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 Post subject: new to site...
PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2014 6:22 pm 
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Been fighting this addiction nearly 25yrs.been to countless detoxes,rehabs both short n long term.first few times I tried subs were epic failures.like many addicts i'd get off just before going to detox.the after my first dose i'd be sicker than sick.then tried it the correct way,went in extremely dope sick,got my dose n felt awesome.was able to put together almost 6yrs clean...until I relapse last March. Been trying since last Sept to stop,with subs n it's been almost impossible.i've tried waiting almost 48hrs from last shot of dope then went from 8,16mg of subs only to feel sicker.now i've NO choice.caught my first possesion charge since 97,am losing my job in next 3-4wks,have court to answer to,will be homeless soon n tbh...i'm tired of waking up sick everyday n get off just to feel normal.don't know why this time seems the hardest when in the past the dope was 50-60% stronger,did way more then than now yet no matter how long i wait to do the subs or what dose it never seems to hit me the right way.I just want my life back.my worst day clean those 5+yrs was better than my best day using.i'm just praying i can get past this n the court has some type of leniency towards me.i'm a good person,like many if not all of us here,just made some pretty poor choices in life.seems like ppl like us who have a true problem are usually dealt with the harshest...


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 Post subject: Re: new to site...
PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 5:28 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 08, 2014 12:06 pm
Posts: 195
You can do it this time!!! Hopefully at court, the worst you'll get is probation, and if so you'll be drug tested, make that your motivation for now!! You want to be ahead of it, before court, so you can show your ability to stay clean, and not be in and out of the system! There's a lot of great people here for support! I know how hard it can be, believe in yourself, don't give the drug anymore control!! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers that this will be the time you make it work!! Good luck with court, I was on probation for two years many years ago, I'm here if you need any advice or support. I'm fairly new to suboxone, I've been on it about 5 months, but would love to offer encouragement whenever you need it! :)

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 Post subject: Re: new to site...
PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 9:43 am 
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Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
Hi Jimmy, i can relate to how your feeling. When i bottomed out on heroin and cocaine, i couldn't keep living the way i had been living, but i also couldn't see how i could ever live without drugs. Absolute hopelessness. It's a place where we addicts get to before we're ready for recovery.

I'm 3 months clean from Subs (and Methadone before that), and about 8 years of serious heroin and cocaine addiction.

What are you doing in terms of a recovery program? The thing about serious addiction is that we can't get clean and stay clean on our own.

Good luck in court.

-- ji

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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 Post subject: Re: new to site...
PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2014 4:48 pm 
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Thank you so much,both of you.what I'm doing different now is this time aside from just going to meetings I'm finally gonna get a sponsor and use him.always just "went" to meetings but never did the step work. Last night I went to a Bible based meeting and it was really good.cried for the first time in front of ppl in a long time and it felt okay.made me know I'm still a human inside...


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 Post subject: Re: new to site...
PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 7:58 am 
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Posts: 641
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Good stuff, jimmy. The program (CA and AA for me), and especially the steps, are the foundation of my own recovery. If someone is willing, honest and open-minded, it really works.

I finished the steps back in the spring, a couple months before my jump, and I'm not sure I would have stayed clean otherwise.

Where are you at with you own taper?

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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 Post subject: Re: new to site...
PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2014 8:34 pm 
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Well last week i made it to 3 days.my final day i only took 1mg n it worked perfectly but like the hard headed addict i am I kept telling myself i was sick n used for the last week or so.so now i'm getting a few more subs tomorrow but really trying to get some subutex cause they seem to be easier on my body n i'll buckle down this weekend n finally do this the right way.a little pain won't kill me but if I keep using the lifestyle will for sure.it just sucks being an addict n using against our own will...


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 Post subject: Re: new to site...
PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2014 10:13 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 6:55 pm
Posts: 38
Jimmy,

I just wanted to chime in...
Hope this post finds you doing well jimmy.
I just made the leap today with suboxone and believe me I went through a little hell to get to where I am tonight. I been a hard oxy user for five years at 150 to 200mgs a day. for me I had to put mind over madder evn though using was within arms reach. I was scared to death but I toughed it out and I know you can too...
I still have a long road ahead of me and its one hour, one day at a time, I plan on going to my first AA meeing tomorrow.
And your absolutely right, being an addict sucks! The whole life style sucks, it's just horible that something that we used to think we had control over turned the tables on us.
I just wanted to let you know there are some really good people here that truely care and so know that you are not alone...
Please keep posting here it really does help... Support can be comforting and even inspiring.

Again, I just twanted to chime in, all my post are right under yours (Rock Bottom... Please talk to me...) and you are more than welcome to go read what I went though the last week and how much this site can be a place to go for some piece of mind.

tam


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 Post subject: Re: new to site...
PostPosted: Wed Nov 19, 2014 8:01 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2014 5:43 pm
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Well I kicked all day Sat into Sun night,took a few Valiums to calm down n 2 percs to calm my stomach.tonight now that everything should be outta my system and I'm feeling somewhat better I'm taking 4mg of subutex to make sure that I don't do anything stupid and to quell anymore remaining WD symptoms then tomorrow the other half which leaves me with one suboxone left.this is/was one of the hardest habits to kick.moving outta state next week, get away from the temptation for a while. I know geographic changes aren't an answer as we bring ourselves with us but where I'm moving is pretty far from the negative stuff.give myself the chance i never truly did before.finally feeling sonewhat normal in my own skin again which for me is a luxury lol.


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 Post subject: Re: new to site...
PostPosted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 10:31 am 
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Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 9:01 am
Posts: 641
Location: Toronto
Hi Jimmy, I think you're right about geographical cures not working (they did sweet FA for me), but we do need to get some separation from the drug before we can start dealing with our addiction issues.

I don't understand exactly where you're at; sounds like you're on 4 mg/day of Subutex, but you're getting ready to jump?

-- ji

_________________
"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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