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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 3:36 pm 
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Hey all fellow bupers and ex-bupers,

I just want to say that reading this forum and everyone's experiences about coming off bupe has been a real inspiration to me. All of your stories combined with Dr. Junig's scientific explanations gave me the courage and hope to some day quit my buprenorphine addiction. If it were not for this forum, I probably would still be abusing my buprenorphine till the day I dropped dead. Thank you all for sharing your experience, strength, and hope out here on this public forum. I hope my story doesn't bore anyone, but hopefully it will help those who read it, and I really want to get this out there and off my chest (had to edit original post, it was too lengthy).

I started using oxycodone and all pharmaceutical opiates I could get my hands on at the age of 19, and then heroin for about 2 years straight, no breaks or clean time in that 2 year period. When I was 22 years old, I got on suboxone, and the minute I realized that the naloxone didn't really do anything like cause withdrawals and what not, I began IV'ing my suboxone. Basically transferring my illicit opioid addiction into a burprenorphine addiction. Then I realized subutex was even better to shoot, got me more "high" and didn't give me side effects like a splitting headache and sleepy all the time, so I started selling my entire script for suboxone to get subutex instead. I did this for about 3 years.

For about the last year of my subutex addiction, I had gotten down to a low dose of about 0.4mg IV per day, split into about four 0.1mg doses. I stayed here for a long time, almost a year, and felt pretty comfortable and normal at this dose, yet was still able to get that little "buzz" each time I would IV my dose. Anyway, my track marks and scars were getting really bad from IV'ing about four times a day for almost 5 years. I tried taking the doses sublingually, and even snorting them, but I just couldn't break the ritual of shooting up all the time. I knew it was time to get clean.

So I got away from people places and things and moved down to Florida to get clean. I threw all my paraphernalia into the ocean, and jumped from my 0.4mg IV dose. I used Lyrica (pregabalin) and some medical cannabis edibles to help with the acute detox. Here's how it went.

Days 1-3: These days weren't bad at all. Felt a bit sluggish, but was still able to exercise and eat and go out and do pretty much whatever I wanted. Getting out and about really helped take my mind off how I was feeling. Took about 600mg of Lyrica and some medical cannabis to help sleep, and got a good 7 hours of sleep each night.

Days 3-6: These days were the worst for me. I was so drained and restless, and the restless legs were really bad. If I laid down, my legs and arms wouldn't stop moving, but if I got up, I had literally no energy and just wanted to lie back down. Luckily, my brother came down to help me thru the worst of these days. We rented motorcycles and rode around for a good part of the day and night for these days. This helped tremendously, for if you have something to take your mind off how shitty you're feeling, you will feel AT LEAST 50% better. Took 600mg of Lyrica each of these nights as well and slept about 6 hours each night, which was great.

Days 6-10: The acute withdrawal symptoms pretty much were over by day 7. I had about 50-75% more energy by day 10. Still took about 600mg of Lyrica to sleep days 6-9, and tried weaning down to 450mg day 10. Didn't sleep as well this day.

I will keep updating as I rack up some more clean days, until then, peace and love.

-GratefulPhish

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I keep climbing, climbing, up the ladder, and it keeps shaking, but you know, up I gotta go. - The Isley Brothers


Last edited by GratefulPhish on Wed Mar 12, 2014 11:51 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 5:28 pm 
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Proud of you man and welcome to the forums.. Please keep us updated as we to would like to know how you are doing form time to time. And unless you went through some counseling, you will more than likely have to deal with more than just a physical dependence. You will need some tools under your belt in order to fight the cravings... I wish you all the luck and please come back often for support to have any questions answered

Reprieve

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" Each relapse starts with one thought— maybe, just maybe, this time will be different… that little thought has killed thousands and thousands of opiate addicts over the years."
- Dr Jeffery Junig (Subox Doc)


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 7:37 pm 
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Thanks reprieve, I will gladly keep posting on the forum and try to help others as I can. Day 8 has been great so far, took a long ass bike ride to get myself of the computer, lol. And I have had abundant amounts of counseling, with some really great counselors, and I've done a lot of step work while I was on buprenorphine. These were all great, although none of these things really helped me quit IV'ing my sub. I just wasn't ready at that time.

I know now I am going to face mental challenges, which are the most difficult. Hopefully this forum, and some of my clean friends and family, will help me "keep my ego in check" as Dr. J writes. I really want to enjoy the benefits of being totally drug free, and I have a lot of aspirations and things in mind that I want to accomplish that I need to be clean for in order to do.

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I keep climbing, climbing, up the ladder, and it keeps shaking, but you know, up I gotta go. - The Isley Brothers


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 7:58 pm 
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I am glad to hear it. I know exactly what you mean by needing to be ready. There were times in my recovery when I was doing it because it was what I was supposed to do, and not because I wanted to... I always ended up relapsing.

I have reached my limit. And now I WANT it. So I think this time it will stick.

We are truly glad you found us. Please do stick around, share your stories, share your knowledge, help others.... We would love to have you!

Much luck and Love,

John

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" Each relapse starts with one thought— maybe, just maybe, this time will be different… that little thought has killed thousands and thousands of opiate addicts over the years."
- Dr Jeffery Junig (Subox Doc)


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 2:31 pm 
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Day 9: Feel alright, kinda blah, need to desperately clean my house before my roommate comes home, but just have no motivation to do it. I was always a really bad procrastinator, and its showing now more than ever. I wait till the last second to do everything. Bupe would help me in this regard; I would shoot up a dose and then just buzz around like a zombie and do whatever it was I needed to do.

Obviously can't and won't do that anymore. Physically feeling decent, some back pain and mostly restless legs at night and somewhat during the day (like while I'm sitting at the computer, legs are bouncing around like crazy, lol). But tylenol and excedrin really help with the back pain, and as far as the RLS, if I take my mind off it, it goes away slightly. The Lyrica helps with this at night too.

Tapering off the Lyrica as well, I was taking around 600mg or so the first week to help sleep, now down to 450mg, and will be taking 300mg tonight. This drug really helped a lot with almost every withdrawal symptom this first week, I know its a scheduled CDS, but I was lucky enough to have a friend who had some that I brought down with me to detox with. Gabapentin is similar however, and not a CDS, so I'd recommend either of these two to help get thru the first week or two.

Peace and Love, will update later.

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I keep climbing, climbing, up the ladder, and it keeps shaking, but you know, up I gotta go. - The Isley Brothers


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 3:43 pm 
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Hey GP! Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you found us! There are quite a few of us who use this forum somewhat in place of more traditional meetings. There are also many here who utilize 12 step meetings or Smart Recovery meetings in their recovery. Whatever gets you through!

Your story, though long, wasn't boring. I find it interesting to read how other people came to their drug abuse crisis. Every story is different, but each of us can find kinship in all of the stories at the same time.

You are doing all the right things! I've heard that exercising and eating right are the best things you can do for yourself during detox. Finding a prescription drug that is effective against the symptoms of withdrawal is important too. My doctor has also said that when I am ready to taper off suboxone he wants to start me on Wellbutrin for a while. I'm glad the Lyrica is helping you!

This site is a home for me, and I hope it becomes that to you as well. We try to be as accepting as possible and we attempt to help anyone who asks for it. Some people come here hating suboxone because they are in the middle of withdrawing from it, or they are confounded by a side effect. That's OK. The only trouble starts when someone projects their experience to the rest of the group. If you hate sub, you are allowed to rail about it, but you can't start saying things like, "Sub turns everyone into zombies! If you're on sub you aren't really living your life because you're still high!" No debating about whether someone is truly in recovery if they're on sub. No personal attacks. Basically, we have a live and let live attitude here. If anyone wants to slam sub in a really egregious way, they better have evidence to back it up!

You are doing well! Expect that there will be a few bad days along the way, but they should grow less and less over time. I hope you decide to stick around!

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:26 pm 
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I'm glad someone agrees with me about meetings. Don't get me wrong, they have saved many lives, buy for me it just made me think of drugs. The same person every week would complain about the same thing and not recovery related. I've been to meetings in my old Town and enjoyed it, but here I have to agree with you. You have my total respect, I wish I were that strong.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 7:28 pm 
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@GP,

I was just checking back with you bro, how ya' doin'? I see you have made yourself at home, posting to some members and that's awesome! I sure your experience will be useful to others who maybe or might one day go through this.

Did you get the house clean before the roommate came home? :wink:

I hope all is well your way... keep us up to date ;)


Much love,

Reprieve

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" Each relapse starts with one thought— maybe, just maybe, this time will be different… that little thought has killed thousands and thousands of opiate addicts over the years."
- Dr Jeffery Junig (Subox Doc)


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 7:19 pm 
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Hey guys, thanks for your replies.

I'm at day 14 - and things are going alright. I've completely tapered off the Lyrica, but sleep is pretty hard to get now that I'm off that. I don't think I sleep for more than an hour or two each night, and it takes forever to fall asleep. I feel my blood pressure rise when I'm lying in bed, and I can't stop thinking about my heart pounding inside my chest. The restless legs has subsided quite a bit though, which I am grateful for; the RLS was REALLY bad the first 10 days or so. My symptoms are always worse at night unfortunately. I don't really feel too bad during the day.

I feel a little depressed and homesick today though. I kind of miss my friends and family, even though they are all really screwed up and drug users and alcoholics themselves. Its just crazy how big of a part of my life drugs and alcohol were. Now it feels like there's a real void in my life without them. It's definitely going to take some getting used to.

On the bright side, I've been trying to stay as active as possible, exercising once if not twice daily. My good sober friend and roommate down here is a yoga instructor, and I took 2 HOT YOGA classes these last two days, and all I can say is WOW. No drug I've EVER taken has even come close to the experiences I've had in those classes. The amount of sweat that pours out and the toxins that are released is just awesome. And you work out so hard you start hallucinating lol literally. I felt like I was transported to another world these last 2 times. It was awesome.

Other than the sleep, feeling pretty good. I'm gonna keep staying as active as I can and eating well. And yes, I got my house cleaned before my roommate got back lol. But I realize now that I was always a pretty lazy person and a huge procrastinator even before I starting using drugs, and I am really going to have to work on this character defect now if I want to reduce my anxiety and be happier overall in the long run.

Thanks all for love and support. I'll update again in a few days. -GP

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I keep climbing, climbing, up the ladder, and it keeps shaking, but you know, up I gotta go. - The Isley Brothers


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 06, 2014 8:46 pm 
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Good stuff!!! Happy for you. Keep us updated!


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 07, 2014 2:44 pm 
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Day 15: I feel pretty depressed again today. I'm kind of pissed at myself that I was taking the Lyrica for the first 10 days. I think this only delayed my withdrawal symptoms and therefore my recovery.
I think the PAWS has fully set in; my resolve is starting to fade a little bit. This definitely feels like an uphill battle. I think I'm realizing its going to be a good while before I feel "normal" again. Maybe I'm just exhausted from not really sleeping at all the last 4 or so nights.

I realize now this is really going to be a one-day-at-a-time thing. I think that's the most frightening part. I feel like as addicts we want to know EXACTLY when will feel better. If I just knew that on "DAY X" this will all be over, I would probably feel completely fine. Lol unfortunately it doesn't work like that. Although I heard a good bit of advice in yoga class; that the mind and body completely regenerates itself every few years, that literally every single cell is gradually replaced with a new one over time. This applies to even the nervous system cells, so I know I will feel normal someday, and eventually forget what this was all like probably. I thought this was really cool.

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I keep climbing, climbing, up the ladder, and it keeps shaking, but you know, up I gotta go. - The Isley Brothers


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 9:19 am 
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Hey Gp, First off congrats on 15 days off. You have come a lot farther than most people can ever get. I'm on day 24 and I know exactly what you are going through. From about day 10-20 I couldn't even get out of bed most days. I was going through a lot of depression and all I really wanted to do was use so I would be able to move again. But I have to say the last 4 days I can finally feel myself getting better. I can tell I still have a long way to go but it's nice to see some kind of change.

Most of my problems happen at night too. I'm still sick to my stomach and usually by around 3-4 in the morning I start to feel it really kick in then I can't sleep. But Every day it seems to get a little better. Just keep remembering how bad you felt the first 10 days. I never want to feel that way again. Unfortunately we all have that little devil in the back of our heads that tell us that all we need to do is use and we will feel better. That voice is WRONG!! Sure you will feel better for a little bit, but guess what, that will wear off. Then you only have 2 choices, use again or start over from the beginning of withdrawal all over again.

Just remember you are not alone. And be proud of how far you have already got. We need to keep pushing forward and we will get there. Just listen to the people on here that have been off for a while. It can be done and it will get better. We need to stop letting that voice in our head set us up.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2014 4:44 pm 
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Hey GP,

I'm sorry that you are going through a hard time with withdrawals! You know that old saying, "Two steps forward, one step back." This pattern couldn't be more true for those of us struggling with addiction!

I'm hoping that you had a better yesterday and a great today!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2014 11:50 pm 
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Hey all, thanks for the words of encouragement. I stopped posting everyday cuz I think sitting on my PC all day reading about how sucky this is makes it WAY WORSE. Lol. And I hate counting the days. Plus I think I'm off by about a day or two but I know I'm about 3 weeks.

3 Week update: Definitely feeling a shitload more optimistic than my last post. The mood swings are so bizarre. One hour I'm super depressed sitting at my PC wanting to get high, the next hour tears of joy and laughter are streaming down my face from the stupidest little thing and I completely forget I'm having PAWS at all.

A few things that are helping: staying as busy as my brain can handle (definitely exercising daily) , staying super hydrated (over a gallon a day - didn't realize how much fluids I was losing out my ass 8-10x a day, lol) eating healthy and avoiding sodium (drains my energy), getting a good amount of sunshine and fresh air, and doing this HOT YOGA. Shit is absolutely amazing. The sweat that pours down is just exhilarating. So many toxins are released, I can feel literally my body cleansing itself of all this shit I put in it for 25 years. My clean and sober friend turned me on to this. My body is feeling pretty damn good now after just like a week of hot yoga.

The sleep still sucks, but its SLOWLY getting better. Like 15 min more of sleep each night. Maybe get about 4 hours now instead of 2-3. But strangely I'm not as tired as I feel I should be. Which is cool. And as I mentioned above, I didn't even realize but I was having a good 8-10 poops a day. Which was making me lose a lot of precious water. So that's the only other somewhat lame thing still going on.

The only thing I regret so far was taking that Lyrica (pregabalin) for like the first 2 weeks or so. I definitely detoxed off that shit, and it wasn't that easy..its supposedly has no opiate action, but coming off that sure as shit felt about 75% as bad as the bupe withdrawal. It was a good 4-5 days of pretty bad anxiety and restlessness. Now I don't take anything at all, and I'm proud about it. Not even the medical cannabis edibles anymore. Don't need em. I want to be able to pass a drug test some day. Lol

Thanks for letting me vent. Hope I'm not boring. Anyone going through this - keep your head up. SLOWLY as shit, it seems to be getting better. Peace and love -GP

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I keep climbing, climbing, up the ladder, and it keeps shaking, but you know, up I gotta go. - The Isley Brothers


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 13, 2014 5:23 pm 
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Hey GP, don't beat yourself up too bad about taking other things in the beginning. We all are just trying to get through this the best we can. The main thing is that you are off everything now. I'm 100% off of everything too. I think it's been around 8 days since I smoked MJ. The only issue I really have with that is that it's still illegal in my state. And it makes it almost impossible to find a good job. But if it was legal I would probably never stop. I've used up all my get out of jail free passes so until it becomes legal I have to stop. I'm not willing to go to jail for that. I recommend it to anybody who is in a state where it is legal to help with stomach issues and sleep issues associated with withdrawal. If you ask me it's a much better and more mild alternative to benzos. I have been very dehydrated too. Lots of water is a good idea.

Keep up the good work. We are both to the point where we will only feel better every day. No going back now. It's just not worth it.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2014 5:31 pm 
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How have things been going GP?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 25, 2014 7:43 pm 
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I hope all is well your way GP..

Much Luck,

Reprieve

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" Each relapse starts with one thought— maybe, just maybe, this time will be different… that little thought has killed thousands and thousands of opiate addicts over the years."
- Dr Jeffery Junig (Subox Doc)


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