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PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 8:40 am 
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Hi all. I am new here. I have always frequented other addiction sites but was happy to come across this for specific to suboxone.

A small bit of history, I was in active addiction from the ages of 14-21 (good old progression from alcohol to weed to acid/ecstasy/ to speed to iv meth and eventually heroin) when I got clean to have the first of my five children. I stayed clean for over 14 years while I was having babies, I always found it easy to stay clean when I was pregnant and or feeding which I was for many years straight. 3 years ago I finished feeding our youngest and it wasn't long before I relapsed pretty badly. First on the benzos, did a God awful rapid detox from then, couldn't stand the withdrawals after weeks of being bedridden so I got back on them and added oxy as well. After a couple of years of 10-12mg Xanax and 200+mg of oxy plus a stack of codeine and Valium/lorazepam/serequol/zyprexa/lyrica/alcohol/ heroin and some others I can't even remember, I ended up having one visit to detox and 3 lovely stays in the psych ward due to being suicidal and just off the planet....the last of which saw me heading straight to a private suboxone dr (god knows how I got there as I do not remember any of the train ride to a place I had never been before not any of the first appointment.).

Soooo, he started me on 16mg and I was increased rapidly to 28mg where I have stayed for nearly a year now. I did do some reading about sub but I was just so glad to not be doing the daily hunt for drugs that I just let him increase the dose at nearly every visit. Whenever I question a side effect he always dismisses it, basically saying suboxone never has any bad effect on the body and the cause must be something else. I was still waking up in immense pain of withdrawals every mornjng , even at 28mg until someone online suggested I split my dose. As soon as I did that, the withdrawals were gone. I really believe I could have stayed on a much lower dose if I had have known this earlier:(.

I'm not a huge person, female 171cm and 55 kgs and my habit was not huge.

Before my relapse I was a personal trainer, vibrant gym instructor, the leader of many programs in our church, an active mum to five basically. Although I have always struggled with an eating disorder which was my substitute addiction for all those years.

While I run a swimming pool business and am still very active in my children's lives, them and my husband are the reason I live, basically I feel like the suboxone is stealing my soul, more and more each day. I feel like a shadow of my former self:((. I want to start reducing to start getting all the drugs out of my system but at the same time I am so scared to do so:(. My doctor has never suggested this and brushes it off when I suggest it. I know that I can't just start reducing it by myself because if it's in the house, I will take it. I'm on weekly pickup and generally take 32mg the first few days then less the rest of the week.

Sorry if this is long winded for an intro post. I'm just glad to have found this forum to be able to meet some people who are going through the same things.

For those who want to skip the details above, I'm 36 years old, married mother of 5, live in Australia and run a business. I've been on 28mg a day of suboxone for the last year, am tapering off 200mg of Valium and am down to 16mg (get reduced 2mg every three months), 200mg of pristiq and 30mg of propanolol due to a rapid benzo detox stuffing up my heart and also for anxiety. I am an addict through and through, have severe clinical depression, severe anxiety, borderline personality disorder and bulimia. Nice to meet you and I look forward to reading a lot of your posts and hopefully finding some advice and hope for getting off this drug and getting better.

Thanks:)


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 11:27 am 
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We're glad to have you here and welcome to our forum wtlc,

the details vary from one addict to the next, it always amazes me how addiction follows a very distinct pattern of progression from, "I think I've got a problem, to "Holy shit, I can't stop this,what have I done/what will I do now?" in each addicted person. It certainly follows a path of progression like other diseases, that's why I don't get when people say it's not..kwim?

Now, I read that you were taking 28mgs for about the last year, and if I understood correctly have tapered down to 16 mgs? Is that correct? You're still splitting your dose, yes? 28 mgs is considered by many to be a very high dose, however, in the beginning of treatment some people actually do need a higher dose than others and that's perfectly OK. If I understood your post correctly you're now taking 16 milligrams, split into 8 twice a day, so you've already done some tapering,right? How did you feel? since that 16 mgs, is still above the ceiling effect of Suboxone you should be able to taper down slowly without feeling too many withdrawal effects usually until you get below four milligrams. You say you're not feeling well or quite like yourself,so if it were me, I'd continue to taper your dose down a little at a time until you reach a dose where you feel your cravings and withdrawal are taken care of without the effects that are bothersome to you. tapering beyond that point,is entirely up to you and what your/ your doctor's particular treatment goals are. I want you to know that at the correct dose,many people are able to live happy, productive, fulfilled lives, and experience normal emotions/feel like themselves etc., while still taking buprenorphine to treat their opioid dependence. Do you think perhaps you're feeling this way because your dose may be to high for you? I started out with a monster of an opioid habit/tolerance, and in the beginning of my treatment was taking 24 mgs a day. I've tapered down to twelve mgs with relative ease,and feel much better and an saving money also. I too have lots of children and an particularly grateful to be able to be their mom again. While I was using, I was going through the motions of being mom,but not really enjoying our participating in mine or their lives. taking this medication has given me back my life,and I'm now very very active and feel quite normal for the first time in many years. So for me, it's the only thing out of many attempts at getting clean, and yes, people who take sub are clean, (although I dislike the terms "clean or dirty"), that actually worked, so I've got no plans of discontinuing my treatment anyone soon,if ever. Although,for cost reasons, I do intend to reduce gradually over time until I get down to around 4 mgs/day. my long winded point there was that people can be happy healthy and productive and clean on subs and don't necessarily have to come of to achieve that.

With sub, less is usually more, meaning that the lowest dose that takes care of your symptoms should be used and beyond that dose, which will vary from one person to another, and taking more usually has little to no effect besides producing side effects like you describe, in some people. so depending on what it is you want to do, it may not be necessary to totally stop taking the medication, perhaps just some continued dose reductions will take care of your issues.

Aside from taking Suboxone, are you involved in any other type of recovery program or going to any type of therapy or support groups? I ask because if you plan to taper entirely off the buprenorphine, some people have found these things can be immensely helpful in staying stopped.

If stopping is your ultimate goal, than you'll find our stopping section here full of good and useful info and inspiring stories of others, to help with your taper and eventual jump. whichever you decide, we'll be here to help/support, and answer questions as best we can.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 2:06 pm 
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Hi WTLC,

Welcome to the forum! Your story is quite alarming at how much drugs you were/are ingesting. It's the benzo's that is causing all the grief now, IMO. 28 mg's of Suboxone is a huge amount but won't do anything for a benzo habit. I believe once you get that one under control you'll be able to taper down the Suboxone. It is a lot easier than most think. The body does not build up a tolerance to it and after awhile we start to dislike being tired, or not having a good libido. I started on 24 mg's and promptly went home and threw up. To me, it was just like a heroin dump. My Dr. dismissed it like yours did. On my own I tapered down to 1 mg over the course of a year. On large doses you can make large drops. Once you get down to say 6-8 mg's you need to slow down. I'm not saying this will happen to you, it just happened that way with me.

Right now I am on a stable diet of 6 mg's. The reason I went up was due to battling a deadly disease and that is the dose I'm comfortable on. You will find what is right with you in time.

For now, concentrate very hard on getting those benzo's under control. Once you do that the rest is easy.

Glad to have you with us and hope you stay and use this forum as part of your recovery program.

rule

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:19 pm 
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Hi guys. Thanks for the welcome:)

Sorry if I wasn't clear. No, I haven't tapered at all, I started on 16mg a year ago and have been on 28 ever since. I take 32 for the first few days of the week sometimes and then a bit less after that but my prescription is 28mg a day and I do try to stick to it.

With the benzos, I've been tapering for a year and all that I am on now is 16mg a day of Valium. A couple of years ago a I detoxed from the equivalent of 200mg Valium a day to Zero in two weeks in hospital and it was it complete hell. There is nothing quite like benzo withdrawal. That's why I am doing it so slowly this time. I feel no benzo withdrawals at all nor does the small amount I'm now on affect me at all, it just keeps the withdrawals at bay while I finish my taper. But that's separate to the suboxone thing obviously.

Hope that clears it up and thanks for the welcomes. I will post more later but it's Father's Day here in aus and we have just gotten up:)


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:24 pm 
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I was heavily involved in NA when I first got off the drugs years back when I lived in an area where meetings were plentiful and there was at least two a day. I now live in a tiny 400 person town and have access to one meeting a week which is a two hour round trip. A friend and I go to that plus I have a counsellor and my sub dr. We are trying to start a Suboxone friendly meeting out where we live at the moment actually.

I do believe my dose is too high but am very scared to reduce it. I have heard less is more many many times but I'm still scared.

I currently take 16mg in the morning and 12mg at night when I'm dosing correctly .


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