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 Post subject: not done venting...
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 7:11 pm 
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OK, I am hanging in there. have a nice heating pad on my back, and as soon as the kids go to sleep, my husband is going to sit with me, and maybe smoke a bowl to relax (i have a big, 2 story house so family room is wayyyyy away from kids rooms upstairs). its funny, I told my husband earlier to make sure he counts his vicodin every day. I feel I am being proactive in preventing a slip. i am not falling vicim to myself. anytime I feel like I want to take pills, I look at my life, at my kids faces, and know I cannot have both. as a child, I hated the word or, but loved the word and. do I want cookies or ice cream? neither, I want cookies AND ice cream! I would love to have my wonderful life AND pills and becasue I havent lost anything due to them, it is hard for me to see them as the devil, but I know they are, and bad things would happen if I continued to take them. that has been my mantra. i think part of why withdrawal sucks so bad, is because it has the title of withdrawal! Also, I have been careful NOT to use any drug lingo. I dont call suboxone "subs", I dont call percocets "percs", I dont call stopping the pills "jumping off" and I wont say I feel like using, rather I feel like taking pills. I dont know, thats just me. I feel like if I start using slang and lingo, I am making light of this situation and it is getting too gamelike. I am not condemning anyone else for using slang, but for ME, the more clinical I keep it, the better I am, the less "fun" it seems. does that make sense? please write back, love the feedback!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:43 pm 
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Hang in there Flo. You're doing great, and your awesome attitude is serving you well. It's smart to always think a decision all the way through like you're doing with the decision to not take any more pills.

I highly recommend watching funny movies or tv shows. It's a good distraction and laughing seems to get the endorphins going. And take a walk if you can.

You are the bomb!

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

-Jack Kornfield


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:53 pm 
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hehe.. Hate to disappoint you, a vicodin probably won't help until your tolerance is down so don't even bother. Look forward to getting better, because you will. Try to do something to get your mind off of it, that really helps. Play a computer game, see a movie, go for a walk.. do SOMETHING you know

Also, maybe you could arrange a time and we could all meet on chat for a bit? Say 10pm Friday eastern time?

Jim


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 2:45 am 
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I second the video game recommendation. I just played Katamari for like 2 hours and totally forgot to feel bad :D

That game is addictive tho.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:35 am 
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well, did not have a good nights sleep. legs were getting a workout better than spinning and kept getting the chills on and off, but I was not sure how I would wake up feeling, which made me more anxious. my kids were up early today (before 6 and already watching Kung Fu Panda) but I am actually doing OK. No desire to take any pills. Tired and back is achy but I definitely feel that yesterday was the worst day, and it was really not unbearable (maybe a 6-7 on a 1-10 scale). I really think taking the short course of suboxone helped me. It transitioned me off the percocets, but I wasnt on for that long to where stopping was an issue. I feel good. I am proud of myself and each day that goes by, I look back at what I accomplished and look forward to how I am going to make sure this does not happen again (until I am 70, remember, then i can take all the pills I want :) I dont know if I am fortunate that the wd wasnt excrutiating, or that I had a very good mindset about it. I appreciate all the feedback, and will keep you posted until I am 100%, but then will be a resource for anyone who needs me!


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 Post subject: Keep it Up!!!!!!!!!!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 8:08 am 
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Good Morning florida,
And for you it is a good morning... Another day without pills and you are staying strong thats great.
As I have said before you are inspiring all of us out here in recovery land....
I just want to asure you of something... You are lucky that you haven't lost anything yet BUT I can tell you first hand that if you had continude to "take pills" you will lose alot. I went thru over $75K (my inheritance) in less than a year. My Dad work all his life to leave me somthing and I pissed thru it before the first anniversary of his death :(... But I am clean now and can look forward to living the rest of my life without that monkey on my back. Sorry to ramble it helps to get it out!!!!
Anyway keep up the good (no GREAT) work & please keep us posted.
Stay Strong!!

TW


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 5:47 pm 
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Hey Flo - You are inspirational. I missed my evening dose of Sub the past two nights and feel fine today! If I can stay with that, I'll be down to 0.3mgs a day. I think I can see the end from there!

Your good attitude really has inspired me. It's awesome to hear you working through it, and staying positive.

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

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 Post subject: feel very very good!
PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 7:06 pm 
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Well, I feel good! I feel happy that I have inspired anyone, that is very humbling... i am going into day 6, so dont "think" I will have any ugly surprises, but if I do, I can handle it... only had a handful of times today where I noticed the achiness or actively thought about drugs. its funny, we will push off and push off and push off a few days of crap while torturing outselves for months, or years! I am proud of myself and I am proud of you, of anyone who is trying to better yourselves. I actually think the suboxone helped alot. I think doing the short course was good for me, and I think it helped me ease from full blast to nothing. keep me posted, I will keep checking in!

xxoo


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:10 pm 
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Day 6.. I have good news.. It gets slowly better from here, not worse just remember that ok? Its not suddenly going to get worse from this moment forward.

Did you get the crying spells/mood swings? I had them BAD

Jim


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 6:39 am 
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hi!
Truthfully, I havent had any emotional wds. other than minor antsiness or anxiety, nothing. no depression, no crying. thank goodness, as I know that PAWS affects many people. I had a bad backache last night but just took some advil, sat with a heating pad and dealt with it! i am thinking about things less and less and enjoying my life again. it is ok for me to put this in the past, move forward but never forget how quickly it can sneak up on me again!


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 2:25 pm 
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You go Flo!

Are you going to do any kind of aftercare?

I don't go to meetings or anything, but I really like the SMART recovery website. They have good articles on there about dealing with cravings and whatnot. Highly recommend.

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

-Jack Kornfield


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 12:01 pm 
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Hi mwflorida, Hopefully you are past the worst of the acute withdrawals. Any PAWS would occur after that, but I agree that you should have minimized that by keeping your Suboxone treatment short. Best of luck to you.


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