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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 4:11 pm 
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Im 19 years old, and im your average run of the mill pain pill addict. Was addicted since 16 and checked myself into rehab a few months ago, ive been out for a month and as soon as i got out was immediatly started on suboxone. When I got out of rehab i felt great, better than i ever had. And a week after getting out my stupid 16 year old brother took a peice of one of my subs because he knew you could get high off of it. My mom found out and freaked, and i was feeling so good about myself at the time I told my mom that i dont think i need to take it anymore, and would be fine without it. She agreed and locked it in a safe she has in her room. Now, its been almost exactly a month since ive stopped the suboxone and last night it felt like I got hit by a brick wall, anxiety took me over, I was craving pills like I had before I had checked myself into rehab, and even now a day after feel like I did when I was still using. It just hit me out of nowhere, and I dont know why. I begged and pleaded with my mom to give me just a little piece of my suboxone so I would stop feeling like this and she refused. And we got into a huge fight and I almost feel like going on the street and buying some oxy just to fucking spite her. She just doesnt understand, she thinks i just want to get high again, and she told me if i did anything even got more subs from my doc she would kick me out of the house and ide be done. But i cant take this anymore. Im in full blown mental withdrawal.

But the question i want to ask is if i were to go back to my doc would she be able to give me more subs? If I told her my situation. And I would just have to keep it secret from my mom. But im so god damn close to relapsing i dont know what to do. I cant believe ive come this far and its all about to be thrown away. I just dont know what to do


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 5:54 pm 
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Hi-

Your question got me wondering exactly how the subs might help or hurt you at this point. It sounds like you feel a relapse is around the corner, and that the subs could prevent you from taking something else, but in this situation, aren't the subs basically just like scoring a roxi? What I mean is that in this case, you would be using them in order to turn off a bad feeling, not to manage withdrawal, or even for maintenance. You are basically proposing that you take a suboxone in order to get through this rough patch. I'm not saying you should, or shouldn't go ahead with asking your doc, but you have been off a month, and if you end up taking subs every time you feel intense cravings, then you are just using the subs to satisfy the cravings. Just a thought. Good luck, and I guarantee that you will feel better either way, even if you decide to skip the subs.

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 6:10 pm 
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Taking the sub is by far a better option than relapsing, atleast to me. I want to prevent relapse at all cost.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 8:30 pm 
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GoodluckHFGG wrote:
Taking the sub is by far a better option than relapsing, atleast to me. I want to prevent relapse at all cost.


I agree, and that is the idea behind maintenance dosing. I guess I am saying you could not take the subs and relapse, take it and not relapse, but you could also not take it and not relapse. I am a huge supporter of long term maintence subs, it works great for lots of people. It sounds like you are thinking of using it as like an as-needed type of thing. At least that is how I read it, I could be way off.

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 Post subject: Sub is much better
PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 9:18 pm 
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I think if I was on the verge of relapse I would definitely go with the suboxone. One it has the ceiling level of around 4 mg so no matter how much you take you wont overdose unless you mix it with benzos then you take the chance of respatory(sp) arrest.

Too many people have relapsed on opiates and died where this will not happen with suboxone. That is the beauty of this drug. The thing is you have to get you sub doctor to talk to your parents and explain to them the ceiling level. Of course someone that is opiate naive is going to get a buzz or high from suboxone due to how strong the medication is.

I am sure if mom knew that sub alone would not cause overdose but opiates could kill her son .........she would give him the suboxone. Good Luck. See if she will get on this site and talk to some of us.

Jim


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 07, 2011 10:54 pm 
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Hi GoodluckHFGG. First of all I want to congratulate you on how far you've come, especially at your young age. And reaching out now, that's commendable.

I think your mom needs some serious education on how suboxone works. Maybe after you've spent some time around here you can educate her. Or you can always have her attend your next doctor appointment - but that's obviously up to you

Are you interested in going back on suboxone for maintenance? I agree that's something you need access to in order to prevent relapse, which is always dangerous. You sound like an excellent candidate for long term suboxone maintenance. Young people especially are at a huge risk of relapse when they go off suboxone.

I'd say going back to the doctor on your own and getting back on sub is definitely an option for you. You're an adult and can make those decisions on your own. Hopefully when you're ready and able to discuss it with your mom, you'll be able to.

Oh, and welcome to the forum. I hope this works out for you. In the meantime, remember ALL the negative consequences of using. Hang in there.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 12:29 am 
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Whenever someone tapers off Suboxone, or any opiates, eventually they are faced with a period of intense craving. When I was in these intense cravings, I would desire ..any.. opiates, including Suboxone, anything to take the craving away. But if someone manages to survive the period of craving without resorting to any drugs, they learn a new way they can defeat their addiction in the future, and the periods of craving get less intense with time.

Taking Suboxone, or any opioid for that matter, in such a situation is caving into the craving, and choosing to go back into the world of opioid dependence. Sure it is a "lesser evil" to picking up a full agonist, but it is still a significant step back in one's recovery. I would consider it personally to be a relapse to end up dependent on bupe again after a period off it, because it is a significant step backwards.

GoodluckHFGG, your post gave me the impression that you actually wanted off Suboxone, and your mother locked it away to try and help you. Did you originally agree to locking it away?

There was a lot of stuff going on in your posts, and the cravings are clearly at work. Your topic implied that the situation you're in is your mother's fault. Is it really? Our addiction likes to blame our situation on others, and when we're craving our addiction is trying to call the shots. Was it her choice for you to stop taking Suboxone? How sick was your little brother after he tried your Suboxone?

All opioid addicts know that when we're craving the motive behind everything we say is questionable. Ask yourself why you're saying the things you are. Put yourself in your mother's shoes. She saw how sick Suboxone made your opioid-naive brother, and is concerned about the potential harm it could cause the family, you included. While she likely underestimates the gravity of your addiction, I can empathise with her decision to help you get off Suboxone, and lock it away to keep her family safe.

Do you know anyone who lives in the country? In early recovery, it is incredibly difficult to stay clean through these episodes while drugs are available. If you can afford the time, can you get out of town to somewhere that's "safe"? I can assure you that after you break through these periods of cravings, you'll be so relieved that you didn't succumb, to Suboxone or otherwise.

Statistically the odds are against us in early recovery unfortunately. That's why many choose Suboxone. But I saw a person jump off bupe treatment at a very young age with the help of her family, and she is still clean today, and I am jealous.

Maintenance works for many, but apparently isn't best for all.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 3:59 am 
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I talked to my mom when she got home from work, and once she saw how bad I was feeling she gave me one of my subs. And yes, it was my idea to have her lock up the subs, but that was only because AT THE TIME I had no cravings whatsoever and felt completely fine. But for some reason last night withdrawal symptoms hit me out of nowhere and I was feeling horrible. And I was literally just a step away from going and buying some roxi on the street, thats how bad I was feeling. I dont know or understand why I can feel fine for 2 weeks with absolutely no withdrawal symptoms whatsoever, and then feel like absolute shit out of nowhere. But if me staying on the sub means that I dont go back to the street drugs, then im perfectly ok with that for now. Thanks for all the replies guys.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:00 am 
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Opioid withdrawal, especially buprenorphine, can be unpredictable. Cravings are definitely unpredictable as well. They love catching us off guard. Don't forget this experience, as it'll put you in better stead should you choose to taper again.

Sounds like you've made a decision that you're happy with in the end, and given you were really close to scoring, then you made a sound decision. "Harm minimisation" :D Our recovery's goal-posts are always changing, as is our definition of what a relapse is, and what isn't.

I've just found, in my experiences trying to get clean, it's impossible to know how close we are to relapse, and how much capacity we still have to refuse. As long as I kept my cravings at bay, using every tool I had, eventually they would stop and I'd be left very relieved, and proud. I suppose my post was encouraging you to try and reach that point.

Most of the time I didn't fight my cravings hard enough, and returned to opiates. Choosing Suboxone over other opiates is a smart decision on your part. I'd be proud.

No regrets! :D


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 3:16 pm 
Oh, , to be young again! I would recommend that you take suboxone daily or not at all. I really see zero difference at this point between taking whatever your opioid drug of choice is and buprenorphine. People might say it's safer but if we're talking about pharmaceuticals, every good addict knows how many mg's of this or that to take without ODing. If you're buying one or two 30mg oxycodone pills off the street at a high price and that's all you're going to take whenever the urge hits you..I see it as the same as taking buprenorphine randomly to 'feel better' or, lets face it, catch a buzz at a time when you have zero tolerance. In active addiction we tend to cause the people around us a lot of heartache, I'm guessing that your mother's thinking about this non-stop and has likely lost some sleep over it. I'd implore you to think about what you're doing to yourself and those around you. Maintenance could likely fix the up-down-up-down nature of what's going on with you right now. Only you know what's going to be good for your recovery at this point, think about it and make action-steps to actually do it. I really feel for both you and your mother...You're really putting her in a rough position with these pills. If I were talking to her on this forum or in real life right now I would tell her she might want to consider disposing of the medication. I mean everything I say in a loving and caring way, one addict to another. I really wish that when I was in early-stages of my addiction more people would have spoken to me more frankly and not walked on eggshells around me fearing upsetting me would cause a fatal OD. Here I think you'll find that some people will coddle you and some people will actually call you out on your junkie bullshit. Welcome!

-Travis


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 Post subject: simple.....
PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 6:28 pm 
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i would (if in WDS) get my damn bupe. educate the mom and all what tavis said...... :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: simple.....
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 6:40 am 
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I am an addict I went 4 years clen recently relapse 8 months ago and now I have 6 months clean and I have no reservations to go back to heroin,that shit is the devil.I am in a 4 month program at "My Father's House" Gloucester city, NJ IOP INTENSIVE OUT PATIENT " .Whether it's heroin oxycodone ,hydrocodone its all the same very addictive good high that you are going to come down from and be kicking your legs crying SICK and the problem is people I've seen will do anything to get a fix.BUPRENORPHINE IS A DRUG that woks for some but not for others but it is also abused by some.WHO WOKE US UP TODAY....GOD GRANT US THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS WE CANNOT CHANGE. THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS WE CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.GOD'S WILL NOT OURS BE DONE.WORK YOU'RE WORTH IT SO WORK IT ,SO WORK IT YOU'RE WORTH IT!



GOB BLESS US ALL


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 Post subject: Re: simple.....
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 6:45 am 
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suboxone wrote:
I am an addict I went 4 years clen recently relapse 8 months ago and now I have 6 months clean and I have no reservations to go back to heroin,that shit is the devil.I am in a 4 month program at "My Father's House" Gloucester city, NJ IOP INTENSIVE OUT PATIENT " .Whether it's heroin oxycodone ,hydrocodone its all the same very addictive good high that you are going to come down from and be kicking your legs crying SICK and the problem is people I've seen will do anything to get a fix.BUPRENORPHINE IS A DRUG that woks for some but not for others but it is also abused by some.WHO WOKE US UP TODAY....GOD GRANT US THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS WE CANNOT CHANGE. THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS WE CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.GOD'S WILL NOT OURS BE DONE.

GOB BLESS US ALL


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