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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 2:57 pm 
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Hello Everyone...Day 23 no subs here. I have been doing fairly decent, but really kind of had it this morning. I have been waking up at 5am every day just FULL of anxiety, not wanting to face day, etc for the last week or so. It gets better as I go on, but today I am having trouble snapping out of it. I think it's because I am out of clonidine. I go back to dr tomorrow, and will get some then, but I honestly feel like sleep/wake up was better a week ago before I ran out.

I guess I am just getting a little down as to the length of this withdrawal. I guess I expected to see huge improvements each week, and from 2 weeks-3 weeks it didn't appear to be that much difference. Again, I am not on the clonidine, since last Saturday so maybe that is why anxiety has returned so fierce. I am probably expecting too much from myself seeing that I dropped 3 meds in a month, and am pregnant, but it really beats me down at times. I read through some of the oh-so-encouraging posts on here where people have felt like it would never end, then came out on the other side.

I can deal with tiredness, etc., but it's the sheer panic that I am waking up with that really has me perplexed. Then this lingering dread that it will never end...I know it passes, and tell myself when I am going through it that it will, but still this mental game is just tough at times. I am sorry for being negative, as I am soooo very grateful to be through the acute part...but I guess I am just a little discouraged today, and wouldn't be honest if I didn't reach out. Any thoughts as to what I could be doing different? Thank you for reading and any replies are certainly welcome!!!

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 3:12 pm 
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I'm sorry you're still feeling bad. You're pregnant, too, right? Couldn't that also be having an effect on your emotions, what with all those hormones? That could be having an effect on you right now, too. Just a thought.

I'd suggest you try not to focus on withdrawal symptoms. Keep busy and stay distracted. And try to get some activity and exercise in. You want to get your own endorphins going and that's going to help a lot with that. And so will things like laughter, believe it or not. So go to comedy shows, watch funny movies.

You are dealing with a lot right now and don't have the option of certain meds because of your pregnancy. Have you considered trying meditation? I put up a post some time ago in the "Chronic Pain" section about "Self hypnosis/guided imagery/mediation". In it I tried to explain how to go about it for someone who has never done so. I'm suggesting this because you're having anxiety and treating it with meditation is about your only option. And that's lucky - because it works! I never would have believed it would, but I tried it myself and I have next to no anxiety anymore.

Give it a read and then start practicing. It will do two things...occupy some of your time and help you to relax. If you need help with it, feel free to PM me.

Hang in there! This, too, shall pass.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 3:25 pm 
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Hey valleygirl,

I don't remember if you ever told us how long you were on Suboxone before you jumped off. I remember you jumped off at 2mg, right? I'm curious how long you were on Suboxone.

OK, 2mg is on the high side for jumping off.....your acute wd's will last a bit longer because of that and your PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome) will be more bothersome too.

You say your biggest issue is waking up in a panic, full of anxiety. I didn't necessarily wake up in a panic, but I had waves of ridiculously intense anxiety hit me throughout the day and night. I quickly learned to tell myself that this was just a component of wd and that it would pass. Doing that helped me a lot. It let me calm myself down pretty quickly.

Regarding the Clonidine, I'm not sure if you said you felt better on it or off it. Clonidine is a blood pressure medication that's prescribed "off label" for opiate wd. It helps calm your nervous system, the same nervous system that is most likely causing your anxiety. Clonidine also has a sedative effect, should help with your sleep. Now, not everyone reacts to Clonidine as favorably as I did, but it seems to help most of us in opiate wd quite a bit.

Suboxone wd can be quite lengthy, no doubt about it, but you're really doing GREAT!! Believe me, you are doing awesome!! At 23 days, I wasn't even getting to sleep until 5am, then I'd wake at 7:30am. Yep, 2.5 hours of sleep per night. Before that, I had 10 days where I was only getting about 20-30 minutes of sleep per night. That was a big suck-a-rooney for sure!!

Keep hanging on, your brain is working as hard as it can to repair itself, it does take time though.

Don't be afraid to post any other questions or concerns that you have.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 3:37 pm 
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Thank you hatmaker and Romeo! When I first got into recovery, I did a lot of meditation...it has become less and less lately, so I appreciate the suggestion. I am a pretty spiritual person, and even my prayers have gotten really quick lately...like I cant' focus enough to really get through it. I think I will try to find that link you mentioned!!! Thank you so much for the reminder!!! And yes, I am 13 weeks pregnant, so I got all sorts of crazy things going on :)

Romeo--when you talk about the waves of anxiety...I totally get those too. It's like this inner shakiness that just overwhelms me. The weird part for me is the waking up panicky. I think that I did feel better on clonidine. It is apparently safe for me to take...which most things aren't! I didn't really want anything in my system so didn't ask for more, but after a week of anxiety worsening, I think that I will ask tomorrow. My sub doc is still seeing me/ monitoring my withdrawals. I feel like a test case for him sometimes, he he. He's very well respected and sympathetic to my situation, so tomorrow should help.

I am glad to hear that my sleep is pretty normal...that really helps knowing that. I go through times where I am soooo grateful that I made it this long, then others where I just want to crawl out of my skin. Overall, I am having more good days than bad, though. It is the duration that just blows my mind! My kiddos come back tonight, so that should keep me busy! Oh, and did I mention we got the house, and will be moving mid-August. YIKES! My fiance is in Portugal for the week, so hopefully, I can just love on my kiddos and keep making it through. Thank you for the kind words!!!

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 3:43 pm 
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Oh, and I was only on suboxone for 7 months...that is why I thought I might get off a little easier on the withdrawals. Guess that was definitely enough, however :)

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 4:14 pm 
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7 months isn't too, too bad.....it was probably your fairly quick taper and jumping off from a bit of a high dose that's got you feeling the way you do.

Listen here bud, I've been where you're at right now, I've been through what you're going through and I'm here to tell you that it WILL get better!! I know how hard that is to believe, but it's true....you WILL get better......it takes time though.

We've basically taught our brains to not produce their own natural opiates by taking external opiates. Your brain is still trying to figure out what the hell you just did to it by stopping the external opiates. It's screaming at you in any way it can and it's saying "give me more opiates." Eventually, your own little opiate producing machine (sorry for the highly technical jargon!! HAHA) will start churning out its own opiates again. When it first starts doing it, it'll be off by a mile though. It'll be too low, then it'll be off to the right, then it'll be off to the left.....over time, it'll get back on track.

Like many have said, stay as busy as you can. I found wd to be SO much a head game. If you can keep your mind busy, that's 70% of the battle, keeping your body busy is the other 30%.

I'm glad your kiddos are coming back tonight, that'll help a lot!!

Congratulations on the house and remember by mid-August you'll be feeling a lot better than you are now.

Oh Yeah, I hear ya on the short prayers. I used to be able to focus on praying for a good while, but during my wd I could hardly get two words out, but it's OK.....He knows what's in our heart and He knows what we need.

Keep hanging in there!!

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 5:05 pm 
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Your doing so good girl hang in there...... I remember the days I sat around more are the days my diseased mind took over and made me miserable..... the days i stayed busy I got thru them better. ... Iam sure being pregnant also has an effect on your mood.. it did for me and I wasent in any withdrawal while I was preggers my hormones were just making me a crazy person lol it was so bad I remember my ex telling me if we were to stay together we couldnt have any more children lol

Anyhow every now and thenn stop and take a deep breath, do things that you enjoy like meditation or walking or whatever it is that puts a smile on your face ( music... hell dance naked lol) you will get thru this.. you can hit meetings if you feel you need support but Romeo is right its the disease that screams at us the loudest..........Oh and be kind to yourself you have overcome alot !!

Lisa


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 5:10 pm 
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Oh and by the way I have been off subs since april 15th and I still have days that I wake up and just feel anxiety for no reason, and want to lay in bed in the fetal position but I dont because if I do then I lose. Sobriety is hard and life is always gonna create anxiety we just have to push thru it ( I do take seroquel and have for years) but I am just saying I know how your feeling and it will get better

Lisa


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:04 pm 
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Thank you all so much! Quick update--kids came home this evening, and I have had a chance go see how much i have grown! They left on day 11, and I was soooo irritable. I have been calm, compassionate and generally interacting with all that they say/do. Even more so than before subs! What a difference! It really showed me what a difference it has made having some time to heal and where I was at just 1 1/2 wks ago! Positive feelings all around :), yay!

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