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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 6:39 am 
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Hi all... just joined this forum and it looks like a place where my fiancé and I can finally get some answers. Please help us... we're both scared, I'm getting fed up and becoming someone I'm not (a little mean) and we need help. He's been on methadone replacement for 8 months... was at 60mg. He started a quick taper because we could't pay anymore and he got down to 30 mg. On Tuesday, he took a subutex from a doctor that had him take 3 methadone pills with 1 sub...???? CRAZY, right??? Of course, he went into horrible instant WDs. He took 4 more methadone pills, but hasn't taken any since (5 days ago). Yesterday he began to lose it and snorted a half oxy80. His doctor then gave him vicodin... he took 11 over the course of the day today, bunch of weed (like everyday) and took a gabapentin and 2 vicodin tonight/this morning at 1 am.

He wants to begin the subs tomorrow... I have the COWS thing and want to wait til he's back in moderate WD... can he take it less than 12 hours after the last dose?? I know he's gonna want to take the sub as soon as he gets up... what should I do? He's given me all the meds... he REALLY wants to stop once and for all with everything... He's at the bottom, having put me into debt and now I'm trying to sell my possessions. He doesn't want to hurt me or his family anymore. He wants to get on subs just for the time to get past the methadone WDs and then taper off and quit everything. He truly wants this now.

Please give us some advice. I've stuck with him through some HORRIBLE experiences, violent experiences (especially when he got off Klonopin), but I know his heart is good. But, honestly, I am often afraid of him and the stress of this is, at times, unbearable.

What should I do??


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:43 am 
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It might sound blunt, but sounds like the best way to help both him and you is to leave the relationship. It doesn't matter how sick a person is, there is no excuse for being violent to your partner like that. You do not deserve to live in fear. Love and fear are not meant to mix!

Him being abusive, controlling, violent is NOT about his addiction. It is about him not having the courage to face up to the state of his own life, and instead projecting his own pain on those around him. Even if he wasn't using drugs, there will likely be the inevitable painful moments in life where he'll want to take it out on those around him. The violent / abuse streak in some people, IMO, runs a lot deeper than the addiction issues.

Judging only by your post, I have doubts he really is at "the bottom" (if there is a single such thing). If you are selling YOUR possessions and you're bailing him out at YOUR expense, you are only propping him up and making it easier for him to keep doing what he's doing. For me, the real confronting low points in my addiction, the ones that made me look hard at myself, came when I was alone, and when all the people I was using and manipulating had bailed on me.

Also the state of his drug use at the moment - the daily weed, the impulsive attempts at getting clean, the rapid-detoxes, relapses and self-medication... It's not really a sign of a person who's ready and stable enough for long term recovery. That kindof chaos reminds me of some of the sicker moments of my using, and I had a LOT of growing up to do before I was ready for a clean healthy life. Years at least.

I really hope you and your fiance find your feet soon. Honestly, I think the only chance of that happening is if you leave him. Once that abusive / co-dependent dynamic is going in any relationship, it's very hard to break out of.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 12:01 pm 
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I agree with what TJ posted above. You shouldn't have to be afraid of your partner/fiance/spouse. My husband and I are both dealing with our addictions together and were previously on methadone (50mgs) a day prior to getting on subs. We went 3 1/2 days without methadone prior to getting our subs and went through some WD's together - both of us feeling like crap. But at no time were we ever angry at each other or violent with one another. In fact, just knowing that we were able to start suboxone treatment soon made any withdrawal feelings less intense - because we knew we wouldn't be in pain forever and that we were on the right track.
I was wondering if you are currently on subs or are you a non-user just trying to get help for your fiance? I know you care about and love this man and want to offer him support. However, it makes me sad to hear that you're trying to help this guy out, selling your property, seeking answers for him via this forum, etc - but is he doing anything for himself?
If your fiance has a prescription for subs and he's serious about getting off the oxys, vicodin and methadone. He should simply wait until he's in moderate withdrawal (the time frame for this will vary depending on his body chemistry). If he hasn't had methadone in 5 days thats probably good for starting subs. But if he had oxy or vicodin lately - i'm thinking he'd want to wait at least 12-24 hours after taking these to start the subs. Again, it just depends on his level of withdrawal. Once the WD starts, then he can start the subs. If he's really serious about getting on the subs and working on his recovery, he will wait until he's in WD, start the subs and work with his doctor or therapist moving forward.
I hope he is able to get through this and is able to work on his recovery. Whether he chooses to do so or not, you should not be living in fear. I know you want to help, but please do not compromise your own well-being. Best wishes to both of you.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 1:27 pm 
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Thank you both for your advice. Don't think all of those thoughts haven't crossed my own mind repeatedly. My biggest problem is I'm planning to go home where my friends and family are from where I am now. I'm a bit trapped. As soon as I sell some of this stuff, we're heading back where I can get the support. Right now, NO ONE knows, except his family. My family would be mortified... we're all Christian. That's another reason I wanted to stay... I know how my life was changed by my faith.

I've never used drugs, didn't even like weed, but I am a recovering alcohol, which hasn't been an issue for me over the past year. I was sober 10 years, then relapsed last year, but it's not even a thought again. Even during the worst of moments recently, I never felt like drinking anything.. never. But, I have learned that I am co-dependent and I am actually working on that more than the alcohol thing because I believe that is the root of my addiction.

He's up now and we're going to try the sub therapy that Robert_523 talks about. Do you know anything about this method?? I know he's in withdrawal by his dilated eyes, but he's actually in a really good mood... it's weird!!

Anyway, I in a mixture of relief and fear being able to voice my concerns to anyone but him. I'll be back later... thanks so much!! I realize how lonely I've been.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 3:43 pm 
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I mean tear said it perfectly!

Ya know for the longest time my mom enabled my addiction and once she said no i got clean a few weeks later. I would never admitt it at the time but her saying no and kicking me out WAS BY FAR THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPEND TO ME!!! Once i was on my own the ones close to me stop buying my bullshit excuses i than realized i as at my true rock bottom. I used my pain to manipulate/ get me anything i wanted i even had my mom calling my Drs crying saying brents in so much pain he ran out of pills and can u call in a early refills. And so much more i put so many people in danger all bc of what i wanted.

My point is if you truly love him leaving him is the best thing u can do for him right now. This is the true test of love he will hate you for it now but once hes clean he will realize why u did what u did and if he cant see that than u deserve better. There is no excuse for violence i was on opiates for serious pain for 12 years at doses that every Dr i tell jaw drops at how im even standing in front of him and not dead. And when i was in withdrawal before starting subs i never once wanted to hurt someone especially someone i love.

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Yes these drugs saved our life's. But does that mean we have to give the rest of our life to these drugs?


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