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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:02 pm 
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So, in my therapy session yesterday, since I hadnt been in almost a month she went 'down the list'
of 'normal' questions.....

One of them was about thoughts of using/triggers in general.
I know Im having more thoughts lately, than I should or want to for that matter. :(

she explained it like this........

we somewhat 'fantasize' about using, and dont 'play the tape to the end' you know, how it always ends up. When you think about getting high, I never think of the end result, laying in the fetal position in the bathroom floor begging for more.
SO, you have to make your NEW life, OUTWIEGH the excitement of the old one. Where its not much of a temptation when YOU DO have thoughts of using.

So, she says to like have a hobby, or find something I enjoy, etc.

easier said than done. I mean, OF COURSE I love hanging out with my kid, OF COURSE I dont wana lose EVERYTHING Ive worked my ass off for the last ten months (almost),
but Im needing a little excitement.
the therapist even agreed.
Im hoping, if I do get my tax return, and it doesnt completely get garnished, I mite buy a dirt bike or something. I gotta do something, thats all I know. And if I had a couple grand to spend, it'd sure be alot easier.

What does everybody else do??????????????????

maybe Im one of those 'adreneline junkies'
I used to race stock cars with my grandpa and cousin from the age of 14 to 17...... and when I stopped, becuase the track here in town got shut down,,,,
well thats when I started the partying.

It makes sense, what shes saying about making your new life everything you want it to be. Its definitely not easy thoug. getting high was such an "automatic payoff"
I cant really think of anything else that is........

Im feeling strong today, so Im happy about that. I have yet another absessed tooth, and it hurts like hell. but I got antibiotics aobut 5 hours ago, hopefully the pain will subside sooner than later

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:07 am 
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Hey dude,

You pretty much wrapped it all up when you said, "getting high was such an automatic payoff."

You're right, it was an "automatic payoff", but don't forget the carnage that came with getting high. Getting high and the carnage that will soon ensue are inseparable.

What we've conditioned ourselves to come to believe about life is unrealistic. We think we should be able to get high without putting in the work (aka---drugs) and that's an unrealistic expectation. Truth is, we usually have to work and pursuit that natural high. Many times, it doesn't come easy. When it doesn't come easy, a lot of addicts say "fuck it", I'm just gonna use drugs again.

Learning to live without drugs is a challenge Bud. Learning to live without that "instant high" and having to WORK for that natural high SUCKS to those of us who know that drugs exist and how they make us feel, but again, with drugs, there's always that damn carnage that follows.

I'll tell ya what, just the fact that you come on here and ask these honest questions tells me how seriously you take your recovery and I'm WAY impressed.

Also, try to remember, this recovery thing is a process. I want to drive up to a McDonalds drive thru window and order 5 years worth of recovery please. I want my recovery NOW damn it!! LOL!!! Too bad this stupid recovery shit doesn't work like that, eh?

Progress, not perfection dude.

OMGosh, I sound like an NA ad!! :D

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:55 am 
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YES you may sound like the poster child for the NA program,
but damn,
thats funny,,,,,,

go thru the drive up window and ask for 5 yrs of recovery?!!!!!!!!!!

It felt really good to laugh out loud today,,, and where do I find this window you speak of ?????????

LOLOLOLOLOL

great analogy

Yea, maybe my whole tax refund wont get garnished and I'll buy a dirtbike. I had one years ago.
the hubby already gave me the "whatever you gotta do to stay off that junk, DO IT"
Im so lucky to have him in my corner.

I had to reply to your post, and now Im heading off to bed. this day HAS to end.
I know tommorow will be better........ :roll:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 3:30 am 
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*sigh*, every frickin' McDonalds I go to don't have any recovery for sale, they always look at me like I'm nuts or something when I ask for it. I usually just end up ordering a Happy Meal (thought those Happy Meals had drugs in them or something.....WTF do they call them Happy Meals for?? :D )

I hope you get your dirt bike. I used to ride when I was younger and I LOVED it. My favorite bike of all time was my YZ 125. We've got a four wheeler now, but it just ain't the same. Any dumb dumb can ride a four wheeler, it takes some skill to ride a dirt bike, though!!!

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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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