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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2012 7:31 pm 
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Joined: Wed Aug 22, 2012 8:38 pm
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Day 29 off of painkillers, day dozen off of Suboxone. Averaging about 5-6 hours of sleep a night, which is about what I slept doing percs and vikes every day for 8 years or so. I'm not real sure what to feel today, as I woke up feeling fantastic. As the day wore on, I started feeling not as good as this morning and surely not as good as yesterday.

But I'm beating this. The notion of a painkiller doesn't even appeal to me. And slowly but surely, the thought of a Sub is also dissipating. Its so hard for me to find and get them anyway that I've pretty much given up the notion of even trying to find them anymore. I've deleted all of my old ope contacts from my phone so not to stray. But I think I can say that coming on a month tomorrow, I won't ever destroy the progress I have made.

I'm a bowler. I've averaged 221 in seasons high off of my ass and bowled 3 300 games. This week is the normal start of my season, but this season will not include me. Though I know that taking the season off could be a problem in that I will have a LOT of free time for 9 months, I also know that the pain in my shoulder from bowling 12-14 games a week and the psychological edge that opiates and/or Subs would give me would only impede my progress.

Getting better and recovering and not taking pills anymore is the only focus I have for myself right now besides spending time with my daughter and being a better husband to my wife. I feel like I owe her so much for sticking with me through the years of my selfishness. It's so hard to get through every day sometimes, but I'm finding the bad days to be farther and farther in between. I hope I'm making the right choice at 35 years old to sacrifice one of my 'prime' years I have left in the sport that I love. The person it triggers in me though? I don't know that person. He hasn't bowled in about 8 years without drugs.

I guess I can always go back to it when I'm ready. Something I cannot even consider with opes and subs anymore, no matter how hard that seems.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2012 9:06 pm 
Hey Charles, I'm Pete. Somewhat of a new member myself. I read your post and wanted to say you are a kick ass bowler. For me, its one of the sports i LOVE to partake in, but suck so badly at it. haha. My P.R. is around 170, which is okay i guess. But you, 3 perfect games! Where i am from, if you get 3 strikes in a row you get what is called a "turkey", i have no idea what they call it if you get 3 perfect games! LOL my man. Hey you got some talent that is for sure.

I'm also glad you are sleeping somewhat decent if not as much as you have been sleeping ON the pills. For me, boredem is my number 1 trigger so i play my acoustic guitar a lot! My other main hobby was boxing/running and just plain livin at the gym. Unfortunately I do not have that hunger/drive and or energy for the intense level of competition i once was at. Although, I am positive one day..... I will be competing again at the same level. So, yea keep throwin them strikes..... who needs pills when you get high from acomplishments! Way to go man, hit me up if u ever wanna chit to the chat. haha Take care man

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