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 Post subject: Hi Lilith
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 2:40 pm 
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I read through the whole thread for the first time and you have a fantastic attitude. I also encourage you to not spend your energy feeling guilty or like you failed. I mean, if it was too much to handle and wasn't getting better and you had just let that continue on indefinitely, it could have ended up in a relapse. I think that's highly likely. I guess it's a lot like landing on a safety net instead of going SPLAT! You made a good choice.

Oh goodness, and you also scare me, :D . I'm tapering off Sub. The part you wrote about

"After the initial withdrawal symptoms were gone, I felt a little bit better physically, but mentally I kept getting worse. I was really depressed, spacey, and it was very hard to focus on anything. Anyway, while in PA, I would talk to my friend for a half hour and then would go upstairs and lie down and put a pillow over my head. Reality got so hard to deal with. I decided it was too much and went back to my doctor and went back on Suboxone."

I'm not worried about the cravings for opiates, because I have taken Sub for pain, but I'm worried about the rest of it. I'm so scared of reality becoming overwhelming for me too!! Will it end up being too much for me too? I mean, the depressed and spacey and inability to focus are things I've heard of before happening when people get off Sub. I guess I just won't know how I handle that until I get there, right?

Thanks for updating!!

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 2:46 pm 
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Hi Lilith,
I pretty much did the exact same thing. Late last summer I was having some pretty hard to deal with side effects. My husband was presssuring me to go off, and my insurance wasn't paying the Sub doc. So I made a "not well thought out" decision to quit Sub. Like you, I had some lower dose painkillers do use for tapering off, and my physical withdrawals were minimal to non-existant. However, I became extremely depressed. and just felt like I couldn't cope. So I ended up going back on Sub. The first tablets I put under my tongue I just cried because I felt like I had come so far, only to throw it away again. But I really needed to be on Sub and I hadn't thought through the stressors and events coming up in my life that made the timing so horrible. I'm glad I went back on because I believe I would have had a full blown relapse over the holiday season if I hadn't. So I have come to accept the fact that I have a condition and I need medication for it. It is what it is. In a way it was a good experience for me, because now I'm not fearful of tapering off Sub if and when the time does come. It's very do-able, not even in the same ballpark as full agonists.
So don't have any regrets. It sounds like you're doing really well now, And thanks for coming back to forum to share your experience.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:23 pm 
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Lilith,

Thank you so much for the update! You did a super duper smart thing by getting back on suboxone. You just weren't ready to come off sub and you have no plans to for the foreseeable future. I think that's fine!!

After coming off sub, that had to be such a difficult decision on what to do. You could have very easily went back to the old crap and you would have been in big trouble in no time. You saved yourself by going back to suboxone!

I'm proud of you for knowing to go back to sub. Good Job!


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 Post subject: Laddertripper
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 4:17 pm 
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Thanks for the comments everybody. I appreciate them very much.


Laddertripper- I'm sorry. I don't mean to scare you. I do want to elaborate a little bit more about what was happening for me at that time. The morning I was leaving for PA, my computer completely crashed. I lost all of my files (and had not backed them up) and I couldn't get it to boot up. After spending hours trying to restore it, I finally did, but I could not get my files back and had lost software. That really ticked me off. I was very stressed out with my online class. Where I went in PA was to visit the owner of a ministry that I stayed at three times over the years when I had hit bottom and had almost nothing left in me to go on. They took me in, took care of me and let me stay there as long as I wanted without payment. A husband and wife (J & K) owned the ministry and the wife (K) passed away last March. So I was there visiting the J for the first time since her memorial. It was so weird to be there. Firstly because it was a place where I had gone through so much in the past (and had cumulatively spent about 14 months of my life at). Secondly because K wasn't there physically anymore and she was the heart of that place. Thirdly because J's health had really taken a turn for the worse. The whole thing was just really sad and weird for me. I also had just had the staples taken out of my foot but it was still too early to try doing any physical exercise (like walking or running) so I had not done hardly any exercise for weeks. I was stressed about my financial situation. It was one thing on top of another and I would have had a hard time handling it even if I had been on Suboxone that whole time. I do remember driving to PA and I was outside of the Catskills driving though all of these funky towns, beautiful farms, and watching rays of light come down through the clouds. They were reminders to me of how beautiful life can be. A few times during my time off Sub I would have these amazing feelings come over me. I haven't gotten them again in that way since I went back on Sub. I hope that you get them too as you continue your taper. Stay with those feelings. I hope this helps. I just wanted to clarify a little bit more the other circumstances that were going on for me at that time cause I definitely don't think it was all about the Sub (or lack of it).

Thanks.


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