It is currently Thu Aug 17, 2017 5:58 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 43 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 4:27 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 11:02 pm
Posts: 994
No actually you're right Movie Maker.

It's time to put some foot work into this recovery game...


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 1:05 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member

Joined: Mon May 21, 2012 4:38 pm
Posts: 386
I have found that after many many years of struggling that going after recovery with all you have to help your attitudes, ideas, behaviors, ect. Then I have suboxone to make sure I can't use while at the same time not crave opiates. All so I can stay in a right frame of mind to really work on my recovery and myself. Without it I wouldn't be able to stay clean long enough to do any good. Honest.

So the big change for me was recovery processes and new friends.

I don't know if some day I might want off suboxone. Who knows. That is just unrealistic right now. I like my new life wayyyy too much.

Maybe some day. ;-)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 10:43 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 11:02 pm
Posts: 994
Things are settling, finally. I've been on the Suboxone straight these last few days without mishap, without running back to the dealers. I'm still waking up in a pool of sweat at 5am each morning, but it is getting better. And the depression that's marred the best part of this year seems to have lifted somewhat. Words are coming to me with some ease, and today I can actually say that there's some positivity behind me, hence this post.

I've been trying to make some sense of what happened, what threw me off the rails. I'd say without much doubt that my bipolar played a big role in my undoing. Towards the end of last year, my depression treatment just stopped working. With that came a lot of fear, and a sense of impending doom because part of me knew from past experience that when I lose the will to live, I give myself willingly over to my addiction. I don't know how much people have been following my story, but there was a period of panic before I picked up when my doctor and I started experimenting with some oldschool tricyclic depression treatments to see if it could address my depression without tipping me into mania. The chlomipramine definitely lifted me out of the depression, but with it came the wrecklessness and poor decision making that comes with me going manic. It was then I thought it'd be a healthy, character building idea to start going out with a heroin dealer, and give myself over to that world completely.

I actually can't remember a good 1-2 months of this year. It was a real haze of benzos, heroin, and IV use of Unisom gel-caps. Friends tell me I was just constantly wasted, and was constantly avoiding their invitations to go out. I remember ripping myself off that anti-depressant in a brief moment of clarity, only to get incredibly physically sick from its own withdrawal process. I lost over 10kg's from my frame, and was too physically ill to even score and use drugs. But when those symptoms eased, I was back to using full-bore. At one stage in the chaos I begged my Subox prescribing doctor to admit me to his rehab, and he agreed I was in dire need of help. However I continued to use in there and was discharged after 4 days. It was a lost opportunity to exit that self-destructive cycle I'd given myself over to, and I have some regret about it still now.

But just for today, I'm clean on Suboxone, and capable of moving forward. I still got my faculties, I think. They're still there somewhere. There's been some damage done, but what's done is done and I can only move forward and allow my body to repair as best it can. Enough typing for now.

Cheers.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 43 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
cron
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group