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 Post subject: New Here
PostPosted: Fri Jun 05, 2009 12:14 pm 
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Hi! My name is Susan and I'm 32 yrs. old. I have devoted the last 6 yrs. of my life to pain pills. I don't have any reason for it except that I wanted to. To be honest I have done something to deal with my depression my whole adult life. I have lost almost everything because of it. I guess the only thing I didn't lose was my boyfriend, because he was right along with me. The good thing is that as of Dec. I have been on suboxone. We have been on suboxone. We have been each others support, but when I got horrilbly depressed about 2 mths. into it we fell off the wagon together. Two mths. later we got back on. I read this forum everyday and it keeps me strong as I'm going through another horrible bout now. I know if I ever want to be in a position to get gt my kids back, my life back that in so many ways I never got to start I have to stay the course. Iam very happy in my desicion to get on suboxone. I had to wait 8 mths. to get into see a Dr. I'm from a part of the country where in my little 3 state area crime is high, unemployment is high, drugs are rampant, and help is far away. Anyway thanks for this site. You all have done so much for me and for alot of other people too I'm sure.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 4:08 pm 
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Hi Susan, welcome to the forum.

I battle depression too, so I really feel for you. It's a horrible disease on it's own, and when you add addiction to that it's hellish. The opiates are such a relief from that, for a while, but then they just make it so much worse.

Are you able to get treatment for your depression? Suboxone helped me a lot with my depression in the beginning, but after a while I had to go back on antidepressant medication to treat my depression. It made a world of difference in my ability to cope with life. Therapy helps too (if you get a good therapist :wink: )

It's great that you and your boyfriend support each other. If you can cultivate even more support that would be even better. Meetings are a good way to meet people - but I've chosen to make a support community online. It's just easier for me, and it's really helped. The SMART recovery website is a good resource too - they have lots of useful info about learning to live without your DOC.

I'm glad you're here, and I hope you'll continue to post and share your experience with us. We all benefit from talking to each other about what we're going through. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:03 am 
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Thank you for your welcomimg note. Here recently the suboxone hasn't done anything for the depression at all. I am in the process of getting into counceling at my local mental health clinic so I'm excitied about that. I do temp. nurse aide work which recently fizzled out, but this weekend I got 2 days of work. Just getting out of the house has made me feel so much better. I'm so thankful that my boyfriend and I have each other. Everybody we know here is on pills even relatives. I even find out at work most people are using so we've changes phone numbers and have become reclusive to a point. There's so much to do at home and with the kids. The one thing I think people neglect is how hard it is to things back together after using for so long. I spent the first few months just sitting and waiting for what I don't know except that's how I had spent most of the last few years. Waiting for him to come home with something you know. I sometimes feel like refugee from a war somewhere wondering what to do next. This site has been a godsend to me recently. Thanks again for all of you support and interesting topics.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 1:03 pm 
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Yeah, you do kinda forget how to live in a satisfying way when drugs are your coping mechanism and your hobby.

Isolating yourself is not a great idea. I understand the need to stay away from your friends and family that are still using. That is a good step. You should try to meet some people in recovery too if you can - or even just some people whose lives don't revolve around pills.

I know how hard it can be to go out and do new things when you're depressed, but it takes so much of the stress off when you don't have to do it alone. Even if I just go out and have coffee in a cafe and write in my journal I feel more human and more connected to the world - I don't even have to talk to anyone.


You're right that it's hard to put your life back together after letting things go for a long time. It can really feel overwhelming. Just remember that things didn't get this way overnight and it's ok if it takes a little while for you to fix stuff. When I first started treatment I tried to prioritize what were the most important things to do first. I spent a lot of time with my daughter and put some effort into my mental and physical health. I didn't worry so much about the housework :o . But those were my priorities, everyone's different. I just did what I had energy for and didn't beat myself up over the rest.

My friend used to say: Easy does it, but do it. Which I think is a recovery slogan or something, but it's still good advice.

Suboxone didn't work on my depression for very long. I had to start antidepressants again and I also started doing yoga and dance classes which helped. It was hard for a while though - my thyroid crapped out and I didn't realize it, I thought it was the Suboxone making me feel that way (I should never have read those angry anti-suboxone websites) so I kept putting off going to the doctor. When I finally did and got my thryoid meds fixed I felt so much better.

So I guess what I'm saying is you can do this, be patient with yourself and kind to yourself, and take care of yourself. I've been trying to take care of me as well as I take care of my daughter. It's hard because we're not used to doing that for ourselves, but it's really good. I hope you start feeling better soon.

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-Jack Kornfield


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 08, 2009 3:55 pm 
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Welp Diary always seems to have good advice I just wanted to add a few things that have helped me. The biggest thing was making new friends who don't use which really did take some work on my part. One of the biggest excuses I had for using opiates were that they made me more outgoing and social. I'm extremely introverted sometimes so it wasn't easy I just had to force myself into uncomfortable situations and they eventually became more comfortable (very slowly but it still happened....slowly :D). Another big thing that has helped was both getting into some new hobbies and picking up some old ones that I enjoyed before I started using. I started golfing again, working out, reading, started going to the shooting range again, started school again, and have been keeping an eye on new pc and consule games that come out ( I know I'm a nerd), also picked up more hours at work. For me even though Suboxone has done wonders for getting rid of cravings and thoughts of using, I still find times when I'm bored and have nothing to do pretty uncomfortable. Keeping busy has really helped me, also I did have some depression issues that I think influenced my drug use to begin with after I'd stabilized on Suboxone I talked to my Dr. about maybe trying an antidepressant and that's done alot for me as well. Overall I've just tried to not get ahead of myself. Number one thing for me though hands down was finding things (healthy things) to fill the void left by drugs. Good luck with things and hang in there,
Matt

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