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PostPosted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 10:00 pm 
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:cry: I am new to this sight...I'm a pain pill addict even typing it feels strange..ughhh. I'm in the middle of a relaspe and I'm going to explain why so plz all bear with me...I'm crazy @ the moment totally brain dead more than usual. Anyways I been on subs close to a year unlike some I hve no problem staying on them ...hey I'm sick and to me subs is the xure. When I met my sub dr to get help lord knows I needed it..I would probaly sell my soul to get a percocet ! I was told in order to stay on subs I wud be required to go to counciling once a month with his choice of counciler and ytou will never guess ha ha their friends..I sisnt like that but beggars can't be choosers..well all was well until docs friend stopped taking my insurance and the nightmare begins! I called my insurance and requested a list of therapist they wud cover and I called them all n guess what all were booked...I called one place 6 weeks in advnce they promised to call me wid an appointment. First lesson in life people lie ! Grrrr. Well my subs ran out and I was taking 8 mg twice daily...I love my subs they help me and give me secxurity. Well I can't go see doc for my monthly refill I have no paper signed by a counciler..I even called them to tell them what's going on that was useless ! Sorry I'm angry @ the world now...withdrawls kicked in and I got sicker than I ever thought was possible. I couldn't do anything but lay in bed curled in a vvall n cry all the symptoms with it and the anxiety ughhhh..I wanted to kill myself. I couldn't take anymore and I fell off the wagon I got some perks to help me thru rthe withdraws..now I hate myself and feel like shit! Excuse. My french..I want my subs back I'm perfectly happy staying on them forever. I have a sixkness and that helps it..wouldn't a diabetic need insulin??I should say so I don not see a diference..now I'm scared to go back to my dr with all the narxcotics in my system...he will probaly boot me out anyone have any ideas I could really use them now. I'm angry rthat I was cut off because of something rthat I had no control over...but I'm even angrier I went backto thje pill popping addict


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2012 12:38 pm 
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So your physical stop and you think your getting better.......well guess again ! I'm on day 12 of my withdraws and the depression and anxiety are worse than the frequent trips tro. The bathroom...yes I said it! ! I hurts ten times worse to see your life as worthless and you can't yet see hope....I often think why am I suffering this way? I think I'm trying to punish myself and I think. A lot of addicts do we hhavvve the never ending guilt which only adds to our depression....we don't like us a lot of the times but wwe should..life can be very hard and challenging and the addicts I feel were the more sensitive @ heart ones try to cope...I write rthis sat morning thinking about christmas and the pressure that comes with it....I haate christmas I think the underlying reason is that last year I lost my mother. Who was mmy best friend to cancer...the diagnosis and deaTh equaled 8 months....I really enjoyed taking as many pills as I could @ that time....the pain was dulled...yes my fellow addicts we have beat ourselves in the dirt and other people has done it as well....I will tell you right now in my worst deepressed state that we have been treated unfairly by ourselves and others...what have we done so bad???? We looked for a solution to ease our pain or make our quality of life more livable......my point is that I'm sitting here suffering those these horrible bouts off withdrawls and depression for no reason....suvboxone or methedone was created for many things...I don't see a debate if either one of rthose can improve anyones qualirty of life and make living with yourself more comfortable....where's the problem???society has been way too judgementall on us and our addictions and I'm tired of it....nobody has to live in our skins but us...it sickens me that we have put ourselves trhrougfh all the torment and it needs to stop..we need to love ourselves and accept that addiction is a sickness like cancer or diabetes....I will get back on my subs because trhey make me better and I will stay on them until I feel like I'm ready.....for all those no supportive people in all our livesget over it....were getting stronger and better eveery day and we will win.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2012 10:51 pm 
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Hey subgurl,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm sorry you were having such a rough time with your wd, but stopping at 16mg per day will do that to ya. I understand why you stopped....that whole situation is effed up. Do you think if you explained things to your doctor, he would understand?

You said you're getting back on Suboxone, which I think is a good idea for you...have you found a new doctor or is your old doctor taking you back?

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2012 11:31 pm 
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Hi romero....thanks for the response...I have a plan and it goes like this...I have quit the perks again...I'm flushing out my system with mega water..I had one suboxone left I have been breaking it in pieces to get thru....its working wwell..I have a lead on aa new therapist for Monday and hopefully I will see my regular dr back by Friday...hopefully the perks will be gone by then...I'm from a smmall town in sc suboxone dr's are rare...so I'm hoping to keep this one....its amazing how you can crush one 8 mg pill up and just the tiniest amoint of sub powder keep u going...mega strong...I have no problems staying on my subs I love them...I've never felt better in life..they are also being used as a last resort anti depressant now...we mesh well.....


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 02, 2012 3:40 pm 
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WOW,,,,,,,
Im soooooooo sorry your doctor's USELESS..........YEP I SAID IT....... I wanted to say something else,
but I'll wait,,,,,LOL :lol: :lol: :lol:

I wanted to post a couple links, for you, in case you want to look for a NEW doctor, and start over,,,,,
the first one, is a doctor locator, and you put in your zip and how far your willing to travel,
they give a LIST with the DR's name and number,,,, then the second one I list, is where you have
to make a "profile" and you can explain your current situation,,,, and a doctor then contacts you, via
email, I believe..... but I've also heard of people getting calls from the actual office....

http://www.suboxone.com/patients/opioid ... octor.aspx

http://www.treatmentmatch.org/patients.cfm


WELL, now that's outta the way...... I know you said your going to go back to your original doctor,
which is GREAT,,,,, Im glad your GOING BACK TO some doctor!!!
obviously you should stay on suboxone, whether or NOT you can GET INTO see a counselor or not....
JEESH......
unbelievable............
I just feel so badly for ya!!!! going off, at 16mg WOULD BE A NIGHTMARE,
AND,,,
just for the RECORD,,,,
You shouldn't feel like a piece of shiznit,,, AT ALL............I don't blame you ONE BIT, for going and getting
some percs to take the edge off, at least,,,,,,,
Not that MY opinion matters, but I understand how your probably looking at yourself right now,,,,
and you know, MY DOCTOR told ME
that "some of us"
just are NEVER the same after opiates,,,, meaning our brains actually CHANGE the way they work,
after opiate addiction or use, whatever you want to say,,,,,,,
makes sense to me, cuz I actually FELT DIFFERENT, after I started doing a "binge" here and there.......

anyways,,,,
Let me know if you need any other information/links/anything at all,,,,,
again, Im so sorry this happened, I do sincerely hope you can get back in to see your dr....
I don't know WHAT ELSE they would expect, after NOT filling your perscription,,,,
so hopefully ALL GOES WELL...................
Keep us posted on your progress, OKAY?????????????

and
[marq=right]~~~~~~~~~GOOD LUCK TO YOU MY FRIEND~~~~~~~~~~[/marq]

sending you my courage and strength today.................................................

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 11:50 pm 
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Hi amber4...thankyou for your words of encouragement and those links...I'm from a small toen and sub dr's are hard to find..I got lucky thru my pill addiction lol I met a friend who was on suboxone @ the time or I would have never heard of it ....I'm glad I did...I wanted to say a lot more too I think it was shitty! Although I finally got the counciling place to call me today and rthey also called my dr making them know this was not my fault grrrrr sorry I'm. Pissed! The grief this caused me and my family and my poor boys that will. Make me really do sum damage...n e ways I do have a dr app set up fopr thurs morning I'm drinking gallons of water to flush the peercs out...took last one sat morning...I hate I was put in this position but being bed ridden for two whole weeks due to sub withdrawls will do a number on you! I hope all goes well...I'm perfb :D ectly happy remaining on subs indefinately addiction doesn't go away so why should my meds...I've noticed suboxone improves my mood too and gives me energy so I think I'm better with them for now...I'm not one wh cares whsat anyone thinks...just ask the pharmacy that filled my last script lol they shouldn't have gave me that look..they will know better next time lol..sometimes I feel like we are judged so unfairly and I could just rip some people apart ..my pastor keeps me in check tho...thank god..I would have done blown half the county up...I will definately let you know how it goes...keep up your couragous fight and stay strong...your friend and fellow addict


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