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Do you think it's time for me to taper?
Yes 54%  54%  [ 7 ]
No 46%  46%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 13
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 Post subject: 2~4~11
PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 9:38 am 
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Good Morning All MY HAPPY READERS! (In middle school this wack-job reading teacher used to come onto the intercom and say that EVERY morning...YUK! It still rings in my head like it was yesterday!!)

Anyways, it's 8:35am - Been at work for 2.5 hours and feeling terrible! I just took 4mg now and I'm going to try splitting my dose today to see if that makes a difference for me, as far as feeling like absolute crap at night and when I wake up. Everyone at work keeps commenting on how skinny and tired I look...I guess this taper is taking a toll on me. Anyways, I stuck it out last night AGAIN! I keep teeter-tottering on taking a little bit more so I'm not tossing and sweating all night, but I've been just pushing through the pain! GRRRRRR! I'm like a freakin' tapering machine here! So this is day #6 (consecutive) on 6mg...hopefully things will even out this weekend so I don't feel like crap again and end up in my near-exorcist state again (haha Romeo!)... Anyways, I will write more later... Don't wanna get in trouble at work =-P
CiR


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 Post subject: 2~5~11
PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:18 am 
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Goodmorning! (not sure if anyone's still reading this...)
Anyways, I tried the split dosing yesterday (4mg in the am and 2mg in the pm - like right before bed) and I feel ok right now. I think I will try that again today, since I was able to sleep a little bit more and I was less restless as well. Physically, I have mild WD's this morning, compared to the past few mornings. I feel like slightly uncomfortable but nothing intolerable. I think that's the important part; that it's all tolerable right now. And despite my crazed, PMSing mind, I am trying to stay positive and have a good attitude about not only my taper, but whatever BS is currently going on for me as well. Deciding that I'm not going to sit here and be defeated is definitely the way to go...For now lol...
Mentally, I'm struggling with my relationship right now with my boyfriend, so I'm not sure what's going to happen there. Basically, I wish he was more supportive and less into himself and concerned more about me...He just wishes he could be "alone" all the time and I don't think he has the capacity to show empathy for another person. Seriously, and especially being someone who has completely tapered off of methadone in his lifetime, he should be the first person each day to ask me how I'm feeling... I don't think he wants to hear any complaining, and frankly I don't blame him, but at least he could be there for me... I plan on having "a talk" with him today. Basically, it's my way or the highway at this point! I don't have time to waste on people who are no good for me! I also see some shopping in my future... New clothes here I come! Since I've lost all the weight while tapering, I really do need new clothes for work. Literally, I was a size 14 in pants in the summer and yesterday I bought a 6! WOOOHOOO! GO ME!!! Thank you all for reading, and I hope to hear back from you soon...
CiR


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 Post subject: Re: 2~5~11
PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:29 am 
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CounselorinRecovery wrote:
Mentally, I'm struggling with my relationship right now with my boyfriend, so I'm not sure what's going to happen there. Basically, I wish he was more supportive and less into himself and concerned more about me...He just wishes he could be "alone" all the time and I don't think he has the capacity to show empathy for another person. Seriously, and especially being someone who has completely tapered off of methadone in his lifetime, he should be the first person each day to ask me how I'm feeling... I don't think he wants to hear any complaining, and frankly I don't blame him, but at least he could be there for me... I plan on having "a talk" with him today. Basically, it's my way or the highway at this point! I don't have time to waste on people who are no good for me!
CiR


Good for you! I've been married for 10 years and my wife is a Goddess. Her support has been unwavering and even thinking about her gets me choked up. Don't settle for anything less than full support. You deserve it and that's what a true, honest, open and loving relationship is supposed to be like.

I'm pulling for you. Hang tough, you're going to be OK


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 11:22 am 
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Hi Miss Counselor Lady,

I'm glad you're going to have that talk with your boyfriend. For me, it was so very important to have unconditional support from my wife. It helped me a great deal over the years. I hope you're able to open his eyes and I truly hope that you two work it out.

It's GREAT to hear that you're finally feeling somewhat better. You took a pretty big step down, but you held on tight and I'm happy for you. Again, I love your never give up attitude. Now, if I could just get you to consider 5mg for your next dose instead of going to 4mg! :lol:

Wow, that's quite a bit of weight loss, good for you! How wonderful does that make you feel? I wish I could share in your excitement to go clothes shopping, but I would honestly rather be attacked by a swarm of angry bees than go clothes shopping. Now, going shopping for chocolate and candy is another thing all together!

Good job getting to 6mg and you sound like you're very close to stabilizing there.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 12:08 pm 
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I think the universe may be conspiring against me.

Romeo, perhaps you are as well!!!

I don't know how many other ways to say it!!!
I have 8mg pills only. It's hard to break them so that you can have 7mg, 5mg, or 3mg. You need to have 1mg somewhere there! In the perfect world, I would have dropped from 8 to 7 to 6 to 5 to 4 - or even with half-mg steps in there, whatever. However, I had to jump from 8mg to 6mg due to this difficulty. Now, as I've said, I'm pretty sure I'm going to try and go to 4mg next. I've also said that this may be WAYYYYY to huge of a jump; but I won't know until I try it I guess...After posting this morning, I still have yet to take my 4mg (out of the total 6mg for today)...and I can feel it!!! I'm trying to hold off til noon though! KK!! Ttyl people!!!

PS: I'm glad that most of you have supportive family and friends. I really don't and seriously, if my BF doesn't see that and is too busy to put in work to our relationship - it's freakin' OVER! I'm not about to sit around like an idiot when he doesn't care. Especially since we've only been together for like 5 or 6 months...DUMB!!!! Anyways, TTYL!!!
CiR


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 2:22 pm 
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HAHAHA, I was just teasing at you about the 5mg thing!! I actually remembered that you have 8mg pills and they are very difficult to break into a 5mg piece. It took me forever, but I now have it locked up there in my little noggin'.

When you're ready, I think you'll do fine going from 6mg to 4mg.


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 Post subject: Hot mama!
PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 3:37 pm 
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A size 6?! You go girl!!! That's crazy!!!

I'm sorry this has been so hard!! Dang it, I was hoping that Day 5 would be the worst and all uphill from there. However, the most important thing is that you HELD ON!!! Doesn't it feel so good to see how much self-control you have?

Splitting your dose should help a ton. I couldn't handle getting through the day if not for splitting my doses. You can even split them into 2, 2, and 2 and if you want to save time, you can powder them and they'll dissolve faster. By that, I mean powder them and put them onto a piece of folded paper and pour it under your tongue. I've read of people using the powder method to get down to 1 mg drops. For example, if you use a pill cutter to cut your eight into 2 mg pieces, you powder that. Then, you divide that pile of powder into two equal piles. It won't be perfect, but it's pretty accurate, and you save the other pile of powder for the next day. If I were you, I'd stay at 6 until you are 100% perfectly fine and have zero symptoms for several consecutive days and then I'd go to 5 and take 1 2-mg in the morning, 1 mg of powder in the middle of the day and then another 2-mg piece at night. Just a thought. You could also do the liquid method for to get 1 mg or you could alternate 1 day at 6 and 1 at 4 and then repeat. I just hate for other people to be sick, lol! I want to make it better. :D

You are doing really well. Your PMS is probably making it waaaayyyy worse.

We are all so very proud of you, girl!!!

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 3:29 am 
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Ugh - Still at 6mg's today - split dosed for the second day.
Got DUMPED by my loser BF which I guess was good anyways...
Trying not to let it interfere with my taper plans.
NOT GOING TO let it interfere...
Feeling on today on split dose day #2.
6mg only. No more. no less...


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 9:46 am 
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I'm sorry to hear about your BF, that's never fun. I hope you're OK. Keep your head up and keep moving forward CiR.

I'm glad you're hanging in there at 6mg.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 12:44 pm 
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As evident by my last post, it seems nearly impossible to make sense when you've been DUMPED and it's 3am and you're delirious and in WD's... FML as they say... I am an emotional sack of crap right now. Day 7 at 6mg's - WOOHOO!! It's Super Bowl Sunday - if you could see my face it looks not interested and not impressed. Guys are so dumb! I could care less about the game but I used to like GB so I guess I'll silently root for them. Not betting on it - cuz I work too damn hard counseling people for the little money I do make. Just in case anyone was wondering, you can barely survive on counselor's pay unless you have a license and stuff and live anywhere but here... I have a feeling I'm going to eventually move away from New England - away from all the BS and idiots... But I suppose idiots are everywhere - there just happens to be a lot of them here. The newly-ex-boyfriend is a good example. When someone breaks up with you, you can't help but to feel like something is wrong with you...but really, I KNOW something was wrong with him, in fact, a lot of things. Two addicts are a disaster made in heaven I suppose... I feel so emotionally wrecked right now as it is; I did not need this shit yesterday... I know it hasn't been going good but who wouldn't even try to work on it. I guess he's just not interested in having a girlfriend who is 13 years younger and smarter and HOTTER...whatevvv... Ok, so I'm trying to stop talking about him. Luckily my best friend Jon is over. (We've been friends since we were like 10 or 11) We were talking about getting an apartment, which I think would be a good idea... I don't know...I'll shut up about all this crap!
As far as tapering, today is day #8 on 6mg since I started last Sunday. I still feel MILD WD's that hopefully will soon pass. I wanted to take an extra Sub last night so bad, but I knew it was just "good old fashion cravings" as I heard from a poster a page or two ago... I went and god Jon and came home. We stayed up til like 4:30am laughing and BSing... Now we're sitting here BORED. I think the boredom and lonliness is going to be the hardest part as I continue my taper. I think my BF has been keeping my mind busy and focused on him for the past few months, and now it's going to be WAYYY different. We shall see. Time will tell. Thankfully I have you guys on here... Please don't stop PMing me you guys!! I really look forward to it like everyday now. Sorry if I haven't responded in the last day or so - I will, I just don't know what to say and I don't want to bring anyone down with my bitching and complaining... I seem to be good at that lol... Have fun watching football people! Or not if you're like me:)
CiR


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 Post subject: Dumb 'Bleep'!!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 1:31 pm 
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Hey, you want me to beat him up for you? I'll do it, but it will take me a while to get there, lol.

I'm sorry to joke when you are feeling down. I'm glad you have your friend to be with you, because you don't need to be alone right now. What in the bloody hell is this guy thinking breaking up with someone so much younger and hotter and smarter than him?! I'm just giving you an advance warning. Get ready for the 'crawling back' thing. Hey, move out here by me to NV!! It's the boonies, but it's fun too. It's cold, but so is New England! I personally love it here in NV. CA is overrated.

I'm SO PROUD of you for hanging in there. Whenever I look at your thread, I brace myself because I know you are going through a lot and it's hard to stick with a taper. To see that you are still at it is ....FANTASTIC!!! You are the woman!!!! Go CIR, go CIR!!!! Now give yourself a while to get really comfy. If you can, try typing a tapering journal to record your progress. Just list your daily dose and which day it is in your taper. Like yesterday, I wrote: Feb 5th: Day 100: 2 mg **Day 17 on 2**. Down beneath my list I write about what I'm feeling on the days I feel the need to write stuff. I love reading back through it and it's proof of my progress!! Yesterday, I was so thrilled to see I'd stuck with a taper for 100 whole days!!! I look forward to reading this after I'm all done with my taper. And a lot of times, I dump my feelings and fears and it makes them feel so much smaller.

At this point, it's obvious to me that you are a strong and persistent person and I've got tons of faith in you. TONS! Maybe it's a blessing that you don't have a dude to focus on right now. Is there anything you'd want to start doing again that you haven't done in a while because that time has gone to him? What about reading? I know it sounds booooorrrrinnngg but it really helps because it takes up enough brain power to distract you if you aren't feeling the greatest.

Keep going, sista! You just cleared a huge hurdle and you deserve a big huge congratulations and a big huge ((((HUG))). And by 'keep going', I don't mean drop anymore, lol. i mean just stick where you are and keep taking the 6 mg. Noooooo pressure! You've made huge progress already.

laddertipper

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 Post subject: 2~6~11
PostPosted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 12:02 am 
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Hey Ladder~
I can beat him up myself, unfortunately I still need to get my house key back...So I have to be civil for now. After that's in my hand, a swift kick to the nuts should suffice LOL...And don't appologize for joking, it's exactly what I need right now. Feeling WD's - Just took my other 2mg for the night....I would LOVE to go to NV!!! I want to go on vacation so bad; I haven't been in years. I really need to and as soon as my tax return comes in, in about a week and a half, I'm going to book a trip SOMEWHERE WARM without stupid SNOW hopefully:)

AND OMG CONGRATS ON: Feb 5th: Day 100: 2 mg **Day 17 on 2**.
And I LOVE your journal idea so I'm just incorporating it into my spreadsheet...Thank you for your support, seriously, I truly need you and Romeo right now like you wouldn't believe! I really appreciate all of the feedback you guys give me and I can't wait to check for new PMs and posts!!! Also, my friend also suggested now that I'm single I should be READING more lol - Can't hurt, right!? Thanks again - GTG to bed!!!
<3
CiR
BTW: Still at 6mg and getting easier!!!! Yayyy!!!


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 Post subject: anytime
PostPosted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 12:31 am 
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I'd consider myself lucky if I could ever say anything to brighten someone's day if it's not going well or to just make someone feel less alone during times like these. Tapering off Sub is NOT easy, but there are a lot of things we can learn from it and so many things that seem 'bad' but can be turned into good things if we just try to see the lesson or the meaning in them. Look at our diligence!! Look at how far we've come!! I was reading your original post again and it's truly amazing that you are as low as you are. You were at 24 milligrams in October!!!! Sheesh, girl!!! That's incredible!! It hasn't even been four months yet and you're down to one fourth of your original dose. Aren't you impressed with yourself?

I hope you'll hang on at 6 until it gets ridiculously comfy. I know it can feel like you are wasting time, but it will make your next drop ten times easier. I feel like I'm at the point where I could maybe handle dropping to 1.75, but it would be terrible. If I just stay here at 2 for a while longer, that drop will be fine. I'm truly trying to believe in the patience that I'm preaching....but, dang it, I'm not a patient person!!!

I don't know if this will make you feel better. To be honest, I've been having some HUGE fears about getting off Sub. I've been terrified that I'll never adjust to 2 mg and that perhaps it isn't even possible. I've been going crazy inside over all these worries. Today was tougher simply because I'm getting my kids strep throat so I have that nasty sick, drained feeling. Then, this afternoon, I started feeling SOOOOO peaceful!!! I don't really get this. Yes, I still am getting sick, but my w/d is truly letting up. And in addition to that, I am feeling so mentally wonderful. Content. Present. Aware. Interested. Alive. Positive. Just really, really good in a way I haven't felt in longer than I can remember. Maybe God knew I needed that so he smiled on me today, lol. I just don't know, but I really feel like this is all worth it and going to end up being a great thing in the end. I went through a mound of paperwork and felt so satisfied to get it done. I get glimpses of this happiness now and then and it really keeps me going through the crappy stuff. We will do this together!! And anytime you want to come to NV, just let me know. I'm not gonna lie and tell you it's warm, though. :D

laddertipper

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 Post subject: 2/9/11
PostPosted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 11:18 pm 
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Hey All!! Well, at least "R" and "LT" lol - maybe the only people reading this thread anymore, but anyways, I'm still at 6mg. Hanging in there! I had my counseling group today and told my counselor and fellow group members all about this site and you two! They are glad I have such positive support with my taper. AND they were amazed that throughout the breakup on top of the WD's that I didn't go back up. They totally support me too and feel like I need to continue to taper and agree that my MD's a jerk sometimes! Anyways, just wanted to let ya'll know where I'm at! Hope you guys are well:)
HUG HUG
CiR


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 Post subject: Wow! You are still at 6!
PostPosted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 1:07 am 
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I'm so dang proud of you. I really wasn't sure whether I should say "try to stay at 6" or not. You never know how bad off people are. I'm SO thrilled for you though that you hung in there and that you have that group to support you! I'm so flattered too that you told them about me and R. You pass through my mind during the day, and I wonder if you are really doing okay and if this is truly the best thing for you. IMO, from everything I've read, I believe you are absolutely ready for this. Even though going up a little wouldn't have been the end of the world by any means, it's always nice when you don't have to 'go backwards'. It can be discouraging. Instead, you just proved to yourself that you are indeed strong enough to weather the downs. Girl, I have so much faith in you!!!! You are gonna do this.

Get nice and comfy at 6 mg if you can before you drop anymore!!!

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 3:15 am 
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Ditto to EVERYTHING Ladder Lady said!!

Remember, this support thing goes both ways. You have helped me, just like I have helped you!

I'm so proud of you for hanging in there at 6mg, especially with all the crapola you had to wade through. You're strength and determination to get to 6mg and stay there is awe inspiring!! Good Job Ma'am.


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 Post subject: 2~11~11
PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 7:13 pm 
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Feeling a little more stable where I'm at... I am still taking whichever half is bigger when I break them though lol... 6mg was too much to jump from 8mg and I know that now...Maybe not for some people, but undoubtedly for me! I was trying to keep focusing on the future, but thinking about the next jump and how it's going to go. I mean, obviously I can handle this one and it was tougher in the beginning, but today is already day #13 and I feel a HELL of a lot better than the first week... So, for all of you that are tapering, seriously, you CAN do this if you CHOOSE to! There's nothing stopping you but your own mind and if you're ready to do it and stable in your recovery, definitely heed the warnings, but freakin' go for it!!!! I know some people are going to need Subs for ever, and MAYBE I am one of those people, and I have considered that. However, staying at 24mg for 5 years, IMO, was like keeping myself in a coma... I feel so much better on less as far as actually FEELING and LIVING!!! It's amazing to me, seriously! So, maybe I will need them forever, especially for the pain management aspect. I don't think I've talked about that - I have a REALLY bad back and I have Plantar Fasciitis, which is a dibilitating chronic pain thing in your feet. Last winter, I was on a cane at work - the youngest one in the office and I'm hobbling on a cane. It was terrible and I have to wear orthotics in my sneakers, which screws me in the summer and for getting dressed up/ wearing heels, but anyways, since I've gone down, I can FEEL the pain more and it does suck, but it's totally worth it to me right now because the happiness and joy I get to actually experience now, when I get to, is freakin' awesome!!! Anyways, GTG to see my Sub MD - ugh - ttyl people!!
CiR


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 8:17 pm 
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YAAAAYYYY! I'm SO happy that you hung in there!!!! Aren't you thrilled that you did not give up??! I also think it's so friggin' funny that so dang many of us drop from 8 to 6, for example, and we know it's too much to drop but we all have to figure it out for ourselves, lol. And then we turn around and warn the next group of people who won't listen to us, because they have to learn it for themselves, too, lol.

I was on a high dose for a long time, too and I didn't realize how much less I was feeling. I'd say getting feelings back is both good and bad, but even the bad can be kinda nice to experience again, KWIM? It IS a big, HUGE surprise though...that's for sure!!! This is the part of tapering that has just blown me out of the water.

I totally get where you are coming from with trying to figure out how Suboxone fits into your future and how you will be able to handle your pain issues on a low dose of Suboxone and whether you will need to take it forever, etc. It's confusing, but today you can celebrate because you sure have made huge progress toward your current goal. All we can do is make the best choice for the present, right? You obviously REALLY want this, and that's the key to successfully getting off Sub. Man, it takes a lot of drive and persistence. It has to come from inside you and you definitely have that fire inside your heart. I know that my pain tends to spike right after I taper and that used to scare me back up on my dose, but I didn't realize that was to be expected. It always ends up going away, so as it stands, I have no more fibro pain on 1/16 the dose that I was on to manage my pain (once I am stable), and I actually have fewer headaches. Go figure. I think the reduction of headaches may just be because I healed from my injury, but I cannot explain why I don't have more fibro pain at 1.75 than I did at 32. WTF??? All that said, 'that time of the month' is AWFUL now compared to when I was on a high dose of Sub. :wink:

I got your back, girl!!!!!

laddertipper

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 Post subject: 2~14~11
PostPosted: Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:06 pm 
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Happy freakin' Valentine's Day. This is my first one being single in quite a few years. It's not that bad though. I have my mom and my best friend and also my 2 buddies on here! (Romeo & Laddertipper)...Thankfully!!! So I'm still at 6mg and feeling physically a lot better. However, my emotions are still out of control and apparently I'm being like a mega-bitch to everyone. It's not intentional, it just keeps happening. I found myself snapping at people a lot or being super extra nice. And the weird thing is, I recognize it, but I'm still unable to regulate and/or control the wicked crazy mood swings! Like I've mentioned, I continue to feel like a bi-polar maniac! I have been diagnosed when I was younger with severe depression. I haven't taken any meds for it in over 10 years, besides the apparent self-medicating I was doing while in active addiction. So, I had a really long weekend, had Friday and today off, but it's back to work bright and early tomorrow. I feel like a wreck and I think people at work are beginning to notice. This whole 2mg jump this last time was a big mistake! Hopefully I can figure out a good way to go down in smaller increments with the 8mg tablets. My doctor continues to warn that they will be gone soon and that the strips are taking over completely. I can see why, and I understand their BS reasons, but still... I think it's all financially fueled... Anyways, I will write more soon!
Goodnight everyone!!
CiR


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 Post subject: 2~17~11
PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 11:31 pm 
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Hello All!!!
DAY #19 on 6mg of Suboxone. I was just thinking about what a CrAzY journey that this has been thus far... I seriously don't know how I've ended up here, but I feel just about physically stable on the 6mg...Split dosing still: 4mg in the am and 2mg in the pm.... I think that March 1st I'm going to try and go down to 5mg, or else just take most of the 2mg piece... we shall see... I feel like I'm screwing myself over because everytime I break a new 8mg pill in half, I take the larger one. I mentioned this to another member here and they recall doing the same. I think it's that addict thinking, like "ooohhh yippie! one's a TEENSIE WEENSIE bit bigger! Sooo gonna eat that piece! muahahaha..." I know my brain still things that way, but it may be only child syndrome too, as I always remember not being good at sharing and when breaking a cookie in two, half for me and half for my grandmother, I'd always take the bigger one... I was a little porker too and did not need a half-a-cookie at all, nevermind the bigger one. Anyways, since the *break-up* I think I put back on about 5lbs. It's only been a couple weeks, almost, but it's still hard as hell and really lonely. I'm getting used to being alone more and trying to cope with it. My emotional rollercoaster has been winding down the past two days, I'd say, but I think other people may disagree lol... Anyways, hafta get up bright and early. I wanna figure out how to drop down but not by too much... ugh... wish I could just tell my MD and get the 2mg pills - Life would be so much easier! Seriously!!! I was also thinking about switching doctors, but I don't think that would be a good idea either. What a freakin' mess we make sometimes... Also, I haven't heard any feedback from like ANYONE in a while and I feel like this thread is dead and I'm the only one reading or writing on it lol... TALK TO ME PEOPLE! I NEED THE FEEDBACK AND SUPPORT! Thank you very much and GoodNite!! ^_^
CiR


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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