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PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 2:35 pm 
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Today is day 17. Yesterday was the worst day in awhile. The hypertension from stopping the clonidine plus the total lack of sleep and the reg wd anxiety was a nightmare. I went back to the dr, and she gave me more of the BP Meds and trazadone for sleep.

I slept a total of 8 hours last night. I feel so much better. I had some mild anxiety, but the clonidine and focusing on work helped with that. If I don't stay busy I tend to feel worse.

I've made it to a meeting each night. I'm actully working the steps and have a sponsor for once. Today is a good day.


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 Post subject: Daily Updates
PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 3:13 pm 
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Hi Chris,

Reading your daily reports have been really great. Seeing up close the struggles, anxiety, and overall crappy withdrawals lets us all know what we will face if we decide to stop. The w/d's are different for everyone. Watching how you've dealt with yours is very impressive. Your determination to succeed is so friggin' awesome!

Keep the postings coming our way. I look forward to the day you post w/o any ill effects.

R62

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:29 pm 
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Thanks a ton. You post help a lot. From what I have read I should of tapered, but wasn't an option. I every sub doc I called was full. It's been a painful 17 days, none where as bad as the first few days of oxy or the devil opana. The length of it all is the hard part.

Also, I must add that if you recieve clonidine from your dr, be sure to taper. The rebound hypertension is not fun.

Also forgot to post that I was RSL free last night.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 8:16 pm 
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Hey Chris,

You pretty much hit the nail on the head when you said, "If I don't stay busy I tend to feel worse."

Keeping your mind and body busy helps tons with wd.

Early on in my wd, the evenings were my worst time of day. I would get so damn antsy in the evening that I started hopping in my car, putting my favorite AC/DC cd in and BLASTING it as I drove around for 1/2 hour or an hour or however long it took for me to feel better. Music can really help get your mind off your wd.

Stay strong, man. The most intense part of your wd is over, now it's a matter of being patient with yourself as your brain right's itself and heals.

Here's a link to one of my alltime favorite motivational speeches, it's only two and half minutes long, but it's powerful.....give it a listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ewqnfufbs9I

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:54 am 
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It's the morning of day 18. Wow what a difference a day makes. I'm pretty sure the acute wds are over. I slept 8 hrs and only awoke once do to a using dream, but I feel right back asleep.

I got up, and the wd anxiety that hits me as soon as my eyes open never came. I had a normal BM(sorry, but we all know how that goes.) I'm sure the PAWS will come and go in the weeks to come. I'm looking forward to the rest of my day instead of just waiting on it to end.

Thanks
Chris


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:52 am 
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Hey my bud!

Dude your rounding up on 20 days here. Holy shit! NIICE I'm so proud of you!!!!

Aaah, 8 hours?! Ok, NOW I'm def jealous. You lucky duck, you!!! :wink: and no morning anxiety? Well well, I applaud you. (But I'm still a tid bit jealous) next time I'm going to refer people over your way, sheesh! Lol

Keep up whatever you're doing. You're a soldier man.... Keep fighting.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 18, 2013 9:22 am 
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Thanks Jenn,

Your right it has been a fight. It has been hard. My mind is in a good place, but my body is still recovering from the 18 days of hell it went through. I'm feeling pretty dang good today. I'm having stomach issues. I don't think is w/d. It's more likely something my 2 y/o brought home. He is sick also.

Things are differant this time. I have been sober and relapsed too many times to count. W/ds have almost became a way of life. I know it's not for everyone, but I have gone started going to meetings, got a sponsor and started step work. This has helped so much. Having people that share my problem, being able to get all this crap off my shoulders makes this much easier.

Here is to a day that is better than the last
Thanks
Chris


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 10:23 am 
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Hey it's day 20!

I'm still feeling pretty dang good. I'm still feeling very mild anxiety. It's not bad at all. No panic what so ever. I'm getting about 6 hours of sleep with the help of trazadone. I still wake up before my alarm, but that's ok. The bowels are still not normal, but they are getting better.

All in all everything is so much better. I have been smiling, laughing and am finding interest in normal things.

It's getting better.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 10:27 am 
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Hey Chris,

Sounds like you've made it over the mountain! It's definitely a fight.

I'm so glad your interest are back, feels great right? It only gets better! The meeting sound excellent along with the other things you're doing. Sounds like you've come to grips with your battle and you're doing everything to better and protect yourself. Temptation pops out of NOwhere.... Trust me! I ran head first into it when I was least expecting it.

Hope your stomachs feeling better, too.

-Jennifer

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 19, 2013 7:49 pm 
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Hey Jen and everyone.

Thanks for the support!

I have a question? I woke up from a nap today (it was the first one, dang I was tired), and as soon I did I had a very fearful panic for a couple of mins. I have never felt this type of panic/anxiety during wd. I also have never had panic upon awakening once the acute w/d was over.

Is this still accurate wd? Is it just bad paws? Will it go away?


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 9:52 am 
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It's the morning of day 21. I feel pretty good. Not nervous but not calm. I'm still not sleeping well. Although I only got 4 hours last night, I'm not tired today.

I have had a fleeting thought about using Xanax or having a drink. I just want to relax. However, I know I can't. I'm an addict. I can only get better by not using any type of mind altering substance.

I'm in a much better place than even a week ago. The home life still sucks, it is almost beyond repair, but all I can do about it is recover.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:35 am 
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Hey Chris,

Sigh... Panic/anxiety isn't uncommon after a 'restful' period. I went through about a week of it, but its gone now for the most part. It's almost as though your brain realizes it was asleep and panics to compensate with the healing process. Idk? But it's not fun. If I took a nap or anything of the sort, I'd wake up with horrible anxiety and feel full blown w/d.

It's not easy, Chris, I know it can be extremely difficult. I'd just get into the habit of waking up with a routine if possible. I jump in the shower every morning and it helps immensely. I do the same routine every morning which keeps my mind off of crap and gets me going. As far as paws or not, it's difficult to say at this point. I think you're experiencing the 'norm' so far.

I'm glad you realize the temptation of Xanax and a drink is not good or your recovery. Yes, us addicts must be careful. Once we get going there's no end in sight. There's never enough. Our brains always trying to justify "one drink" or "I'm going to have one drink for relief." I know you want relief, I know all too well. That's when I screwed up very early on in my recovery. It's a process bud. Not a sprint. I'm still in recovery and I will be for the rest of my life.

You're doing great. As far as the home life, it must be very hard for you. That can absolutely contribute to random panic and anxiety, and temptation. Try to keep up with your counselor for extra support and someone to vent to. Get that crap off your shoulders once and a while. Don't forget that everyday will be different and challenging/rewarding in its own way. You'll have ups and down, good and bad days. You're only human:)

-Jen

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 12:03 pm 
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Good morning! Its a good day to have 23 days clean. I didnt sleep well, last time I checked the clock it was almost 4am. The anxiety is pretty much gone. I stated taking the amino acid l-tyrosine and b6. It's supposed to help the brain and boost you mood and energy. I have to say it really seems to work for me. However, don't take it if you have anxiety. Last week I took it and it made me freak out!

I'm off work today so I'm taking my fam to the new children's museum. Sould be plenty tired when that's done!


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:04 am 
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Hi Cracker..
I am proud of what you have done so far. But I have a different outlook on addiction that i would like to share. It may not
be the best way, but it works for me. I was addicted to hydrocodone for 29 years...i went to NA, AA, 5 treatment centers
and nothing ever worked for me. I was in AA for 20 years and talked the talk but did not work the program. These are
great programs and they work for many people and I am certainly not downing them.

Finally I heard about bup and found a Dr. He started me on 16mg. (too much for anyone)and within an hour I felt like
a normal human again. I have been on it for 3 years. I am taking 6mg. and it covers my addiction. I don't even think
about pain pills anymore..I live a normal life again, and I am happy again. My goal is to get to 4mg and if that covers
me I am going to maintain on it . I don't know how long, but my problem is that I am an addict and as soon as I get
off the bup I would be right back out there...and each time you go back out you take more and more. My husband of 43
years has stayed with me through this, but there were many times I thougt surely he was going to leave me. My children
are grown and have had to watch me destroy myself and I am not proud of that. I did things (as we all do) that I am
not proud of. I became a different person with no conscience, just get enough pills to last me through the next day or
week. At the end I was taking 20 10mg. hydros a day. It is a miracle I am not dead. I could not go to work without it,
I could not raise my kids without it , I could not function without it. The suboxone took me out of all of that.
My fear for you is what are you going to do when this is all over?? If you are an addict you will eventually want the pills
again and may relapse. The suboxone has kept me from doing that.

This is just how I am doing it. If your way is working and you can do it your way it would be much better for you. I hope
you can do it. You are doing very well so far. But I have been where you are and failed and failed. You said you
could not find a bup Dr. There is a list on the forum of Drs in your area...I would keep calling until I found one.
Many will not agree with me. Getting off the bup is no picnic either. My dr. is older and he could retire..every month I
save pills and have a stash for when something like that happens so I will have enough until I can find another Dr.
I never took street drugs and do not know how to buy them on the street..so I had to doctor shop. It was really expensive.
Thank God I don't have to live like that anymore! This is just my way. You need to do what you need to do. I just wanted
to mention it. I am no doctor. I am a nurse and thank God I never took drugs from work and lost my license. I am
now retired.
I wish you the best of luck, and I know exactly how you feel, believe me...I have had all your symptoms...and you might
watch the benzos..they are as bad as the pain pills. I was always taking a lot of benzos with my hydro to try to sleep.
It never worked..I was on 4mg of klonopin a day for a long time and decided to get off...My dr put me on valium and
slowly withdrew me over a period of about a year. i had no withdrawal at all. She believed in the Ashton Method. You
can google the Ashton Manual and find out about this. It is the only way to get of benzos.

This is all just my opinion...and what is working for me. It is sure not for everyone.
I wish you all the best.
Sincerely,
Slipper

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 8:30 am 
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Thanks man. It's day 26 and feeling good. Sleep is coming back. I find my self getting mad easily. My back also kills me by the need of the day. Besides that it's going well, and I'm still working my program.

About the benzos, I have been horrible addicted to them in the past, but not now. I took 10mg of Valium for the first couple days to help, but nothing since.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 26, 2013 10:36 am 
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27 days! Sprites are high. I'm sleeping well, but I still get so tired in the afternoon. I;m working hard on myself, and trying to do the next right thing.

I'm still having home troubles. The wife is trying some, but she is still mad, and she is taking her rage out on me. I got called an idiot and retarded last night. I didn't get mad. Just trying to accept it.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2013 3:54 pm 
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Hey cracker,

I'm sorry you're having troubles at home, that's never fun.

Are you dealing with those troubles in a healthy way? Are you still going to AA/NA? Still doing your step work? Stay on top of your recovery or drugs will quickly be on top again!!

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 8:47 am 
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Hey guys,

It been awhile. I'm still sober. Its been 66 days. I feel great. I still don;t sleep well and I can be pretty tense sometimes, but I'm great!

I'm very big in NA/AA. Its the only thing keeping me sane. By the grace of god, I have made it this far.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 9:35 am 
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Hell yeah....keep on doing it cracker! 66 days is a long time. I remember when I had 60 days clean in NA and picked up that green tag. I felt good about it, but still felt overall restless and irritable as I wondered when I would start to feel decent more often than not. Well, I just recently picked up the six month tag and I was all smiles and actually had to stop and reflect on how good I felt (certain lightness of being).

The sleep thing without a doubt gets better, although slowly. If I look back it has been something that I can see improving from month to month increments. Mine is fairly stable now after 6 months clean (1 year post sub).

I also can't do it without NA. I have learned this is a great truth for me, but it may not be so for others.

By the grace of god is right! My gratitude speaks.....


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