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 Post subject: New here.....need help
PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 1:02 pm 
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Hi,

I'm new here. I will start with a quick background and then my issue. Sorry if this becomes long.

I am 29 and married to a wonderful man. (None User) We have 2 amazing children together. I am a stay at home mom but plan on going to school in the fall. (Nursing).

I started using pot when I was 16. Then acid and lots of alcohol when I was 17. I was always a "weekend" user and never had a problem not using. Around 20 I tried extasy and crack cocaine. I hated it. Was not for me. I then met my 1st husband. I fell madly in love with him. (Or so I thought). He smoked pot a lot. But other than that I didn't know he used anything else. I didn't know any real signs of long term drug use. We moved in together after a few months of dating. We then got pregnant. (I stopped all drugs, mainly was only using pot at the time but stopped). We decided to get married. I turned 21. 2 days later I went into labor 2 months early. Our son was born with a blood infection. Non curable. He passed away a few hours after birth. I was distraught. Our wedding was planned 7 days later. We went ahead and kept the date. I wasn't sure about it but went ahead with it. Long story short I found out he was using oxycontin. He was shooting it. He became very abusive. First emotionally, then physically, and finally sexually. I was in a low point of my life. I thought I deserved it. He also started using Heroin. I thought if I started using with him he would love me. I snorted my first line and within 30 mins I was shooting it. I was hooked. The inner dragon in me was released and I felt like I was home. I used for a little over a year. After failed detox attempts and several ER visits due to his abuse I had enough. I called my father and he picked me up. I OD'ed that night, but was brought back to life in the ambulance. I went to rehab 3 days later. I stayed for 45 day, I was cured.

I got my own place, a car, and a great job. I was clean for over 2 years. I got into a car accident. I was injured pretty badly. I started on Loratabs. Then Vicodin, and the oxy's. It was a vicious cycle. I've been using off and on ever since. A few detox stints. I found suboxone in January of 2010. What a life saver!!! I started on 8mg's once a day. After a month we realized it wasn't enough. I then started 8mg's 2x a day. So 16mg a day. I've been on that dose ever since. We have moved 3 times (husband is military) so I've had 3 different doctors. All have been great. I am extremly lucky that our insurance pays for everything.

So here's my problem. I've been really stressed out this past month from things going on in my life. I took a 1/2 of a pill extra at night about 6 times in the past month. I just took my last pill this morning. I'm used to taking 2 a day. My doc appt is tomorrow at 2pm. Am I going to get really sick? I know a lot of it might be psychologically. So I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. But I'm already seeing my past addict behavior come through. Like looking throughout my entire purse to see if I dropped a pill, my mind wandering on how I can get another pill somehow. It sucks. I can't be thinking this way. My sobriety means a lot to me. I don't want to use. But I'm really scared that I am going to go through withdrawals. I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through this yet. Plus I have 2 kids that need me!!! Help!! And advice will be greatly appreciated. I do plan on starting to slowly decrease soon.

Thanks!!!!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 1:25 pm 
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Hi mommy23 and welcome. It sounds like you have been through a lot, and I'm glad you have been able to stabilize with Suboxone. To answer your question, you will be fine, I promise. You have a LOT built up in your system. Go to the section called Dosing discussion, and look for my post that says something like, "stacking effect I found the graph"....It shows how much is in your system after dosing at 16 mg for several days. Believe me, you will find it to be a releif that you actually have something like 24mg built up in your system and it takes DAYS to wear off.
Good luck, and keep posting,
Lilly


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 1:36 pm 
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Lilly is right. With both the long half life (on average 37 hours), PLUS the stacking effect/buildup in your system, and you're on a higher dose....you'll be just fine. In some places, people dose only every other day!

Oh and I also wanted to welcome you to the forum. Again, like Lilly said, you have been through a lot. I'm glad to see you made it through to the other side - and it sounds like you're better than ever. Good on you!

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject: phew!!!!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 1:41 pm 
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OK great!!!! I've been so worried!! I will definitely go read your post about stacking. Thanks a lot!!! I will keep posting. I'm glad I found this forum.


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 Post subject: WELCOME MOMMY2THREE!!!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 3:32 pm 
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Hi Mommy2Three,

Hat and Lilly are right........there's a stacking effect b/c of the long half life of this medication. It still sucks though, I KNOW!! Try to keep reminding yourself that ITS mental, and that YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. Do NOT use no matter how bad you feel, ok? Your next doctor's appt is tomorrow, right? If so, even though thats right around the corner, Im sure your mind is making it seem soooooo far away! Your GONNA BE OK.......try to keep yourself busy tonight, play with the kids, take a hot bath, watch a movie, and go to bed early. Keeping myself busy has always helped in the past, Also, if you can relax enough to go to bed early, thats a few less hours of "worrying" that you'll hafta endure.

Also, maybe when you see your doctor, you could ask him to write your script for a few extra?? Say something to the effect of....just in case you can't get to the pharmacy and run short, or because you've been having cravings late in the evening. If you've been a good pt......clean UA's, keep appts, don't usually run short, ect.......he'll probably do it for ya. This way, you can start to build up a little back stock......for emergencies, and times like this. Most of us try to keep a little stockpile.......helps to ease your mind just knowing they're there too!

Finally, Im so sorry you had to go through all of that. Im especially sorry for the loss of your child. Just try to focus on how much stronger all of that has made you though. You'r an AWESOME Mom and Wife now! I look forward to seeing you post more often. I love this forum. You can find ALOT of support, information, and love on this site! Glad to have Ya!!!


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 Post subject: Welcome
PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 4:02 pm 
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Hi and a Big Welcome!

All the advice is right on the money. I would just suggest you come clean with your doctor and explain the taking of the extra pills. Do you need the extra dose or is it the addictive behavior? Only you know, and your doctor should know it too. If you're put on a higher dose, will you still take more than prescribed? If yes, then you a problem.

Did you get a Care Coach or therapist in the beginning? How about support meetings, like NA or AA. There are other one's not 12 step based, just search.

I too am guilty of taking some extra during the month and I attribute it completely to being an addict. What I would do is if there was any extra, take them in the first few days, then the rest of the month I knew I had to behave or run out. As you now know, running out a day early is okay, but not two or three. It may be, but I don't want to find out.

Just one more giving their 2¢ worth. Hope to see you stay here and recover healthy.

Rule62


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 Post subject: thanks for the support!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 6:01 pm 
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Thank-you so much for the support. I actually called my doctor yesterday and told him. I've been a great patient. I've never used while on suboxone. Never missed an appointment. He was actually surprised. I'm not really sure if I took the extra because I'm an addict. I think that my problem is I attribute being really hot to withdrawal. One of my main symptoms during my withdrawals is being incredibly hot and then cold. I'm also wondering if I psych myself out to justify taking more. These are things I need to figure out.

My doctor is not a normal suboxone doctor. He is retired navy. He works as a psychiatrist at the naval hospitals psych Ward. I got really lucky when I moved her. I went to a regular primary care doctor at the naval hospital and she just happened to know That psychiatrist. She called him and asked if he proscribed suboxone, he did. So I had an appointment the next week with him. I'm the only one he sees outside of the pysch Ward. He's also an addiction specialist. He's a great doctor. When I called him yesterday I was so scared. I thought he might drop me. But he was very understanding.

So, when I get my prescription tomorrow should I just take both in the morning? Or should I do 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon?

If I missed any questions just ask again. So far I'm feeling OK. Just hot....LOL.


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 Post subject: update
PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 10:15 pm 
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So far I'm feeling OK. Took a long hot shower. We just got a new massaging shower head. It was amazing....LOL. got my husband to give me a back massage. Hopefully this OK feeling last until 2 tomorrow. Luckily I got someone to watch the kids during my appointment. I'll let you know how the night goes. Thanks!!


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 Post subject: still doing ok
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 11:22 am 
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It's almost 11:30AM. My appointment is in 2 1/2 hours. Last night was OK. I'm not feeling great but not to bad.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 11:26 am 
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You'll be fine. Chances are any discomfort you're feeling is psychological. You expect to feel bad, so you are starting to feel bad. Try to stay busy, occupied, and as distracted as possible. Read a book between now and your appointment, or watch a movie. Just try to forget about your suboxone if you can. Hang in there!

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 2:21 am 
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Mommy2Three,

How did your appt go? Did you tell him about running short or at least ask for a few extra? Just wanted to check on you. Let us know how your doing. Been thinking about you........hope ALL is well!!!


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