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 Post subject: New to Forum & Recovery
PostPosted: Tue Jun 29, 2010 3:47 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:04 pm
Posts: 70
Hey there guys my name is Ryan and I am a 23 y/o opiate addict ha.. Sounds like Im at another AA meeting. Anyways Ill try to keep my story short as all of ours are pretty relative. I have been using opiates on and off for the past four years. My first experience was when I stole 4 500mg Vicodin's from pops medicine cabinet. For the first time in my life I felt normal. They tell you in AA that we have an emotional problem, not a drug problem. The self medication is what usually leads to physical addiction. Well at least that seems to have been the case with me. I quickly progressed to Oxys and eventually the occasional Heroin. 2 years ago I went to rehab and lasted 12 days. I left on the 13th day, caught the train home and claimed I would never do opiates again. Well the very next night I was out getting loaded. Since then I have spent the last 2 years on a mission to stay sober. To say the least I have failed miserably. When I say I have used on and off I guess what I mean is Im not the typical addict in the the sense that I have always used on a daily basis. The longest amount of sobriety I have achieved in 4 years was 34 days. Let me tell you that was 34 of the most miserable days of my life. After much research I realized what I experienced in those 34 days were PAWS. The constant racing thoughts and obsession of getting high combined with the inability to focus on anything or appreciate anything around me(joy). I was always able to grind out the week of mild withdrawals, it was staying sober I was powerless over. I guess I would fall into the category of a "Weekend Warrior" although my use would occur on any day of the week. I would usually use between 80-240mg of Oxy depending on my finances, take 3-4 days off, use for 2 days in a row, try to stay sober and typically always relapse by day 4 or 5 and if I made it to day 10 it was a huge milestone. I would go on runs of using every 3rd day for a couple months trying to keep the risk of withdrawals at bay and towards the end I was using 4 days a week. I kept this pattern up for years to the point that I was beat down and slowly losing my soul. Between the disintegration of relationships, loss of jobs, and the pure misery of constantly trying to stay strong enough to refrain from opiates I was finally led to suboxone. I was no longer worried about just getting sober, I was worried about overdosing as I was on Klonopin for insomnia, and would carelessly drink a substantial amount of alcohol along with the opiates knowing the potential of death. I don't know why it took me so long to make the jump to suboxone, I guess I always questioned whether I would be a good candidate because of my sporadic use. Well after spending countless hours researching I realized it was a decision I needed to make regardless of how terrified I am of eventually coming off suboxone. I have strolled these boards for hours and would like to thank everyone for their insight, personal experiences, and Dr. Junig's YouTube videos which led me to this forum, all of which helped me to make the decision. I am now 37 days sober and my life is improving on a daily basis. I hope to stick around here for awhile and continue to learn from you guys
Ryan


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 5:39 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 4933
Location: Leesburg, FL
Hi Ryan and welcome!

Gosh, I don't know how we missed your post! Sometimes new posts come up right after and they get bumped to the "top", so to speak. Anyhoo....Thanks so much for sharing your story. We're really glad you're here. We all have different experiences, but in the end, they turn out to be so much the same. The obsession to use, the lying and stealing, the efforts to not use....I could go on. I'm just glad you found suboxone and are doing well on it - you are, right? I saw your other post and see you're on a pretty low dose, but you're good and stable on it. That's the important thing. Again, welcome to the forum and so sorry I didn't see this post sooner.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject: Welcome to the Site....
PostPosted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 6:41 am 
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Joined: Tue May 12, 2009 10:02 am
Posts: 308
Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Hi Ryan,
Hello and Welcome to the Forum. I hope you find it as welcoming & useful as I have!! Thank you for being so candid and sharing your story with us. I think you will find that many people out here have gone thru or are going thru the same thing that you are.... That's what makes this such a helpful tool in Recovery.... At least for me.... You are fortunate to have reached for and got help at an early age.. I hope you take full advantage of your support system including your friends out here. Please come back and post often. You may want to check out one of the meetings that we have.
They are usually on Monday nights @ 9:00pm and Thursday's @ 2:00pm. Check the Board for updates from Hatmaker she does an excellent job on the meetings. We value your take on recovery and welcome your input...... I wish you continued success in your Recovery & Please keep us posted...............

God Bless
TW

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"I may not have ALL I want but thank's to God I now know that I have ALL I need !!!!!!
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ODAAT


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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