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 Post subject: In need of advice
PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 8:23 pm 
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I'm new here and was not sure where to post this. I'll start at the beginning.

I started using at around 20. First drinking, then pot, then pills. Didn't get addicted at first. Then I tried heroin one time (snorting) and within 30 mins I was using a needle and was hooked. I was using for about 3 years. Then I went to a 60 day rehab. I stayed clean for about a year. Them I had a bad car accident. I told the paramedic I was a recovering addict. I then passed out. Woke up 5 days later with a morphine drip. I was released an active addict again. I remembered the feeling and just didn't think and kept using. I would use anything I could get. Any kind of pain pills, Xanax, heroin, even cocaine a few times. But I hated it. I hated getting sick. I hated feeling lazy. I got on methadone and was good for awhile. I met my husband and life was grand. We used protection but I then got pregnant. I wanted kids but not while on methadone. I was told I couldn't stop taking it and if I did my baby would die. So I stayed on it. I had my baby and he went straight to the NICU. He was in withdrawals. I hated myself. Swore I would never use again. I tapered off and did great. I was a great wife and mom. Then baby #2 came. We were thrilled. I broke my tailbone in labor. Was given IV meds. As the nurse was putting it in my IV I was screaming to myself to tell her to stop. But I didn't. I knew what was coming and I didn't have the courage to stop it. I was given percocets when released. I kept using. But this time I only used what was prescribed. Never more never less. Doctor abruptly takes me off after 9 months. I was in WDs bad. I got a script for Xanax and went psychotic. I was seeing things and it was horrible. My husband looked online and found suboxone. The naval hospital near us didn't prescribe it. But I found a doctor in town and it was only $30 a visit. So I started. I've been on it for 3 years. I was never told to not stay on it too long. And I never researched it. But it has saved my life. I would love to stay on it forever. But I feel it's time to start to taper. My doctor is good with that. We have talked about doing 1mg a month. I am horrible with WDs so we want to go slow. Any advice on this will be greatly appreciated.

No onto my problem. Since being on suboxone I have never used, passed every monthly U/A, and always followed dosing instructions. (btw this is my 4th sub doc due to military transfers. He is a military doctor so I don't pay for it. Praise god. That's why I'm ok tapering slowly.) anyways, I had surgery almost 2 months ago. For pain control we upped my normal 8mgs to 32mgs a day for 4 days, 24mgs a day for 3 days, 16mgs a day for 3 days, and then back to 8mgs a day. Well I messed up. Instead of doing that I just took 8 or 4 mg at a time when I felt pain. So basically ever 4 hours or so i took some. And i got used to that i guess. I then got my next 30 day script. I tried so hard to stay at 8mg once a day. But i started feeling sick in the early evenings. So i would take a little more and just tell myself that the next day i would only take 4 or 6mgs to make up for it. Didnt happen. And here I am with 3 8mg pills and 16 days left until my next appointment. I messed up so badly. I don't want to fall off track. I'm so happy in my life right now. I don't want to get high, I just want to take my normal dose and keep on trucking. But I'm terrified of the WDs. My husband is deployed and I have my kids to take care of. I'm already starting to think like an addict. I've thought about finding another sub doc just to get a months worth. But that's wrong and probably illegal. And that's not me anymore. I don't know what to do. I can't call my doctor because he's out of town. Ofcourse my luck. ;) Plus why should he give me more? I screwed up, not him.

My neighbor (great friend) knows all about my past and being on suboxone. Without really thinking I guess she offered me 20 5mg Loratabs she has from a past injury. I don't want to do that at all. I'm too scared to take a narcotic again. So give it to me straight....am I completly screwed?

Thanks for reading. Sorry if there are any typos. And I can elaborate on anything if needed.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2012 11:15 pm 
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First off congrats on getting clean. You could of aceppted those tabs right away and u didnt that says alot about how far you have came. These next 16 days r going to b a hard long task but you can tough it out just look how far you came. You are going to have to make those 3 pills last the next 16 days. Sure your going to be sick but not as sick if u had none at all. And whenever you feel your goanna brake look at your two beautiful children as incentive to stay clean. Maybe ask your neighbor to watch your kids so maybe you can try a NA group. But the best adive i can give u is to stay as busy as possible the more you dwell on it the worst youll feel.

I wish u the best of luck and please keep us updated.

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Yes these drugs saved our life's. But does that mean we have to give the rest of our life to these drugs?


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 9:14 am 
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Thanks. I just woke up and I'm gonna wait as long as I can before taking a small piece of sub.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 9:22 am 
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Is there anything else I can do to ease whatever symptoms I might get over the next couple weeks?


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 9:32 am 
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i have a long history of addiction and have many regrettable memories along with it. i got on sub in feb. of this year and my life has changed. i found this forum because for the first two months i would run out of medicine early. i was so mad at myself. but learned to let that go because alot of addicts do the same thing by taking too much and not having enough to last. its true that if you take small amounts it will last and the day of your appointment you will be jonesing but stay strong the pills wont do anything for you anyway and get thru this and try as hard as possible to get back on yyour old routine of taking the subs. heads up and wishing you the best.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 12:55 pm 
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HI

sorry your in this situation. and great job, NOT taking the loratabs!!! didnt that feel good????

you know, if you do some reading here, you'll find that becuz suboxone 'stacks' in your system, most people dont even start the w/d symptoms for 4-5 days.
Yea, unbelievable I know. But thats how it was for me in the past, too. I did feel a lil lazy, and not quite 100%, but I wasnt uncomfortable until day 6 Id say?
Anyways, id wait as long as possible right now, for one, to get your tolerance down a bit, and two obviously make the pills last longer. I mean, if you can wait 4 or 5 days, and then take 4 mg, that will definitely help. in other countries, they actually 'dose' people every other day, becuz of the long half life. if you could initially wait 4 days, then take like 4mg, every other day the first 4 days, THEN, 2mg, maybe your doctor would be back in town by then????

just giving some ideas.
heres some info on 'buprenorphine'
http://suboxonetalkzone.com/ceilings/
http://suboxonetalkzone.com/size-matters/
http://suboxonetalkzone.com/the-bupreno ... ng-effect/

this should help explain what Im talking about. according to most studies, when people 'thought' they were experiencing w/d before the (about) 35 hour half life, it was mostly phycological. Distraction has worked wonders for me.

anyways, I think you can do this!!!!
its gonna take some discipline yes, but you know......
when I first started sub therapy, Id run myself out too, about the first three months. that 'cycle' didnt stop, until I ran out almost two weeks early once and I just had to 'deal' with it.
all I can say, is it was a very good lesson, becuase I didnt overuse them after that!!!!!!

good luck
and dont forget to let us know, how you are doing.
Id definitely try talking to your doctor when he/she is back in the office, too.
my doctor bailed me out a couple times.

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 1:06 pm 
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Thanks for all the info. I've just started researching more about suboxone. I guess everything I've been feeling has been psychological. Even after taking 8mg in the morning by night time I would feel like I was starting to feel W/Ds. Which I see now was impossible. I will definantly keep updating. I've read that eating good, drinking lots of water, and exercising will help. I too am glad I didn't take the pills from my friend. I'm really scared about that temptation once I start feeling sick. Plus I would fail my U/A which I haven't done in 3 years and I don't want to screw up now. I'm a stay at home mom and I know I will have to keep busy so I don't think about it too much. I will try to go as long as I can until I take more suboxone. I just can't believe I let this happen. I should know better by now.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 3:21 pm 
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Three pills for 16 days. Cut them into 4ths so you will have 12 2mg doses. Then wait at least 3 days before you start taking them. I promise with what you have stacked up in your system you will definitely be ok for 3 days. Then when you start to feel squirrelly take your first 2 mg. I know it doesn't sound like much but it's amazing how powerful even 2 mg is. You will be able to get by on 2mg/day without going into full out WD. I had been on 16 mg/day and was able to get by on 2mg one time when my doctor disappeared for a couple of weeks. The hard part is sticking to it. Psychologically you will want to take more and it's hard to resist when you have those pieces there in front of you. Do you have anyone who can help you stick to your dosing schedule? Even after you get your new script it might help to have someone give you your doses so you don't get ahead again. Good luck and keep posting.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2012 3:38 pm 
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Thanks Lily. I will try that. Normally I'm great about only taking my one pill a day. I might ask my doctor to just do 15 day supplies until I feel back on track. My husband is deployed until next year. And my neighbor is moving out of state next week. But I'll put my script in our safe that way I have to really think about it instead of just going to my purse and grabbing my pill bottle. I appreciate all the advice. I took I guess 2mg worth this morning. Starting to feel crapy but I know I'm fine. Why is this so psychological?


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 10:09 am 
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Is there anything I can take over the counter to help? Like for sleeping.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:05 pm 
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You can try melatonin, its natural, for sleep. Ive heard alot of people say it doesnt take much, to help alot.

And, its SO phycological, becuase during our active addiction days, It was pill=reward.
ALL THE TIME.

And it takes some time, well maybe it never goes away? I cant say that I dont still have urges. Anyways, It does get better, I will say that. And I think I said on an earlier reply, that DISTRACTION is key. LOL
You can tell yourself, well let me just get thru the next 6 hours, then I'll see how I feel. And USUALLY the feeling is gone,or you forget about it entirely.

Good luck

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2012 3:35 pm 
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Thanks! I went and bought some today. Just started feeling bad. Waiting it out. About to take the kids on a walk. So glad I got a double jogging stroller last month.


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