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PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 7:11 am 
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:? I just jumped off 16 mgs. of suboxone daily on 6/11, and I relapsed last night. Now I've been up all night and added to the problem. My addiction to opiates started at 16 and I'm 58 now. I guess the last time I really got clean was in 1997. I wouldn't advise my worst enemy (yes I would!) to jump off that high a dose. I never thought the tiredness and exhaustion and wired lack of sleep would be this severe. I take klonipin for severe ptsd symptoms, there really is not a reasonable option for me at this point. But now they do so little to calm down my overwired nervous system, it is like a placebo. I am utterly determined to renew my recovery today and do whatever it takes to not use again. There's some good years left in my life, and I fully intend to get them. Also, I"m a very serious Buddhist, chanting twice daily, and that plays a major role in my recovery. But I need NA too. For a long time, I felt too unsafe there to go, but now I have determined that I NEED meetings. Mostly, yesterday what got to me was two things: the heat and the exhaustion, and my sister who I love is back on a methadone clinic after relapsing after 22 years. I love her and want to talk to her, but we used toogether in the 70's and 80's, and she is how I got clean and stayed for seven years. However, I can see now that the disease is so insidious in the way it works, that "If she can, why can't I?" sets off in my mind. I also, three days ago, revisited the site of ancient traumas. All in all, I think my biggest weakness is overestimating my strength! People my age don't bounce back the way someone in their twenties would.
I"m glad I found this blog, and wish everyone the best.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:06 am 
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hi order now '. welcome to the forum. i don't no how the hell you jumped off 16mg at your age and can make your understandings so well. i'm on 22mg for all most 3 years 52 and i'm not jumping at 16mg. may i ask why you did not try to wean our self first? every one say's it's a lot easy'r. some people wean down to as low as .05 mg and weaning down to that level with in six months. we no it's time to do the right thing. so if you can go back on the subs. i lived the meetings for year's and it seems to back lash on me. first of all why did you stop your subs and how long have you been on them.
people here and docs say most of of need to be on it longer than we think. we need longer suboxone treatment to prevent Relapse. other posters and Moderators will be here soon to help you also. thanks and keep trying' JOHNBOY.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 30, 2012 8:53 am 
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Nam myoho renge kyo, huh?

You can't chant your addiction away you know. Your practice can be a support to your recovery and it can be a place where you grow as a person but your practice is not a substitute for recovery. I am an unserious Buddhist and my Buddhism deeply informs my recovery process (as it also informs most other aspects of my life) but being Buddhist didn't stop me from getting addicted to pills and it hasn't cured me either.

It sounds like you've been through it these past few weeks - withdrawals and then triggers - a perfect recipe for relapse. It's great that you have some insight into how you got here. I'm wondering if you have a plan for how you'll get out of this? Are you going to a meeting today? Have you been going to meetings, do you have a sponsor?

If you're determined to stay off of Suboxone, ask your doctor for some clonidine (different than klonopin). It will help with the restlessness and insomnia, as well as some of the other withdrawal symptoms.

I hope you're able to get some rest today. Please let us know how you are.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:57 am 
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: :!: Thanks Johnboy and Moderator for your replies. Johnboy, I can''t control my drug use whatsoever. So when I tried to taper, I would just continue taking whatever it took to get "high." So I finally had no option but to jump off. Yup, I went to a meeting yesterday (Sun) and got a new keychain : :oops: . I see now that revisiting the trauma site was very foolish, me overestimating my strength. I had a practical purpose but wish it had been different. Well - Hon min you - Japanese for from now on, can't change the past. I did what I felt I had to do but it was wway too much. Well, I figure I set myself back in the process by three days, but onward and upward...I will NOT give in and go baack on the subs.

Will post again soon. Glad I found this website. Moderator - you and some otherss may understand this: I made a vow to my "universe" to get off, stay off and that is what I am going to do.

I have a dissociative disorder that has been the cause and the result of endless reelivings and a horrible recovery for 7 years that ended with me on life support for 8 days. Need to let go of that horror, and all its reminders or I won't be able to stay clean. So I am very focused on letting go. Problem is, rage attacks, deep grief, etc.

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