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 Post subject: +One Year -50 days
PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 8:34 pm 
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So today, I decided to post over here, as I am finally confident/comfortable being in the drivers seat looking at things in that rear view mirror point of view.

I took my FIRST dose of Suboxone exactly one year ago today. I took my LAST dose of Suboxone 50 days ago today.

I had my LAST Sub Doc. appointment yesterday and I was proudly and successfully dismissed from the program!

So today has been a day of reflection, introspection, but above all, PROGRESSION.

Just to give a brief status of my progress and "where I'm at" 50 days out, I am currently and ecstatically 100% chemical free. No subs, no sleep aids, no anti-anxiety meds, no antidepressants. I still smoke cigarettes though (my next epic battle). I feel great, I'm sleeping, I'm energetic, I'm ambitious, I'm outgoing, I'm happy, I am liberated, I am living and I am ME again, only "New & Improved" :wink:

I am also extremely humbled by, inspired by, and extremely grateful to all of you fine people here in the forums. You guys helped me in ways I myself can't even begin to understand. Not strangers on an internet forum, but friends. Helping friends.

I'm still amazed by the difference a few kind words, a few words of encouragement and a little commiseration impacted my overall attitude, progress, and my will to keep pushing through.

I intend to stay a member here a while and try and pay it forward as best I can. I may not have great advice, I may not have good answers, I may not have any answers, I may not know the right things to say, I might say the wrong thing. BUT, if I can give even one person a little push, a little hope, that they too can make it to the other side just fine? Well, that'd just be the shiznit!

Even though I may not check in here as often, any and all PM's are welcome, and they go straight to my phone and I WILL respond.

Thanks again friends!

-RSJ


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 11:06 pm 
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Rsjxrsj, you, my friend, have an awesome attitude!!

You're doing so remarkably well for 50 days that it just stuns me. You grabbed the bull by the "you know what's" and you took charge and you powered through this wd like a madman on fire!!! You're an inspiration to many and I'm glad that you're deciding to stick around and help others.

You get a big ole Fuckin' A!!! (are ya happy Lilly!!! LOL!!! I usually type out Fucking Eh because I'm Canadian eh, but Lilly likes to correct me and tell me it's actually Fucking A!!) :lol:

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 8:52 am 
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Fuckin' A Romeo!
Rsj, I'm really happy for you,and you sound great! I feel like I'm about to walk through fire this coming week, but knowing you guys are there on the other side gives me hope and inspiration.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 10:06 am 
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Hi, RSJ- Wow!
It seems like you are doing really well off of the subs- and off of ALL chemicals!
When I am forced to withdraw from subs, I just HOPE that I will do as well as
you have been doing! Keep up the good work.

-ex-


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 8:05 am 
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Thank you for your post. Probably the most uplifting one I have read thus far.
I start my program in just under two weeks... Your post though allowed me to see my possible future and an excitement I never believed existed.
Thanks again,
Fucking eh!!, from yet another Canadian... Lol


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 12:22 am 
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ROMEO! A big ole' Texan Fuckin' Eh right back atcha buddy! I had no idea you were from Canadia :wink: ! I was, and still am stunned myself. I never thought things could be like this. That I could be like this. For the first time in many many years, I like me, I like who I am, I like the guy I see in the mirror now.

Lilly, I big ole' fucking A to you! I myself prefer a "Fuckin' O" (It's easier)... yeah... I just said that.

Lilly, your "walk through fire"... Sprint baby, don't walk, sprint. Keep your eye on the prize and don't look down, don't look back, look straight ahead. You'll feel the burn, but baby just keep your eye on the finish line! We're on the other side cheering and waiting for you no matter how long it takes!

Romeo, under your name it says "Super-Super Poster". I would LOVE for a moderator to change that to "ROCK". Because you truly are a rock in this community. You are a "constant" and deserve that moniker. You have my respect.

EXORPHIN, THANK YOU. I hope and I will pray that when your time comes, you will do JUST AS WELL. I have to say though, I'm uncomfortable with the words "When I am Forced". I don't know your circumstances, but I do not believe anyone should be FORCED, and I really hope that when you say forced, you mean YOU forcing YOURSELF.

FEEB2011... awe shucks... No thanks necessary... You absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, have an exciting future ahead of you. It takes determination, you have to WANT IT. It DOES exist and Fuckin eh! You CAN get it!

In MY case, I WANTED this, more than ANYTHING.

I had a great Dr. who explained to me that there was NO time limit, NO "time frame", and NO pressure. With pressure comes resistance, either consciously or subconsciously. It's human nature. So if you can find a way to eliminate feeling pressured to quit by anyone or anything but your own sheer will and determination, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

-RSJ


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 11:53 am 
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RsjxRsj wrote:

EXORPHIN, THANK YOU. I hope and I will pray that when your time comes, you will do JUST AS WELL. I have to say though, I'm uncomfortable with the words "When I am Forced". I don't know your circumstances, but I do not believe anyone should be FORCED, and I really hope that when you say forced, you mean YOU forcing YOURSELF.

<snip>

I had a great Dr. who explained to me that there was NO time limit, NO "time frame", and NO pressure. With pressure comes resistance, either consciously or subconsciously. It's human nature. So if you can find a way to eliminate feeling pressured to quit by anyone or anything but your own sheer will and determination, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

-RSJ



Hi, RSJ, and thank you for your kind words. The reason why I say that I will be "forced" to go off of
Suboxone, is not because of my doctor. Like you, I have a great, very understanding sub doctor.
Actually, when I asked him "How long do you think I can be on this medication?"- he told me, "As long
as you need to be on it." However, it is my insurance (Medicaid) that is the problem. They are limited
in how long they can cover the cost of my subs. So far, they have been covering them- as long as my doctor
faxes in a certain form once every three months. Anyway, my insurance can cut me off at any time
- without any prior notice- and then I will have to pay for my subs with cash- and I am on a low, monthly fixed income.

(I just thought that I would give you some background information that surrounds my circumstances;
so that you can maybe understand why I said that I will be "forced" to stop them.)

Thanks,

-ex-


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 Post subject: Question
PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 12:53 pm 
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rsjxrsj,

Congratulations on acquiring such a huge feat. It's people like you who give the rest of us hope.

Can you tell us your taper schedule and what dose you jumped at? Of course I want to make this as painless as possible.

Thanks

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 8:43 pm 
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Howdy Y'all!

Exorphin... UGH, Damn Medicaid! I had insurance worries as well. Around my 5th month into my Sub treatment, I got a letter from my insurance company informing me that under the "psychiatric care" provisions or whatever they call it, I was only allowed 11 covered visits. Scared me to death, but also lit a fire under my ass. At least I carried that in the back of my head that I was working with a "limited" time frame. But they never said anything about the medication. I never ran into trouble at the pharmacy but it was always on my mind that I could possibly run into some. Getting cut off without notice, omg, just wrong, and I've read several people's stories in here where for various reasons they WERE cut off and "forced" to stop when they weren't ready and it just breaks my heart. Especially when people are still at 8mg or more. I DO know that at one point, my Dr. without explanation, told me he didn't need to see me for 6 weeks and sent me home with a prescription for 6 weeks worth of subs. Looking back, I think he saw that my visits and my scripts needed to be spaced out because of my insurance... Anyway Exorphin, you might discuss with your Dr. your insurance and financial situation and see if there's a way you guys can work around that. I believe I read of one person who was in sort of the same situation and started stockpiling subs. (If I had to stockpile, I would have had to have someone ELSE hide them from me etc.) I'm not suggesting or advising anyone to do this, just sayin' it's just stuff I've read. But I've seen a pattern here where those abruptly "cut off" (my definition of "forced") don't fare as well as those of us that jump on our own terms. Just know that however it goes down, it'll suck, but like me and everyone else, you CAN get through it.

Hey RULE62!
Thank you for the congrats! And as I've said before, if my experience can give others hope, it makes everything just that much more worthwhile.

I was a serious addict for 6 years before I chose to quit and seek help. I was on Subs for a total of 10 months. I did not have a taper schedule, I've said it before, I did not, and do not have the self discipline to taper, I have so much respect for those who do. when I first started, I was so bad off that my initial dose was 24mgs, a ridiculously high dose. I can't remember exact days, weeks, months, but I'd say over a 4 to 5 month period I dropped from 24mgs to 8mgs. Dropping from 24 to 16 to 8 was absolutely painless... I stayed at 8mgs for a long time and it was in the 10th month (August) that I tried dropping from 8mgs to 4mgs and THAT is when I ran into trouble. I couldn't stay out of them, I kept myself at 8mgs and wound up taking too many, realized I was going to run out early and rather than deal with all of that, I KNEW it was time to STOP, I was fed up at this point and just said ENOUGH. And that is where I jumped, at a full 8mgs! I had one 8mg Sub left and I cut it in half and took the last half of it the morning of August 20th. So I pretty much "high jumped". I won't go into it here but you can look me up and read my other posts in the "stopping suboxone" forum etc. However you decide to do it Rule62, just know you CAN! I'M PROOF!

-RSJ


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:05 pm 
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Good for you! That is great, especially not taking all the rest of the meds that help get you through the rough patches! To jump at 8mgs is just WOW! I had to get down to .25 or less. I am impressed. I am also happy to hear you feel great. Enjoy your new found life:)


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2011 9:32 pm 
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YO RSJ ‘ol buddy ‘ol pal! Day 69 today huh? Hey just got around to looking at this section and seen your post. You seriously did awesome and helped me out a ton on my journey as well. So what does the future hold for the totally new you?


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:37 pm 
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SUBSTATION! Hey man how you doin' over there with your bad self?!

Day 74 for me and day 52 for you?

Sorry I haven't been on lately, I've been getting my ass kicked pretty good at work and just runnin' around like a headless chicken! Seems like I have more time on my hands and I need less sleep so I've been taking on more work and goin' around spending time with my family and friends that I've blown off for a number of years.

Life is good! It's just over 2 months now, sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago and other times it seems like just yesterday.

I can tell you, at day 74, I'm 100% back to my ole' self again. No "issues" whatsoever. It's really strange because I had it in my head that I was going to be all high strung and constantly anxious and "thinking"... But I'm not, I'm back to my ole' lazy self, molded into the couch as often as I can get away with it.

I need to get reading up in here and find out how YOU and everyone else is doing, I'm really curious to see how everyone is!

As for the future? I've got a couple things I'm really looking forward to, which I think is really important to those of you out there about to jump or considering jumping. Don't dwell on the past, don't dwell on today, make plans, look forward! Set yourself some goals and give yourself something to look forward to. After Thanksgiving I'm going to be taking another big jump, this time? Out of a plane! My partner has effectively coerced me into making a tandem skydive and then we have an 8 day cruise booked for the spring. So yeah, I have things to look forward to (or dread LOL) and that helps A-LOT. Before, I couldn't even consider traveling with the habit I had, even on Suboxone the thought of leaving the house for an extended period of time was just... ridiculous.

I'm gonna get readin' now and see whats up with all you guys. Substation I hope you've been able to find more energy and your stomach is being nicer to you. I reeeeally really do.

And I want everyone else in here, who might be considering making the jump, to know that it's not written in stone that you're going to feel bad for a year, or six months even. With my particular background I was absolutely SURE I was going to suffer for months and months, but no, I'm proof positive things CAN be good in two months or less and I pray every night that you guys can get through it just as well.

Later guys! :)
-RSJ


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 9:14 pm 
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Rsjxrsj,
It is GREAT to know that there [b]is[/b] light at the end of the tunnel. You sound like you are making up for lost time, living life to the fullest now that you are back to your "old" self. So very happy to know that I am gonna be my very happy self again soon too. It is so nice that you have checked in on all of us here on the forum. I am sure it will make many smile to know you are doing so well. I read many of your posts and understand that you jumped at 8mg. Holy my goodness! You are a brave man. I think I will re read your thread. It gives me something to do, and I like knowing that I am gonna be ok. Honestly, I am doing well with my taper and reading your story has impacted my positive outlook. Thank you R
Sweet16


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:42 am 
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Hey Rsj,

Great to hear from you again and it's GREAT to know you're doing so well!!

You said something that really resonated with me, you said, "Set yourself some goals and give yourself something to look forward to." It seemed to take me forever to remember just how goal oriented I was, but once I remembered and started setting some simple goals, life got better. Setting goals and achieving those goals is a "feel good" for me and let's face it, most of us addicts are always looking for our next "feel good", we've just gotta come up with healthy "feel goods" now. For me, having goals and the pursuit of those goals is crucial to my recovery, like you said, it also gives me something to look forward to.

OK, about the skydive.....are you freakin' nuts?? LOL!! Just teasing.....I'd love to skydive sometime.

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 11:09 am 
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Rsj, I am glad you are doing so well and I think skydiving is a great idea! It is unlike anything you will ever experience. I basically grew up on a drop zone and was in the process of getting my license when I found out i was pregnant with my first baby and had to stop half way thru. My husband has around 3,000 skydives and we both worked at the biggest drop zone in the world. In the almost 30 years its been doing tandems they have never had a fatality. I just want to set your mind at ease incase your a bit scared (which is totally normal and part of the fun).

Glad to hear your out there living life! Thanks for sharing, I am sure many will find inspiration in your story!


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 3:55 pm 
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WOW that’s awesome….I never expected you to say you were going skydiving lol I used to work with a guy whose family owed a skydiving company (if that’s what it’s called) and he would always ask me to jump, but never did lol. I can tell you one thing….if you had any bad feeling about stopping suboxone (which sounds like you don’t) then skydiving will SURLEY take those thoughts away!

I’m doing very well at day 55 now. Really the only thing wd wise left is that I still need to take Imodium every day. Needless to say things could be MUCH worst. I’m feeling really good about my decision and having touched anything since. I’ve only seriously thought about full blown opiates once and quickly decided I didn’t want to repeat this whole crazy process AGAIN! The hardest thing for me is dealing with the feelings I haven’t felt in years.

Anyway enough about me. You did awesome and are clearly a great example that the wd process does end and life goes on! Now get out there and JUMP AGAIN! Just remember to pull the cord! :D


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