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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 10:48 pm 
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Pleeeeaaasssee no harsh judgement, as I am already giving myself a pretty hard time as is..
Yesterday, I was able to get my hands on a sub after not being able to find&a week long relapse. Relief, awesome, great. So I woke up today&took about 4mgs at like noon. Not feeling awesome but not like death either.. Go to my wallet to grab 20$ I got late last night, &FUCK.. The boyfriend has grabbed it&is out getting a dub.. *sigh* So, he gets back&out of anger towards it being MY sub money he took to get his fix, I do half of the dub.. If you could even call it half.. He's high at this point so he most likely conned another 20 out of his buddy who gave him a ride AND did like 3/4ths of the dub I unwillingly bought.. So now I'm just feeling like shit. WDs and all that setting in.. And I'm sure I will go into PWs if I try to take another mg or 2 of suboxone since its been only 5hrs.. Ugh.. This has to have been one of the most frustrating weeks I have had in a LONG time..

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 10:59 pm 
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I would wait until at least 12 hours since last use. You have some sub in your body, so I would't worry too much about PW, but if you don't wait, the rest of the sub you do have won't help you feel any better.


Don't kick yourself too hard, I mean living with an active user has got to be a major trigger that you are going to have to learn to deal with. All of us slip, but I fear that you are going to fight an uphill battle if you have to watch someone use while you are trying to fight the cravings.

I wish you the best, and please stay strong.

John

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" Each relapse starts with one thought— maybe, just maybe, this time will be different… that little thought has killed thousands and thousands of opiate addicts over the years."
- Dr Jeffery Junig (Subox Doc)


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 11:08 pm 
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100% agreement, no arguments with you at all on that.. I am not one for the "blame game" because using is MY choice&I cannot and will not blame someone for my decisions.. But, with that being said.. It is hard to be clean with someone around high off their ass 24/7.. Ntm the rigs I randomly find, ect.. But when I go into rehab he can't stay here. It doesnt matter if he has nowhere to go, he isnt on my lease&I'm locking up and he'll just have to figure it out somehow. Maybe its harsh, but idc. When I do come home I need to have all this shit out and just have it clean in here. The apartment is a trigger enough by itself without him&the rigs n spoons..

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 02, 2014 11:44 pm 
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So, to be clear, you don't think I would go into PW since I already have the sub in my system? Honestly I decided already no matter how shitty I feel I am gonna wait at least 12 if not like 16hrs to take my next dose, but I am just curious to know. NOT by finding out firsthand though lol. Never had em and never wanna know what its like. Plus I refuse to waste a suboxone I had to spend FIFTEEN damn dollars on.. Yikes.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 8:00 am 
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Hey Karma,

To be clear, are you going to make him stay gone once you get out of treatment?

I'm pretty worried about you having this guy in your life while you are trying to get clean.

YES, you are ultimately responsible for your actions. But having an active user in your life right now is like sitting in a cage of hungry lions and expecting them not to eat you! OK...maybe that's not the greatest analogy, but you get what I'm saying. Why put yourself in that position to be tempted so frequently?

Give it some thought. I know it's not easy to cut people out of your life that you care for. But you have to take care of YOURSELF. Don't let yourself feel guilty about doing what you have to do to protect yourself. If he cared about you the way you do him, he would get it and either get sober with you, or get out without being asked. If he doesn't do that, then he's only thinking of himself and isn't worthy of you feeling guilty over.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 12:27 pm 
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Sorry for taking so long to respond, I am sure you have already made it through that dose. But to answer your question for future reference, here it is.

Because you have some sub still sitting on your receptors, You didn't have full coverage from the H. Now thats not saying you wouldn't get PW (And trust me, from experience you NEVER want to go through those... IT was seriously the only ONLY time I have thought about suicide). So lets paint a picture... IF you have have some sub in your system, say its covering 25% of your receptors... Then you take some H, because the H has a lower affinity for those receptors, it moves down the line to the open receptors (all of this is a loose example and in no way scientific, just to illustrate a point). So now you have some receptors covered with H and some with bup. IF you take your next hit of Bup too soon, you could in fact kick some of the H out as the bup looks for a spot to stay. When you start to kick the H out, depending on how much and how fast, you get PW. The reason to wait is so that the H goes away slowly, naturally so the bup has some where to go without having to makeroom. Because you has some bup in your system means that it is less likely to cause PW(although not impossible by any means) because you aren't displacing as much H.

Please someone jump in and help if my explanation is WAY off base.... I know it's not accurate per se, but should be correct enough to paint the picture of whats going on.

Now to address your BF. It's not cruel. It's what you have to do to live. If he loves you and means it, then he should see that he should stop as well, or at least not do it anywhere around you once you made the decision to be clean. For him to continue using is a show of selfishness and a lack of empathy towards you, and in the long run those are not great traits to have in a significant other. Now, I am not saying that you don;t love him or you shouldn't love him, but I am saying that sometimes to love something is to let it go. Maybe it would motivate him to get clean as well. Maybe when he sees that you are serious enough about getting sober that you would leave him, it may open his eyes to get clean himself. The only issue I see with that is, when you (he in this situation) decide to get clean and the reason is for someone else, relapse is REALLY high. Deep down he has to want it for himself as well.

In this situation it is FINE to think of yourself. You can't stay in that environment and get your life under control if you can't get a break from that life style. Recovery has many hard aspects, and changing one's life and getting rid of "friends" and love ones that go against what you are trying to accomplish is one of those hard things to do, but if you're serious, it's something that you'll have to do.

You will have our love and support through the whole thing though.

Please keep us up to date with how things are going... I am worried about you, and I want to see you succeed. I'll keep checking in with you, please contact me should you need anything.

Much love and Luck,

Reprieve.

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" Each relapse starts with one thought— maybe, just maybe, this time will be different… that little thought has killed thousands and thousands of opiate addicts over the years."
- Dr Jeffery Junig (Subox Doc)


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Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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