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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 5:38 pm 
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First off I'll give a little info about myself and my habit that led me to this site.

Im in my mid 20's ,decent shape, exercise as much as I can (helps W/D alot)

I have always loved pain killers. I can remember being about 17-18 yrs old stealing my mom's bottle of vicodin from the cabinet. Throughout college and after I used OC pretty casually. Usually on weekends sometimes going 3-4 months between using. I didn't think it was a big deal. Almost 1 year ago a college buddy told me he could get OC regularly. So, it began. I started doing about 30-60 milligrams of OC everyday. I used for about 5-6 months and by then end I was using anywhere from 100-200 milligrams per day. I would crush it and snort it or just eat it. I never used IV. I also never used heroin. Towards the end I realized I had a big problem and at around $1 per MG it was SUPER expensive.

So... I googled suboxone doctors and went to the first one that would take me. He started me out on 4 mg 3 times per day. Thats was about 6 months ago. So, basically 12 MG per day. However, I only took about 4 MG once in the morning. I thought it was great I felt "normal." But after a while I started to realize I was getting a nostalgic buzz from the suboxone. After doing some research I decided to taper and quit. I didn't want to be a slave to the drug anymore. So, I tapered to about 1 to 2 MG per day and then stopped. My last dose was a week ago today and I'm on my 7th day without today.

It was a bad week. But it wasn't as bad as most of the nightmares I have read online about quitting. The first 3-4 days were tough. Sleep was terrible. Even though I have a legal scrip for Oxazapam for sleep it was still hard. I had cold sweats and I really couldn't sit still. I had really bad Restless legs in bed and was pretty depressed. The only thing that helped was to keep busy and go to the gym. GO EXERCISE, no matter how bad u feel it helps.

Days 5-7 the physical symptoms had subsided. The only lingering issues are depression (crying for no reason), the insomnia is still bad and my sexual behavior with my GF is really different. I don't last very long, :oops: The depression seems to be worst during the day and gets better at night.

:?: How long can I expect to be depressed? :?: When does the sleep get better?

Also, during the midst of it I used a substance the I bought legally at a head shop called Kratom. It seemed to help a little bit. I gave it to my GF so she could regulate my use of it.

Any comments, answers would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to ask me ANYTHING.

THANKS


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 6:27 pm 
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Also. My pupils are huge! :shock:


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 8:40 pm 
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I have about 3.5 strips left. What were to happen if I took like an eight of a strip? Would it really set me back that much? Today the depression is almost too much to handle. Im starting to make my GF sad too.. sucks :cry:


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 9:37 pm 
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Man, you're seven days in, don't take any suboxone. I don't know how far you'll be setting yourself back, but I know you will be setting yourself back.

All the symptoms you've listed are par for the course for opiate wd. Keep fighting it man, don't give up now!

Opiate wd sucks ass!! No doubt about it. You've got to hang on.

I've never used Kratom, but I've heard it's pretty strong stuff and from everything I've heard about it.....I would stay away from it if I were you!!

The depression is normal, I can not give you an exact date that it'll go away, but it should improve as time goes by. I found Suboxone wd to be like a roller coaster. You're up and then you're down, you're up and then you're down. I don't know why, but the up and down seems to be unique to Suboxone wd.

The sleep will get better too, again, it takes time. I know of no way to 'short cut' any of these symptoms.

Hang on and explain to you girlfriend that you will get better. It will take time though. My acute symptoms lasted for weeks, after the first week or so they got noticeably better every few days.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 9:55 pm 
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Thank you so much for the reply. I've been checking the computer every 10 minutes for replies. I just feel pretty hopeless right now. Like I have something missing in my brain. Something is stopping me from being able to be happy and content. Things I know that should be enjoyable are not. I'm not going to buy any more kratom. I felt like I was cheating when I was taking it.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 9:57 pm 
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I cannot speak from experience, because I haven't jumped yet, but I'd tend to agree with Romeo. If you can, hang in there!! You're already a whole week out. The bottom line is that it WILL get better. Have you considered an anti-depressant? If I were you, I think I'd try that instead of taking more Sub. Really, in the end though, only you know how bad off you are. At some point, you have to draw the line and acknowledge that it's just too much.

Keep us updated!

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 10:18 pm 
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I fought the urge to take a sub. I should probably just flush them. I have thought about taking an anti depressant but I don't have health insurance right now because I am unemployed. I'm looking into it. I am taking 5-HTP and SAMe... don't know if its doing much..


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 10:20 pm 
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at this point i wish I was my dog ha


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 11:35 pm 
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Hey Buddy!

I'm so glad you decided to make a valiant effort with quiting and coming for help. It helped me out tremendously. Still does!

I had made a thread on here about my journey and struggles as well. It's funny because we have similar stories. I'm 21 and started taking my pops percs after one of his surgeries. You know the deal, one thing leads to another and before you know it I was taking 5-6 Dilaudid a day. I had quit a tramadol bing probably in 08' and only lasted about three days before getting back on the Dilaudid train. Afterwards, I used subs legally for about a year then illegally (buying off the street) for another year or so. I jumped at about 4-5mg on January 1st after getting arrested for a DUI and possesion of subs. As unfortunate as this was it was finally an excuse and an escape for me to stop. So I did and haven't looked back man!

All the things you are feeling are beyond normal. Like Romeo said, the sub detox is quite a roller coaster. One day you're feeling good and the next your're in total depression/anxiety the works. Understand this, it SO DOES GET BETTER! It's been 2 months for me and I would say the 28-30 day mark pretty much everything subsided. The sleep takes a while too. I'm getting a good 7-8 hours a night and waking up once or twice. All natural sleep too! The depression stinks around for a bit depending on how focus you keep yourself. I had a lot of "worrying" and heart racing for the first month. It all goes away trust me. Being young I think helps us too we can recover a little quicker. I'm begging you, chuck out all the subs you have in the house. Flush them right down the toilet man. If you've gone a full week you can go another and another. When they are around they are a temptation and you don't need that extra anxiety floating over your head.

Everyone's withdrawal is unique to them. There are many things to help out. You may not feel relief right away but in the long run they will make you feel more at ease. Drink a ton of water, vitamins, the 5-HTP is good I used it too, any Vitamin B complex helps with energy, St. Johns Wort may help for depression, eat healthy, keep going to the gym, hot baths/heating pads and potassium for the RLS. I'm a musician so I submerged myself in music and it helped relief a lot of stuff. Depression will go away and energy will come back and just slam you in the face! It's awesome! In terms of anxiety, this is something I still deal with day to day especially when I'm just hanging out. I deal with it.

Keep your head up man! I give you much much credit because I know the difficulties of jumping. It's a rough battle to put yourself through but once you come out ahead you will feel like a new person. You will find a new you with more personality and a clearer mind. Keep on keeping on bro, don't let any temptations grind you down. You must take one day at a time and live your life like this religiously. It's typically one foot forward and two back for a bit but then becomes 1 step forward and no backwards movement! :)

-P.S.- You're sex drive, that is all normal. Our libidos are extremely low right now. I know what you're going through. I heard it takes quite sometime for this to regain back to normal. Also, your dilated pupils means you're in withdrawal, from what I've heard anyways. Sorry I wrote a lot!

-JBoss


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 12:00 am 
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JBoss

Thanks for the reply bro. I have read your story and its pretty crazy. I can relate to the DUI. I got one in 2007. But, I did my diversion and its not even on my record because you don't technically get convicted. At least thats Oregon. I liked your comment about the energy hitting u in the face. Gives me something to look forward to. I hope it happens sooner than later because I have a trip planned to NYC on March 10th that I want to be in good spirits for. Its great that ur doin so well. It gives me hope.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 12:46 am 
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Jesus, Joseph and Mary, I always forget to tell people coming off suboxone to go to the doctor and get some Clonidine. Clonidine did more for me than ANYTHING else. It's a blood pressure medication that is prescribed "off label" for opiate withdrawal. It also has a pretty strong sedative effect.....should help you with your sleep! Clonidine is basically the gold standard when it comes to opiate wd. It's not going to make you feel like a million bucks, but it certainly is going to help.

BTW, I'm just shy of 9 months off Suboxone and for me, it was the best decision I ever made. Was it hard as hell, yep! Am I so very happy with where I am today, Hell Yeah!!

Your poor opiate receptors are so pissed off at you right now that they are trying every trick in the book to get you to take an opiate. DON"T DO IT. You can make it through this.

You already sound a little better in your last couple of posts. Keep posting, keep asking questions, keep bitching and complaining....it all helps.

When I quit I did start taking a good multi-vitamin like JBoss mentioned.

Hang on man, you can do it. If a big cry baby like me can do it, you can certainly do it!!!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 1:20 am 
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I'm glad the other posters just came out and said it....I really DO hope you hang in there!!! If you flush the remaining Sub, do you think it may be a little easier on you to not have that as an option staring you in the face and whispering your name? I know it would probably help me. I guess the main thing you have to focus on, especially when you feel the worst is...THIS IS GOING TO END!!! Keep telling yourself that. Tell yourself, "this sucks. Thank God it's running it's course and it's only a matter of a time before it lets up and so what? I am grumpy and crying sometimes and irritable and achy and all that BUT I am WINNING!!"

Every single day you get through, you are winning. If this is truly something you want, keep going and believe in the fact that the bad feelings are temporary!! Keep posting, especially since it might make you feel better to vent and get it out. I'm so impressed that you have gone a whole week! You are obviously tough.

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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 Post subject: Morning day 8
PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 2:56 pm 
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I seem to feel a little bit better. I slept good but only because of the serax im prescribed... that will be another battle in itself. But I'm glad I have it because I know insomnia is one of the worst lingering symptoms. My girlfriend is back at work and I'm home by myself. But, I seem to be doing better on my own (mentally) She has really helped me through this and she is awesome. But I don't feel very emotionally available or like I felt when I was on subox... its weird. I feel guilty for not being able to be affectionate or pay her enough attention and it kind of is just another stress factor.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 4:20 pm 
Hey PDX - I hope you are still doing good. I am about a week behind you - meaning I am just now considering getting off. I just found this forum and feel a bit overwhelmed by all the different areas and posts but something about your post caught my eye. I hope you find a way to keep on the right track and still feel normal. I dont want to jack your thread with my story and I'm not really looking to tell my story as much as find some strength & support that will help me. But I know it helps to understand where I'm coming from to help me get to where I want to go. In a nutshell, I'm just over 40, I've been on sub for 2yrs now after 8-10yrs of other pills, I am married 12yrs with 3 boys, and employed full time. I have a very obsessive compulsive nature. I have tapered down from 16 to currently less than .5mg but I am still somewhat scared about what is going to happen to me when I quit. But back to you - I hope you will keep us informed on how you are doing and try to stay as positive as you can. I dont know if helps you to remember that there are many other people in your shoes who are going thru the same thing and many more who have succeeded, that helps me alot just knowing that. I wish I could give you some good info from experience but you are farther along than me! Just STAY STRONG and STAY POSITIVE! We can beat this $h!t!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 4:42 pm 
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Tripple if I can do it so can you. Coming to this forum had really helped me. I have been a long time reader but a first time poster just starting yesterday. There are some really good people on here that have really made me feel better. For me the physical signs like Cold sweats, temperature change, can't sit still, jumpiness, ended after the first 3 to 4 days. One thing that helped me get through it was exercise. I would go to the gym and run, bike, and do the elliptical machine for at least an hour. It made me feel better and with each step I took on the treadmill or bike I imagined I was pounding down my withdrawals and cravings. It may sound kinda weird but it helped me especially with the first 4 days. What I have now is a kind of depression thats pretty tough to kick but I heard that is PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms) and goes away with time. You just have to be patient and get support where you can. This is a great place for positive support. YOU CAN DO IT


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 5:11 pm 
Thanks Man - I'm still on here just bouncing around and reading all different stories. There is so much info on here its almost like overload!

I am sitting here at the end of my script not knowing what I should do - I got like .5mg left - head to the Dr for a refill or try & jump off? I am not really good with the WD sypmtoms - not at all. But I wonder how much of it is in my head? I havent hit the depression stuff you talk about but then again I havent not taken any for over 24hrs either. I get the no energy, no sleep thing going on and while it is so minor compared to say the oxy wd's, it brings back ugly memories. I am very thankful for suboxone, it has been great for me - but I dont want to rely on it at all. I have great med insurance so it cost me about $25 a month - $10 co pay and $15 for the pills.

But my Dr just moved to another clinic and she no longer does suboxone. She had me taper down, and taper down and basically told me 'take these last ones and then quit it will be rough for a few days but you can do it' last month at our last meeting. But she also gave me 2 other dr's to follow-up with if I needed. I dont want to go in & meet a new dr (I dont like or really trust dr's so my last one was a great thing for me) and then start the process all over again. But I DONT want to feel shitty & depressed for a month either! I am worried that if I wait til I feel bad I wont get into to see the other dr's for 3 or 4 days and will go nuts in between.

But I feel like I'm so close I dont want to drag it on. I do notice that when I keep myself busy I notice the wd feeling less but I am not much for exercise and my job is not real physical and I tend to sit and dwell on it and let my mind run away. I have been taking about one half of one quarter of a 2mg pill - just crumbs - and I cant believe it makes me feel that much different?! (better) Is it all in my head? Should I get more & try the liquid thing? Should I just say F it and jump? I am feeling kinda lost! And babbling!

I hear alot of people talking about vitamins, melatonin, and colonodine? but I really want to stay as natural as I can.

Sorry man - I really jacked your thread now. Thanks for getting back to me with the positive feedback, reading a bunch of horror stories is making me panic! See now if you are already 8 days beyond this you are well on your way! Keep it up and dont let your mind play tricks on you! If you start to feel depressed or shitty just try & shake it off knowing its the drug talking - it will pass and you can get thru it. Now if I could only take my own advice!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 5:12 pm 
heheh - I guess I really DID want to tell my story!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 28, 2011 5:27 pm 
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Don't worry about jacking my thread, haha. I don't know that much about "micro-tapering" with the liquid process because I never tried it. By the time I learned about it I was already several days into jumping off at 2 mg once per day. I had the same thing happen to me with my doctor. He moved to a different clinic with out any notification to his patients. I took this as a sign that I needed to just toughen up and quit. I knew that I would have to do it at some point in my life and i grew to HATE that orange strip under my tongue... So here I am 8 days in... The lingering feeling of mental flatness (if that makes any sense)


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 1:40 am 
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Well, it's the end of day 8 and I feel really freakin good. I didn't feel right this morning or in the early afternoon but after I went to the gym this afternoon I felt a change. A feel like I'm swinging back to normal a little bit. I still feel like there is something missing but this is definitely the best I've felt. I want to flush my suboxone and the only thing keeping me from doing it is that I want to sell it (I know thats bad). Lately, I've been feeling guilt about those who I led to the OC. One of my good friends is still using it pretty regularly and I'm worried about him. I feel guilty because I basically was his hook up and then I gave him my hook ups info. He acts like it's no big deal, but it is..


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 2:15 pm 
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PDXhoops ~

I just read through this thread and wanted to say congrats, your doing awesome! You are being so strong and its great that you are telling your story. It is always nice to know what to expect and I am sure some of us will use this info for motivation in the future. Please keep up the good work! I agree that vitamins will probably help and I would suggest the St Johns wort ~ it isn't very expensive and I have used it in the past for depression. I currently take sub but I don't plan to stay on it forever.....so I am very glad to read that it can be done!

P.S. I am from Oregon too (Portland) !

Jessica

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