I got a call from an old friend who I no longer talk to for good reason. She came over and had her pills with her. As soon as she offered, I dove face first for them.

What the hell is wrong with me? I've worked so hard and been so good. Then I just failed miserably. I so bad wish I could hear my baby's heart beat just to know he's ok. (Found out it's a boy). Since he hasn't been exposed to those drugs before, could it have hurt him? Or worse? I just want to die right now. I don't even deserve this precious baby.

I've since started taking sub again for fear of another episode. I've been taking 3 mg. In a way, I almost feel like it was the final straw in my struggle and proves even more that I need to just be done. I know most would argue that I should stay on sub to prevent relapse during pregnancy. However, I live in a horrible little town where doctors won't prescribe Buprenorphine to pregnant women. Only methadone and I will NOT start that. I drove 3 hours one way weekly to go to a sub doctor when I was pregnant with my daughter. That isn't an option this time.

I still am determined to be completely clean despite my miserable failure. I'm 15 weeks now and my goal is to be completely off by 20 weeks. When I go for my appointment on Monday I'm going to ask my OB for an antidepressant. (Lesser of the 2, or 3 evils?)

As for the question about what helped me through last time, I was in the hospital for 9 days. They gave me hydrocodone for the first 5 days. Then they gave me clonidine, some kind of anti- anxiety pill, muscle relaxers, and ambien. It was pretty easy that way. This time I don't have access to those things. I'm going to beg my doctor for clonidine. However, doctors in this town are so scared to give anyone anything. Especially pregnant women. They're also behind the times even though we lead the nation in prescription overdose deaths. (Southern West Virginia).

It breaks my heart to see how you all have so kindly rooted me on and I feel as though I've failed you. Please don't give up on me. I have no one else to talk to. Not a single person around me knows.

Secret addict, I'm so sorry you're going through the same thing. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I wish I had words of encouragement, but I feel as though it would hypocritical of me to offer such a thing at this time. :(


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 4:18 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
GiveMeHope wrote:

It breaks my heart to see how you all have so kindly rooted me on and I feel as though I've failed you. Please don't give up on me. I have no one else to talk to. Not a single person around me knows.



Oh sweetheart, you have not failed anyone! You are a human being with a disease. IMO it was a good choice now for you to get back with the subs where you know you will be stable. Forgive yourself and move on! Keep posting!
:D Still rooting for you! BF

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
   
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2014 6:20 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:14 pm
Posts: 66
ButterFLYING, you are a truly awesome person. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I'm sorry for not answering or responding to everything from your earlier post. I was wrapped up in my self-loathing. However, I did read every single word and it's so encouraging to know that you were able to beat this. And I agree about our capability to be stronger, more empathetic mothers for our children as a result of this disease.
Just about everything I've read concerning sub use says something along the lines of "it's almost impossible to get off, and it's definitely impossible to stay clean if you do get off." It's so discouraging. I keep telling myself, if I can just get clean long enough to have a clean baby, I can go back to the sub after he's born if I need to. Was it really hard for you? I've never been a strong willed person. I'm trying so hard, but it will take a Devine intervention from God. Have you always been strong willed and disciplined? You've beat this thing twice. I mean, that just rocks the socks!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 6:35 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
GiveMeHope wrote:
ButterFLYING, you are a truly awesome person. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I'm sorry for not answering or responding to everything from your earlier post. I was wrapped up in my self-loathing. However, I did read every single word and it's so encouraging to know that you were able to beat this. And I agree about our capability to be stronger, more empathetic mothers for our children as a result of this disease.
Just about everything I've read concerning sub use says something along the lines of "it's almost impossible to get off, and it's definitely impossible to stay clean if you do get off." It's so discouraging. I keep telling myself, if I can just get clean long enough to have a clean baby, I can go back to the sub after he's born if I need to. Was it really hard for you? I've never been a strong willed person. I'm trying so hard, but it will take a Devine intervention from God. Have you always been strong willed and disciplined? You've beat this thing twice. I mean, that just rocks the socks!

Thank you sweetie.....just another addict here trying my best to stay sober, and happy to try and encourage and help you...I've certainly made my share of "f-ups" in my life...."hopefully" a bit wiser now from them though.

Anyway, to try and answer your questions, first, when I was trying to taper I also read it was not possible to get off which of course is VERY discouraging to hear when you really WANT off, right? Well, just not true. There are actual people here who have done it and been clean for YEARS. Keep in mind though that there are also addicts on Suboxone maintenance who are using the medication to manage their illness, just like a diabetic needs insulin, so one can also be "clean" using suboxone properly. Only you know what will be best for you and your child.

Was it hard? Yes, but not NEARLY as hard as I 'feared'. Fear is the tool that keeps us in active addiction IMO. I promise you the fear is way worse than the 'actual' wdls. At least for me it was.

Also lol about saying I "beat this thing". Thanks again, but IMO it really can't be beat, just managed and even when temporarily "beat" will ALWAYS get back up again and can strike when least expected. The fact that you had to use the word "twice" proves this. I was over 4 years off opiates when I relapsed.

Yes, I have always been fairly strong willed and disciplined and no matter what substance I've abused have been highly functioning. I would argue that "will power" does actually play a part in my own recovery anyway (some would say you have to totally "surrender" your own will, but I feel my "will" is God given, so I guess it just depends on how you define it). But "will power" is definitely not the core of my recovery process.

For me I know I have to stay focused on God and others. My "tools" right now are prayer, meditation, vigorous exercise, re-reading recovery material and information I learned in rehab some years back (including 12 step literature), and communicating with other addicts. If I am to stay sober this time, I know I also have to get some more professional help with a few other unresolved issues resulting from trauma that I have not totally worked through. I have come to accept it is an ongoing, never ending process of growth, but I am "ready" to do the work which is good because I'll be 49 in a few weeks...hopefully it won't take you as long to reach this point (ha ha). I'm really hoping younger women can learn from some of my mistakes KWIM? You and your child are worth the work of staying in recovery.

Be kind and forgiving with yourself and keep posting- it helps!
:D BF

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 9:09 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:14 pm
Posts: 66
I should've worded the whole "beat this thing twice" a little differently. It's definitely not ever "beat", as in it'll never come up again IMO. You're definitely right about it striking at any time. However, you DID get clean twice. Most people I know have never let withdrawal run it's course. Many are too afraid of being sick and depressed. (Myself included) The few that I've met that would stick it out and not even really complain were people who were very strong-minded individuals. I've always envied that quality in people.

Meanwhile, in pregnancy land, come on February! When I was pregnant with my daughter I was emotional, but not evil. With this pregnancy, I'm ready to breath fire at a moments notice. I think this is one reason I'm really struggling with getting off sub. But what other healthy choice do I have? At the moment, I'm hiding in the bathroom from my husband and his two kids (from a previous marriage). Call me an evil step mother, but they seriously drive me nuts. I'm finding it impossible to put a smile on and fake it.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Sep 08, 2014 10:50 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:14 pm
Posts: 66
Quick update: my failure to get off sub last week was very disheartening. However, some good did come out of it. I've got down to 1 mg. Having some issues in the evening with aches, chills, and insomnia. It's no where near as bad as it was when I tried to get down to 1 mg last time though. So I think my tolerance was nipped a bit. Thank God!

How low should I try to go before jumping again? I WILL be successful next time. I'm trying to find a taper plan but they all vary so much. My goal is to be off by 20 weeks. I'm 15 weeks now.


Top
 Profile  
 
   
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 6:03 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
suboxdoc wrote:
If you feel like you MUST stop buprenorphine, give it one shot--- and if you don't make it, get to a stable level and stay there. The worst thing you could do is spend several months in a weakened condition, not getting enough sleep and nutrition.


Hey there GiveMeHope!

Congrats on getting down to 1mg- that is great! Just a friendly "reminder" though of what Dr. Junig said ^^^^. Sounds like you have gotten to a 'stable level' and he says to stay there.

Not to be discouraging, but the fact is when I jumped it took me a good couple of months to taper from 1mg to .375mg, and I suffered from insomnia throughout that time, and for a good month or so after my jump.
Also, especially the first couple of weeks after my jump I just could not eat much at all.

If you were not pregnant, I would definitely say "go for it" if you are determined because it truly is not "that bad" but it is not just you we're talking about here, right?
How are you feeling today ?
:D BF

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 7:15 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:54 pm
Posts: 626
Location: Virginia
I agree with butterflying'sand Dr. J's advice on this one. Being run down from lack of proper rest, malnourished, and possibly becoming dehydrated due to withdrawal symptoms, although mild, isn't good for anyone, especially not your precious baby that you already love so much. Good job getting down to 1 MG. Please try to feel good about the progress you've already made and in that you're doing what's best for your baby. :) I truly wish you well.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Sep 09, 2014 1:48 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:14 pm
Posts: 66
If I could get a doctor to prescribe subutex to me, I would. No one will where I live. They immediately refer you to the methadone clinic and say it's the "gold standard in treating opiate dependence during pregnancy".

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had to drive 3 hours one way every single week. That meant 6 six hours of driving and at least 2 hours in the doctors office. It was worth it, but horrible. I don't have that option this time. I did however, make an appointment with a psychiatrist. My plan is to pour out my pity story and hope for his mercy with a prescription for subutex. Regardless, I would still wean off, but for drug testing purposes, I need that legal script. Due to my history, they will immediately test the placenta once the baby is born. A local doctor said those tests pick up any drug taken after after the 12th week.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2014 6:23 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2014 4:41 am
Posts: 712
Location: Connected
GiveMeHope wrote:
If I could get a doctor to prescribe subutex to me, I would. No one will where I live. They immediately refer you to the methadone clinic and say it's the "gold standard in treating opiate dependence during pregnancy".

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had to drive 3 hours one way every single week. That meant 6 six hours of driving and at least 2 hours in the doctors office. It was worth it, but horrible. I don't have that option this time. I did however, make an appointment with a psychiatrist. My plan is to pour out my pity story and hope for his mercy with a prescription for subutex. Regardless, I would still wean off, but for drug testing purposes, I need that legal script. Due to my history, they will immediately test the placenta once the baby is born. A local doctor said those tests pick up any drug taken after after the 12th week.

Hi GiveMeHope,
How are you doing today? I have been thinking about your situation here, and it is a tough one for sure...I really am not sure what I would do. I certainly think that since you "want" to stay on subs, plus the medical advice you have been given here is that you should stay on subs now so you are stable and not sick during your pregnancy, that would still be the best option for you and I would not give up quite yet in finding a dr. who can help you. I would be honest with my dr. too so they can give you the best care possible no matter what right now.
When I tapered off oxy with hydrocodone during pregnancy I was going to outpatient rehab and was fortunate to be at a really excellent facility. I kept working a high profile job, but the dr.s saw me DAILY- not just the addiction councilor, but the MD as well since I was a "special" case..and I also had excellent insurance so I was lucky. I only missed a couple of days of work at the end, so the wdl wasn't so bad that I could not function...but it was not easy, I'll be honest. The emotional part was more or as difficult as the physical. But I DID give birth to a non addicted, healthy boy.
As for the subs, if you HAVE to jump and have NO CHOICE, IMO from what I've read and experienced, once you get under 1mg, the wdls seem to be about the same intensity and length, so if I were going to do it again, I'd just jump at 1mg and get it over with. After about a week appetite and sleep start to improve. NOW this MAY NOT be good advice for someone pregnant- IDK for sure, so please ask your dr!

There are things you can do to be more comfortable when you jump from the subs, and having been through 2 successful pregnancies, I know the further term you are, the more uncomfortable the actual pregnancy can become (like at 8-9 months I felt huge, had a hard time getting comfortable to sleep and was just like "get this baby out of me" haha), so again if it were me, I'd want to get through the wdls as early as possible so my body could stabilize and be stronger for those final months.

I'm a little nervous posting this to you because I don't want to give bad advice, but I don't want to leave you hanging either- so just remember I am NOT a dr, and this is just my opinion, k?

No matter, you will forget all the pain and anxiety the moment you hold that precious baby in your arms!
:) BF

_________________
"BE the change that you wish to see in the world"

Mahatma Gandhi


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2014 5:32 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Fri Aug 30, 2013 4:31 pm
Posts: 12
Hi there
Congrats on getting so low
I'm on 2mg tapering to 1 next week - I'm 32 weeks pregnant and feel terrible anyway .
I am scared but I feel personally better about being clean when baby is born so there's no nicu chance . I also just want my life back . Subs helped but I want nothing anymore to be reliant on.
Please update us on how you feel when you jump.
Hang in there :)


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2014 8:51 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:14 pm
Posts: 66
Hi everyone. Sorry for the delayed response. My daughter has been sick all week. It's been horrible. No sleep for 3 nights, fighting fever and all over itching for an 18 month old is rough.

I have been taking 2 mg a day for the last 3 days. I really hated to double my dose after getting to 1 mg because that was so hard. But it's amazing how much being down to 1 mg has "opened up" my brain and awareness. This was a wonderful feeling until she got so sick. Soooo I was weak and took 2 mg to help level my nerves out. Better than a relapse I guess.

I plan on going down to 1.5 mg for the next few days and then back down to 1 mg. I don't know if 3 days on 2 mg is enough to pump my tolerance and need for more back up, but just in case it does, this should help. (I hope.)

Butterflying, I have searched far and wide for a doctor to prescribe me subs while pregnant. There are only 4 suboxone doctors in my tri-county area. That's why I had to drive so far with my first pregnancy. I don't necessarily WANT to stay on them, I definitely want off by 20-25 weeks regardless. However, when they test my placenta and find buprenorphine, I'll be screwed regardless of weather the baby and I are clean. Over 50% of the babies born in this county are born dependent on opiates/opioids. So they are on the ball with drug testing here.

Unrelated question: did anyone suddenly hate their husband after becoming pregnant? Just looking at his face pisses me off.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 13, 2014 8:53 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2014 8:14 pm
Posts: 66
Wildwoman-- when do you plan on being completely off? And at what dosage do you plan to jump from?

Also butterflying--you mentioned there being things to make jumping from sub more comfortable. What are your personal thoughts on that?


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 105 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group