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 Post subject: Day 9
PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 4:10 pm 
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Well it's the beginning of day 9 and I must say that I am still feeling pretty good like I was last night. I am even starting to look for jobs and feel like I could walk into an interview and be OK. I seem to be getting the chills as I type this but its pretty cold here so who knows. I don't feel 100% but I dont even really remember what it feels like to be 100% anymore. So, right now I am pretty satisfied with where I am at in this journey. My digestive system seems to be having difficulty adjusting as well as my sleep. I used to be able to take 2 of my pills at night (serax) and sleep for 9-10 hours. It seems now that I will sleep for 3-4 hours and then have to take 2 more to get the rest of my sleep.. SUCKS

Jessica I dont know where you are at in your suboxone treatment but just know that it can be done and thanks for the support. I'm also in portland (downtown) and it seems that painkillers are everywhere! So many people are using them its crazy!


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 Post subject: Day 9
PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 4:22 pm 
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Well it's the beginning of day 9 and I must say that I am still feeling pretty good like I was last night. I am even starting to look for jobs and feel like I could walk into an interview and be OK. I seem to be getting the chills as I type this but its pretty cold here so who knows. I don't feel 100% but I dont even really remember what it feels like to be 100% anymore. So, right now I am pretty satisfied with where I am at in this journey. My digestive system seems to be having difficulty adjusting as well as my sleep. I used to be able to take 2 of my pills at night (serax) and sleep for 9-10 hours. It seems now that I will sleep for 3-4 hours and then have to take 2 more to get the rest of my sleep.. SUCKS

Jessica I dont know where you are at in your suboxone treatment but just know that it can be done and thanks for the support. I'm also in portland (downtown) and it seems that painkillers are everywhere! So many people are using them its crazy!


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 4:29 pm 
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Hey PDX,

You sound like you're coming along nicely. The "digestive system" and sleep difficulties are normal. It seems that one of the last things to clear up is our ability to sleep normally again.

If I can make a suggestion, music played an important role in my recovery, still does to this day. I love Rock music, it pumps me up and gets my batteries charged like nothing else can. If you enjoy music, whatever kind it is, try giving it a good listen and see if it doesn't help you through your day?

Keep up the good work, man!!


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 Post subject: mid day 9
PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 6:41 pm 
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Yeah I really feel you on the music thing. During the first 4-5 days I would just lay in the tub and listen to relaxing music. But you have to be careful because it can also be depressing depending on the song. I should make a subox withdrawal mix for my self haha.
Anyways I may have spoken to fast about feeling better because its the middle of day 9 and the depression and lack of energy is starting again. This really is a roller coaster. I'm planning on working out with a friend at 6:30 tonight so we'll see how I feel then...guess I just gotta ride this shit out!


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 7:56 pm 
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PDXhoops-

I have been on suboxone for almost 6 months now, after using heroin for a year. But yes, you are right - Pills (and many other drugs) are surrounding us. I bet that is the same for many different places. It's annoying though. That also means there are a TON of shady people! SO SO Glad I don't have to associate with those dishonest people or be one of those dishonest people!


Sorry to hear you aren't feeling as well as you were earlier. I REALLY wonder if the depression and energy would be better if you were working and/or staying super busy. It's hard to have motivation without a job. Keep up on the working out for energy. And maybe you could try st johns wort for depression? Good luck on job searching!

What type of job are you looking for? I know a couple places hiring in Portland..

J

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 01, 2011 11:48 pm 
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Hey Man

I'm glad to see that you are feeling so good at day 9! Jeez, at this point I was feeling so terrible. Complete zombie! Just try not to get impudent. Overconfidence can snag you from behind. One day at a time my man. Like Romeo said prior, these sub withdrawals are like a roller coaster. Some days you feel pretty good and the next few days you may feel your worst. You never know, I'm not trying to kill your feeling good state by any means. Just trying to give you a heads up if something like this does happen. The sleep, depression, lack of energy takes a while. I think saying, giving it a good 30 days, is a safe estimate to when things will finally roll over and look up for the best. You're are doing great and going to the gym and keeping busy is the absolute best thing right now! Best wishes buddy!

-JBoss


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 Post subject: Day 9 night time
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 12:45 am 
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Yeah JBoss I got kinda cocky there. After I wrote that post I quickly descended back down to feeling shitty. NO ENERGY. IDK if I'm really depressed or not...kinda confusing. It just seems that no matter how much sleep I get with my serax I am just so tired. Watery eyes and the weird feeling of something "missing" in my head. I read somewhere about sneezing fits and thought it was weird but I do actually get that sometimes.

Miss H yeah I do feel better when I keep busy so Im just going to continue to hit the gym. What type of places do you know that are hiring? I'm also looking into St. Johns Wort. Did u really think it worked for you?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:18 am 
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I'm really having a hard time right now. I have this trip scheduled to NYC in 10 days and its just stressing me out because I probably won't be better by then...


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:50 am 
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PDX,

You may not be ALL better by the time your trip rolls around, but you're gonna feel better than you do now!! Don't stress over it, man. It is what it is. Deal with today, keep hitting the gym, keep your mind busy and don't stress over shit!!

You will notice that the 'highs' and 'lows' of the rollercoaster start to get less 'high' and less 'low'. It's like the first part of the roller coaster had hills and valley's that were 100 ft high then 100 ft low, now you're getting to the part of the rollercoaster that is 50 ft high then 50 ft low. Over time, you will reach a near steady state.

Believe it or not, you're doing great!! I know I'm super impressed with the progress you are making.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:09 am 
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It seems that the mind f*ck I'm going through now is one of the worst ones yet...


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 10:37 am 
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PDX,

Congrats man! You are doing something that few have had success with. Making that jump when you did was great timing IMO. Meaning, for some Sub is a life long maintenance drug because they need it. Others can use it as a short term maintenance drug then get off. I am tapering down. Started at 16MG per day about 3 years ago and am down to 1MG per day. My plan is to get down to .10 then make the jump. Being on it as long as I have I am preparing myself for hell as you have found out the jump can be. Anyway, I digress, back to you, keep it up and by all means keep us posted. Like Romeo said, good, bad, bitching, moaning, etc. It helps to get it out and and helps others like me to know what's ahead, even though everyone's WD symptoms are different.

Just remember man, you will look back at this at some point and be so damn happy you made the jump. TIME is what makes things like this, things that kick our ass mentally and physically, get better.

JL


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 Post subject: You are the man!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:56 pm 
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PDXhoops wrote:
It seems that the mind f*ck I'm going through now is one of the worst ones yet...


That is exactly what I keep hearing from people....the mind crap is the worst and that it's hard to believe it will, in fact, end. Man, I'm keeping up with your thread because, in all honesty, you have no idea how much you are inspiring me!!! I'm under 2 mg at this point. I know you are sick, but you re hanging in there. It always helps me to read these stories because it helps me know what to expect and it makes me feel like it really is POSSIBLE!!! I just hope and wish and pray that you will at least get a little bit of a break from the really bad stuff here and there...just to remind you that you CAN and WILL feel better, hopefully sooner rather than later. I don't know if this will help you or not, but it seems like once people get past this really bad stuff, they feel GREAT! They feel even better than before they stopped the Sub. That will be you. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You have come so damn far!!!! And you really are THE MAN!!

laddertipper

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 Post subject: Day 10
PostPosted: Wed Mar 02, 2011 4:30 pm 
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Well, its day 10. I'm into double digits now and I must say that although I'm not 100% by any means I am doing alot better than last week at this time. One thing that kinda sucks here is the RAIN. It never really bothered me before but it's hard to try to feel positive in this weather. Last night was pretty bad, i get REALLY low sometimes it's weird and I try not to be an asshole to my girlfriend but I find myself snapping at her and telling her to move to her side of the bed and stuff like that. I'm always quick to apologize but I feel guilty. I'm normally pretty chill. When I get those really LOW spells I also feel like my head is crawling. It's like in the beginning when my whole body would crawl but now its just my scalp. I guess I feel OK right now in this moment.. Thanks to MissH, JBoss, laddertripper, and Romeo for all of the support! You guys are amazing :)


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 Post subject: Day 11
PostPosted: Thu Mar 03, 2011 3:57 pm 
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Well I'm on day 11 and it seems to be going ok right now. I'm seem like at at a pretty normal level and it feels good. I dont wanna jinx it tho, haha. Yesterday during the early afternoon kinda sucked and I was feelin down in the dumps but after a hot decent work out and a hot shower I felt OK and even decided to dress in normal clothes and take my girl to sushi. Came back and watched a movie and it was a decent night. Not too much to complain about right now (knock on wood) Thanks again for everyones support.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 2:10 am 
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Glad to hear you're doing good. Sad to hear you ate Sushi...Yuck!! haha. Fish and I just don't get along very well.

You're past the 10 day mark, hopefully you keep noticing nice improvements from here on out without too much more rollercoastering. I don't even know if rollercoastering is a word, but you know what I mean. :D


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 Post subject: YAY!!!
PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2011 11:27 am 
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So happy you had a good day!! AND you are into the double digits!!

It's so very normal to get low like that. I promise you it is. I'm not even off Sub yet, but since I've gotten to a low dose, that 'time of the month' REALLY kicks my butt. Every month, I start crying and being a huge baby and wonder what in the hell is wrong and if I am going nuts....and then I realize I had PMS. This has been so strange. I haven't had real PMS in years. I mean, I THOUGHT I did...but I truly forgot how bad it can be. Okay, so I just told you that for the identification aspect. I know ur a guy and you really don't want to know about this :lol:

You might go through some dips and then feel better and then go into another dip and feel better. They should get less and less drastic, and eventually you will even out. You've made it over the big hump! Aren't you so proud of yourself!!!!!!!

laddertipper

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 Post subject: Re: Day 11
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 10:37 am 
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PDXhoops wrote:
Well I'm on day 11 and it seems to be going ok right now. I'm seem like at at a pretty normal level and it feels good. I dont wanna jinx it tho, haha. Yesterday during the early afternoon kinda sucked and I was feelin down in the dumps but after a hot decent work out and a hot shower I felt OK and even decided to dress in normal clothes and take my girl to sushi. Came back and watched a movie and it was a decent night. Not too much to complain about right now (knock on wood) Thanks again for everyones support.


My man! Sushi is grub. I'm not talking just rolls either. I love Sashimi. Toro, Yellowtail....Lots of good stuff in that fish to help you in this time of change. Fish is loaded with good fats and protien. You already know that most likely but three things I am passionate about are family food and football. We have a spot here in L.A that's a sushi restaurant but has flat screens all around playing sports and it's family friendly. Okay I'll shut up now.

I'm proud of you PDX. I am looking fwd to stopping sub and your journals really have helped me. I know everyone is different but just to see you in day 11 or now at day 14-15 is amazing to me. I hope you realize that what you are doing inspires many many addicts in here like myself. Don't listen to Romeo on the Sushi stuff. Everything else though he is spot on. :D Along with working out though Romeo had some imput on music. I agree completely. As a matter of fact I am actually starting to put together a couple of play lists so when I am in WD from stopping sub I can close my eyes, put the head phones on and drift away. It has always helped me. Anyway, again, happy for you. Keep posting so we know how you are doing.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 4:52 pm 
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jleets,

You crack me up, man. Thanks for the laugh!! :lol:


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 Post subject: Day 15
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 5:26 pm 
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Well, I'm on day 15 and seem to feel ok right now. But, I have bad news. On day 12 I traded some suboxone that I had left for 80 mg OC. I did it all that day and had one helluva night at the bars, blacked out, bummin smokes of strangers, the whole thing. I was super hungover on saturday and even on into yesterday. Felt pretty shitty and guilty. I'm also worried about any damaging any progress I had made with my opiate receptors. I felt really depressed yesterday (kind of like I did around a week ago) I feel OK now and am pretty confident I won't have a relapse like that again. It wasn't even as fun as I remember it being...


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 8:40 pm 
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Hey pdx,

You relapsed, it happens. This is a good example of just how powerful addiction is!! This is another good example of why you need to dump, or at least distance yourself from, your drug using friends. Triggers that powerful are extremely hard to deal with.

I have to be completely honest here, if you start to notice a pattern of relapsing, getting clean, relapsing, getting clean...then you're probably not ready to be off sub yet. I'm absolutely not saying because of this one relapse that you should throw in the towel, I just want you to continue being honest with yourself about what is best for you.

I don't think the one day of using is going to set you back too far. You might feel a little crappy for a little bit, but it should go away fairly quickly.

Most of all, thank you for being honest with us. Man, I know how hard that is and I have mad respect for your honesty!!


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