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PostPosted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 9:16 pm 
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I haven't been on the site the last couple of days...so much going on, family on my mom's side (my aunt - uncle) came to visit yesterday, and after they left last night, my wife started asking me about my brother (on my dad's side) ...she was reading on her facebook about something happening, and saw RIP with his name.
Soon as I read the post she was talking about, my heart dropped..literally. It was like, beating oddly, and I sat up in the bed to light a cigarette...and send my cousin (who made the FB post) a private msg...

So I proceed to ask my cousin ...the message started out with me saying "hey"...
she responded with "hey, are u ok?"...
I immediately knew...and I told her that I hadn't heard anything from anyone...and she started apologizing and sent me her cell so I could call her...
So I made that call...she started talking about my brother being with 2 "friends" who drove him to an ER..
30 seconds into our phone call...my dad calls. You'd have to know the story here, but my dad and I are close...but we just never call each other. I text him, regularly...updates with the kids and such..but we just don't call each other. So for my dad to be calling me at 11:45pm at night...I didn't want to hear him say it.

My brother, 28 years old, is gone.

So the two "friends"...they drove him from Slidell, LA, to Picayune, MS to the ER there. WHY? We don't know that. But they took that 45 minute ride, went to the ER in Picayune, just across the MS line, and went into the ER and said they needed help to get him out.
They stayed and talked to the cop that was stationed at the hospital..turns out, my brother had been dead for 30 minutes or so before they arrived. After they spoke with the cop, they left and didn't wait around to speak with the cops that filed the report.
They don't know why, or what happened...YET.
It's suspected he had a massive heart-attack due to drug overdose.
The autopsy has been done but we haven't got that answer on a cause.
My brother wasn't your average ...well, ME. he wasn't the dopehead..he was very smart. A lot going on in his life, and he and I had grown pretty close the last few years...I know he was depressed...but I find it VERY hard to believe that he willingly did this.

And I"m still in Alabama for now..until I find out the arrangements. It's tearing me up inside to not be near my dad...and to know he's hurting like he is.
So, this fucking disease has claimed another life, someone's son, someone's cousin, someone's FATHER (he had a 1 year-old)...and MY BROTHER. So this particular "statistic" is really hitting home, I've sat around all day saying "I didn't take enough pics the last time we visited...", and been crying off and on because I should've sent him more texts or called him more often...
He didn't even like that I was on Suboxone, because it was still a "drug"...
Really the only time me and my brother had any sort of disagreement..but he knew I was straight and not doing what he had seen the usual 'people on drugs' doing...and I tried explaining Suboxone to him, but we just left that convo alone after a while and focused on being brothers instead.

It really broke my heart to tell my daughter this evening...I held back before school because I didn't want to hit the kids with that when they were going off for the day...so we waited until they came home. My daughter loved her uncle, and he loved her too...
Everyone thought the world of my brother...he didn't have an enemy in the world that I know of...and loved his own baby dearly. So many questions, and there will never be enough answers to cover them all.

So, my message to all of you...save someone's life. Not tomorrow..not next week...NOW!! You never know what might happen...or what you may regret if something does happen. I wish I could've talked to him one more time...or just one more text.
It really hurts...and I fear that the majority of hurt is yet to come, when we have to make that long drive for our final goodbyes. I told my wife that I never dreamed I would be planning a trip to Louisiana to bury my brother. Every trip we've made down there in the last 11 years has been full of joy, all smiles...and the only tears shed was me...when it was time to go and I had to tell my dad "bye"....he's just that kind of person. I'm a 34 year-old man, and I hated saying goodbye like you wouldn't believe. Mainly because I'm 5 hours away...
The last few trips, I would manage to hold it together, but my kids would cry...for my dad and for my brothers...but mainly for Adam, that was his name. My other two brothers are younger, and they aren't as good with kids as Adam was....all the kids loved Adam to pieces.

I dunno how to end, so I'll just say I'm done with this post now. I hope this encourages someone to either stop, or help someone they know.

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


Last edited by jonathanm1978 on Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 9:34 pm 
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I'm very sorry to hear that, Jonathan. Someone so young and leaving behind a 1-year-old son... it's heartbreaking. What was your brother's name?

I hope you continue to stay in Suboxone treatment. Staying straight can be difficult through times like this.

Sorry again for your loss. I'm new to the forum and don't know you at all, but every time a life is lost like this it is a tragedy, and I really do feel for you and your family.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 10:04 pm 
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Oh wow Jonathanm. Condolences to you and the entire family. It's so sad to hear the news and I'm sure you are second-guessing what you might have done or said more to him. I'm sure he knew you loved him, and you cared deeply about him. It will be tough, but you will get through this.

It's always difficult to know what to say at times like these, but just know we care, and will be thinking of you in the next few days/weeks. Take care my friend and again I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hugs,
Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 8:50 am 
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Title corrected..I'm not admitting or denying any use of my brain this week...it could be off in another state...so pardon my grammatical errors if some happen to come up.

We should find out today what the arrangements are, but I went ahead and booked the room yesterday. And the closer to time for us to leave, the more I'm fearing that long drive and even more, seeing my dad. I've never seen this man cry before..I haven't spoke to him on the phone since the night he called me...and he's taking it pretty hard. We chatted on FB this morning and I finally told him I had to go...just tears my heart out to not be down there already.

Thanks for the kind words.

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:47 am 
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Johnathan,

I am sorry to hear about your brother. I remember you mentioning him when you were refering to your suboxone use. hope you stay strong and keep on the path you are going with your suboxone. It is times like now that your sobriety will be tested and YOU can set an example of how to react to LIFE.

All I can say is to be there for your family and surround yourself with support.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 6:16 pm 
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We made it into Louisiana, and I am not going to spend much time posting or telling exactly what went on with my brother....but this is as fucked up as I've ever heard in my life. My dad..he's not doing well at all...and blaming himself.
At any rate, I'll try to check in tomorrow sometime after the services

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 6:34 pm 
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I'm really sorry for your loss, Jonathon. I can only imagine the pain your Father is feeling, that is just awful. I feel like I should have a PhD in losing loved ones, but even so, there are no words that I can say to make you feel better. Hang in there and stick close to your family.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 7:33 am 
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I just wanted to add my condolences Jonathan. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I have no words to make it better. As others said, just be with your family and support each other in your grief.

Prayers for you my friend.

Q

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 7:58 am 
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So, I wanted to say I appreciate the thoughts during this. And I also wanted to add that this sudden loss of life...it was due to the VERY thing that I spend so much of my time here on this site, reading, discussing, and telling others about.
It's hard to type this....
Why didn't I tell my own brother the things I told people in an internet forum that I don't know if I saw on the street?
People have told me that I have a calling for helping others in addiction...yet, the very thing I tell so many people about, and even argue about in some places, is what took my brother's life.
He was mixing soma, oxycontin (that's ...my D.O.C), percs, and a nerve pill - likely clonapin...when his heart just couldn't handle it.

Now, the funeral had to be closed casket...because someone FUCKED UP and forgot to put him in the cooler...I haven't been online since we got here because this has been a VERY difficult thing to hear my family talk about...how bad they fucked him up and just didn't care...and how money and dirty politics is going on in Slidell and Gulfport, MS...
it was "technician" error. Someone's going to pay for their mistake though...my dad is beyond pissed.
We all missed out on having the closure we were wanting to have because of a mistake....a mistake that never should've happened. They said it's the first time it's happened in 12 years...but it still doesn't help.

At any rate, there have been quite a few moments since I've been here that have broken me down to the very core of my existence. I've grown closer with some parts of the family...like my brother's mom. We've been coming here for 12 years...and that entire time, I didn't think that she really liked me. For a little history, my brother's...all 3 of them are her sons. I'm a half-brother...so I have a different mom.
And she's from Beirut. So their culture is a little different (yes, we had some reading from the Quran at the funeral service as well).
As soon as we got to the funeral home on the day of the services...I held the door for two women, but I didn't recognize them. Turns out, I didn't really remember what my brothers' mom looked like...and I held the door for her and didn't know it. But we were the only ones here....my family and I, my dad, my uncle, and my brother's mom and grandmother on that side.
So she went into the room with the casket...and sat beside the casket. Almost the entire time, she never left his side (by the casket)....except when she asked me to be a paw bearer. And she cried on my shoulder and told me how Adam, my brother, would tell her that "I gotta go by dads, Jonathan and the kids are coming"...the she had me take her to the little hallway waiting area to meet my wife and kids.
I was so touched by that. It was like...a new beginning for us...I never knew she thought that much of me, and after everything was over...and the graveside service was over...I hugged her again and told her that I was very honored by being a paw bearer...and thanked her...

and today, when we leave...we're going to stop by her house and say goodbye...that's also a first ...never since we came down here all these years have we ever done that. Didn't know her address until yesterday!!

These aren't memories that I want to keep...and I hate it takes this to bring family together. But then again, I DO want to remember this...and if people thought I was hardcore about drugs and shit before...they just don't know my backstory.
You guys do. You guys know, from here own out, when I say things about drugs and overdosing...how it's touched home for me...
I think I have cried out all the tears I can create for the next few days, and never thought my heart would be so broken by one choice a person made to eat pills....
just one...excursion of wanting to feel that pill rush....and it was more than the body could take and caused loss of life.
I'll be posting when I get back home, once I can gather myself and get my thoughts straight.
We're leaving in a little while and it's time to pack up and get ready to check-out of the room.

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 15, 2013 3:20 pm 
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I can't say anything that will make it better. I know that. All I can say is how sorry I am that you're going through this pain.

Amy

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 1:57 pm 
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I am so sorry Jonathanm1978,

It was an accident, pure and simple. If you can do it, let the anger go. Yes, they messed up at the funeral home. People make mistakes. Let it go, it wasn't on purpose and I'm sure they feel terrible about it.

I too lost my brother by an overdose. One day I may discuss it with you. Right now, it's your time to grieve.

Look at all the good times and remember him with a smile. Focusing on blame won't make things better. He deserves to have his entire family only talking about what a good decent man he was. Be strong, make him proud.

You and yours are in my thoughts,

rule

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2013 6:33 pm 
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I understand a mistake..and I could even forgive it...but it's something that was taken from all of us in the closure process...and we'll never, ever be able to get that ....no matter who pays for what or what is done. I don't blame any one particular person for this....I blame a lack of checks and double-checks. This is a human..someone's son, someone's cousin, someone's FATHER...and my brother.

I didn't know I had this brother until I was 24. We didn't have years and years of fun times. I had barely a decade to learn about him, and for us to become close...and we had to do this via phones and the occasional trip to Louisiana...so distance was the biggest factor in it all. I should've had many more years with my brother. Should've had many more trips to see him literally love the hell out of my kids...and play with my 19 month old ...she'll never know how great her uncle was as a person, and how kind-hearted he was. He had a daughter, also 2 years old...she will never know the love her father had for her....ever.

Now, I understand that they didn't take his life....but they did take away the ability to have that closure ...or to even know the exact cause of his death. What if it was something he's passed onto his child, which if caught could save her life...otherwise it won't be. An autopsy couldn't, and won't ever determine his exact cause of death.
We just "ASSUME" that's what happened because of the crowd he was with and what they were doing..and the chain of events after they left him at ER.
Assuming doesn't give you much to go on for the rest of your life when it comes to this sorta thing...

Worst part...they admitted their mistake. They even sent a check for $10,000 to cover funeral expenses (to the funeral home)...which was promptly refused. And they admitted that it was a "technician error"..

Here's a good story to read....about St. Tammany parrish in Louisiana. Guess where my brother lived? Slidell, Louisiana....

http://www.fox8live.com/story/23673291/ ... s-react-to

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 4:51 am 
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Jonathan...I am so very sorry for your loss. I know it must be really hard and you family is in my prayers.

About the mix up at the funeral home..I would like to comment. We own two funeral homes where I live
and when a person dies the first thing we ask is for permission to embalm. Most people give us that
permission...and in doing so after the person is embalmed there would be no need for a cooler or any
such thing. If a person chooses to be cremated, however..that person is put in a cooler until cremation
can be done..which is right away. So I do not understand why this funeral home did not embalm your
brother...knowing all the family was coming to have closer..i would feel like whoever in your family that
was in charge of this would have wanted your brother taken care of so that the rest of the family could
say there goodbyes when they arrived...just doesn't make any sense to me...a mistake?? I don't think
so...who would not prepare a loved one??

we have been in the funeral business for over 40 years and this just would not happen...who would leave
a loved one not embalmed or not in the cooler..it just does not make sense??

sorry to talk about such blunt things..but i just felt you should know this.

Slipper

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 18, 2013 5:44 am 
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Thank you Slipper...
We can't figure it out either...he was supposed to have the autopsy right away (due to his age, it was required by state law)...
I know in Alabama, the age is 42...anyone who passes away under 42 years old gets autopsy in most cases...
But this was Louisiana. He was 28....

When it comes to this situation...there will ALWAYS be too many questions and never enough answers to cover it.

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Adam Wayne P.
DOB: July 1, 1985
October 8, 2013

RIP little brother. Gone, but not forgotten.


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