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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 11:16 am 
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When I was VERY early on suboxone, I started going to a group that my friend from group therapy actually started. Its an AA one, becuase they seem to be more tolerant of suboxone. And its a 'young persons meeting' which Ive always liked. for some reason I find it sort of hard to find companionship with people alot older than me, who have been 'working the program' for 20+ years. although, it does sort of 'show' that it must work right?

So I live in a pretty small comunity, where everyone knows everyone, and your mom too. Except in the summer when the population triples, but thats only for a few months, then everything goes back to normal when the 'rains' come. I went to this saturday night meeting every week for two months or so. Then alot of people were coming from the treatment center they just opened up, and that was all fine and good. As time went on I was noticeing more and more, of a few people looking like they were definitely up to NO GOOD before the meeting. I went to two other meetings, but ended up leaving early. I just didnt feel comfortable, one of them I was the only female, and no it wasnt a mens meeting, I checked AGAIN even after I went. lol


so my very good friend got outta prison friday.
she was upstate for 15 months. We've known each other since right outta high school, we are only about 3 weeks apart in age, and both have had a long stemming love affair with opiates.
she however, has been in and out of prison, while I really hadnt gone one day without my doc (usually) when she gets out from doing a 'stay'. every other time when shes gotten out, Im like, here ya go!!!
This time was way different.
and she was definitely shocked that I had ten months. shocked.
She also talked to me about getting on suboxone, that they gave it to her in the program she did in prison for about three months.
but I was like, you have 15 months, and YOU CAN DO THIS

NOW the point.
we go to the young persons meeting, and shes definitely more comfortable then the one she went to the previous nite, where she said there was only 4 people. last nights meeting had about 15, and usualy there are more people.
so she shared and everything,
so did I................I couldnt help but notice that outta 15, TWO of them had the 'nods'
NO JOKE...........
i was SO Hopeing my friend didnt see, or notice, then we were walking out, and I say did you like it?
she says she did, and she'd like to start going every week with me, then she says "did you see those two duded nodding out?
Im like, Yea, I saw. thank god, WE dont look like that anymore right????
I could tell it got her 'wheels turning"
and she wantd to reminice a lot on the way back to my friends place (shes staying with a close friend) I did let her dig up some memories, but reminded her of the bad too, that comes along with it. and that we'd die if we ever went back. Cuz, we were both IVing, she was before she got arrested, which I was there, when they took her away, and it took a month, and I was doing it too.

ANYWAYS, I cant come up with a reason why people do this. if you clearly, are not sober, WHAT are you doing there? Im not talking about the person who wants to be sober. I get it. Ive gone to a meeting in withdrawls before, when I was desperate for a solution.
Ive NEVER gone to one with the 'nods'
Id be too paranoid.
I wonder if they even think about the damage they do.
If those two ppl hadnt been there high as shit, everyone that was there could be showing my friend, it IS possible.
and I know part of the open door policy is "wanting to be drug/substance free"
I do understand that. but you arent just 'not sick' when you have the nods. cuz I remember in the end, my only goal was to be NOT SICK. I wasnt getting high anymore, that had gotten WAY too expensive.

THANKS for letting me share.
THANKS for letting me rant. I really needed to talk about that. I certainly couldnt tel my buddy how much it bothered me! I ws brushing it off, hopeing she would too. shes SO fragile. I really want this to work for her too. She has four kids she hasnt seen in years. Shes definitely paid with everything shes ever had, for her drug use.

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anyone can give up,
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hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 12:04 pm 
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Hey Bud, I hear ya. Sitting at an NA meeting while some dude is about to fall out of his chair can be quite frustrating. I've also been to many meetings where you get those two idiots in the back of the room who won't SHUT UP, they talk and laugh and basically act like children throughout the whole meeting. They're disruptive and it SUCKS.

In my experience, most all of these folks are the ones from the local recovery facilities. They're forced to attend NA meetings. They don't give a crap about anyone else in the room and it shows in their behavior.

Now that I've been going to NA for almost a year, these people really don't bother me much anymore. I've become more tolerant of them. I actually find the people who need seat belts on their chairs to be quite amusing. I've only ever seen one come completely out of her chair.....it was actually quite amusing.

NA is like any other organization, you're gonna have some oddballs there AND with the fact that NA is for addicts (supposedly in recovery), you're REALLY gonna have a fair number of oddballs there because let's face it, a lot of us addicts usually aren't a picture of mental health.

Also, those folks nodding out and whatnot, they serve as a reminder to me of how things used to be and where I do NOT want to go again. That's today.....again, when I first started attending NA I wanted to slap their faces off for being so stupid.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 12:21 pm 
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THANKS Romeo,
It IS somewhat comforting knowning, Im not the only one who at least was, frustrated by this.
You know, untill you said something about 'having to be there'
I never even put two and two together that those two dudes were probably court mandated to be there!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, MAYBE not, but NOW that I think about it, its like AH HA
Im pretty sure thats probably what was going on. One of them TRIED to talk, while the other was at least smart enough to say they were just there to listen...... :roll:

And it did remind me of how I used to act, so when my buddy brought those two up walking out, thats why I said,
arent you glad that isnt us anymore?

It was just disheartening to say the least, that Im wanting her tokinda 'be inspired' and then she has to see that.

BUT thats what the real world is. Im going to help her however I can, and even be there if she screws up, cuz that will be when she needs someone the most........

I guess we'll have to wait n see if the nodders make a return apearance!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
and if they do, I'll try and make a joke out of it with her like you said, maybe we can take bets on whether or not one DOES fall outta the chair....... :lol: :lol: :lol:

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 12:42 pm 
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amber, please understand, YOU can not save your friend, that's her job. You have to put YOUR recovery first. I've seen too many addicts, with fantastic intentions, get dragged down by trying to save another addict.

I understand you want to help your friend and that is commendable, but please, please be very careful. I know you want her to receive the gift of recovery just like you have, but you have to be careful.....she may not be ready for it yet and if she isn't, she's gonna drag you down with her.

You've come to far my friend to go backwards now.

To tell you the truth, if I were you, I would only spend time around her while another person was present. It could be another member of AA, it could be a clean friend of yours. You have to protect your recovery, ok?

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 1:17 pm 
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I do, in fact TOTALLY understand what you mean......

I am , actually scared of what you bring up. YES, it has crossed my mind. becuase we have this 'history' together, from the past. you know, we did have fun, it did suck too, yes. but she is still reminded of the fun. like people say, your life kinda hits the 'pause' button when you get locked up.
I feel like thats EXACTLY whats going on.
I remember her getting arested like it was yesterday. I was 'detained' as well.....
thats a bond you have with someone like no other ........riding in the back of a cop car together.

I guess Im unsure where to draw the line. so keeping around other sober people DOES sound like a good idea.
the friend of ours shes living with is completely clean, and not an addict. sure she experimented when we were younger, but she could ALWAYS walk away.

I am completely aware that recovery can be ripped right outta your grip in two seconds flat, while you werent even aware you were 'in trouble'

the saga continues...............

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 5:07 pm 
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Hey Amber,

I attended many AA meetings drunk as a skunk. Why? Because I so wanted what they had but could not take a sober breath and was hoping it would rub off on me somehow.

Obviously I got sober a few years later when I hit bottom. I knew they could all smell it on me but if they don't understand, who will?

Anyway, that's my take on part of your post.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 6:11 pm 
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it helps Rule,
it does.....

I was just sort of expecting my friend to be 'inspired' i gues, which is NOT realistic at all. and then I was thinking maybe she woulda been if she didnt see that.

but who knows. this wasnt her first 'trip' upstate..........hopefully it WAS her last. but all I can do is draw MY line in the sand and hope for the best. thats where Im at now with it.

and they might have very well been there before, I probably didnt notice if they were. It just got me for some reason, showing my friend, "Look, heres the sober folks"

:roll:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2012 6:58 pm 
"The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop using/drinking.." so nodding ppl will always be welcome in mtgs.

I think it's really admirable that you are trying tO help your friend. She obviously needs support. You sound like a really good person Amber. Even though she hasn't used in awhile since she just got out of jail, she sounds like she is still-suffering (you know, "helping the addict that still suffers"). Your companionship could help make a difference. However, Romeo gave some great advice about not getting dragged down. It sounds like you've got a handle on this!

I personally do not go to mtgs bc NA's official position is that ppl on Sub shouldn't share bc they are still using. Since I don't plan on picking up a white chip/tag when I finish tapering and pretending it's day 1 of my being sober, it kind of makes the whole ritual silly.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 12:48 pm 
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thanks, noalibi, yes I do need to be carefull........

and my grandma's been giving me the "chips" she gave to my grandpa, during his first few years of recovery. he died in 04, and we were very close. So it's MUCH more meaningful to carry them around with me than ones from the mtgs.
they are old school, you can tell he carried them alot. one has the 'camel' prayer on it, another is about rising from the ashes of adiction. anyways, I get one like every 3 months. I have THREE! much harder to earn I may add, too.... :wink:

SO, my buddy wants to go agian, so maybe the nodders werent a big deal to her, which is great.

I love Romeo's comment about the chair needing a seatbelt......
I needed one of those about a year ago.......

So I'll see how it goes tonight! and I'll have a lil different view about it as well..... :D

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 3:16 am 
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I'd call tonight a 'sucess'

there was only 7 people there, and I brought donuts, and cookies, so I was popular :)

my buddy , the one who I think still has a year, didnt show. and hasnt called me back from the other day when i tried calling...........

not a good sign.

but my other friend came with me, and she even shared tonight.

So I'd call that a good meeting :wink:

I am however, VERY concerned for my long time friend. I thought he was 'on the right track' right there with me. hell, he helped ME a ton in the begining.......

just goes to show you how vunerable we all are :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

I do hope he may be outta town or something, but he probly would have said something :cry:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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