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 Post subject: New here!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 11:33 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 18, 2014 1:22 pm
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Hi all, my name is Kati, and I am so glad I found this site for support. I have been on Suboxone for maybe 3 years. Since being on the medication I haven't looked back as far as relapse goes. I don't crave pills, I don't want that kind of life anymore. I had to plan my life around my addiction. I couldn't commit to anything 100% because everything depended on me getting my pills (off the streets). If I couldn't get my pills, I couldn't go anywhere because it would only be a matter of a couple hours after my last one until I felt like complete shit. My addiction became out of control after about 4 years, it was obvious. I made a lot of money and worked 6 to 7 days a week but way always broke or borrowing money from someone. I couldn't keep up with it any more. I hit rock bottom, told my loved one and immediate family, and that's when I found an outpatient program and a suboxone doctor. Since then I have been off everything except suboxone. I think suboxone has helped me live a normal life the last few years. Without it I know I would have went back to pills ( in the beginning). Within the last few years I have a loving relationship, bought a new house, had a child (Unplanned), and my life is on track now. We are talking about having another child, and the only thing holding me back is this medication. I am at the point in my life where I am ready to look forward and not backwards. I want to be free of all medication, and I want to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I feel like Suboxone alters my mood, motivation, personality... I just want to be ME again. Its been like 8 or 9 years since I felt like....myself.. I am here to read others experiences with this medication, and for support. Currently I am on 8 Mg a day (which honestly I feel like may be too much because I often feel sleepy an hour or so after taking the first dose. (I take 4 mg in the mroning and 4 at night) I am going to wein myself down as much as I can without being miserable, and then hopefully I can kick it completely. I would love to hear any advice , suggestions.. thank you!!


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 Post subject: Re: New here!
PostPosted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 9:42 pm 
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Joined: Sun Feb 24, 2008 11:03 pm
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Welcome to the forum. I started this forum after watching so many people shamed into stopping a medication that saved their lives... many of whom are now dead or in prison. As you will learn from my posts if you stick around, I am surprised how little gratitude people maintain for something so helpful-- something that was not available when I first became addicted to opioids. I suppose there are reasons to discontinue buprenorphine, but I am biased against it, after watching so many people return to using, and after getting so many emails from people writing 'I don't know what I was thinking... five years after stopping Suboxone it all came back worse than ever before'. People need to find out their own truth, I realize. But I have to correct the tempting thought that buprenorphine someone 'changes' a person. Becoming tolerant to buprenorphine at the mu receptor does not change personality. Buprenorphine does not make anyone boring, or lazy, or stupid, or 'not himself'. People who do not feel 'like themselves' won't get closer to themselves by re-introducing the desire to use opioids-- which is what stopping buprenorphine does.

So many people have sat in my office and talked about how buprenorphine keeps them from losing weight, or exercising, or finishing college, or being in relationships. And for 8 years I've watched as those people stopped buprenorphine, and found that they are still the same person. I try to avoid saying 'I told you so'-- but it is so frustrating, watching someone recover with the help of buprenorphine, then start blaming the same thing that spared them all sorts of misery, for all of the little things that they wish were different.... I get so angry at the spouses who don't like the using addict, but then decide that the treated addict isn't good enough either.... and the addict, lacking self-esteem after years of addiction, buying into the idea that they still aren't good enough. I've seen six people go from happy, grateful patients to people feeling bad about being on a medication..... and then to dead souls, bodies buried in the ground. The angry part of me would like to ask the spouses, 'so, is he himself yet?!'

Trying to get back to some memory of a former 'self' is not a productive journey. I think about someone who served in Iraq, for example, who ran over an IED... and how that person's life is changed forever. That person, after traumatic brain injury or loss of limbs, is a different 'self'. Which is the real self? The memories of a person living with mom and dad, ten years old, safe and secure about the future? Or the person who bravely enlisted? Or is the real 'self' who he/she is now, after years of pain and hard-fought recovery?

I wish you success on your journey.


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