It is currently Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:18 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 12 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 5:15 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 4:14 pm
Posts: 20
Hi; I'm new here. It's hard to tell this story because I'm still really in denial about it; it's hard to even admit the truth to myself, let alone anyone I'm close to.

In 2006, my boyfriend of three years died. It was sudden, unexpected, and I had no idea how to deal with it. Once I did decide I wanted to deal with it, I handled it badly: I decided that, although I'd never touched them before in my life, I was going to start drugging and partying because I really didn't care if I lived or died. So, I did. I started partying with various drugs; ecstasy and ketamine were my favorites, although I did also do cocaine, acid, and mushrooms from time to time. I never wanted to touch heroin. If you would have told me then that I'd become a heroin addict, I never would have believed it.

While I was in my partying phase, I met another guy who became my new boyfriend in 2007. We met because he was initially my dealer. In 2007-2008, he started on and off with heroin. I hated the person he was when he was on it...jealous, angry, nodding off all the time, and simply obsessed with it. I remember when he told me the first time he shot up...I knew then it was over for him, and he was going to become a serious addict...and of course, I was right.

We got into a lot of fights over heroin. I would become very angry any time he used, so he would try to hide it from me, which made me angrier. Finally, for whatever the reason...I think it was because I was tired of being isolated, personally; I told him I wanted to try it. So, we smoked it together. As one might assume, I got incredibly sick to my stomach and swore it off...but that didn't really last. About a month later, I wanted it again.

By early 2009, I was smoking it weekly. It was bad because I was/am a teacher, and I felt like such a hypocrite. I won a statewide teaching award and was featured on a short news segment, and remember watching myself with my lighter and foil in hand, laughing at the irony of the situation. *sigh* One "plus" to me was that heroin really upset my stomach, so I would vomit frequently, and I lost about 25-30 pounds. I've struggled with my weight my whole life, so it was really hard to want to quit when I was complimented all the time about how good I was looking. In mid-2009, I shot up for the first time, and never went back to smoking, of course. My boyfriend and I were kind of, in our own minds, like Sid and Nancy...totally engrossed in our self-absorbed little drug romance.

This has continued all this time...finally, a few weeks ago, I made the difficult decision to permanently leave him and move several states away where I have no dope connect. I honestly felt if I stayed where I was I was going to die. I was/am horribly in debt, and it was nothing to me to give up food in favor or getting a fix.

Anyway, here I am, on suboxone. I've had a few false starts, but making some progress...right now, I'm 54 hours from my last fix. I feel kind of hungover and crappy, but not withdrawal sick with the fever/sweats/wanting to die. Joined the forum in hopes of staying motivated...I know myself; I start strong but then lose motivation and falter.

Sorry for the short novel. :) Looking forward to reading what others have to say and getting some good advice.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 6:15 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 4933
Location: Leesburg, FL
Hi heather and welcome. I'm so glad you found us - I'm sure you'll like it here.

Thanks for sharing your story. You should be so proud of yourself. It took a lot of chutzpah to do what you did. You are obviously very determined and that's great, it will serve you well. So congrats and starting suboxone and taking control of your life. Don't worry about those false starts. Concentrate on today and moving forward and you'll do great. See you around the forum.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2011 11:21 am 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 4:14 pm
Posts: 20
Thanks so much, hatmaker! :)


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject: Hi
PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2011 2:28 pm 
Online
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:44 pm
Posts: 458
Location: New York
Hi Heather, I'm glad you found us and I hope you stay. I hope that we can be friends. I read your story & I must say, you really went through a lot. Someone suddenly dying seems to have a very big impact on people. I am an only child and was very close to my parents. Well, my mom got suddenly sick, died in sept. My dad missed her so much he died 3 months later. That started my addiction. So, I know how you felt.

Now, you're on Suboxone and a new life. Suboxone saved my life and I can see it's doing that for you. Please don't give up. You can see this through. Please keep writing to us. I'm sure the others will write and I know you will make good friends here. Write to me anythime. I'm here for you. There are really great people here. Please get to know them. You will like it here.

Love, Queenie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jun 30, 2011 7:42 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 4:14 pm
Posts: 20
Hi queenie...so sorry to read about what you went through with your parents! What a nightmare that must be/have been. Thanks so much for your reply...I will definitely keep coming back; staying motivated for me is really difficult because only my ex knows I'm an addict and how bad I am, so it's not like I can really talk to anyone I know about it.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: well
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:13 am 
Online
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:44 pm
Posts: 458
Location: New York
Now you have us. You can tell us anything and we will understand. We have probably gone through it too. So talk to us and trust me, we really care.

Queenie


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:31 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
Hi Heather,

Good for you for choosing Suboxone over the dead end road of Heroin use!!! I know that's a hard decision to make for some of us, even though we know we have to do it, it's still scary to make that leap.

I never used heroin, I was on pain pills, they're basically the same thing though. Anyway, I got on Suboxone and it most likely saved my life. I had tried to quit pain pills before and was never successful. So, because I couldn't quit the pain pills, I just kept on using and using and using. My usage just kept increasing to the point where something had to give and thank God it was right around that time that I first heard of Suboxone and decided to give it a try.

I hope you're able to stick with your Suboxone treatment, it should give you the chance to get a lot of things straightened out.

One more note, I would encourage you to get with some kind of addiction counselor so you can start working through some of the issues that are at the heart of your addiction. It's my opinion that Suboxone alone is not enough, I believe there's still a lot of work we have to do on ourselves before we're really well again.

Good luck and I hope you stick around.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 8:22 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 29, 2011 4:14 pm
Posts: 20
Hi, Romeo...thanks for your response. It's definitely encouraging to read that suboxone is genuinely helping so many people and there are so many of you that are able to stick with it and turn your lives around. Hopefully, I will join the ranks...and yes, the heroin use is most definitely a dead end. If you think about it, there is absolutely no good that will come of it; it's a lose/lose situation but it's hard to see that when you're sick and depressed.

I am thinking about seeking a counselor. I know it may not be the case, but I'm always afraid of being judged and looked down upon. It's a hard stigma to get past, so I guess we'll see...I'm sure having that accountability would be a good thing for me (or anyone, really), though.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 7:34 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:32 am
Posts: 29
hey heather im glad your here. ive been on suboxone since febuary 1st. its fucking awesome, i didnt take it seriously intill a little wile ago. i have 47days clean. I know you can make it.

suboxone isa great tool, i hope you learn to take care of it. and try out some AA/NA meetings, they might work for you, and go to your groups if you have them. they help alot.

I was doing oxys and crack, benzos, Extasy and lSD. i finally got on the straight and narrow. drugs are they same they cause alot of problems. remember you can remove they drugs and you'l still have problems. I hope you keep writting us back. i lkovd your story it was awesome,


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:07 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jul 09, 2011 8:59 pm
Posts: 59
Hi Heather and welcome..I am new here my self....I just dont want it all about me..lol.So I like to see how people are obtaining success.You have made many positive changes,suboxone is a lifesaver and you have a perfect story to prove that...I once heard that there are no old heroin addicts,period.I had /have:( a friend who at the age of 35 was given a xanax at his sisters funeral..like you he was on the straight and narrow all his life,except for a few beers with the guys,no biggie.He past away due to an overdose at 39 years old.Please pat yourself on the back...your a strong woman..also getting out of a toxic relationship is very tricky on our emotions,love him when I'm high...but we did have a good time that day when we where sober,its hard to admit it's a drug relationship and that can call you back as quickly as the drugs"sometimes" woman get addicted to the guy as well.stay tough and God bless.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2012 2:58 am 
Offline
New Poster
New Poster

Joined: Wed Jan 11, 2012 2:29 am
Posts: 2
Sounds like your ready for a new life and fresh start, sometimes you need to get rid of people in order to change, but your doing a great job, and you will make it, your just like me except different drugs, but we are both on suboxone which works wonders, we have people that do H in our class too and they say how wonderful it is too.

Anyways my prays are here for you, if you get the urge just take a little more suboxone like I do, it will stop you from relapsing.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: WELCOME
PostPosted: Wed Jan 11, 2012 3:23 am 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Mon Dec 19, 2011 8:46 pm
Posts: 158
:P Drugs don't discriminate. I am a paralegal and worked in and for a lawyer and at the courthouse for years in active addiction. I like you swore the heroin off until the bitter end. For different reasons though. I always knew I would love it or at least love the affects of it. Once I did the heroin it was all over for me. Not saying I having real success with the Opanas and fentanyl either, but it seems the heroin really took me down quick.

I am on methadone, but suboxone was my preferred choice but for reasons I was unable to stay on suboxone. I have issues that makes methadone complicated too but the doctor is willing to allow me to use methadone as at least he agrees the risk of me being on street drugs outweighs the risks of me being on methadone etc...I like you acquired my addiction or at least the monster came to life when I suffered the death of my Father. No ideas of coping with grief and having a fridge full of morphine and more I found a way to survive some of those painful moments.

I am so glad you found our forum. I am on methadone like I said and this is mostly a suboxone forum but I choose this forum because of all the wonderful support I receive. There are a few others like me on methadone that use this forum too. Keep us up to date and we will keep supporting your efforts to stay on your suboxone agenda. Good Luck and Good night. I was ready to shut my computer down when I saw your post so I had to take a moment to welcome you.

_________________
Wishing you the best in love and life. Finallyachance.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 12 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group