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 Post subject: Nervous and Questioning
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:07 pm 
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So at the beginning of joining here, I was ANXIOUS to stop this Sub because of a false alarm pregnancy. Now that I am not pregnant, I am wondering WHY I am so ready to get off subs......maybe its because I can't wait to have my libido back, a normal bowel movement, and be able to walk up a hill without sweating like a horse. lol.
Anyway, my thoughts about subs are that they are amazing. I know when I first banged dope-that was IT. NOTHINg else mattered. I couldn't even face my family. It was insane how that stuff took over so fast.
I am in school and doing great. Im on 2mg films and want to jump in time to feel NORMAL by Christmas. I guess I am rambling because it's been on my mind lately as to why we all get anxious to get OFF subs. I know that it saved my life. I also know I have a great structure now so that when I am off, I wont feel the need to do drugs, but I also know that even with the most amazing support system, we all think about it at some point.

Subs gave me the buzz and the normalcy that I felt opiates gave me. I am eager to live without that "fake" feeling of happiness and just ride life on lifes terms.

Just rambling. I am at 2mg and will be staying here for a bit.
Cheers all.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 11:16 pm 
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Hi Jenzo, yeah I have been thinking about it too. I too really apreciate what sub did for me but feel kinda like I am stuck in limbo. I am not going backward but don't really feel like I am going forward. I don't know but I am happy we have this place to talk about this stuff. I am thinking of telling the Dr at my next appointment that I want to start tapering. Good luck on your taper!


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:01 am 
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I'm gonna give you guys my thoughts, even though you may not like them. I didn't quit taking Suboxone until I KNEW I was ready to quit. I mean every fiber of my being KNEW it was my time to quit. I honestly believe God flipped some kind of switch in my brain that told me it was my time to quit.

Now, with all that said, I relapsed twice around the 10 month mark off of Suboxone. I used Vicoden (Hydrocodone) for 4 days, then a few weeks later I used Vicoden again, but this time I used it for a little over a week. Then, just a few days ago, at 1 year and 3 months off of Suboxone I attempted to relapse again, but thankfully I was denied.

What I'm trying to say is that I KNEW it was my time to quit Suboxone and I relapsed twice and attempted a third. If your not completely and utterly sure it's your time to get off of Suboxone, I would be worried for you two.....worried about a relapse.

Obviously, it's ultimately your decision as to when you get off of Suboxone, if ever. I would just hate to see either of you rush it and end up fucking your lives up completely with a relapse.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:11 am 
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I have to say I agree with Romeo, if you're having doubts at all, it could be argued that you'll be at higher risk of relapse. And I know it's easy to say now that you'll never do opiates again, but try to remember that when you're off the sub, those cravings for opiates WILL come crashing back. You're not having any now because of the sub in your system still. When it comes to feeling like you're sure you'll never do them again, it gives one a false sense of security. Just remember to remain vigilant so you don't get caught unaware or surprised by it - that's when it happens, when we least expect it.

Hang in there - you don't have to decide today. Take your time and think about it, which is what it sounds like you're doing. Keep up the good work. :)

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:48 am 
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I know I don't want to rush things and to be honest even though I said I feel like I am on something (nothing close to what I felt on oxy) I am happy with where I am at. I don't want to be naieve and say I know i will never take another pain pill because that is something no one can say for sure. I do think my addiction was a bit different in the fact that it was quite short and I never escalated to snorting or anything. I always swallowed my dose just at times more than I was supposed to. The whole time I was prescribed oxy I knew in May after my surgery i would not be prescribed any more and had to stop. I went on my own told the Dr. I did not want anymore scripts and I was going on sub to help me get off oxy. I could have had a few more months of scripts but didn't take them. Also during that time I had newborn twins, was exhausted and majorly depressed. I am no longer either of those things. I feel like I have a fighting chance and sometimes think I stay on sub because I am just scared of withdrawl. Again I am not sure and will not make any hasty decisions. I am also having a hard time coming up with $550 a month for the Dr and meds. Please don't take this as me saying I am not an addict or that I am better than other addicts. I am an addict and no better than anyone, I just feel like my addiction wasn't as severe as some and don't know if warrants a long term stay on sub. Thanks for listening guys!


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:30 pm 
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Breezy_Ann wrote:
I know I don't want to rush things and to be honest even though I said I feel like I am on something (nothing close to what I felt on oxy) I am happy with where I am at. I don't want to be naieve and say I know i will never take another pain pill because that is something no one can say for sure. I do think my addiction was a bit different in the fact that it was quite short and I never escalated to snorting or anything. I always swallowed my dose just at times more than I was supposed to. The whole time I was prescribed oxy I knew in May after my surgery i would not be prescribed any more and had to stop. I went on my own told the Dr. I did not want anymore scripts and I was going on sub to help me get off oxy. I could have had a few more months of scripts but didn't take them. Also during that time I had newborn twins, was exhausted and majorly depressed. I am no longer either of those things. I feel like I have a fighting chance and sometimes think I stay on sub because I am just scared of withdrawl. Again I am not sure and will not make any hasty decisions. I am also having a hard time coming up with $550 a month for the Dr and meds. Please don't take this as me saying I am not an addict or that I am better than other addicts. I am an addict and no better than anyone, I just feel like my addiction wasn't as severe as some and don't know if warrants a long term stay on sub. Thanks for listening guys!


I think that you have a very similar story to mine, and everything you said here is something I totally relate to. My addiction was the needle/dope and very short lived. Though I did use hard-basically my moto is if you're going to do it, the DO IT. I quit fast and jumped on the sub train. Best thing I ever did. I am terrified of coming off Subs because of the WD too, and am a little uneasy about saying I would never take a pain pill for dental work or something because that simply isn't true. I am nervous, and feel the same as you do. That is why I love this forum. I have a child that is 2, and breastfed clean all the way to last Fall. after I quit, I felt huge depression and felt useless and like nobody needed me anymore. It was a downward spiral from there resulting in the May drug use of this year.
Anyway thank you for sharing. :) Much love and keep me posted on your taper. I am tapering to 1mg in about 3 weeks.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:34 pm 
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Have either of you ever read Dr. Junig's story of how he addressed his opiate addiction for years and years and years? Guess how long he was in active addiction? Six months. He's addressed this subject in one of his recent TalkZone blog posts - Check it out. Good luck to both of you, no matter what you decide. We're here for you.

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 Post subject: LOL
PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:19 pm 
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I just read Romeo and HATMakers posts. LOL. I dont ever say I will NEVER do opiates again- If I do, its one of those feeling statements, not a reality statement!
I am ready to give life a shot without the crutch of subs. I am building on top of my already awesome structure, and am looking forward to jumping. I am also, however, listening to my body and i will know when i am ready. I don't think that , nor do i BELIEVE in, saying anyone is a FUCK UP for relapsing. Life is difficult, and if we choose to act unconsciously over and over again, then that is a CHOICE. People are all the same-nobody is better or worse, and I dont believe anyone is a fuck up or should feel such tremendous SHAME for slipping up after 10 months of clean time, 10 years of clean time or 10 days of clean time. Everyone should lighten up on themselves and give themselves some credit for trying and doing your hardest to stay sober.
If you aren't surrounding yourself with the right people, cutting out the bad ones, getting a therapist, group or amazingly supportive structure, then you are setting yourself up for relapse.
IT is all a choice. Life can have dark times. I am trying to learn how to reach out instead of using, talk to people and express myself healthily.
I appreciate you guys' responses, and they were very sweet. I can't , however, live in FEAR, for that is the exact component to my addiction in the first place. So, i shall taper on and jump when ready, and smile at life's ups and downs.
cheers guys!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:24 pm 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
I have to say I agree with Romeo, if you're having doubts at all, it could be argued that you'll be at higher risk of relapse. And I know it's easy to say now that you'll never do opiates again, but try to remember that when you're off the sub, those cravings for opiates WILL come crashing back. You're not having any now because of the sub in your system still. When it comes to feeling like you're sure you'll never do them again, it gives one a false sense of security. Just remember to remain vigilant so you don't get caught unaware or surprised by it - that's when it happens, when we least expect it.

Hang in there - you don't have to decide today. Take your time and think about it, which is what it sounds like you're doing. Keep up the good work. :)


Doubts will ALWAYS be in life. One must be courageous and make conscious choices, and prepare for the process by getting a good structure built. It takes time, and cravings come and go. Those are things one must deal with regardless of staying of a medicine or not- I believe that if someone is not able to make good choices, build a good support system (NA or something), and start working on themselves, then subs are a great way to avoid relapse and that horrible shame everyone feels when they do relapse. I choose NOT to feel ashamed of being human and making mistakes. I also choose sanity and reality, and taking care of myself. Thanks for the response there HAt. you really read up on people and take the time out to respond. Just remember that not every addict is unaware of the false sense of security, as you call it. I know it all too well, and thankfully am taking that lesson with me this time ;)


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 Post subject: updateEEEE
PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:26 pm 
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so, after feeling a little nervous, I talked to my therapist and am taking more time out on the tapering, not rushing at all. it feels good to express myself though, and even when we all may feel like its "taboo" to talk about the dark stuff we ALL feel sometimes, its good to remind ourselves that we are all human and have times like this.
Breezy-keep me posted and pm me if you would like. I appreciate everyones time in reading these posts and love this forum!
xo


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 8:41 am 
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Jenzo - I hope you know I wasn't discouraging you from doing what you feel is right for YOU. I (and I believe I speak for all of us on the forum) support you no matter what you decide. So please, I hope you didn't take offense to anything I said - I certainly didn't mean it in any negative way.

Do what you know is right for you and keep expressing yourself. And you're right - we will ALWAYS have doubts no matter how sure we are about our decisions. Talking about how we feel helps us to work things out in our heads - at least it does for me. So keep talking and expressing in anyway you need to.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:10 pm 
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hatmaker510 wrote:
Jenzo - I hope you know I wasn't discouraging you from doing what you feel is right for YOU. I (and I believe I speak for all of us on the forum) support you no matter what you decide. So please, I hope you didn't take offense to anything I said - I certainly didn't mean it in any negative way.

Do what you know is right for you and keep expressing yourself. And you're right - we will ALWAYS have doubts no matter how sure we are about our decisions. Talking about how we feel helps us to work things out in our heads - at least it does for me. So keep talking and expressing in anyway you need to.


Thanks and I didnt take it in a negative way at all. I am going to keep typing here because I feel like it is my only outlet.
Thanks:)))

PS. I got a new counselor and he is so amazingly helpful-he is helping me really calm down and focus on myself. I am so happy I got switched to this awesome dude at the clinic!!!


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