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PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 10:17 am 
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Hi everyone. I have been reading posts on this forum for a couple of months but have just now become a member. I began Suboxone treatment on December following a 7 year addiction to Oxycodone and Oxycontin. I feel blessed to have found Suboxone and am so thankful for the changes it has allowed me to make in my life so far. Unfortunately, I constantly find myself obsessing about having to taper off of the medication and suffer the terrible withdrawal that I have heard so much about. I am so scared of this that I don't feel I am utilizing my recovery as I should, and taking this time to focus on life being sober. If anyone has any suggestions for me I would be so grateful. I want to take my recovery in a different perspective but am finding it difficult to do so when all I think about is how terrible life will be when my doctor forces me to start tapering, and stop Suboxone maintenance. Suboxone has saved my life and I can't face what might happen to me once I can no longer take it. I look forward to getting to know everyone. From what I have read on this forum I commend each and every one of you for the great changes you have made and the hard work you have done. Thank you so much.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 2:03 pm 
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Hi Crystal! Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you've decided to start posting!

Congratulations on starting the recovery process and making steps to turn your life around!

Do you have a tendency to obsess over things or is this a new thing for you? Has your doctor already talked about wanting you to taper of suboxone? Does he/she have the expectation that you will someday be off sub? I'm trying to figure out the root of your obsession. For example, if you have a tendency toward obsession and before you were obsessing about your drug of choice, perhaps your brain was just looking for a new obsession to take the place of the last one. Does that make sense?

I want to remind you that despite the fact that there are scary stories about tapering off sub on this forum, there are plenty of people who don't have a problem tapering down and off sub. They are out there, living their lives and not posting here because they're not having problems. Now, I'm not saying that tapering is easy, but there are people for whom it's not such a big deal. The people who post here sometimes are having a lot of problems with sub. But their experiences are not necessarily going to be your experience.

I hope you can manage to bring your obsession over tapering under control. It's no fun to live with a looming question mark over your head. The only suggestion is that you give some time to coming up with some calming thoughts. When you feel yourself obsessing, bring in the calming thoughts and see if you can short circuit the obsessing. I've had some success with this controlling my panic attacks.

Amy

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 2:04 pm 
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Hey Crystalrain!

Welcome! And congratulations to you for 4 months clean! What dose are you currently on? Has your doctor talked about tapering soon? Is counseling a part of your treatment? Oops, that's a bunch of questions huh!?! Sorry!

I began at 32mg. per day. (which was waaaay too much!) My first doctor was a bit shady...so after about 3 months, I started tapering all on my own, with no pressure. It's been over 5 years, I have a new reputable, understanding doc and am currently on 2mg. per day. Your feelings are completely normal! Be honest with your doc and/or therapist about your worries. And try to concentrate on all the positives that have come into your life since you quit using oxys.

This forum is a great place to find advice, understanding, and support....and hopefully some answers that will ease your mind! :D

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 2:38 pm 
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Hi crystalrain,

Glad to have you here with us. So far you've received great advice and comments so there isn't too much more to add. All I can do is second the thought of tapering and withdrawal. If you do a really good search of those who tapered and jumped, you will find it not so bad as you thought. The one's who have had the worst symptoms were those who stopped it from a fairly high dose. If you do it the right way it should and will lessen your w/d symptoms.

As you already know, our worst enemy is our mind. I am the same as you when it comes to thinking about not having my Suboxone blanket. That's what it seems like sometimes, a security blanket. Take it away and we're a scared kid! It was the same when I was taking pain pills. Terror would strike my mind when I'd run out early and try to figure out a way to get some more. But when it got down to it, the withdrawals were never as bad as my mind made them out to be. Same with the Sub. Your mind is freaking out about the future and you don't even know what's in store for you today. Enjoy yourself and give your brain a rest. Just like you've been told already, be honest with your doctor and tell him exactly what you told us. Then you'll know what's in your future and can relax. My Dr. first told me that I had to be off it in six months. That was two years ago. Now all he asks is how I'm doing. It is up to me to tell him when I'm tired of the Suboxone treatment and want off. Try to establish the same rapport with your doctor.

Okay, enough wind out of me! Welcome to our forum and we hope you'll stick around and be a regular poster. You'll be amazed at how much you're learn here about Suboxone and recovery in general.

Rule

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 4:35 pm 
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Hi Crystal,

Congratulations on taking the first steps in your recovery! I know it doesn't seem like it now but you have probably already won a huge victory against your addiction. There are alot of details that I don't know about your treatment, MyCovery and Amy asked you some questions which would give us some more details and allow us to help you a little better. But it sounds to me like you are in a very similar place to what I was when I started. I began sub treatment in March 2012. I started at 8mg and I am now down to 1mg. I have spent most of the past year being scared to death about how I was going to feel when I have to quit. This fear WILL make things harder for you if you don't get it in check. When I started my taper I was constantly taking extra and running out early. I was just so mad that my doctor was forcing me to taper when I was clearly not ready for it. I was scared to death and in turn I would take more subs trying to drown those fears and anxieties. I attended some AA meetings and kept hearing everyone talk about taking it one day at a time...but I just didn't get it. My therapist tried to help me with it too. But that fear was always there...what am I going to do when my security blanket is gone? (thanks for the reference Rule!)

I can't tell you exactly why, but at some point it finally got through to me. If you focus on what the future holds it will tear you apart. You CANNOT let your mind go there. How do you feel today? Can you stay sober today? That is all you have to worry about. One day at a time...
Now, I can tell you that the taper itself has not been nearly as bad as I had expected. I feel the same today on 1mg as I did on 8mg. The first few days of a drop are a little tough. I won't lie to you and say it is completely comfortable 100% of the time. But it IS completely doable! If I start to think about what it is going to be like when I am off completely it still scares me. The difference is that now when my head goes there I know to real it back in and give myself a reality check. You will get there, but better sooner than later.

Do you have a good support system? Family or friends? Have you been to any meetings yet? You need to have someone in your life that is going to hold you accountable, give you a good kick in the ass if you need it or an understanding ear when you need that. Try to spend this time while you are in the maintenance stage laying that groundwork.

I am interested in exactly what your doctor said about the length of your treatment. I think that it is very doable to be off in a year, but I think the doctors who don't shove that down your throat have a better approach. It is alot for someone early in recovery to worry about immediately starting to taper. But some of us don't have a choice in doctors. For me he was the only one in my area who was taking patients, and he knows it. I think I would have done alot better with a doctor who was a little more understanding and willing to tailor the treatment to the patients needs. But I have finally gotten to the point that I accept what I have to do and I think in the long run I will be very happy that he held my feet to the fire and made me get off. After all, that is my ultimate goal. Unless you are planning on staying with the subs very long term, like forever, than I think staying on it a year to a year and a half makes it much easier to quit.

I hope I helped you a little bit. Again welcome to the forum!

Q


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 1:14 am 
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Hello everbody :lol: I would like to thank each of you from the bottom of my heart for the rapid responses. I apologize for not talking more about my specifics in my introduction. I am overjoyed that you would like to know more about me. To begin, I do see my addiction counselor twice a week. I have gone to 2 NA meetings but was pretty horrified when I was completely shunned when I happily announced that I was taking Suboxone. I was told that I wasn't even close to being clean and sober so I could attend the meetings if I wished but I was not allowed to share. I feel that I would benefit from NA but I am really scared to go.through that again. My counselor is looking into some functions at a nearby methadone clinic that I might be more welcome at. I don't have a support system other than my counselor and my trust in God. My husband thinks I am a joke and just a terrible person and my parents and extended family just can't fathom how I allowed myself to get hooked on pain pills. They have told me that I should just quit doing drugs and that's it. They don't understand the disease of addiction and feel that I need to just put on my big girl panties and get over it. They all just think I am a terrible person for allowing myself to become addicted to the medicine that was "supposed" to be helping me function with my fibromyalgia pain. So tonight when I logged onto the forum and already saw multiple replies to my introduction I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness. It means so much to me to hear from each of you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. As for my obsession fear, I do tend to stress, over analyze and obsess on things. I do want to be off of suboxone sometime but that time is certainly not now. My doctor has not asked me to start tapering yet but at my induction he informed me that he gets his patients off of Suboxone ASAP. I started treatment at 16 mg per day and have been on that dose ever since. I do.think that I could handle a lower daily dosage but I don't feel ready to begin tapering towards my jump off by any means. I have told my Dr how scared I am and he shrugged me off saying that my information was not


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 1:54 am 
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Sorry about that. I am posting from my phone and I lost track of where I was. I ended stating that when I told my doc about my fear of tapering and being off of Suboxone, his response was that there would be no withdrawal and that the taper would be slow enough to minimize the withdrawal symptoms. Apparently he has not done the research that I have and has no idea what withdrawal feels like. I never overdosed but I came very close to taking my life when I was out of pills for 3 days. I've never felt such pain both mentally and physically in my life. I don't know if I can make it through that again. Ithen again that was a completely different situation. My biggest hope is to become like each of you, welcoming newbies, offering advice, and sharing support to others in need. You are all so strong and I have the utmost respect for everyone traveling the road of recovery. Its not easy and it takes so much courage. I only have 4 months under my belt but I want for that 4 months to turn into 4 years and then 14 years and so on. I am so glad that I finally decided to ask for help on this forum.Each of your responses has already given me so much hope. Thank you again. I would love to keep hearing from everyone and I will continue to share my experiences and offer as much support as I can. Thank you for making me feel so welcome.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 10:56 am 
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Hey Crystalrain!

I know exactly how you feel about seeing the replies to your post! :D It is such a comfort to hear from others who understand what you are going through. Oh my gosh, can I relate to the over analyzing, obsession thing! Even in the midst of active addiction, I could have all the drugs I needed for days but all I would think about was getting the next supply. That is just part of the addict mindset I guess. I am fortunate to have a doctor who allows me to taper on my own and doesn't put time limits. Although there are others who believe that a time limit is good. I say to each his own. Tapering is much easier, for me, to do very gradually.

About the meetings...I've never been to NA or AA. Unlike you, I have a supportive network of family and friends BUT there is still nothing like talking with someone who has been in the same boat. This forum is wonderful for that. Also, the local Methodist Church here has a recovery group...I'll have to find the name but it is not NA. There is also a small church in my area that is geared just for addicts and recovering addicts. Just a couple of ideas for you to look into your area.

Please try to allow yourself to say "one day at a time". The hardest part is over. You have seen your problem and you are now actively dealing with that problem. I pray that your family will show more compassion and understanding, but you have your eye on the prize and you are doing a great job of winning that prize! So next time someone says you are a terrible person...do this.. :roll:

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 11:39 am 
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I too had a husband that did not like the idea of me taking Suboxone. And my parents didn't know much about it except what my husband told them. So needless to say. Being on Suboxone was very shameful for me. So...I tried to taper off as soon as possible for THEM not for me. I did sucessfully taper and stay off of it for a while (18 months). But I ended up getting back on it later on and I didn't tell my husband or parents that I got back on it. I felt like they need to educate themselves more on it before they judge. Now, I have no desire of quitting Suboxone. It is working for me and my life is so great with it. Why end a medication that works?

As for NA. Many groups that I have gone to do not think being on Suboxone is recovery which sucks because those groups can be very good to go to and there is a lot of support there. So, i went the same route of "not telling" ANYONE i was on Suboxone so I could attend the meetings. I know its a LIE but i feel that it will be more excepted as time goes on and i will feel comfortable later about taking Suboxone.

Welcome to the Group!!


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