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PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 2:30 pm 
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One Month or More
One Month or More

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 11:04 pm
Posts: 34
Guys and Gals its been 7 months since I stopped my 3 year suboxone treatment. Now, things are getting confusing for me and I need some perspective. The WD and PAWS from the Sub are over and they were tough. No sleep and anxiety were the worst of it. Shamefully, I have been using Roxy/Oxy whatever on and off for the past 3 months-not daily or even weekly, but enough where I am getting worried. The WORST part of this is keeping my use hidden from my fiancé, friends etc. in hindsight, I should of prepared more mentally as the availability of my old DOC is everywhere. Should I do another 6 months of suboxone? I have a stressfull yet fulfilling and great paying job, great fiancé, awesome family. I am blessed. I do t want to go back to daily sub, but I don't want to keep using. Sorry for the sob story, but any perspective would be greatly appreciated.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2012 4:34 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
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Hey Subsavedme,

Congratulations on 7 months off of Suboxone!!

As you're learning, getting off of drugs and staying off of drugs are two different things. My story is similar to yours in that I made it 9.5 months off of Suboxone, the wd and PAWS had basically ended and that's when I had my first slip. As long as I was in pretty heavy wd or PAWS, I was fine, I had a constant reminder of where I did NOT want to go again. Once I got to feeling better though, those old addict thoughts came flying back. (correction: I let those old addict thoughts come flying back!)

If you truly want long term success, I think you need to look into recovery. We have to face it, our brains don't work right. For me, I had to understand why my brain didn't work right. I had to learn about addiction and how it works and I had to learn the dirty little tricks it plays on me to get me to use. Then, I had to learn recovery, this is where I learned to counter the addict thoughts, this is where I learned that living a healthy lifestyle is conducive to staying clean and most of all, I learned that I can't do this on my own.

If I'm left to my own devices, my addict brain will take over without me even being aware of it. I need people outside of myself that I trust completely to tell me, "Hey Romeo, you're doing it again, you're becoming more impulsive and more obsessive." I need to hear things like this from the people I trust because, like I said, some of these things will happen without me even being fully aware of it.

Bottom line, you're an addict and you'll continue exhibiting the same addict behaviors until you address the addict in you and take steps to learn how to shut him down.

Best of luck to you.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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