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 Post subject: New and scared
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 1:09 pm 
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Hi,
My name is Angie and I am a 30y/o RN in doctoral school. I was just fired from my job because I was caught stealing Lortab from one of my patients(which I am so ashamed of). I am going to the Suboxone doc on Friday at 8am. I am very scared and very embarassed. I just want to know that this feeling will pass?:( Also, do you know if you can work as a nurse while on Subox? BTW...all of your post have helped me feel like Im not alone. I am sooo grateful

Angie


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 3:23 pm 
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Hi Angie,

I am also an RN and an addict. I diverted from work too but didn't get caught. I am also very ashamed about what I was doing. I have been on suboxone for a year now and have not used any opiates since I started the sub. The shame is stll there but it has lessened. I have learned alot this year about addiction....one of the main things I learned was that addicts are not bad people trying to become good, we are sick people trying to get well. When we are in active addiction, we will do anything to get those damn drugs into our system. You are not alone. I think we all have done things we regret when it comes to our drugs of choice.

As for starting suboxone, I know it can be scary. I think you will be pleasntly suprised at how well this medication works. For me, it took away the OBSESSION to use almost immediately. I don't think about opiates 24 hours a day anymore. I am still working as an RN while taking it but my job does not know. Some states will not allow you to work as an RN while taking sub. You should check with your states Board of Nursing to find out for sure.

So did your job turn you in to the Board of nursing, or call the cops or anything? That was such a fear for me at the end of my using. I was taking large amounts of dilaudid and morphine...it was only a matter of time before I was caught. That fear of being caught was one of the reasons for me going to detox and starting suboxone.

I would love to hear more about you if you feel like posting...or you could even send a private message if you want. And welcome to this site. This is a great place for support. I know there are more RN's on here too so know you are definately not alone!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:51 am 
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Thanks so much for your reply. It is so helpful when I here someone else in a similiar situation. Basically I was lucky because I worked for a small company somewhat blackmailed me. Another words they wouldn't report me if I wouldn't report some of the unethical things they do with money( which is crap, but good for me). I am up for another job at a hospital. I currently had a prescription for Lortab so Im just waiting on the medical review officer to contact me. I am really scared that they will be able to tell , by my UA, that I was abusing them. I really don't know how it works. I am just so happy that I am going to get on Suboxone this Friday. I can't help but think about some of the embarassment I will suffer(eventhough I deserve it and that should be the least of my worries) if my old coworkers find out. I almost think that this was a blessing. Weirdly, I am kind of glad my secrets out and Im not carrying it around with me anymore. My family has been great! So your employer don't know you are on suboxone? They told me it doesn't show up on a UA, is that true?


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 6:20 am 
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Hey angie, congrats on taking the first step toward getting your freedom back. Suboxone has kept me off narcotics for almost 6 months. Your feelings of hopelessness will fade. No more living your life just trying to survive till you get the next fix. I hope everything works out for you. Keep us up to date

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 7:26 am 
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Hi Angie and welcome,

We have other RN's here and I'm sure they will see your post and chime in with their experiences. Your fear about starting sub is completely normal. Even though it is a change for the better, it's still a HUGE change and it's expected to have some anxiety and fear about it. But before you know it the wait will be over. Many, many people report feeling "normal" very soon into their induction - you will be quite surprised.

As for working as an RN while being on suboxone, well, I'm not an RN, so I can't answer that question for you. I do, however, recall at least one RN here talking about it, but I can't recall the details so I'll leave it to them to explain their experience(s) to you. I do think it might vary from state to state though.

I'm glad this forum has helped you to feel not so alone. That's what we're here for. And please, try not to feel so ashamed. Addiction (I believe) is a disease and we are working to become well again. You are doing a great thing in taking action to get into remission/recovery. Shame is, in a way, living in the past. And that does us no good except to keep us from living in the present. So try to ease up on yourself. Let us know how your induction goes!

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:44 pm 
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Hi Angie,

I am still working in the same hospital where I was diverting. When I realized that the use was becoming out of control I told my boss I was having an emergency and would have to take some time off. I went to detox, got on sub, did some out patient rehab at night. I went back to work when I was ready. They didn't drug test me or anything because they never suspected I was doing anything wrong. So yeah, Im on sub and they have no idea. I don't even know if it is legal for me to be working in my state while on it. Yes this is very dishonest but I feel sort of trapped. My family needs my income. I work alot less than I used to though because I know I shouldn't be around narcotics at all. Its just hard for me to find a different job right now because I am having trouble getting stablized on some other meds I'm taking.

As for the drug testing....No, the drug test will not show that you are abusing any meds. It will just show up as a positive result. There is a type of drug test that will show suboxone.....but I understand that most places don't use it. I cant be sure though what type of test your future employer will use though.

So good luck starting the sub! I think you will feel normal pretty fast once you get on it. Please come back and let us know how it goes! and feel free to ask any more questions you might have!

Im wishing you the best!


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 12:26 pm 
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I am new to this forum. I can tell you though that every addict I have ever met has done something they are ashamed of. One of my worst was stealing my grandmother's meds. You are owning your mistake and this is very important. Your past is good to remember because it shows where drugs take you. You must always remember in a healthy manner though. You can't change your past. Beating yourself up over mistakes you made is never a good practice.

I recommend you take this one baby step at a time. Don't even think of tomorrow. You are entering a time where you live by the minute. What drove me in the early days was "doing the next right thing". That is what I focused on. This doesn't mean you can ignore what is required of you obviously. You need to train your brain to think about now. Figure out what needs to be done today and take care of it. Sobriety is always first though. I always suggest being honest. Your situation is not at all unique. The health care industry is loaded with addicts. I know that doctors have their own private meetings in my town. There is usually a few doctors that show up at regular meetings that have talked about these private meetings. The point for you that is important to realize is that you are not unique. With a little bit of effort you will probably be able to find other people in your profession who are addicts.

Always make sobriety first. :idea: I think Suboxone will prove to be a miracle for you. You understand that Suboxone works as a blocker to other opiates. If you took 40 Lortab 10s while on Suboxone you would get no buzz at all from them. With that in mind why would you ever want to steal or take any and chance losing your job? You wouldn't. Suboxone also stays in your system for a long time. It is not like you have one weak moment and your back at square one. You would have to stop Suboxone for about 10 days to be able to get a buzz from another opiate. You would also go through hell.

This is a new day for you. Enjoy the ride call life. It is fun living life on life's terms. Best of luck to you.


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