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 Post subject: Feeling great!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:23 pm 
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Today was a def milestone for me and me recovery. It's been two years since I could pick up my kids and wrk and enjoy my day without hurting at all. After last nights nightmare I thought as soon as mornin comes I'm getting something to kill this pain I can't handle it anymore. Well I'm so glad when I woke up the pain was gone. I slept for 7 hours straight only woke up due to sweating so bad but I fell right back asleep. NOW the mental part comes in. I want them at times but I kinda of proved to myself today I don't need them. I went and got ten lortabs for a friend fighting the same battle I am except he doesn't want to he just can't find them. I know how it feels to hurt as we all do and I know it's kind of enableing him but if he don't want to then y let him hurt and suffer for two days when he gets some and is right back in it. Anyway my point is I got his 10 and had as many as I wanted in front of me and I didn't get a single one for myself. It's crazy but all the prayers I've prayed and all the ones u guys prayed for me helped. I kinda feel as though god knew I had enough and just made it all sweat out of me. Unless sub detox is like that but 3 years ago when I jumped from 10-12 10's a day to zero it was bad but not as bad but I had cramps all over in random places for weeks. Only pain today is a headache but I think it's because I've had no caffeine. I drink a shy ton of red bull and I'm gonna stop that also. You guys esp you Romeo did this for me. I ended up telling My mom and sis and they would say the same things you all did but it meant nothing because they haven't went though it and don't understand how painful and miserable it is. But thanks to y'all no more hiding it no more waisting money on it and no more pain. Romeo that vid was actually a huge help. I've watched it at least 50 times. When the pain would get untollerable I would watch that and it would help a lot! Thanks again! True life savers!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:35 pm 
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Dude... If you want any chance at staying clean long term, you're going to have to cut yourself completely from the life of buying lortabs, even if it's for other people. Take one BIG knife and cut off the part of your life that has dealers, lortabs, friends who want lortabs, friends who are using, anything opioid / addiction related ... and replace it with cross-stitch or stamp collecting ... anything as long as it's not using.

I'd even go as far as suggesting that to have a chance at staying clean, it'd be a good idea for you to keep your distance from you buddy who's trying to quit. I've tried many times to do the "we'll help each other get off" thing. It always seems that the weaker brings the stronger down, and never works vice-versa.

You can't keep buying lortabs and staying in touch with your dealers and old using friends. You WILL end up back on Suboxone if you do, guaranteed. You may have felt no need to use them before when they were in your hand, but any recovering opioid could pull that off on a good day. It's what happens on a bad day that you gotta be ready for, and if you're still in the "thick of it" buying lortabs for people, falling back can be way too easy. You should be using this time to run as fast as you can from your using life, not hanging around doing people favors.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:44 pm 
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I understand where u are coming from but it's a life long friend and I'm not gonna watch him suffer I have been disgusted with pills and subs for 6 months and didn't want to take them. I have it in me to not take them and this is not an all the time thing it was just today and actually he was my dealer and he's enough of a friend to where he won't sell me any even if I begged him to. He helped me when I was hurting and I returned the favor. I know what most people say and do but I'm done. I can't even find subs if I tried and I can't afford lortabs so it helps even more. I'm clean and staying clean. No more lying no more stress from it. I'm happy. And I can handle my kids without screaming or flipping out at them. I have a lot to prove and everybody will see. Thanks for ur concern but I don't need them anymore and that the only reason I was taking them


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 17, 2012 11:50 pm 
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Shit, I didn't do this, YOU fought through this thing. The folks on this forum may have added 1% or 2%, but YOU did the other 98%.....don't ever forget that. You are stronger than you realized. Think about that, you are stronger than you ever thought you were. You are Bad Ass!!

You had mentioned how you were pretty much broken and ready to throw in the towel, but then things got better. That happened to me a few times too and for me, it was only when I was really broken and let go of everything that I would truly allow God in to help me. I don't necessarily mean to get all religious, but without God's help, I would have been toast.

As far as getting your friend the Lortabs, you're playing with fire. You're an addict and it's only gonna take a momentary lapse of reason and then you'll shove one of those bastards in your mouth and off you go. Trust me, it's happened to me 4 times since being off of Suboxone. I'm coming up on 2 years off of Suboxone, but technically, I've only got 4.5 months of clean time. Mercifully, each of my lapses were only 3 or 4 days long. Just be careful, do NOT underestimate your addiction or it'll bite ya in the ass!!

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:56 am 
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Man I woke up feeling horrible all over again! Is this normal..... Feel 100% one day then back to hell the next? I knew yesterday was to good to be tried but it did help me see how much better things will feel when I am 100%


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:04 pm 
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Yeah it is. Withdrawal from opioids with long half lives like Sub and methadone does come and go a bit, but it does get better.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:14 pm 
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Sub_WDs_R_the_Devil wrote:
Man I woke up feeling horrible all over again! Is this normal..... Feel 100% one day then back to hell the next? I knew yesterday was to good to be tried but it did help me see how much better things will feel when I am 100%


All WDs are like this, up and down. Especially the ones that stay in your system, which has positives and negatives. Remember to try to keep a positive mind frame. I have noticed that the way you feel and the severity of symptoms can change even within a day... a few days ago I felt pretty nasty in the morning, but then that afternoon felt pretty good. Yesterday, I felt pretty good in the morning, and then one the way to work my stomach starts getting a little sore.

Its all part of the process, just try to think of it as your body healing itself (which is what it is doing).. what you need to do is look for improvement every day. I wish you the best of luck, it seems like their are quite a few of us going through this together right now. I think that is pretty cool. Must be something with the changing of seasons.

Do be careful about going out and buying pills for friends. Even the process of coping can be a big trigger. Some people get addicted to the rush that the lifestyle brings. I never did, but I know some people who were just as much into getting and finding drugs as they were about taking them.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 4:07 pm 
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I am glad that you are doing pretty good. Okay, bad day today but good day yesterday. Sounds like you are going to stick with it and make it out. I just wanted to comment on your remark about your friend/dealer. I know what it's like to think your dealer cares about you. The one I mainly used was a Very long time friend...almost family. I've heard her talk a big game about caring for someone close to both of us who was trying to get clean. She begged her to not ever sell to her again. But when it came down to it she was more than willing to believe any story fed to her about why this person needed those pills in order to get that cash. She would tell me she was worried about my use, that I needed to slow down a little bit when she was out of pills to sell me. But when she had them and I was buying she would fork them out all day long. Funny thing is this "friend" of mine has not bothered to pick up the phone and call me since I've been clean. They don't give a f--k about us if we're not bringing them money and that's the God's honest truth. Problem is I know I can pick up the phone right now and go buy from her and she would sell me whatever she had...friendship not required. They put forth the illusion of caring for you because it makes it feel better to us, of course they are our "friends" when we see them almost every day. They love to see us coming and we love it when we see them because we get what makes us feel good. I know I'm just ranting a little bit but I have thought about this alot lately, those fake friendships that are only convenient when we are giving someone what they want from us.

There is always going to be access to pills if you want them bad enough, but it's much easier when you maintain those connections. Cutting those ties just makes it so much easier to stick with it!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:25 pm 
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Many of us who get off of Suboxone describe it as a rollercoaster ride, up and down, up and down. Fairly quickly, the ups aren't so high and the downs aren't so low, you'll basically even out. As far as I know, it's your brain trying to fire up its natural opiate production machine that gives us the ups and downs. Sometimes it overshoots, sometimes it undershoots....it'll eventually get it figured out again, though.

You mentioned something that made me smile, you said how your good day reminded you of how good things could be....I had almost completely forgot the same thing happened to me and I now remember how it renewed my fight to carry on. I had got a taste of "normalcy" and I wanted MORE!!! :D

Stay strong Bud.

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 Post subject: Day 13
PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:32 am 
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Sorry it's been a while I've kind of been staying to myself and doing some soul searching. Just when I thought the worst was over and I was on the down slope shit got bad fast. Almost got fired because I couldn't produce like I should or like normal at work my wife is so curious about what's wrong. Im just lost. Today I feel a little better I did mess up and take a half of a Lortab yesterday just to give my brain and body a mini vacation I like to call it. I know I shouldn't have but mentally I had to. I never imagined this would take two weeks.... I should have just went through the Lortab detox and never touched the subs. I did get offered a sub three days ago and I was hurting so bad and I just remembered all the pain I'm in and all the encouragement u guys have given me and couldn't do it. And believe it or not I feel as though I would have let u guys down and waisted ur time of helping me and rooting for me to quit. Which I guess is why I joined this forum. Someone on here said music will be my best friend, well they were right but the music I end up listening to just makes me cry and be depressed. But I CAN tell things are gettin better when I open my eyes in the mornings and say "wow I'm not hurting". Usually it takes a few hours before I start to hurt when normally I would wake up early just to put a piece of sub under my tounge and go back to sleep so I wouldn't hurt when I get out of bed. I'm 27 years ol and I feel 90. I want to feel young again and I am finally on the right track! Thanks again guys


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 1:30 am 
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Up all night again..... My body is radiating heat but my temp is 97.1 .... Not hurting really at all just CAN'T SLEEP!!!!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2012 3:29 am 
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Now's a stage where exercising can really start to help, now you have some strength back. It might help you get some more sleep, and will definitely speed up the recovery process.


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 Post subject: A new day!
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 11:16 am 
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So I'm feeling so much better body wise but I have zero energy. Its funny you say to start exerciseing I actually started Sunday on my elliptical for thirty mins and yesterday I couldn't make it thirty mins straight I had to stop twice but I made it thirty mins..... I'm so glad you guys helped me stick with this and encouraged me to keep going becAuse I would have folded like the other ten times..... It's nice to know I dont have to wonder where my next fix is comin from ya know. I've hurt I've cried I've been depressed but I also conquered suboxone and that is huge to me. I hope one day I can help someone the way you all have helped me. And to anybody reading this for help or because they done wanna go through it send me a message I'm available anytime and will help in anyway possible! Thanks guys!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:42 am 
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Hey Sub wd's r the devil, I'm glad to hear you're doing better. That's GREAT that you're exercising, that'll help kick start your brain into producing its own "natural opiates" and it'll speed the healing process.

Don't be surprised if you hit a couple more bumps in the road, Suboxone wd is notorious for being quite up and down.

Stay strong brother!

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