Tue Sep 29, 2009 2:51 pm
I cant add much to shellroy. I think maybe if you can go from methadone to suboxone it would be a huge step in itself.
In my experience, methadone got me very buzzed. It is a full agonist. Suboxone is a different beast all together.
I know that with suboxone, if I take it properly, I do not get any effect, aside from not going into withdrawal, and if I seek out recovery, I do not want to use. But the other half- being involved in recovery has proven to be difficult, and I'm stubborn, and it has caused me to be vulnerable to slips.
Shellroy, if you don't mind, you mentioned the anti-depressant C(something). I looked it up, and it is prescribed for generalized anxiety (check) and energy issues (check). I'm on zoloft and lamictal. Would you mind PM'ing me if it would be worth me looking into?
Welcome to the site
Tue Sep 29, 2009 11:17 pm
Thanks for the feedback. I will take these options seriously. One question I have is how much does it cost to supply oneself with suboxone? I have no doubt that when compared to a Heroin habit it is a bargain but the ideal is to pursue happiness and a relatively normal lifestyle and I'm wondering if that can be prohibitive. It takes me about 1 hour daily to go to the clinic every day. I don't want to be tyed down but I also don't want to have to decide between sleep and relapse. I suppose I can always go back to suboxone if things get too hard. I feel that I can follow the advice of medical professionals rather than self medicate. So far methodone has been like wearing a gas mask. One doesn't notice the poison until removing the mask. I just feel normal. I aproach recovery like a drug addict; if one is good two is better.
Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:37 am
First off, let me say that I have not read the other replies to your original query, nor your subsequent response. I was so inspired by your original post, that I want to preserve the purity of the message as I ponder, and try to put my fervid mind onto your screen through technology.
I can appreciate your enthusiasm for recovery, as well as treatment! I share a similar excitement of my newly found freedom. I recall the breath of fresh air on that sunny/cold January morning as that was the first day that I felt "normal" after detox and suboxone tapering. I was taking NOTHING. I had ZERO prescriptions. I was so excited to be chemical free! It felt so amazing, that I felt I could fly, or at worst be a normal functioning taxpaying member of society. I had to tell them!
The group I was attending at the time looked like a clinical trial! Trazadone, seriquil, suboxone, depacoe, to name a few. I was so positive after that experience outside in the fresh air, that I announced that "pharmacological americana" had 'our' number, and subsequently our wallets! "THERE IS NOTHING THAT SUNSHINE, PROPER NUTRITION, and EXERCISE CAN'T CURE!" I gloated proudly...
Less than 2 weeks later I was nodding out in a meeting telling people I was so happy to be clean. I was so embarrassed that I had relapsed, it took me a while to own it. I would quit, and exceed treatment requirements for recovery related activities, but it was NEVER enough. I changed religions, I moved, I quit my Investment Banking job, I changed everything. But I could never quiet that voice back there. Sometimes it would come more often that not, and sometimes it was a bit more rapacious than others; regardless of its ferocity, it always EVENTUALLY won out. I could fight it for a bit, though I could not sustain.
I would USE, and QUIT, and USE, and THE FUCKING COMPULSION TO DIE beat my soul to oblivion. I had to change something else.... Suboxone fit that void for me, it quelled the compulsion, it softened the voices to virtually inaudible chaff in the wind.
**This is where I get to the point**
I demanded a taper schedule from my Doctor, I told my group that chemically induced recovery was fine, but the unbearable side effects, and the fact that I will still be taking "drugs" didn't sit with me... so guess what I did? I relapsed. AGAIN... It was not until I could commit in my mind to NOT putting an expiration date on my recovery could I truly focus on recovering and repairing my damaged life (not to mention brain). Planning my 'taper-to-freedom' was always telling my brain to mark its calendar for when it could sneak up behind me and talk me to get us some drugs. Much time has passed since I committed to not committing to a date of quitting suboxone, and I am still in therapy (individual and group), but can say that I can be honest with myself, and others around me. I am finding happiness, and finding peace with who I am, and being OK with it all. Will I stop taking suboxone (again) someday? Couldn't say. Not thinking about it. Not planning to think about it. I will deal with maÃ±ana, maÃ±ana. Today, I am happy. I can think clearly, and choose to live.
Thu Oct 01, 2009 3:52 am
shelwoy wrote:... I did not need chemicals to be "ME". Having that idea caused me to experience severe relapses, almost OD, and contemplate suicide...
Sounds strangely familiar...
Matt2 wrote:... I had put together a few months of clean time without Suboxone. Each time however ended with a relapse worse than the time before. I was absolutely convinced without a shadow of a doubt at the time that I'd never use again and sure enough...
I am seeing a trend here*
*results not scientific.
ndc1963 wrote: how much does it cost to supply oneself with suboxone? I have no doubt that when compared to a Heroin habit it is a bargain...
You'd be surprised. Obviously it would depend on the size of your junk habit and regional cost... but the Suboxone 8mg pills run anywhere from $5 to near $10 without insurance. Obviously insurance plans will vary, I pay $50 monthly for my supply regardless of quantity. etc
ndc1963 wrote:I aproach recovery like a drug addict; if one is good two is better.
This made me laugh, I haven't heard that it a while. Thanks and remember 2 is better, but never enough...
Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:35 pm
Just wanted to add my 2 cents worth. First, I must admit that I have never been on methadone. After saying that I have known addicts that find that they have to keep increasing their dose of methadone. This does not happen with suboxone. When I first got on this site i read "less is more" when talking about suboxone. I have experienced this first hand. I started out at 16 mg of suboxone then decreased to 12 then to eight mg. I swear that I felt the best on that dose. Now I am on 4 mg and eventually I want to get down to 2 mg. I don't care if I ever get off suboxone because I do not want to have to fight cravings, lack of energy and sleep problems that are the usual problems when tapering down to 0 or close to it.
You probably have read that the usual starting dose of suboxone is 12-16 mg. Instead of increased like with methadone in time you will have decreases in your dose. This will cost less money. Also when you are off of methadone, you don't have to go to a clinic. You can go to a regular doctor who has taken the eight hour training. I started out going weekly, then monthly and now I only see my psychiatrist/suboxone doctor once every three months. You can see the cost saving let alone not having the inconvenience of going to a clinic every day. Good luck!