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PostPosted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 6:39 pm 
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I decided to write out my story as part of my journey towards healing. To begin with, my husband is an MD. We have been married twelve years and my addiction and actions almost cost us our livlihood, my job, his license and just about everything else. We worked together in his family practice clinic. I managed the business and he and the other five docs handled the patient care. One day I had a killer headache about ten years ago. I mentioned I was going to lay down. He brought me a sample of hydrocodone and we were off to the races. It wiped away the headache as well as gave me huge amounts of energy. Suddenly, I convince myself and him I am having chronic neck pain and constant headaches. After a while, he sends me to a specialist who does an MRI and finds some nerve and disc damage (almost all of us have it and most of us just live with it!). Anyway, he prescribes oxycontin and reccomends my husband resume therapy as it is easier for him to write the monthly script. I did okay for a while but everytime depression or fatigue came knocking then oxy came to the rescue. I needed more and started stealing narcotics from the office after hours. I went through those quickly and then started writing my own scripts. After all, I had an endless supply of script pads. On top of this, my husband was still writing large monthly scripts for oxy for me.

One day I got caught. Police showed up at the pharmacy for a forged prescription. At the time, it was the worst day of my life but I have since had worse. I spent a few nights in jail as the judge wouldn't immediately grant bail (i believe to make me detox) but anyhow it was an awful awful experience. A few weeks later the medical board and DEA came calling. My husband had to appear before the medical board to atone for my sins. They immediately suspended his license. His attorney struck a deal for him to seek treatment for co-dependendent behavior. I had to go on probation. Short part of the story is that after five months of treatment at a facility costing him $5,000 per week, the medical board agreed to re-instate his license and put him on three years probation. I was clean for about two years. Then a fateful day at the dentists would turn things right back around for me. I told myself that a little vicodin would be fine. After all, i need it, right? Well my demons were back and I was back in action. I wasn't getting them through my husband now or doing it illegally but nonetheless I was begging every doctor I could get an appt with for more drugs. Finally one morning I woke up in withdrawls from running to short on a prescription and said enough is enough. I made an appt for suboxone six weeks ago. The first 3 days were rough but so far I am three weeks clean and feeling alright. Anyhow, I look back and think what this drug has put me and my family through and I hate it. I absolutely hate it and I plan on using that hate to further my recovery. Thanks for allowing me such a long story. It feels good to get it out.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 6:51 pm 
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Hi sooner - I want to welcome you to what I consider a terrific forum - a community for support in our recovery. Thank you for opening up and telling us your story. I know from telling my story that it's not always easy to talk about what got us here. And congratulations on getting on suboxone and starting addiction remission. It's a tool for people just like us who, if not for the sub, could have very well died. I hope you stick around and find some support here, just as we have, and that you keep posting. We're glad you're here.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 25, 2010 9:55 pm 
Hi Sooner...welcome to the forum! "SoonertheBetter" ...I like that. You wouldn't happen to be from Oklahoma would you?
Thank you for posting a part of your story. It was very interesting to me. I feel for you....for everything that you have been through with your addiction to opiates. If you're interested, you can do a site search and view some of my earlier posts about what happened to me because of my addiction. Like you, it involved obtaining opiates illegally through my profession as a healthcare provider. Like you, I had many "worst days." And like you, the whole thing cost me and my loved ones dearly. This addiction has brought me to my knees over and over again, has stolen so much from me, and has literally tried to kill me and I think, will kill me if I don't keep it in remission. Like you, I hate this addiction so much.....I hate it! And yes, you can use that hatred to help you as you go along in your recovery work. As you already know, it's much harder than going to treatment for a while and it is much harder than just taking these orange pills for a while! It's one thing to get off the drugs.....but a whole other thing to STAY off, isn't it?
I'm glad you're finding the Suboxone to be helping you to begin to feel better. It was immediate for me.....As soon as I got my first dose, I felt like I had hope of getting better and better. Now, almost a full year later, I am so glad I chose to start Suboxone. It has helped me so much. I needed it.....needed something to just help me get my bearings again, get my feet back underneath me and start thinking straight. It has been the tool that I desparately needed to be able to truly move forward in my recovery. I think you'll find that there is a lot of work to be done, even with the Suboxone. I know I have. I have slowly been able to taper down on my dose in hopes of someday stopping the medication and trying to continue on in recovery without it. I know it will be an ongoing struggle. But before Suboxone, I didn't feel like I even had a chance!
Anyway, I'll stop now. Thank you again for sharing that....I know how hard it was when I came on here and started telling about what I had done. I was so ashamed and embarassed. But it helped me a lot. And the support I got was invaluable. I would love to offer that same support to you. Let me know if there's anything you need. Feel free to PM me any time. You'll find lots of information and support here....glad to have you!


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 26, 2010 12:09 pm 
Hi sooner - Thanks for sharing your story and I'm so glad you found suboxone and are starting your recovery. Both your story and setmefree's response struck a chord in my heart. I'm an educated professional with a great life and most of the people who know me have no idea I'm an addict. But the truth is that drugs brought me to my knees and I have to admit to myself every day that I AM and addict and that it is a lifelong disease. I don't have a lot of wreckage so it would be easy for me to just pretend I'm normal. I, too, HATE that I'm an addict, but at the same time my recovey has brought many gifts and a lot of humility. I can't change the fact that I'm an addict but I can just keep reaching out to help other addicts, and keep trying to dispel the sterotypes people have about us, because we come from all walks of life.
I hope you'll stay around the forum and keep posting. I find it very therapeutic. I wish you all the best.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 9:28 pm 
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hatmaker- thanks you for your kind words and encouragement. I have made it over a month clean and feeling better, refreshed and most of all very excited and optimistic.

Setmefree - I really valued your reply to my post. To be honest, prior to my joining this forum and while I was still considering suboxone, I felt we might be kindred spirits and as I read your story I saw a lot of myself in you. Anyway, you had already begin to provide me hope and encouragement long before you replied to my first post. I want to say thank you for that and thanks for your courage. Its difficult to spill out our tragedies online but I think others find a sense of community and hope and the idea that they are not the only one suffering through such a terrible problem.

Lilly - thank you for your good wishes. I have to say that like you most of the people in my life would be shocked to discover I have a problem with drugs. It just goes to show you that no matter who you are, addiction can strike us all and it doesn't discriminate. I used to look down on what I called "drugheads" etc. After my life experiences, I will never again look at someone and label them a drughead. Only a poor soul trapped by a dreadful drug.

Thanks again for all of the wisdom, hope and kindness. I'll update you again. Here's hope for another "clean" 30 days!


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Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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