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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 11:42 am 
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Not sure I can make any since in this post as my brain and body have decided to launch a full on attack on my very soul!!!!! Ok, not completely true....I know I will not die from this experiance, but Ill be damned if I haven't wished it upon myself during the last eight days!
Im fifty....a woman, Mother, wife, grandmother, and addict.....I just jumped from 8 mil suboxone and Im going into day nine....yesterday seemed like a real improvement, and then it all went to hell again by about eight PM.....AND GOD said " let this woman go through another night of hell revisited"!!! OK, this is where I need desperately to hear someone tell me its going to improve soon!! I have to go back to work in 4 days....I have to be on my feet for ten hours a day.........I have to shut the hell up and just suck it up!!!!! This too shall pass....that in which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger....one day at a time....grant me the serenity.....blablabla....Im still not going back....but seriously, I just want to be able to make myself a ham sandwhich with little difficulty....is that going to happen again? And whats up with the sudden urge to cry at those animal activists commercials? Tears of joy and tears of pain? Im already feeling again!!! Fourth of July and my family was out doing the fireworks thing.....I was home alone, shaking, sweating, hurting.....legs all crazy like, and as I listened to all the firworks going off, from my living room couch, the tears starting flowing as I realized it was independance day!!!! and I will be free again as long as I hang in there baby!


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 12:17 pm 
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WOW.

If there's ever a post that screams "I'm in the throws of withdrawal" that'd have to be it. I'm pretty much detoxing just by reading it. I too would cry over ads on TV. Esp this one where this young boy's waiting for his dad to come home from work, and he's really late, and he's sitting on the front step going "Where's Daddy?" ... That fucked me right up when I was coming off Sub.

I've jumped off 6-8mg doses a couple of times, and I'd suggest that things are likely going to start getting better now. Slowly though. However you will struggle standing on your feet for 10 hours by day 14. That'd be pushing it. When I was 25 years old and jumped off a high dose of Sub like you, by day 14 I felt like I was functional. But there were still periods where it would come and go. However, withdrawal is one of those things I've found that gets more difficult as the years go by.

Good luck!! Keep posting those raw emotions.

Tj


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 1:26 pm 
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Im so glad these raw emotions are normal.......although, Im pretty sure my family thinks Im just a raving bitch right now! I actually jumped my husbands shit last night about our 65 inch T.V.....Like, why the fuck do we have to have this monster!! My 11 year old thinks Im dieing.....my eighteen year old daughter seems put out by this whole process [ I told her to fuck off when she decided she didn't have time to wash the dishes for me ].....My twenty four year old son came by and was really supportive....of course he was, he has been through opiat withdrawls.....My 32 year old keeps telling me its just mind over matter.........I truely hope his hemeroids get pregnant.......I can't spell anymore.....I don't care.....everybody is complaining that the heat is up too high.....I told them all to go the fuck outside.....hehehe....my house is getting clean though....they are all very terrified of my wrath right now....Im a bitch.....temporarily......and Im sweaty.....and my legs are doing the crazy shit all night....Im going to go tackle that ham sandwhich now....


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 3:56 pm 
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Hey there, I was Just wondering how the sleep thing is going. Are you taking anything for the w/ds (clonidine, ammodium) these things can help with w/ds and lack of sleep. The clonidine actually did wonders for me with the leg twitching and insomnia. I jumped at 2mgs and returned to work on day 12. Ive been off subs since May 23rd. I also work 10 hr days in the heat, but was able to push thru. Some days were worse than others (nothing you cant overcome with the right mindset) but you will find each day becoming easier. I'd love to say your almost out of the woods, but not exactly sure with that high of a doseage jump.

I do wish you all the luck and hang in there, it is possible.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 4:06 pm 
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Ouch! Was there some reason you had to jump from 8 mgs, or did you just choose to? That's about 32X the recommended dose to discontinue from. That's one of the many problems with opioids; there really is no shortcut. If you jump from a very high dose your withdrawals will be greatly extended. That's the purpose of a slow taper to very low doses. You are essentially "paying off withdrawal on the installment plan." When you finally jump you should have minor withdrawals that don't last more than 10-14 days.

I'm afraid you're going to still feel pretty lousy when work rolls back around. You've come a long way, but I'd almost recommend you go back on a low dose (1 or 1.5 mgs) and then taper over a few weeks. Again, if you can't I understand. Also, as we get older (I'm 55) the withdrawals are much more brutal. Some of these people who jump from high doses and don't suffer too much are in their early twenties. Ah, to be young again. If they keep going until their my age they'll find out what REAL pain is. Good luck


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 4:59 pm 
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To Golden 1, quite frankly, I jumped at 8 because I have no disipline....every time I tried to taper I wound up going back up. Im so far into it now that I wouldn't even contemplate going back on the sub thing.....I hate having to be depentant on something every day to get up in the morning....Iv been on them for a good year now....it was time, for me at least.Don't get me wrong, I do not recommend anyone jumping at 8 unless you are so sick and tired of the whole sick and tired thing, if that makes any sense.....I don't know about anyone else here, but to me, I was just still using......and for 95shaking....I think thats right? I havn't used anything for the withdrawls.....wait, thats not true, My daughter gave me some pot a few nights ago....it didn't help....it just got me stoned, and Iv never been a pot smoker....Im into day 9 now and Im hoping it will ease up a bit as it already has today.....I actually fell asleep for two hours this morning!!!! First time Iv slept in about 6 days....now if I could just get brave enough to look in the mirror....the kids say I look like shit....hehehe....I bet I do.....thank you all for your responses....believe me, if I wasn't feeling better I wouldn't be sitting with my lap top right now....Of course I have a heating pad on my lap too....


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 8:18 pm 
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Hi akamsc,

Welcome to the forum!!

I jumped off of Suboxone from a high dose too, right around where you jumped from. I'm currently 2 years + off of Suboxone and, for me, it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. I was 43 years old when I jumped off and it was most certainly a rough ride, but I made it. Like you, I knew it was my time to quit and KNOWING it was my time to quit helped me tremendously to withstand the wd process.

Everything you've posted and talked about brought back some memories for me. I remember going through all of that crap too, so don't think that you're the only one experiencing that nasty shit. Suboxone wd can be a tricky bitch to deal with. There are a lot of ups and downs associated with it. Just be glad for the up times and during the downtimes, know that the up times aren't too far away.

Here's a quick video I listen to from time to time, check it out. I LOVE the part where he talks about dealing with the pain because it's only temporary and eventually that pain will be replaced by something better.

Oh yeah, I jumped from a high dose basically for the same reason you did......every time I tried to taper, I ended up buggering it up. I'd drop down 2 mg and reward myself for my progress by taking an extra 4 mg!!! Stupid addict!!! LOL!!!

Here's the link to that video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Stn3CXuRCAs

Oh Yeah (again), if you're wondering if you're ever gonna feel normal again, the answer is YES.....it's just gonna take some time.

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 Post subject: To Romeo
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 9:39 pm 
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Thank you Thank you thank you to Romeo!!! I watched your video and of course burst out in tears of joy and pain, but related so intensly to. So glad I found someone else that understands why I made the jump at 8....someone who also is honest enough to just say it. WE HAVE NO SELF CONTROL....but indeed we do when we make up our minds to get ourselves out of horrible mess....these last 9 days have been a whole new kind of hell for me, but I know the end will come as long as I don't cave....Iv had plenty of opportunities to get more subs in the last few days but Im hanging on to this pain to get my reward....thank you again for your post....I believe Ill be watching that video again....probably at three AM this morning while Im pacing my living room and then trying to find a comfortable position on the couch as my legs and arms are doing that crazy shit again...


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 10:30 pm 
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*sigh*, I hear ya on the whole pacing the floor at night thing. The nighttime was my worst time ever because I could NOT sleep. Being WIDE AWAKE while the rest of the world is sleeping peacefully was a unique kind of torture.....and the fact that you're wide awake and feel like dog shit doesn't help either!!

I'm not sure what kind of music you like, but I love Rock N Roll and I had the good fortune of recording a Stone Temple Pilots concert the first night of my wd. Then I recorded an Iron Maiden concert and some other video clips on MTV. I watched those concerts over and over and over and over again for many nights during my wd. They helped to pass the time better than anything else I found. Ummm, actually one night got so bad and I was so frickin' restless that I somehow ended up reading one of my wife's cookbooks, it was a book about desserts and it had PICTURES too!!! Whoa.....I think that was Too Much Information!! :lol:

If you're interested, Clonidine will probably help you. I waited until I was 30 days into my wd before I got some (because I didn't know WTH it was). Clonidine (not to be confused with Klonopin) is a blood pressure medication that's prescribed "off label" for opiate wd. It's the only thing I took that really did any damn good. Clonidine calms the Sympathetic Nervous System. If you're anything like me during my wd, your nervous system is going about 9 kinds of nuts right now. Clonidine will knock that shit down a peg or two AND it has a sedative effect.....as in sleep....YAY!!!! Most importanly, it's non habit forming. I took it for months and quit it no problems at all.

I went to my regular doctor, explained that I was going through opiate wd, asked him for some Clonidine and BAM, he gave me Clonidine.

You're not alone in this akamsc, we've had many people on this forum jump from high doses and make it. It's tough, no doubt about it, but it's also doable.

One of the guys who jumped from a high dose always mentioned how we have to have a Warrior mentality and I've found that to be so true......you have to be a warrior akamsc!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 1:08 am 
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OH jeeeeez........

I just gotta pipe in here and say HANG IN THERE SISTA

You'll make it, you KNOW you can do this. You've come SO FAR ALREADY!!!!!

I envy your strength, I really do.

Dont have much experience with 'quiting' like that. Ive been off for a week or so at a time, twice, and it was at a pretty high dose, but just do to $/pharmacy stuff.

BUT, sending you MY strength today!!!!!
Im rooting for ya,,, [marq=right]YOU ARE A WARRIOR!![/marq]
and you can beat this thing!!!

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 6:28 am 
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Hi Akamsc! Welcome to the forum!

I can't say that I have any experience in withdrawaling from sub, but I'm a pro at withdrawaling from opiates!!! I just wanted to tell you that I'm pulling for you and hope that you start feeling better soon! You sound like a really funny person (I laughed out loud a few times reading your post) so try to lean on that sense of humor through this. The ham sandwich was funny as hell! Who won that fight anyway? And if you don't mind, I'm going to use the line about hoping your sons hemerrhoids get pregnant!!! Hahahahaha
I needed a laugh like that this early in the morning. How are you feeling today? Better I hope. Keep us posted as to your progress. It's helpful for other people to be able to read these kinds of threads later on when they are in the same position. Did you sleep any last night?? Probably a stupid question....

Keep your head up!!

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 8:00 am 
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Thank you to Going strong! I just posted another subject about how I was doing....not good...crappy....shitty....on the upside, the sun is now coming up....looks like its going to be a beautiful day....for someone....oh and the ham sandwhich, struggeled to the kitchen, painfully opened the fridge, and I have no ham....the kids figured Id be eating through a straw or something and helped themselves to all my comfort food....but I made a pretty mean bowl of top ramen....


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 2:01 pm 
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It was a huge step for you to jump from such a high dose, but you saw what Romeo said and I totally understand the reason why.

You have come so far now akamsc, stick with it and don't even consider straying off course. Both Romeo and you are my Suboxone hero's for putting yourselves through so much agony to achieve success.

Stay the course, you are in the home stretch now. The rest will be just little things compared to what you've already endured.

R

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 3:28 pm 
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This post is awesome.

If you jump off 8 mg, fully knowing what is about to happen to you, then you are ready to quit. You're gonna make it, don't worry. It only gets better from here. By the way, tapering slowly is still miserable (less intense, but drawn out because you're constantly in a mild withdrawal), and the PAWS are still the same. You wouldn't be doing yourself any favors if you went back on subs at this point.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 11:11 am 
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Thank you all for the encouragement! This is exhausting as hell, but heading into day eleven now.....going to try and get some clonadine today....Digestive problems didn't start until yesterday, thought I was going to be able to skip that nasty little dance!!! So now Im rocking the immodium....This is truely the roller coaster from hell!! Fairly good for a few hours and then BAM, back to square one....can this 50 year old body do this? Hell YES!!!! Not stopping now....to think that Ill ever have to try this again is inconcievable...


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 5:52 pm 
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Hi akamsc, I truly wish you good luck when you return to work. Try to keep in mind no matter if you feel bad, it will get better in time. Hang in there

-gb

Below is to effuzion:


Effuzion wrote:
By the way, tapering slowly is still miserable (less intense, but drawn out because you're constantly in a mild withdrawal), and the PAWS are still the same.


I hate starting shit in people's threads but are you aware you are stating something totally subjective as a fact? Many people have tapered and reported that it was easy? Also many people who have tapered and jumped or jumped from high doses have reported having no PAWS. It's a different experience for all of us. It seems to baffle doctors, including the one who started this site, that experiences on coming off suboxone vary so much from person to person. One theory is what kind of drug use/amount of time of use we had before going on sub (and likely avoiding withdrawals and PAWS at that time) affects the outcome. In any case there is no doubt you experienced what you experienced but, putting a "for me" or "in my experience" before your experiences and opinions can do a lot especially for example: from scaring a suffering addict who can not stop using after continued attempts from trying this life saving treatment.

Thanks and good luck,

Glen B


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:07 pm 
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Of course I'm talking about my experiences. What else would I talk about? We're on an Internet message board where anyone in the world can sign up and post whatever they want; I doubt there's anyone out there dumb enough to take every random post they see on a message board as 100% undeniable fact. And if there are people that dumb, then I'm selling the cure for drug addiction, PM me for details (have your credit card & social security number ready).

It's also pretty presumptuous of you to think that suboxone is a life-saving cure for everybody. I'm sure it saves many people's lives, but all suboxone did to me was give me a worse addiction than I already had. If I had read somewhere on the Internet that it gives longer-lasting withdrawals and PAWS than the on-and-off heroin habit I had, I would have never started with it.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:39 pm 
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I'll just say that while yes anyone can sign up, there are a few simple rules we are all supposed to follow and further if you hang around here long enough you'll see that the moderators strive to keep the opinions and facts clearly distinguished. That's all I was trying to say, let's keep this a happy place and not be nasty.


Effuzion wrote:
Of course I'm talking about my experiences. What else would I talk about? We're on an Internet message board where anyone in the world can sign up and post whatever they want; I doubt there's anyone out there dumb enough to take every random post they see on a message board as 100% undeniable fact. And if there are people that dumb, then I'm selling the cure for drug addiction, PM me for details (have your credit card & social security number ready).

It's also pretty presumptuous of you to think that suboxone is a life-saving cure for everybody. I'm sure it saves many people's lives, but all suboxone did to me was give me a worse addiction than I already had. If I had read somewhere on the Internet that it gives longer-lasting withdrawals and PAWS than the on-and-off heroin habit I had, I would have never started with it.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:46 pm 
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I didn't break any rules, nor did I start this conversation or attack anyone's opinion.


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 Post subject: My take
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:49 pm 
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Seems how Im right in the middle of the withdrawls from hell, Id like to say, I don't think suboxone was a life saving drug for me either!! I will probably spend the rest of my life bad mouthing any Doctor or treatment center who keeps people on this shit for more than a week or so!! I don't want to get in a debate with anyone....just stating my own experiance!! And since my own experiance has been so negative,Id like to discourage others from winding up where I am now! On the fucking couch, sweating, hurting, restless legs and arms, horrible cramping, cold and hot, pain pain pain, and complete exhaustion....day 11!!! Not turning back now....when its over it will be over.....pain is only temperary, right Romeo?


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