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PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2015 5:44 pm 
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new here, don't post much anywhere, just a slow day at work, so I'm cruising the internet...took norcos and somas for 15 years, went in and out of 30 day programs, finally got clean after a 9 month stay somewhere in Houston. I had 2 and a half years clean, then it snowed for a couple weeks (you know what I mean), then back to norcos for a couple months, bad stuff started happening again. Wrecked a couple cars, stole, lied, cheated, you know the story...on subs now 1/2 a day (4mg)...browsed this site, a few others, and see pros and cons on both sides. Just trying to understand more about this stuff. For the past year I haven't lied, cheated, or stole from anyone, and have held down a full time job for the first time in forever. Made 100% of my child support payments for the first time since divorce (6 years ago). Went to church with my ex-wife and kids the past 2 months. I KNOW from experience that every drug impacts people differently, so not understanding when I read that people aren't "feeling" their emotions. I laugh with my kids, cry with my ex-wife as we're trying to mend fences, sleep 7-8 hours a night, and basically live a 100% different life than I did when I was on norcos and somas. Yes, the first 3 months I was on subs I used more than prescribed, but never understood why taking more never got me feeling more...you understand. Since month 4 and going forward, I have taken a half everyday, and things have improved dramatically for me. Read a number of posts on different topics on different websites, both for and against subs.

Looked at, and posted on another site that is apparently against suboxone. I guess I'm just at a point in my life where I've seen a lot of damage done to addicts and the families, and I've found the answer for me. If this medication stops your old, lying, thieving, cheating ways, then I say keep it up. I want to encourage those who are struggling with this beast of a disease, and at the same time have a level of humility and understanding for those who do not agree with using this medication for "recovery" purposes. For me, my family, and parents, will take this "me", as opposed to the "bad me". Look at what works for you, there is value in step-work (even for people not "in recovery"), we could all use a dose of humility once in awhile, and we can all work on our character defects. If your life is BETTER as a result of taking subs, then IMO, that's no different than someone taking medication prescribed by a doctor for another illness, or deficiency. I see a lot of strong opinions on both sides, and if you are in good standing in your mind with your maker (higher power if you like, I prefer God), than keep moving forward towards getting well.

Thanks for listening to my background story (tried to keep it short). I have worked the steps, and sponsored a couple guys (during the 9 month stay, and 2 and a half years clean and sober afterwards, but still relapsed). I'm not some young kid, newcomer, or old-timer either...just wanted some comments about pros and cons of staying on/off subs. Not here to bash, or get bashed, trying to hear some logical, reasoned remarks about subs. I've been in and out of the drug/recovery scene for over 15 years, so I've heard a lot, still looking for support and advice, thanks.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2015 5:58 pm 
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I am definitely a newbe. I was on subs for 5 almost 6yrs. 8mg, 4mg, 2mg. Then I decided I didnt need it. I wanted a life free of meds. I really did not feel comfortable going to the clinic. I always had my head down. I did feel good. I stopped the Vicodens. NO ONE knew
I jumped off 2mg and was so sick. I tapered. Now I am at 12 days and have ups and downs. I feel if the drug is helping you, then stay on it. For me, I just didnt want it. If I only knew then what I knew now. I didnt know it would be this hard to get off. I'm paying my dues now. So, if you want off eventually, then make a plan.
I divorced my doctor today. I'm done!!!!


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2015 8:12 pm 
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Todd, Welcome to the forum ,the best one on the net imo.!
I really enjoyed your post. Cant recall reading one where I felt good
about my recovery.
I do see how differently this live saving med can work in peoples lives.
Its great to read where your reconciliation with family has come and
how amazing you must be feeling.
Opiates turned me into a monster, just as you have said. The lieing cheating etc..
Glad this treatment is working for you. There was no way i could stop my pill addiction without it.
Ive also done some steps, sponsored many while on suboxone, who were also on sub.
In the end I think addicts need all the recovery help they can get. A purpose in life is key also.
Thank god sub was here for us..

Keep posting Todd, an keep moving forward! !


Razor


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 12:02 am 
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Hi Todd and welcome to the forum!

I think that the only people who are doing recovery "wrong" are judging other addicts for finding success in a different way. Why is it the business of anyone else what I am doing in my recovery? That's what I don't get about 12 steppers who need to tell others that they aren't "clean". Or methadone patients who judge suboxone patients for having different rules and regulations. If there are any suboxone patients out there bashing other people in recovery who are minding their own business, I'm against that too.

One of the problems I see with addicts is that there is a mindset that you can go back to being who you were before addiction. This is probably more prevalent in addicts who start later in life. Maybe they can remember what is was like to be "normal" and they want hit the reset button and pretend it never happened. Unfortunately, the changes that addiction makes in our brains cannot be undone. I can understand feeling regretful and nostalgic for the "good ol' days", but addicts need to be realistic and recognize that a positive "new normal" is the best they can expect. It's bad enough when they've convinced themselves that they can go back. It's worse when they influence others to seek the same delusion.

Amy

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 1:07 pm 
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I couldn't have said it any better than Amy just did. It took me a little while to come to terms with my new normal. I also thought o could go back to before addiction took over my life, but then realized thathaving been addicted nearly my entire adult life, I didn't know what the heck normal was!


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 10:48 pm 
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hello todd, i have a great time reading your story though it's a short story. it inspired me a lot it makes me want to read it one more :) . i really love reading someones story about recovery. im also an addict. and it almost ruined my life. then one time i realize that i need to stop for the sake of my family and my self also.

anyway congrats on your recovery. and welcome to the forum just like what razor said the best one on the net :lol: :D


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