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 Post subject: Need best advice
PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 3:59 am 
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Abused oxy 150mg/narco 60/benzo 40 about daily for 7 months during that time took care of my mom which then died of cancer , I abused narcos and benzos before about a month at a time and never noticed withdraws,so I could Turkey the 7 month abuse and OMG! At frist lost interest of all my enjoyment,couldn't eat or sleep/anxiety and panic/The worst for me and has anyone else had this"when I try to sleep or just close my eyes, I get waves of adrenaline rushes and panic!!every day,during my withdraw my girlfriend's mom gets cancer,her dad gets bypast/my dad has a stroke ,and I am still trying to work,I was running on fumes and going crazy with 1 or 2 hours sleep ,major weak lost 15 pounds and anxiety panic and depression,this was going on for 4 months.2 months in my withdraw I went to a shrink and had him give me subutix but I didn't take it,paid on my own ,instead I was taking benzos 3 to 4 times a day with no help,Some times at night I would snap out of it ,only for it to return after my 2 hour sleep then the adrenaline anxiety starts again,so at four months of paws I guess I broke and had to go to ER,I told them everything and they pumped me with Xanax and made me see a shrink.they didn't put it on my recorded because I had no opiates in my system.they said I am just depressed,guess they don't know of paws.So I get to shrink who is also a addiction shrink,I was shaking panic ect/she tells me we need to work on sleep frist and gives me quetiapine and something elses/this is after I tell her my whole story.I take the meds they work for two days slept 3 hours. Still got adrenaline rushes and major panicky.I go back to shrink and she wants to add a antidepressant cymbalta,To be honest/I don't wanna take anything but I was not taking anythng and was going crazy .I didn't take the cymalta and the other meds put me back in ER because I couldn't pee.ER said everything looks OK its the meds ,So I have not felt good in 4 months in and out of Kaiser.I was going insane/I didn't want to take oxy and set me back / the meds shrink gave not working feel like I going crazy.I end up taking the subutix 8mg,It worked I felt OK for the frist time in a long time.only lasted 4 days and the depression came back.but I don't have the adrenaline rushes/so I was doing 8mg for two weeks 6 to 4 mg for two weeks the last week down to 4 mg so five weeks total.I told my shrink that I started to take subutix and I going to jump off. She told me if I wanna take subutix that I gotta drug consultant at Kaiser which might take weeks.I was like no need I have it and don't want to take it long because of withdraw be worse.so the last five weeks been bad all I do is stay in bed all day thinking and thinking with my eyes closed/its been so long that icould do that.only because of the subtix/at night I feel normal but don't want to do anything.I am so burnt out.my girlfriend and mom which has cancer helps feed me.I want to take no pills.I have not got out of house in five weeks cuz I get panicky and feel sick/but night comes I am OK.my worst fear is jumping off and adrenaline rushes going start.plus I am already messed up and panic of withdraws.I always helped everyone and trust time in my life I don't have answers.I need to get back to work and help my family and my girls mom gets treatment.she needs help to not caring for me.I can handle the depression just not the anxiety and adrenaline rushes all day.plus so scared in mornings/consulting might help but getting there and not being panicked.I have 6 /8MG PILLS from frist bottle left and wanna jump.I have to.I do have anther bottle of thirty pills.I see my shrink in two days/will be the Tristan time leaving house.I was going to see what she says.I talk to her over the phone she said she needs to see me to get me any meds.I told her I really don't want meds but don't know what to do.I am real broken and I use to be the strongest person!everyone wants to help me but don't know how.they always tell me I was always the strongest person they know.I feel like I am losing my mind.only on this fourm people understand.wry for the bad grammar.need advice guys.What meds I might need.is it going to be bad withdraw.I alwaysbeen a thinker so my brain never stops.I was able to be successful and able to control it now it just constant worked and scared of meds now but stuck custom they might help and I am a person that does not want to depend on any drugs never had to before.also I am scared of antidepressant that shrink wants to give .I did read that remron could help/my ask shrink about that/only if need I wanna just jump of sub and get life back .thxs for info.dry again about grammar and miss spelling also Kaiser mental health isnot good but that's insureds.using my savings to stay afloat don't know how long till I go to work so need to watch my money.I look up detox centers but can't find a good one in ohau.I wanna just get this over with .5 months of thinking I going crazy and I still have sub in me and scared to death of being already under wieght no appetite or happens.plus. I don't answer my phone because everyonecalls to see how I am doing and I gotta repeat myself very embresing.they can't believe it they always tell me snap out of it/I am if I could I would its not that easy I am not the same.people that don't go threw what we do don't understand


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 4:44 pm 
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Dear Auntfebs,
Welcome to the forum! I am glad you wrote in. I will tell you what I would do. I am not a doctor. I am a nurse, RN for 38 years..but still...everything I tell you is JUST MY OPINION....

First...you should take and stay on the sub!! It is the only thing that will make you feel better and get back to a normal feeling at this point. You also need to take it regularly...not here and there...do not wait until night to take it...
I would at least take 8mg. at this point...take 4 in the morning when you get up...and 4 in the afternoon....
If you have benzos...xanax,etc..take that at night to help you sleep. Remember the benzos..xanax, klonopin, ativan, etc
are addictive...you cannot just stop taking them...you have to taper off them..right now..if you have some..I would take them at night to help you sleep as you are not going to be able to sleep very well.

The sub will stop your withdrawal. The nerves, the zaps, the diarrhea, the nausea, all that will stop if you stay on the
sub. I would not even consider getting off sub at this point. You need to get your life together first and get to feeling
better..you will be able to eat and feel pretty normal..It ((sub))) does not give you a "high" like the other drugs you were taking...It is an antiagonist..and you were taking an agonist. ..... big difference. Don't think of taking sub like you are still on drugs...you are on a medicine for recovery...many people take it for 3 to 5 years...You can take it until you get your
life back on track and then decide what you want to do...you also cannot just jump off sub..without some wicked withdrawal.
This (sub) is another drug you will have to taper off of....but I would worry about that later..you need to get your life together for your kids and yourself and your family...

I don't have much for antidepressants...but that is just my opinion...I have taken them all and none ever helped me...

But..that is your choice...if you do not want to take many drugs...just stick with the sub and your anxiety med..xanax or whatever it is. If you will do this and stay on it for about two to three weeks...you will feel like a new person...
Your brain will slow down and the awful anxiety will go away...and you will not crave any drugs that you used to take.

It has been a miracle drug for me..I was just like you for 29 years in addiction and finally found sub and it has saved my life. I now can do things again...get out of the house again...see people..the fear is going away..the anxiety is less...
I do not get high..but I feel like I did when I was a child..running barefooted through the spring grass and free.

Yes, I am free...from the slavery of addiction...a miracle indeed.

Whatever you do...keep posting..others will answer and give you advice..this is a place where we care about each other
and we are here for you, too.

I know just how bad you feel..I have been there,,many, many times...withdrawal is hell on earth and you have a drug
right in front of you to stop it as soon as you put it under your tongue..let it melt..and 20 minutes later you will feel like a new person. This is what I believe with all my heart. These are my beliefs and my opinions..again..Iam no doctor..

you asked for advice and that is what I am giving...

I hope you take the bup as directed and get to feeling like a human again.
Good luck to you and God bless.
Sincerely,
Slipper

_________________
"For evil to flourish, all that is needed is for good people to do nothing." >> Edmund Burke


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:19 pm 
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Thank you for advice,I am really stuck because I will lose my job if on subs,I have 17 years with them.I am on leave for the last 2 months.and living off my savings for now.the shrink I went to for subs I no longer see him because I paid on my own.I went to Kaiser where I am insured and see her tomorrow.I heard there drug prograam not that great.I am not in program yet because my Kaiser shrink working with me to keep off record.I got 4 months more of insurance.I need to get my shit together in that Time.
I self medication my self with sub,since I waited 2 months to take it /five weeks now/down to 4 mg around 10am/it makes me feel OK but all I did in the last month is stay in bed eyes closed mind thinking 100mph about what to do/work/people sick need my help/
Then night comes and I feel OK and also can sleep.The last 4 months was no where close to do that ,that hit me hard and messed me up. I have not taking any benzos in a month/even on subs I am major depression,then like I said I snap out of it.
I have alot of friends which look up to me and I don't talk with them to much because they wanna do stuff and look up to me/but I am not same person.everyone thinks its because my mom died which I took care of /feeding/cleaning ect.
ONE OF THE MOST FEAR I HAVE IS THE ADRENALINE PANIC ATTACKS WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES/THEY COME IN WAVES ALL DAY/ITS LIKE I GOING NUTS/what and why is that.
So I am already messed up/not as bad as before but still bad.I always been a thinker/that's why I been successful and able to control it / I was real strong/everyone doesn't think it was abuse but I know it is//I don't crave or want oxy or anything / I partyed my whole life but never went overboard and always stand in control /didn't steal or get strung out /took good care of myself .Now the long abuse for me at the wrong time messed. Me up bad/I feel like shit/don't know what to do/I always had the answers /I am glade to be on this site people been there.
So if I jump off of 4mg you think that adrenaline stuff will come back?I so don't wanna take pills/never had to before/I was so stupid/I never new PAWS would get me.I was the guy who loved life and enjoyed it , Thank you so much for any input / I also got book on depression anxiety and physc meds / depression book didn't help /physic book made me scared.
I always look at the out come ofthings the good and bad.was not prepared for this/I fryer doing it on my own which is really hard for me because so far not getting better.
I hope everyone gets better/I would not wish this on anyone.I feel for people going threw these/I thought they just gotta try hard no look/can happen to anyone.Again sorry for grammar.I was party guy in high school and learned my skills on my own.thanks .Help


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 4:03 am 
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I read most of your post and have been exactly where you are at now. Take a deep breath, realize where youre at and lets set up a game plan for you. Why will you lose your job over subs? Its a synthetic opiate and most places wont test for it. But if you must, you can do a quick taper within a couple months. My biggest advice to you is just know that its going to be ok and you will get bavk to normal. I thought ikwas fucked for life, I too was outgoing and a strong person, it all disappeared when I got on drugs. Never thought I would get back to normal, but I promise, you will get there if you put in,the work. I no longer take any medications and im back to myself. Get out of your bed, make yourself get up, make yourself walk and be physical and start getting a game plan together as far as tapering from subs. And get all of the negative thoughts out of your head, think of yourself as a warrior and defeat this. Thats what worked for me, I was where you are now, it gets better. Romeo, diaryofaquitter or anyone else please add on to this thread. Nothing worse than feeling hopeless. Just know we can and will help you.


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