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PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 12:14 am 
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Hey Everyone! I came acrossed this forum after I started Subutex (Not Suboxone). I would search for info on my medication and well here I am. I'd prefer to keep my identity private for now unless someone wants to talk personally to me. I come from a very small town in Missouri where word travels fast.

A bit about my history, etc. My addiction started around 2012 fully. I decided to have a breast augmentation done. Well afterwards I received a prescription for 6 months worth of 5 mg Hydrocodone. I was out of pain by week three but by that time I was hooked. The energy, euphoria, ahhhh. It was how I wished I always felt so I became psychologically dependent. Before that I had never even touched drugs. Minus weed twice in high school and wasn't a fan.

Any who, after my script ran out I of course had no clue how to get more. I had no street knowledge or smarts in that sense. I went to the only person I knew who had a drug addiction background.... My older brother. That day he said he had something better. He handed me a small bag with a few broken pieces in it. Said to take the tiniest amount and dissolve under my tongue. It was Subtex! I instantly felt better. After a few months though I stupidly started snorting this stuff after watching my bub do it. This went on for a year. Bub then got a job out of state so needless to say the supply went dry. I stopped cold turkey. I had no idea what this was all about. The agony I was in, ugh!

After a month I was still a mess. I left my job and one night I had a drink. A stiff one. All my problems went away. I began substituting with liquor. At first it wasn't heavy. Then it was out if control! A fifth of rum a day and sometimes more. I'm only 4'9 and maybe 105 lbs.

The sad and horrific part is I had only two children at the time. Ages 8 and 2, one boy and one girl. I lived with my now ex who's their father. He'd find me unconscious on the floor. My son would care for me. He took my 2 year old and stayed with family. There's more to it but long story short this lead to my mother taking my drunk butt to the ER and several times actually. I then attempted suicide three times in the two months I was dependent on alcohol. I spent time in two diff psych hospitals doped up on halidol and all sorts of awful psych meds that caused permanent damage (more on that later).

I came out of the hospital after my 3rd visit in and stayed with my parents for 7 months. I stayed clean for 4 until I met my best friends boyfriend. I was whining of an abscessed tooth and well you know where this is going lol. From then (December 2013-July 2014) I was on the hunt for pain pills. I didn't care who I hurt in the process.

Then the news that changed my life. I was pregnant with my now 1 yr old son. In July of 2014 I finally got help at a clinic. My son is all I thought about and going cold turkey was not an option. I didn't want to miscarry. I drove two hours just to dose on subutex but I was able to then go monthly. Well after two months of that I randomly lost my insurance. I was back on the hunt yet again but this time I was trying to stay sober by looking for sub's or mdone. I linked up with a new guy I was introduced to who sold methadone. I took those from Sept 2 until December 2014 if they weren't out. Well it all went dry and let's just say from going through very shady ppl I was screwed over a lot. My stupidity! I sold everything just to buy pills. I scared my family and I then lost my boyfriend of 5 years from it all. I moved back to moms and finally asked for help. Long story short, In January of 2015 I found my now Dr of 1 year and have been on Subutex ever since.

Its a miracle pill even though I know come time to wean off it won't be easy. Without it though I probably would be dead I'm guessing. My whole life has changed for the better. I'm me again! I've earned my family's trust. My children are with me! They are my life. I see so damn clear as to what's important. Those three are it and i never miss anything. I never will again. My son was born healthy although tiny. But hey I'm very small and dads no giant lol.

I now love life! I may not be exactly where I want yet but I'll get there. I've mended things with my ex so were working on forgiveness and a new chance at us again. I work at a local Country Club while finishing school to help those just like my wonderful doctor has. Maybe not Med school exactly lol. I'll be 28 this year so that may be a goal that took too long for my liking lol. I live my life one day at a time. I have many regrets but I've learned so much and have acquired so much wisdom for only being 27. I grew up early also having my first son at 16.

I can't say that my life's perfect and I'm all fixed though. Oh hell no! I was sexually abused for many years as a child so my minds not quite right. I'm not insane lol. Though feels like it sometimes. I battle depression, severe anxiety and so on. I'm just now getting the proper help to deal with my past. I never told anyone so harboring that deep of a secret can & will wreck havoc on your mental state. I was also recently diagnosed with a thyroid disease but one pill and I seen OK there. I may never fully be "OK" but I'm trying my damnedest. My three awesome kids depend on me. Especially my 1 year old who's my buddy for sure. He's so darn funny!

If anyone has a similar story or any advice towards my current battle of fighting inner demons of my past and the anxiety it gives me. I would be eternally grateful lol. Its not easy that's for sure. I've blabbed enough though. Wow this turned out long too. If you took the time to read about me, thank you.....


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 2:11 am 
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FinallyMe_2015 wrote:
Hey Everyone! I came acrossed this forum after I started Subutex (Not Suboxone). I would search for info on my medication and well here I am. I'd prefer to keep my identity private for now unless someone wants to talk personally to me. I come from a very small town in Missouri where word travels fast.

A bit about my history, etc. My addiction started around 2012 fully. I decided to have a breast augmentation done. Well afterwards I received a prescription for 6 months worth of 5 mg Hydrocodone. I was out of pain by week three but by that time I was hooked. The energy, euphoria, ahhhh. It was how I wished I always felt so I became psychologically dependent. Before that I had never even touched drugs. Minus weed twice in high school and wasn't a fan.

Any who, after my script ran out I of course had no clue how to get more. I had no street knowledge or smarts in that sense. I went to the only person I knew who had a drug addiction background.... My older brother. That day he said he had something better. He handed me a small bag with a few broken pieces in it. Said to take the tiniest amount and dissolve under my tongue. It was Subtex! I instantly felt better. After a few months though I stupidly started snorting this stuff after watching my bub do it. This went on for a year. Bub then got a job out of state so needless to say the supply went dry. I stopped cold turkey. I had no idea what this was all about. The agony I was in, ugh!

After a month I was still a mess. I left my job and one night I had a drink. A stiff one. All my problems went away. I began substituting with liquor. At first it wasn't heavy. Then it was out if control! A fifth of rum a day and sometimes more. I'm only 4'9 and maybe 105 lbs.

The sad and horrific part is I had only two children at the time. Ages 8 and 2, one boy and one girl. I lived with my now ex who's their father. He'd find me unconscious on the floor. My son would care for me. He took my 2 year old and stayed with family. There's more to it but long story short this lead to my mother taking my drunk butt to the ER and several times actually. I then attempted suicide three times in the two months I was dependent on alcohol. I spent time in two diff psych hospitals doped up on halidol and all sorts of awful psych meds that caused permanent damage (more on that later).

I came out of the hospital after my 3rd visit in and stayed with my parents for 7 months. I stayed clean for 4 until I met my best friends boyfriend. I was whining of an abscessed tooth and well you know where this is going lol. From then (December 2013-July 2014) I was on the hunt for pain pills. I didn't care who I hurt in the process.

Then the news that changed my life. I was pregnant with my now 1 yr old son. In July of 2014 I finally got help at a clinic. My son is all I thought about and going cold turkey was not an option. I didn't want to miscarry. I drove two hours just to dose on subutex but I was able to then go monthly. Well after two months of that I randomly lost my insurance. I was back on the hunt yet again but this time I was trying to stay sober by looking for sub's or mdone. I linked up with a new guy I was introduced to who sold methadone. I took those from Sept 2 until December 2014 if they weren't out. Well it all went dry and let's just say from going through very shady ppl I was screwed over a lot. My stupidity! I sold everything just to buy pills. I scared my family and I then lost my boyfriend of 5 years from it all. I moved back to moms and finally asked for help. Long story short, In January of 2015 I found my now Dr of 1 year and have been on Subutex ever since.

Its a miracle pill even though I know come time to wean off it won't be easy. Without it though I probably would be dead I'm guessing. My whole life has changed for the better. I'm me again! I've earned my family's trust. My children are with me! They are my life. I see so damn clear as to what's important. Those three are it and i never miss anything. I never will again. My son was born healthy although tiny. But hey I'm very small and dads no giant lol.

I now love life! I may not be exactly where I want yet but I'll get there. I've mended things with my ex so were working on forgiveness and a new chance at us again. I work at a local Country Club while finishing school to help those just like my wonderful doctor has. Maybe not Med school exactly lol. I'll be 28 this year so that may be a goal that took too long for my liking lol. I live my life one day at a time. I have many regrets but I've learned so much and have acquired so much wisdom for only being 27. I grew up early also having my first son at 16.

I can't say that my life's perfect and I'm all fixed though. Oh hell no! I was sexually abused for many years as a child so my minds not quite right. I'm not insane lol. Though feels like it sometimes. I battle depression, severe anxiety and so on. I'm just now getting the proper help to deal with my past. I never told anyone so harboring that deep of a secret can & will wreck havoc on your mental state. I was also recently diagnosed with a thyroid disease but one pill and I seen OK there. I may never fully be "OK" but I'm trying my damnedest. My three awesome kids depend on me. Especially my 1 year old who's my buddy for sure. He's so darn funny!

If anyone has a similar story or any advice towards my current battle of fighting inner demons of my past and the anxiety it gives me. I would be eternally grateful lol. Its not easy that's for sure. I've blabbed enough though. Wow this turned out long too. If you took the time to read about me, thank you.....


Hi! I was so inspired with your story! Keep it up! Continue inspiring others. :)

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"When you wanted to succeed as bad as you want to breathe,
then you'll be successful."
Recovery Experts


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2016 1:52 pm 
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Hello Finally_Me welcome to the forum and congrats on ur one yr :)

I went through my battle of active addiction for about six yrs or so before I found suboxone. I lost custody of my kids, my home, my car, my furniture...I could go on and on and on. I went to jail around five times, got involved in an abusive relationship for a yr and a half during active addiction, stole anything I could get my hands on. I finally got on suboxone four years ago and my life is amazing now. I owe everything to this treatment. I have my children bk, a fiancee that I've been with for almost five years, a home and most of all peace. Peace of mind is something that I longed for during those dark days of using. Waking up every day without sickness or worry is priceless.


I'm so glad that u found this treatment also! And I'm especially thankful u shared ur story with us. There's one thing that we always have in common with each other and that's the feeling of how lucky we are now because we know how bad it is out there.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2016 2:39 am 
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Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the forum!

So many people who become addicted have trauma in their past, particularly in their childhood. It's not a coincidence! I appreciate your willingness to be open about what happened to you when you were a child. You give others who have the same background strength to possibly tell their stories as well. :)

Amy

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