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PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 7:52 am 
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Do you believe it to be true? How does it help your recovery?

These days I believe that I will always have a weakness for vice, and will always be drawn to destructive behaviour to a degree. This is something I believe I was born with. It's just me! It's in my genes and in my history. And it's something I'll to be aware of forever, and stay on top of, if I want to have any decent life. I don't see the need to identify as an addict when I'm not using. It doesn't seem to help me move forward in my life at all.

I can understand the need to remind ourselves where we've come from. I've kept a number of items from the sicker times to remind me ... like the brace from after my arm was paralysed after nodding off over the steering wheel, and some boxes of interferon. And I'll never laser off the scars from the crook of my elbow. Wearing long sleeve shirts in the hot summer for the rest of my life is reminder enough for me.

I just really find it weird, that people say we can be in recovery but we never really recover, you know? Makes the whole thing feel hopeless.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 8:47 am 
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I think it's true to an extent. The temptation will be there, waiting for weak moments in life to attack..the urge may not always defeat our willpower, but that doesn't mean that the brain won't always be able to give you the coping mechanisms needed, and that's where I believe keeping it as a back-thought comes in handy. It's the same for alcoholics, they will always be reminded of their easy access to what brought them down...and must be vigilant in keeping their mind dead-set against it...

Whatever the label or term we put on it, it's all the same destructive behavior. It leads us down an endless road of problems, from relationship and family to dealings with people who are in the supply chain..whether doctor shopping or buying on the street. It's not really what you deem necessary to call it as much as it is the way you deal with the aftermath of it.

When I discuss my history with someone, especially someone I could potentially help, I still use the terminology..and I point blank say that "I'm an addict."
No, I'm not actively seeking, but I'm also not going to 'try it out and see' if I still face the urges if I don't have the meds that I take. I don't think it's something that just goes away..and we will always see reminders that give us subtle motives to use as excuses. Sure, I'd love to just stop..would love to quit suboxone...but I have too much that makes me realize that if I did, it would only be a matter of time before I ruined it all..because upcoming dental (MAJOR DENTAL) work is going to be in the near future...and that's a big part of how I realized that I loved the opiate effect, when I had my wisdom teeth removed via oral surgery back in 2002 or 2003.

It's sorta a hard topic..I don't like labeling myself as such...but I don't like knowing that I'm not in control either..and i know that as strong as I am with intelligence, there's still something out there that can wreck ALL of that..and it doesn't take any long-term amount of time for it to do so.


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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