It is currently Tue Aug 22, 2017 5:11 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 100 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 8:06 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 12:59 pm
Posts: 1039
Ladder, do you have a record? Because I seriously doubt you are going to get jail time for getting drunk and having a seizure. Or am I missing something here? I worked in child protection court and I never heard of the parents getting any kind of sentence at all unless their was direct harm done to the child or the children were flat out abandoned. I still think the lawyer is a good idea, but I really don't see what they've got on you. I hope that eases your mind a little bit.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 1:38 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:59 pm
Posts: 993
Location: Carson City, Nevada
Lillyval wrote:
Ladder, do you have a record? Because I seriously doubt you are going to get jail time for getting drunk and having a seizure. Or am I missing something here? I worked in child protection court and I never heard of the parents getting any kind of sentence at all unless their was direct harm done to the child or the children were flat out abandoned. I still think the lawyer is a good idea, but I really don't see what they've got on you. I hope that eases your mind a little bit.


No, I have no record. Zero, zip, zilch. I told the D.A. secretary that and she said that would obviously be in my favor. You are not missing anything....

And my husband works in another state, so I cannot imagine them putting me in jail, because then who would take care of my kids? Lilly, what do they normally do in these cases? Probation? Classes? Also, I didn't get any kind of DUI for this, because all this happened at my sister's apartment. And CPS is not following up on it either. They called my husband and asked how the kids were doing and how I was doing and he told them I was taking care of them and we were fine, and they said they were done with it. Maybe this lady was trying to scare me a little?????

laddertipper

_________________
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 4:52 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:12 am
Posts: 565
Location: in front of my laptop
laddertipper wrote:
Lillyval wrote:
Ladder, do you have a record? Because I seriously doubt you are going to get jail time for getting drunk and having a seizure. Or am I missing something here? I worked in child protection court and I never heard of the parents getting any kind of sentence at all unless their was direct harm done to the child or the children were flat out abandoned. I still think the lawyer is a good idea, but I really don't see what they've got on you. I hope that eases your mind a little bit.


No, I have no record. Zero, zip, zilch. I told the D.A. secretary that and she said that would obviously be in my favor. You are not missing anything....

And my husband works in another state, so I cannot imagine them putting me in jail, because then who would take care of my kids? Lilly, what do they normally do in these cases? Probation? Classes? Also, I didn't get any kind of DUI for this, because all this happened at my sister's apartment. And CPS is not following up on it either. They called my husband and asked how the kids were doing and how I was doing and he told them I was taking care of them and we were fine, and they said they were done with it. Maybe this lady was trying to scare me a little?????

laddertipper



[font=Comic Sans MS]This woman was ABSOLUTELY tryig to scare you. I am not in any way shape or form saying that you are not to get an attoryney. But I gotta agree with Lilly on this one. I was in your shoes exactly. I had no record whatsoever, never have, and I still dont'. Children and Youth investigated me, and they told the DA not to file. I have a friend that works with C&Y, and she told me that when there are child endangerment charges threatened, they rarely, if ever follow through on the charges. In fact, the only time that she has seen that done, is if there was deliberate neglect (starving child, no bath, teeth rotting), or downright intentional harm done to the child. And in your case there wasn't.

Look ladder, I know that it is so hard to just relax. Believe me I know. I didn't relax for the entire 90 days that I was being investigated. But you dont have anything to worry about. I do understand that the law varies from state to state, and we live in different states. So, it's up to you. But I personally would do 2 things. #1~talk to your sister. #2~stop calling the DA. They are not going to have anything nice to say to you. The woman you spoke to will never be any nice than the "dumb bitch" she was the other day. All they are going to do is worry you. If they were going to arrest you, issue a summons, or both, they would have done it already, and your children would certainly NOT be in your care. The fact that your husband said that they are at home and doing well, worked in your favor. Trust me when I say, they are done with this. They have bigger fish to fry.

Keep on doing what you are doing. I know that I have said it before, but I'll keep saying it until you don't need to hear it anymore~you are a great mother, you are a wonderful, selfless, and endearing person, and you are going to be OK. I promise.
There is noone that understands how stressing this is than me. I can actually feel how you feel when I get on here and read what you've posted. LOL, thats how well I remember it. It wasn't that long ago for me either. And look at how far I have come already. Children and Youth closed my case as unfounded in April. That was only 5 months ago. Looking where I am now, I can't even see that ever happening again. You are going to be the same way soon. This is all going to pass a lot quicker than you expect. Especially since C&Y isn't investigating you. You cannot even imagine what a huge invasion of your privacy that is. It was the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life. So embarrassing. (and I've showered with 90 women in Parris Island).

So, again, keep on posting, keep your head up, and we are all here for you! I keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe I'll make a dreamboard with you on it! Hahaha (smile) Let me know what your sister said....I'm really curious how it works out there.[/font]

_________________
"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 8:12 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 4933
Location: Leesburg, FL
Ladder, didn't you say before that the detective or police officer involved was nice to you during all this? When an incident happens and the police are involved, they write everything up and send the report and their investigative notes, etc, all over to their local assistant prosecuting attorney. (I used to work within the police and court system.) Then it is up to an APA to decide whether or not to issue charges. The cop that sent the request over is then notified of their decision to pursue charges or not.

What I'm thinking is if that cop was really good to you, s/he would be one of the first people to know what the APA decided to do and could give you some ACCURATE information. For all you know, the paperwork is still on the APA's desk...in which case, you or your attorney COULD contact them and MAYBE get this worked out. Unfortunately, as you might suspect, all this depends on who gets the file and how that individual person interprets the situation, including their own personal demons and biases.

I think it might be a better idea to call the detective/police officer and ask them the status of the case.

Anyway, just my thoughts. What's up with getting your lawyer-sister involved? If I were you I'd light a fire under her ass and let HER start making these calls. They will take them MUCH more seriously coming from her, PLUS they will probably accept a phone call from her when the secretary screens yours.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 9:44 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:59 pm
Posts: 993
Location: Carson City, Nevada
hatmaker510 wrote:
Ladder, didn't you say before that the detective or police officer involved was nice to you during all this? When an incident happens and the police are involved, they write everything up and send the report and their investigative notes, etc, all over to their local assistant prosecuting attorney. (I used to work within the police and court system.) Then it is up to an APA to decide whether or not to issue charges. The cop that sent the request over is then notified of their decision to pursue charges or not.

What I'm thinking is if that cop was really good to you, s/he would be one of the first people to know what the APA decided to do and could give you some ACCURATE information. For all you know, the paperwork is still on the APA's desk...in which case, you or your attorney COULD contact them and MAYBE get this worked out. Unfortunately, as you might suspect, all this depends on who gets the file and how that individual person interprets the situation, including their own personal demons and biases.

I think it might be a better idea to call the detective/police officer and ask them the status of the case.

Anyway, just my thoughts. What's up with getting your lawyer-sister involved? If I were you I'd light a fire under her ass and let HER start making these calls. They will take them MUCH more seriously coming from her, PLUS they will probably accept a phone call from her when the secretary screens yours.


Uh, no, I was not nice to that deputy. I believe the term is "combative and belligerent". That deputy was poking at me....I was nice to the security guard, who is good friends with the deputy. Please remember, I was quite drunk AND had just had a seizure. The security guard was very, very nice to me, calmed me down, stayed with me, came back the next day when I was readmitted.

THEN, my buddy the security guard called my husband (who he knows) and told him he stayed two hours w/o pay to see if maybe I would 'flash him again'. He said some super inappropriate stuff about my boobs, and then he came back to this town and told people that he gave me a ride home from the hospital. This caused me all kinda of trouble with my husband, which I just blew off, because I am NOT going to fight over rumors, and it is in my chart that I was released to a bus. THANKS ASSHOLE!! Anyway, I was really annoyed with this dude, and when he texted me to 'see how I was doing', I told him 'thank you but I'm not comfortable texting you, as I am married.' I didn't say anything rude or file any charges at the hospital, because, like I said, the deputy is his buddy. My mom was like, "he is such a nice man! surely he'd never say those things!" I told her "No, he is not, he would and he did....people act nice to you but they are really just assholes." Add another rumor onto the other ones I'm already facing, on top of the real stuff I already did....

FYI, on top of truly screwing up, I also am having an affair with my friend's husband and the security guard, courtesy a small town rumor mill.

I did call the deputy and apologized....he was very nice then, but his report was already filed.

Sheesh, I will call my sister today. She is my baby sister, so it's hard for me to talk to her about this. And she lives in S.F., CA. She cannot exactly represent me, but she can advise me.

I did get a sponsor! Thankfully, she is pretty smart, and she said not to worry, and she will tell me what I need to show the court.

laddertipper

_________________
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 11:59 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 12:59 pm
Posts: 1039
Ladder, I worked in child protection (juvenile court) which dealt with placement and matters of the child's welfare. I didn't work in the adult court where parents would be prosecuted. What normally happens in these cases?....nothing. In the dozens of cases that I was either present for or was directly involved in, the parents were rarely, if ever, charged with a crime. They often had their children removed, which is a civil matter, not a criminal one. There is no warrant or arrest. If CPS already cleared you, then they have nothing to charge you with in regards to your child. I'm not a lawyer, so this I just my layman's opinion.

If they want to be jerks I guess they could charge you with disorderly conduct or some shit. But why wait? I think Kelly is right. They have bigger fish to fry.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 7:38 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:59 pm
Posts: 993
Location: Carson City, Nevada
I hope you guys are right. I did call my sister. She will call me after work, and she is going to try to find me an attorney referral around here.

I am really, really struggling. Everyone just has something to say, and I keep deleting numbers from my phone. I'm thinking I will just go ahead and change my damn number. I am already DOWN. I am already so down that nobody really needs to keep kicking me. But everyday I get some sort of good punch in the gut. The one I got today was from my friend/hair stylist/daughter's cheer coach/mother of my daughter's best friend. She mentions her dad, because he is an alcoholic who quit drinking 21 years ago, even tho he didn't go to meetings or anything. My friend has been checking in on me everyday to see if I'm still chugging along, and then I get this text....This friend is the one my daughter was staying with and this is what she said: ('C' is her daughter; 'A' is mine)

Hey Sarah. I talked to my dad. I don't know that it would be a good idea that u guys talked. He does not do good with sugar coating and I don't think u will appreciate what he has to say. Sorry. But I have been struggling with this entire situation and felt it would be better just to be straight forward with you. I don't feel like I have.

u r a schmuck and u need to hear it. I don't understand why u think u get to start with a clean slate and why u get to decide what people think or who matters. People cared about u and u decided we were all schmucks. I just don't understand why u keep talking about finding your peace and making you better and doing for you. It is my view that is all you have done. When u don't get A to practice because of "your" issue u r thinking about "you" and allowing alcohol to give "you" peace while you cause grief for someone else. When "you" drink and seizure or pass out or whatever "you" are thinking about "you" and not how it effects anyone else or the fact your daughter who cannot provide for herself is there or how it hurts everyone. When "you" cut your wrists because "you" don't want to deal with things it's again about u. Friend or not I think you have been thinking about you and not caring anybody else's peace so why the F should anyone care about your peace. Im not a hug it out.kinda girl. Im.pissed. i dont.know what to say. Im faking.it.because I know.how.much.C loves A and I would be heartbroken if that relationship.was over. I know what I have said will prob ruin our friendship but i dont know what to do!


What the fuck do I say? I am burned out on everyone's opinions. I am not made of steel. I cannot get away from these people. I see them all the time and I really don't have a choice on that, unless I move away. I did not murder anyone....WTF....I wish I could crawl under a rock. Yet I cannot because of my kids. Hate it all. Hate everyone in this stupid town. Or maybe I just hate myself. IDK.

laddertipper

_________________
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 10:47 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 27, 2009 12:47 am
Posts: 1496
Sorry if this is blunt Ladder, but your friend(s) seem kind of like assholes. I mean, I can understand why people who care about you are upset, but how they think these types of messages are at all constructive or even in good taste is beyond me.

If I were you, I would text back something like this:

As angry as you are at me right now, rest assured that I am 100 times more angry at myself. I am doing what I need to do to rectify the situation on all levels. I appreciate what you have done for my daughter and for the support you've given me so far, and I understand if you don't feel able to continue to be my friend right now. Regardless, I also value the friendship between our daughters and agree that we should do what we can to help them maintain that closeness.

Then, just let it go and turn to the people in your life who get what you're going through.

I am NOT defending this friend's text or the other friend's text or your BIL...but I will say that I'm sure you know that a situation like what you're going through stirs up a lot of emotions for everyone involved, even those on the fringes. It stirs up feelings about the situation and feelings about the past and who knows what else. People are generally not equipped to deal with this kind of stuff - it's not like we all grew up in a healthy emotional culture. So they have all these feelings and they think it's appropriate to PUT them somewhere, preferably on the person who provoked the feelings in whatever way. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that they are flailing just as hard as the rest of us...and they probably don't even know it. They probably think that what they are doing is the correct thing to do - to blame and shame you so it won't happen again. That's likely how they were raised. Or to overreact so you know how SERIOUS this is. It's all about baggage, in my opinion and in my experience.

You don't have to take their reactions to heart. You can acknowledge their feelings, but their feelings are THEIRS to deal with in some healthy way. You can take responsibility for what happened and you can make ammends. That's all you can do. Hopefully in time they will find a new drama to feel scandalized about and everyone can move on. Keep your chin up and keep doing what you need to do.

_________________
You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

-Jack Kornfield


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Sep 21, 2012 10:59 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 1346
Location: oregon coast
Awwwwwwwwwww,,,,,,,
seems like Diary OAQ ALWAYS knows what to say, huh??? In the most 'calm,serene' way!!!!!

It really makes sense what she's saying, that you can acknowlege THEIR feelings and all that, but not take them to heart.

Yes, easier said than done...............BUT, I think if you keep trying, you'll get there :wink:

I know, its hard. Its the most difficult thing, when you've created all ths 'wreckage'
and you gotta mop it up.

Well, just like you say, you are made of STEEL and you WILL get through this, and come out on the 'other side' BETTER for it.

Im rooting for you. Im here, listening and hoping the very best for you, LT.

No, I dont have any great words of wisdom. I do know what its like to have a HELL of a mess to mop up though.
So, just hang in there, putting one foot in front of the other.

Thinkin of you :wink:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:28 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:59 pm
Posts: 993
Location: Carson City, Nevada
***IMPORTANT***

Just wanted to clarify that I did not actually have an affair with my friend's husband or the security guard from the hospital!!!!! Those are just a couple of ridiculous rumors that have gotten back to me that are circling around a little town, where people luv luv luv to talk.

Another forum member kindly let me know to make that very clear, because I don't think i worded it well enough.


Ha! DOAQ and Amber, that response to my friend is almost exactly what I wrote back.....wow!

The crazy thing is text messaging. I respect my couple friend who came to my house, went for a walk with me, told me how they felt, let me respond, let me tell them the whole truth as it happened...and those peeps I have had no trouble with. It is this texting bull crap. People can type something they think sounds great and send it and not have to look at you and SAY it. There is a huge difference, and I'm learning a lot from that. In the future, whatever it is, if I have something super important to say to someone, I will either be able to say it to their face, or I will rethink saying it!

Anyway, I let go of that friend too, and I felt very peaceful. (It's funny how when you let go of people, they come back.) And also, I realized that if most people I know want to fall away, that is okay, because new ones will come in. And the less people I know, the less people will want to comment on my business....

I'm imagining a fall of walking with my little girl and my puppy to collect crazy colored leaves.....then later, making our footprints in the snow and going in to drink hot chocolate and read cozy stories....be there for my big kids when they come home...then go with a friend to a meeting....That life sounds simple and lovely right now.

I went to two meetings tonight. Met a whole bunch of really nice people with really normal problems. Like you people on here.

Tenth day of no drinking! Also, 1/9 of my no-driving time is over.

laddertipper

_________________
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 5:39 am 
Offline
Super-Duper Poster
Super-Duper Poster
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2011 7:57 pm
Posts: 311
Hi, L.T.,

I hope you are feeling better today. I understand where you are...my screen name slipper..is because I was the Queen
of slips in AA for 20 years!! Iam not proud of it.

The thing I hated most when I would really mess up was the "no trust" issue that I had worked so hard to build up just
come tumbling down....nobody in the family trusted me, especially my husband. I would hear things like "you can't
believe anything she says", and even when I was telling the truth, no one would believe me...that felt so awful.

Another thing is you have to be selfish and work on you first...if you don't , you won't make it...so going to a lot of meetings
and working on your sobriety pisses everybody off because they see you as just taking care of your needs, not theirs...

the earth people out there will never get it...my husband never got it, even though he stayed with me through 29 years of hell...and says he knows it is a disease..he doesn't really believe it is a disease...

and they all get soooo mad and angry...and what can you do??? it is already done..

and the police/law..they make you wait and wait, just so you will worry your ass off..I did what you did...got my own
papers signed at AA so I would have something to show them that I was trying to improve myself...They do have bigger fish to fry..and they play this game of letting you know nothing when nothing is going to happen and you worry about
it all the time...they made me wait a year and then just made me pay a fine.

Just keep doing what you are doing and read those promises..they really do come true...the past is over, done. You can
only go from here...

I wish you peace, serenity, and to be happy , joyous, and free!!

Slipper

_________________
"For evil to flourish, all that is needed is for good people to do nothing." >> Edmund Burke


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 6:06 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:12 am
Posts: 565
Location: in front of my laptop
[font=Comic Sans MS]I have never been a fan of confrontation, but I am even less of a fan of cowards. Cowards are people who confront other people through text messaging, email, twitter, facebook, or any other form of communication that doesn't require looking someone in the eye. How dare her? Certainly she is entitled to her feelings about what happened. I would even go as far to say that she is entitled to having you hear her out, if she is a good friend of yours. But to take that approach, assume you wont appreciate what her dad has to say, and then act like she gives a shit about you? Whatever.

Ladder, I agree that you are doing the right thing by letting these people go. I agree with Diary in the fact that some people are taking their feelings out on you, because you stirred up some memories for them. Have you noticed that the people who are giving you crap, all have alcoholics who are close to them. They have obviously been hurt. They are just misdirecting their anger. I think that this friend, will come around. She wasn't overly rude. She was just stating facts. Addiction is a very selfish disease and we know this when we aren't in active addiction. We just don't think about it when using/drinking. I was never intentionally selfish, and I get the feeling that you aren't the kind of person who is intentionally selfish either. Suicide is also selfish. I know what it did to my daughter when I attempted it. Her question to me at 8 years old was "why don't you want to be my mommy anymore?" She thought that it was HER fault. Like if I loved her, I wouldn't do that. And she is right. She just isn't old enough to understand that we don't consider all of this in the moment. We just want out. As fast as possible. I know that you know all of this. You don't need some friend reminding you about it. Time will tell how she truly is as a person. If she eventually comes around, and forgives you, than great. If not, you don't need friends like that anyway.

I admit, I had to laugh at this~'Met a whole bunch of really nice people with really normal problems. Like you people on here.'
LOL, ya, I'm normal...

If you keep yourself surrounded with the people that truly love you and care about you, you are gonna draw strength form them when your own is running low. I totally understand feeling like you just can't take anymore. We all do. Keep on going to yoiur meetings. Keep talking to us. These people at meetings have all been there and maybe you can start hanging out with some of those women. I know you feel so alone right now, but you aren't. You have us, and you have your meetings. You are gonna make it through this. I'm so glad that you keep on posting about how you are day to day. I like checking in to see how you are. I will continue to keep you in my prayers at night. Take care...[/font]

_________________
"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:29 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:39 am
Posts: 4028
Location: Sitting at my computer
When I find myself sucking pavement, I find this short inspirational video to be very inspiring. Check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L1stBkpWBc

At the end of pain is success!!

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


Last edited by Romeo on Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:32 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 12:59 pm
Posts: 1039
Thank God for the wonderful people on this forum. Diary, Slipper, Kelly and Amber, those were such great messages and I'm glad I took the time to read them before posting my knee jerk reaction to that "friend's" text. I couldn't agree more that people are dealing with their own baggage at ladder's expense, that people are cowards who act like everything is fine and then TEXT shit like that, and that "normal" people just don't get it (My husband, too, slipper).

Ladder, even while we were talking about the legal aspect, am asking myself, what exactly did you do? Near as I can tell, you poisoned yourself with alcohol, had a seizure, and when you realized what you did you hurt yourself some more. So why are all these people about what you did to THEM? If hurting you hurt them, then wouldn't it make sense that getting you better would make them feel better?

Good for you letting those people go and focusing on a better tomorrow. It looks like going through all this is going to result in you getting unhealthy people out of your life and finding loving, supportive people. So when all is said and done you're going to be in a better place than you started. Funny how that works out sometimes.
Keep your head up. We're all here for you no matter what.
Lilly

P.S. my sponsor always says "what other people think about me is none of MY business!"


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 8:03 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4138
You know, Ladder, if your friend's dad is an alcoholic who quit without meetings, the likelihood that she has ever been to an Alanon meeting is nil. She does not understand alcoholism, except what her Dad told her about it, which was probably something like: I cared enough about my family to pull myself up by my bootstraps and quit and everyone else should be able to do that too!

Well, Bully for him! But therefore your friend thinks that quitting and staying on the wagon is simply a matter of willpower, which, as we all know, it isn't. I'm not saying that willpower doesn't help us when it shows up, but addiction is more complicated than that. She sounds like she could really use some education, but I don't know that she'd be willing to do that.

For right now, though, you can't take care of her ignorance. As long as you're focused on your kids and yourself, you're doing what is best in the present. For expediency's sake, lets go down the list of people we don't need to care about:

1. Gross security guy = asshole pig
2. First friend who texted you = delusional, cowardly asshole
3. Judging bro-in-law = ignorant, self-righteous asshole
4. Any "friend" who ditches you over this = uneducated, and possibly stupid assholes
5. DA secretary = disingenuous, lying, bitchy asshole
6. Nosy, gossipy people = big f*cking assholes who are never worth a second thought

Is your name in that text? Is it OK if we use it on here or do you prefer Ladder?

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: What then..........
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 12:31 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 4:04 pm
Posts: 391
Ladder,

The more I read of your plight the more I get pissed. You are here..........you survivied. What did everyone want ---you to die so they wouldn't be able to use their keyboards to hide behind. Everyone thinks they have no problems........somebody said it not sure who........ but that is what my Sponsor calls people who can drink normally "Earth People". Do they really think they have nothing in their life that they would be ashamed for others to know.

Seriously I have shared with you some very personal stuff and you put yourself out there and if anything I would think true friends would say I am so glad you are still alive what can I do to help you. Those children are yours..............the accident that you had that caused your brain injury ...........seriously there is a reason you are here. If I had a seizure every time I drank I think that would do it for me but we can"t judge each other we must just say what similarities we have.

Ladder we have talked I know your a good mother and what all these people have to say is just their opinion. If you chose to bring up every fault you found in them I am sure they would not appreciate it. Your true friends are here and trust me children know who their Mommy is and who their Daddy is. My son this past weekend accidently called me Scott which is the name of my ex wife's fiance. He began profusely apologizing and say Daddy I didn't mean it. I assured him that it was ok just remember that Daddy will always love you no matter what. He kissed me and hugged me alot this weekend like he was making up for his mistake but I assured him he will always be my son and I will always love him.

Do the same with all your children. I think you are doing the right thing getting your meetings signed off and it's important to have a sponsor with long term sobiriety that is available to the prosecutor or the court.

Lastly it is great that Mom is there and your sister.........but Ladder I know you love your husband and no matter if he is mad at you are not it is important to tell him how much you love him and what his support has meant to you. You are the stongest woman I have met on this form (however I am not sure I would want to wrestle DOQ) you are strong and many respect you.........step out of the fog and move forward and don't let anyone make you feel less than who you are. I dare any of them to walk in your shoes........Don't tell them.........Show them.

Jim


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: What then..........
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 3:46 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:59 pm
Posts: 993
Location: Carson City, Nevada
ReRaise wrote:
Ladder,

The more I read of your plight the more I get pissed. You are here..........you survivied. What did everyone want ---you to die so they wouldn't be able to use their keyboards to hide behind. Everyone thinks they have no problems........somebody said it not sure who........ but that is what my Sponsor calls people who can drink normally "Earth People". Do they really think they have nothing in their life that they would be ashamed for others to know.

Seriously I have shared with you some very personal stuff and you put yourself out there and if anything I would think true friends would say I am so glad you are still alive what can I do to help you. Those children are yours..............the accident that you had that caused your brain injury ...........seriously there is a reason you are here. If I had a seizure every time I drank I think that would do it for me but we can"t judge each other we must just say what similarities we have.

Ladder we have talked I know your a good mother and what all these people have to say is just their opinion. If you chose to bring up every fault you found in them I am sure they would not appreciate it. Your true friends are here and trust me children know who their Mommy is and who their Daddy is. My son this past weekend accidently called me Scott which is the name of my ex wife's fiance. He began profusely apologizing and say Daddy I didn't mean it. I assured him that it was ok just remember that Daddy will always love you no matter what. He kissed me and hugged me alot this weekend like he was making up for his mistake but I assured him he will always be my son and I will always love him.

Do the same with all your children. I think you are doing the right thing getting your meetings signed off and it's important to have a sponsor with long term sobiriety that is available to the prosecutor or the court.

Lastly it is great that Mom is there and your sister.........but Ladder I know you love your husband and no matter if he is mad at you are not it is important to tell him how much you love him and what his support has meant to you. You are the stongest woman I have met on this form (however I am not sure I would want to wrestle DOQ) you are strong and many respect you.........step out of the fog and move forward and don't let anyone make you feel less than who you are. I dare any of them to walk in your shoes........Don't tell them.........Show them.

Jim


Amen, Jim!

Earth People have problems too. The people who have been slinging mud at me have done plenty of things that could be called irresponsible/could get them into trouble/are 'problems'. Such things include: smoking pot, smoking pot w/ baby in car and driving around/driving drunk/literally drinking while driving/eating disorder/pill popping.....I'm not going to sling it back at them. They can sit up high, but it only takes one time getting pulled over & busted, and they will come crashing down. You get caught with meds not prescribed to you, and you are screwed. Get pulled over and ur car smells like weed, you have a pipe, and your baby is in the back?....they will probably take your kid and arrest you. Everyone has problems, even the 'normal' people. I am amazed at how much better than me some people now think they are, but one thing I love about myself is that I don't think I am one iota better than anyone else.

Today, I'm just absolutely friggin' exhausted. Maybe I'm sick or it's just an emotional hangover, but I'm really tired.

Thank you, Jim! You have been a great friend to me, too. And thank God you survived, too. No more overdosing/falling off ladders/seizing for us.... :D

Sarah (LaddertRipper)

_________________
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 5:34 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:12 am
Posts: 565
Location: in front of my laptop
[font=Comic Sans MS]First of All~Amy....YOU CRACK ME UP!!! I don't even think that you realize how funny you are. I have been in such a great mood this weekend and you just topped it off! My family had a HUGE get together, and 4 or 5 of my girlfriends from high school were there so we laughed and laughed and laughed, but you just put the icing on the cake! LOL~thanks!

Ladder, you are starting sound like you are in a better mood. I know that you said you are tired, and that is so normal. Crying and emotional hangovers are the worst. I had a rough time the other day when it was my daughters birthday. I cried a lot of the day, but slept like a baby that night. The next morning I was so exhausted...So give yourself some time alone...Maybe take a hot bubble bath. I love bubble baths :D They are so relaxing! And if you take one right before bed, it should help you sleep too!

Just wanted to check in and tell you to keep up the good work! We are all pulling for you, and it will be all better before you even know it!~Take care..[/font]

_________________
"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 12:02 am 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4138
Any time, Kelly. I'm happy to make people laugh as long as I meet my goal of dissing every single person who is being mean to Sarah. I especially hope it gave her a lighthearted moment. :)

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2012 4:23 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:59 pm
Posts: 993
Location: Carson City, Nevada
Amy-Work In Progress wrote:
Any time, Kelly. I'm happy to make people laugh as long as I meet my goal of dissing every single person who is being mean to Sarah. I especially hope it gave her a lighthearted moment. :)

Amy


You gave me several lighthearted moments! I am really trying to not sling any mud at people to make myself feel better, BUT if you want to sling mud at them.....I'm more than happy to read it. :D :D and it may make me :lol: :lol:

I'm still doing what I need to be doing and it's keeping me really busy. I did an intake appointment, and they recommended either residential or intensive outpatient, mainly because of my blood alcohol level and the possible ramifications of a relapse. I am not sure sure you can go much above my blood alcohol level and survive. So...considering my husband doesn't live here and everything, I'm going with the intensive outpatient. It's 3 hours 3 times a week, starting tonight. Plus, I'm supposed to do meetings too and find a psychiatrist, as she said I qualify for major depressive disorder, which I am in denial about but not surprised to here.... I hope I can fit it all in! I keep thinking I need to clean this or that....and then I remember I have to put recovery first.....In all, I will be in outpatient and/or meetings for about 15 hours a week. Wowzers!

Asshole security guard disappeared....brother-in-law is away on business...haven't heard from DA secretary...former best friend has not so much as LOOKED at me since this all happened. She is going to have to work to keep that up, because I am not going to go out of my way to play these dumb games. Last friend that texted me is gonna do my hair tomorrow. After she vented, she totally came around....plus, none of these peeps matter much.

This is a disease, people....We are not just weak/bad/immoral/etc.

Sarah

_________________
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 100 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group