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 Post subject: OK, so now what?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 11:40 am 
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13 days in, NO subs. Best I have felt in last couple weeks, stomach mess nearly gone, slight headache seemingly meant to remind me of this fight, but no longer on that 'pink cloud' Romeo helped explain. I know now the biggest adjustment is the normal feeling, it is foreign to me and my thinking process. Same thing goes for different everyday things I do without that DOC involved. In short, this is a trip, but a good one.

OK, so now what? I know I can't do it all at once, but to say there are some things in my life/home/family/relationships/profession that are a mess is truly an understatement. The biggest short term/long term is for my best friend, she has been SO codependent/counterdependent her entire life. We were first love's in 9th grade), then when she met me again and I was an addict, well that was perfect for her DOC, me. I love my wife, and realize the best way I can help is by staying clean, but I can see a difference already in her psyche, she is missing the old me(whether she realizes it or not). It was amazing to watch her mirror my withdrawal symptoms, and even moods during this couple weeks of hell. She has been super supportive and without that from her it would have been much worse for me. She no doubt also wonders what now, I have a different man, who the hell is this?!? In short, I am concerned because my way of dealing with the control, the outbursts, the negativity was to self medicate....and human nature says it's only a matter of when not if. I know all to well the trick of saying I am going to just stop, yet not changing my behavior and thoughts. Working on this everyday is something I can't slack on, damn it!

I sought help through counseling, psychiatry, psychology, for much of my life before I became an addict, she has never opened those doors of insecurity, hurt, disappointment, abuse, etc., so they are firmly locked inside her safe place. Façade city man. Shit, I am pouring it out here, but not just for therapy of self, I really am concerned. I see the possibility of even being pushed toward relapse so the cycle can start all over, and she has her DOC back. Dysfunctional ME! I have been surprised with the value of this website, the people here, and what such has done for me, and naturally thought of an appropriate blog for her? Some place she can anonymously learn HOW to let these things out of her, feel the power of those things removed?

I hope someone with some experience with this can give me some much needed insight here. Thanks for listening.


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 Post subject: Re: OK, so now what?
PostPosted: Fri Nov 01, 2013 12:20 pm 
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This excerpt is taken from this link (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al-Anon/Alateen) which is the Wikipedia that describes Al-Anon.

In Lois's Story, she explained why, as the spouse of an alcoholic, she also required treatment.

After a while I began to wonder why I was not as happy as I ought to be, since the one thing I had been yearning for all my married life [Bill's sobriety] had come to pass. Then, one Sunday, Bill asked me if I was ready to go to the meeting with him. To my own astonishment as well as his, I burst forth with "Damn your old meetings!" and threw a shoe as hard as I could.

This surprising display of temper over nothing pulled me up short and made me start to analyze my own attitudes. ... My life's purpose of sobering up Bill, which had made me feel desperately needed, had vanished. ... I decided to strive for my own spiritual growth. I used the same principles as he did to learn how to change my attitudes. ... We began to learn that ... the partner of the alcoholic also needed to live by a spiritual program.

— "Lois's Story" in How Al-Anon Works[5]

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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 Post subject: Re: OK, so now what?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 10, 2013 2:56 pm 
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Much appreciative Romeo, we are learning the art of synchronicity again, without giving up self identity. Hard to imagine so much had gone so wrong, and I simply didn't see it.

I was feeling so desperate the first time I came on here, I was only confused by what I was desperate for, normalcy. The advice on here, and the connection of knowing others have been through the same thing, helps big time.

To everyone cruising these posts looking to help, thank you.


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