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PostPosted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 9:38 pm 
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This big wave of anxiety would come over me. My heart would pound, my hands and feet were constantly sweaty, and I just had to get out of the house and do something. It was horrible. Your body DOES miss the drug. Your ENTIRE body has been in a relaxed state, organs and all. You had a routine/ritual, now you don't, and you aren't able to reach for it when you want to. The anxiety was excruciating for me. I couldn't do anything either. It was like I was mentally ill. Mine went away over time, but you have to stay busy. Reading your posts makes me think that you are experiencing the same thing I did. How long have you been off the drugs? Have your husband take you out to dinner. Take the kids to the park. Read a book so intense that all you can think about is what's going on next in the book. My anxiety lasted about 3-4 weeks. It was very hard, but I got through it. I'm 7 months clean now, and happy as a clam. I haven't had a summer like this in 2 years. If it doesn't go away soon, it could be something else. Stay in close contact with your doctor.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 9:08 am 
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Lakegirl....LISTEN TO ME. If this is anxiety I promise you it will go away. Now this doctor is telling you that you could possibly be BP and that just added to it. YOU HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO DISTRACT YOURSELF!!! For me, it was the house. That is where I would be when I took my vics and chilled out. That is where I first identified that I was in trouble and needed help. I had planned a trip out of town after rehab and after the anxiety kicked in. I went out of town and the anxiety subsided very nicely. Came back to that house and BAM!!!...More waves of severe anxiety. I DO think the buspar helped, but it was the support...knowing I was able to call on people for help, and the keeping busy that TRULY helped me. If this is anxiety IT WILL GO AWAY. You HAVE to be strong. When I went to the doctor and told them about the anxiety, he said, "You went a week with this?". I said, "yes", he said, "Well you are VERY strongwilled because anxiety usually sends a person right back to their drug of choice". He was astounded that I went an entire week living like that with no help. It's the will. What do we want for ourselves? YOU CAN DO THIS!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 10:25 am 
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Foundhelp, thank you so much. I am so scared the anxiety is worse today........i can't get out of bed and ever inch of my body is in a constant panic attack. The problem is I am so anxious I can't talk to anyone.........and my husband can't take me anywhere because we run a resort 24/7 (my whole problem) it is for sale but with the market it has not sold yet. If I go out of my house I see patrons all over the place and I can't talk right now. And that darn hydroxizone hits me right between the eyes and I can't do anything but lay down and sleep and I have 3 kids!!!!! This has been a year and half and NOTHING has changed except a wide gap of being ok for a year because of the suboxone. Im so electrified I can't move. I don't know what to do I keep crying and crying. Don't worry I won'tt ake anything that isn't prescribed to me I just want to live for my kids and I am such a mess..................


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 10:29 am 
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My anxiety story is similar to foundhelp's. The first few weeks off of Suboxone my anxiety would hit me like a giant wave, I mean it was excruciating. Heart pounding, break out in a sweat, chest feels tight, can't think of anything but the anxiety......mercifully, my episodes would only last for 5 or 10 minutes. Over 3 weeks or so, the episodes got less intense and the frequency of the episodes decreased.

When I first quit Suboxone, I went to see my addiction counselor and he told me I was acting as if I was Bi-Polar or Manic Depressive. I probably WAS Bi-Polar when I quit Suboxone, hell, I was probably Tri-Polar there for a while!!

I had crying fits in the early days too. The acute wd can be so brutal, it's a brutal assault on your senses and your mind and body revolt.

This is hard to explain, but I still kind of feel like your symptoms are more extreme than what I experienced. I'm honestly worried about you and the severity of your symptoms. If they don't start to improve soon, you need to get medical attention.

Today should be 9 days off of Suboxone for you, my acute wd peaked on day 10, I would expect you to see at least some kind of improvement in those symptoms pretty soon.

BTW, the depression/lack of energy/lack of motivation lingers for quite a while. We're used to having the drugs give us that motivation, until you teach yourself how to be motivated, it'll keep being an issue. It took me over a year to figure the lack of energy/depression thing out, I kept waiting for motivation to hit me, I'm learning that I'm having to motivate myself. I did start on an AD a few weeks back, Wellbutrin, again, I was hoping it would motivate me......no such luck. I've got to do it on my own.

We have to learn how to live again, it's hard as hell at times because learning how to live again is a process and we addicts hate shit that isn't all about instant gratification.

Ooops, one more thing, my anxiety resurfaced here several months ago and I finally linked it to my coffee intake. If I drink more than one coffee a day, it makes me nutty in the anxiety department.

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Last edited by Romeo on Fri Sep 09, 2011 10:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 10:31 am 
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I'm so sorry to hear you're still feeling so very badly. Considering how extreme your anxiety and depression are compared to "normal" opiate w/d's, have you yet considered trying to go to a doctor for some help/extra treatment? You can get your antidepressant(s) increased or try Buspar like I think was discussed above, or any other options that your doctor(s) will have that we simply, as non-medical people, don't even know about to suggest to you.

I really do think you need to go in for treatment. You're at risk the way you're living right now and even more importantly, you DESERVE to be treated for this/these conditions. Good luck and I truly hope you get some relief soon.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 12:20 pm 
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Ok...I'm a RN. I do happen to know that atarax/hyroxazine is used more frequently for itching than anxiety. You may be on the wrong medication. The fact that it put's you to sleep is telling me it's relaxing you waaaaay too much. That could not be good for a person with severe anxiety. The minute you wake up, you are going from an extreeemley relaxed state to full blown...."I gotta do what I gotta do", thus the anxiety may be heightened. Call your doctor and ask him about other options. Make certain that you ask him about the buspar. You ARE at risk and you gotta do something about this and now. Do not allow this to linger. If you have to drive a hundred miles to see a good doctor to help you with this...then that is what you need to do. I will keep checking your posts so I can help you through this. Does anybody know what's going on? Can someone help you with the kids? I too have a little boy, and it was very hard for me to get him up, dressed, off to school, homework and dinner when I was going through this. I am a single mom, but my mom helped me out quite a bit. Think about your options Lakegirl so you can work your way through this. I had to take a month and a half off work to get myself together. You have to seriously consider putting the burden on someone else for a minute while you do this for yourself. ok? I am here for you.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 1:54 pm 
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Thank you again for advice, opinions, and your stories. I really want to describe exactly what is going on to give you a better understanding. My hope is that this is withdrawals and I am hitting that "hard" mark and it will be better next week.

These are meds I am on: Citalapram 40mgs, ( he wants me to wean off that one after i feel better because I have been on that 8 yrs.) 150mgs Well Butrin am and 150 mgs pm. That I started in July and worked wonderfully because I dropped from 1mg to 1/2mg and did this crying thing all day but not with the anxiety I am experiencing. Then in August I started with restless leg syndrome. That was crazy......couldn't sleep so he put me on reputar and that didnt work so he changed it to Carbs/Levo and that works perfectly and I can sleep. I am also on 60mgs of Vyvanse for ADD. But please understand I do not take hardly any of the hydroxozine. I split open a 25mg and only took maybe a 1/3rd of it because I have used it before and it WIPES me out for days!!!! But the funny thing when I was in detox I could take 2 a day and it just settled me normally so I must have been sky high in anxiety. Last night I did the same thing with the hydrox but probably took a tad more. At 9pm lights out, I felt like my eyes were numb. But see this causes me anxiety because that was when I got my boys to bed and my daughter needed help with her homework and I couldn't do. That leads me to WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?

How I feel exactly. I wake up feeling pretty good becasue I am sleeping pretting good. But the anxiety kicks right in when I am helping the kids get ready for school. I feel electric shock all over my body, I start to feel sickly, I can't talk well, the sweats.........a full blown panic attack. I had these yrs ago but I didn't have to answer to anyone back then so I could lay down. But now it doesn't stop until I cry it out. Today I had to lay in bed and sob for over an hour. I cry so hard that I gag and could throw up but I don't. Then a little while later it is all gone so I get up and start my work but while i am working all the symptoms come back and then I am a bit stronger to find a way to relieve them. So I am good to go
until around 4 or 5 and that is when it gets really bad again.

We have a 14, 7, and 4 year old. These are my husband's kids too.......we just had a little gap in there and then had two boys and my 14 yr old is a girl. Anyhow it is stressful but it shouldn't be. They are really good kids.......but like any kids sometimes the fight to brush thier teeth before school is not worth it. AND my 4 year old is wonderfully CRAZY. I love him to no end but he is type A personality and I am afraid to say ADHD. I am sure the school will call me someday. Thats NOT my problem but it ads to it.

My life: this is a tough one because no one believes me except my family and my dearest friends. We have owned a resort for about 25 years now. My husband and his parents bought it in 87. I was a city girl (Chicago) and my parents had a cottage in NW Wisconsin that we were at all the time. The lake we are on is unbelieveable and I made a group of lifelong friends up here that will always be close. I had finished college in IL and really wanted to get into the Cosmotology industry so I finished that up and moved up North. I was 21 so I thought maybe I will stay maybe I will go back to Chi Town.
Well, I met my husband that Fall, fell in love, never left each other sides from day one. We are best friends and really do love each other. I owned my own rental chair in the largest town closest to us and loved it!!! I loved the business, the money was unreal, and the people of a small town.!I also worked at the resort at night and bartended with him. It was fun at first and then his mother became a very mean alcoholic and it changed everthing. After 11 years my motherinlaw dropped dead at 62 years old. We were just starting figure out how to buy them out (which they wanted so they could retire) I was also 31 my husband 35 and we wanted to have children in there. Now this is the problem with the resort. It does not make enough money to support 2 families but it has the work load of 7 or 8. So we could cover the 4 without paying and manage to have the other 4. BUT with my minlaw gone my fatherinlaw wanted out...........they were just done paying thier mortgage like we planned and then we would take over and buy out thier 2/3rds. Those 11 years got so tremendously stressful and that is when I started having panic attacks. ANYHOW<We took over the resort and of course I am pregnant with our first child. YEAH for us and it was good timing when we were sad about my hsbds mom. So I had to quick my job in town and come out to the resort full time. But now we lost 2 unpaid employees..........I worked hard all summer. Our resort is not brain surgeon work but has been like have 3 jobs a day with only one day off a week. I am not lying or stretching the truth by no means. We have six cabins, 14 permanant campers, full liquor bar with short order but FULL menu, Bait and Tackle shop, we sell gas on the lake, and we rent out boats of all kinds. If you think this is not nuts and stressful your nuts. The demand of being here and around for all the vacationers isn't what you can imagine plus 1000's of little jobs that no one thinks of!!!!!! AND we don't enough money to hire enough help. So we had our first babygirl in September and did what all parents do.......fell in love with her like there was not another soul on earth:) So we were at our height of happiness for about 5 years until she started school.......OMG when are we going to be with her? When she comes home from school the bar gets busy, weekends the bar is busy, and all holidays we are busy. Anytime she is in school we are at less of demand but whenever she is out that means our workload goes up. Plus we did not want her to be an only child so that was linger over me. I was 36????? So this is when I started with heart palps..........diagnose anxiety.
I took 20mgs of citalipram, 1/2 of smekind of traqulizer..............and I bought a stepping machine and was on it 45 minutes a day. I felt great!!!! We had our 2nd baby (csection and oxys) and that is when I thought that was my world and when we had our 3rd I would take so little of it that I don't understand where the withdrawals were there? After that csection and oxys I really used because you have to remember at this point I am fed up the resort. We had put it up for sale for 4 years by then and NOTHING. And then the crash of the economy didn't help! We live about the main lodge. It is fairly small for 5 people but since the bar is downstairs the kids can go down there (we are VERY family friendly) But I was so sick of people in my face, in my home, right outside my door. To get to my laundry room I have to go through the bar.........can I tell you how many people stop me??? 1000's...........you can never get from point A to point B around your own home without someone either wanting something or talking to you. Yesterday I had to go down and a nice lady (local) that comes in talked my ear off repeated everything and then my panic attac started creeping up and when my tounge went numb I apologized and left. Please multiply this scenerio by thousands...........We also don't have a safe place for the kids to play around our house where I can be making dinner and watching them. They have to cross our parking lot to get to the
playground. Big deal? Yeah it is........how many of these people are drunk and might not see a little kid??? Even though my kids have been drilled about that let me tell you if thier ball or a butterfly goes by they are chasing it not thinking about a car. So that also gives us no place where they can play on a hard surface. The other side of us faces the lake and they absolutely are not allowed down there without us. My 14 yr old is...............My husband works so hard he looks double his age..........we can't wait to get out of here. We have tried several realitors and it really isn't thier fault. Our problem with our lake that it is so nice that the worth of our property doesn't support our business. So no one can get a big enough loan to buy it. They would need about $900,000 down to get the rest of loan. WEll if you have that much money why would buy yourself a job? Right? And all the rules and laws on this lake make it almost impossible for a Contractor to really do
what he wants with it. We could start condoing off our cabins but we want to sell it as a whole............
All I see our my kids getting older and we are not with them at all and that my life's fun list has now turned into my BUCKET List. OH, let me put a couple other stresses in here. 2 years after last son was born I was diagnosed with hip impingement. The pain was crazy so that is when I really got into the drugs because I could legally. BUT I couldn't exercise they way I loved (stairmaster). So I started gaining weight, getting stressed, and taking more opiates.
Also at that time my mother came to live with us........my dad died in a car accident when I was pregnant with our first son and my mom had the start of dementia. She was so miserable that we thought it would be nice for her to be with us and give us some extra money. It all worked out well until she needed more care........also she couldn't handle all our stairs and once fell down and cracked a vertabrae. So she is in an assisted living 20 miles north of us and it is so hard for me to there to see her. My brother also retired up here heres ago but now is only here barely 6 months come and go so my mom's social life is dependent on me. My sister lives far away but she feels so bad.........
So now I have a hip replacement and that is when I really used the drugs and that is also the time when I went into wd's and went into detox and started the suboxone. I am still facing my other hip but I am going to wait that out as long as I can.

So that was a crazy long story but it felt good get out of my head. My doctor just called he really wants to see if I get better after the 10 day mark and he will call me on Monday. I am exhausted. Thank you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 2:06 pm 
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I should have reread my post...........for some reason sentences got mixed up????? I only cut and pasted on part so I don't know what I did?

My husband works 16 hours a day and if we don't have time off there is no one to take his place. Yep it sux so what do we do in an emergency???? So far this is it.

My mother is dying from Alzhiemers..........my father died in a car accident 8 years ago. All my friends work full time and my best friend is my sister in Milwaukee and YES they do what is going on. I have never had close support to help me with my kids because we live so far from family. So if we actually do something we have to hire a babysitter to watch them. We can't take time off in the summer anyhow..........

So it was actually my docs nurse that called and I told her I hate that hydroxozine I only too 6mgs and lights out.

thank you for listening I hope my post made sense. Im going to take a shower and get rid of these heeby geebies, I hope.
Please know I am NOT suicidal and I still will not use again...........i just want someone to say this is withdrawals and I am not crazy. I just don't have the outlets other people have. If I go anywhere out of my house someone will talk to me and I will go into a full blow attack.........I am thinking about packing the kids up and going to a hotel for the weekend but then I am also secluded??? The kids can swim here and get out.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 3:51 pm 
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They are withdrawals. I had the same thing happen to me. You just have to give it time. I read somewhere that you are nine days out. I was 10 days when I was discharged from rehab, and went through that anxiety for 3 weeks after I was discharged.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 3:55 pm 
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If I go to ER will they help me? What I mean is if my suboxone doc can't help me right now because he is gone for the weekend, my general practictioner doesn't have a clue what is going on but he will in Oct because once I finished the Sub doc they don't follow up??? Can you beleive that? And they were great to me but once you finish your last dose of suboxone we are on our own! I do have my pychiatrist that is helping me with my add and anxiety. He was the one that upped it to 40mgs after I got out of detox. All the doctors are all legally in the loop because I signed all that.
So my add doc is also done for the weekend???? So will ER go above those docs to prescribe me something other then that
hydroxozine????? I am reading about this xanax.......why in the heck can't I use that ever so sparingling so I can take care of my kids and get out of bed until my body calms down....................


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 5:30 pm 
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Clonidine might be something for you to look into?? It's probably the most popular medication prescribed for opiate withdrawal. It's actually a Blood Pressure medication and it's prescribed "off label" for opiate wd. It calms the sympathetic nervous system. I know when I finally started taking it, it made a big difference for me.

You have to be extrememly careful though, you're on several different medications, you have to let the attending physician know about all the meds you're on before taking Clonidine.

Lakegirl, you most certainly have an absolute shitload of things/crap going on in your life.......you don't have ANYONE who you can talk to about all that shit?? I'm proud of you for sharing all of that with us, but I've found that a quick sharing like the one you just did, while very helpful, won't solve all of your "worry" problems. For me, I've got to share that shit and share that shit and share again. My brain, left to its own devices, will obsess over that crap and that's a recipe for disaster. If you want to keep sharing that stuff here, that's great, but I'd really like to see you do it face to face, with a live human being.

Please take care of yourself........mentally, spiritually and physically.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 7:01 pm 
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Thanks Romeo. I have heard of clonodine but I am thinking there is only one hospital that will do that but it is 60 miles away.......

I am sorry if I gave the wrong impression...........I have a ton of friends to talk to and YES I am sharing sharing sharing but I don't have a physical support system. Someone that can drop thier life to come and help me and take care of my kids.
My husband did find help for tomorrow for 1/2 the day so he can help me. I am then going to ER to see what will happen.
If that clonodine works I would rather have that then anything close to being addictive.

So, get this? Now I am alot better.........still anxious and something could set me off but the best I felt all day??? I am really tired from crying all day and that tiny bit of hydrox. I don't get it??????????? If I could feel like this more I know I am going to be ok. Still a bit sad about how we live our life but I feel manageable. I also know it is not my vyvance because I didn't take it until 3pm so 6pm I would be crying hysterical by now if that was it. Thank you!!


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 7:54 pm 
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OK, now I understand ya, you do have friends to talk to. That makes me feel better. I understand now that no one is available to physically come and help you do the the day to day things while you're coming off of Suboxone, THAT SUCKS!!

Now all of this is making more sense. You're coming off of Suboxone AND still trying to live your very busy life......holy shit dude, you are tough as nails!! Don't even start to get down on yourself for crying during the day or for being ridiculously anxious or for feeling depressed, you're going through wd......that's what wd does to you. Suboxone is notorious for the "rollercoaster ride" of wd's. You go up and down, up and down....but, just like a rollercoaster, the ups and downs get smaller and smaller.

Goodness gracious woman, I took 5 weeks off of work when I quit Suboxone, if I had quit Suboxone and tried to resume my normal schedule immediately like you are, I'd have had anxiety through the dang roof too. I'd have been crying all the time too. Hell, I took 5 weeks off of work and STILL had wicked anxiety attacks, STILL cried during the day and night......I'm serious, you must be completely Bad Ass to be doing what you're doing.

The Clonidine will help with your symptoms, it's the only thing that really helped me. Watch out for that Xanax, it's wicked addictive.

Stay strong lakegirl, the wd will eventually subside.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2011 8:23 pm 
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Yes, you can go to the ER. Be honest with them, and tell them you want something non-addictive. Xanax, which is a benzodiazapine is even harder to come off of than vics or sub. Be careful of those. Sub doctors ARE the worse, and they have done that to many of folks. If you cannot function then go to the ER.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 10:32 am 
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Thank you so much again..........Romeo 5 weeks??????? I will go even more crazy if this goes that long becuase I am so scared that since this reminded me so much of the axiety I started with before drugs that it will never go away!
How did you do it??? And how long ago was that??? And how do you feel now? So one day did you just realize no panic attacks. I know I am having them one after another and then just when they subside something or someone triggers anotehr one. But what really sucks that underneath these panic attacks I am exhausted!

You know what really sucks too is that I woke up on Monday feel GREAT!!!!! And we had a major turmoil with our dog.......it was crazy and I can't even go into it but I think that set me off and blew all my nerves up!

Well, I am not going to go near xanax..........I can't reverse this whole thing.........my worst fear is my kids and how they are reacting to me. And that they will get over this without it affecting thier life. When I have been thier number one for everything and then to have me this fudged up for over a year makes me so sad for them.

Ok........back to the day! Love you all!!


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 2:36 pm 
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I was out of work for 5 weeks, but I could have easily went back around week 3, but because I had already scheduled the time off work I figured WTH, might as well take all 5 weeks off. In hindsight, I should have gone back to work earlier, it would have been better for me. You have to remember, I jumped off a high dose of Suboxone too, my wd was pretty difficult because of that.

I have been off of Suboxone for a year and three months now. I feel pretty normal for the most part now. I do not have any kind of wd or PAWS, just trying to figure out how to live my life without drugs now....it is a challenge.

Yeah, the panic attacks pretty much disappeared on their own, I still had anxiety, but no attacks.

I wouldn't worry too much about your children right now, children are remarkably resilient. You have to take care of you right now.

Keep hanging in there. Oh Yeah, you're not going to be this "fudged up" for a year, it gets better long before that. You will most likely have some PAWS, but those are mild compared to what you're in now.

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Hi all, well this is my 4th attempt at posting so I am out of energy. Friday night was worse........curled up in a ball until about 9pm when I settled. Woke up Saturday morning and as the morning went by I was at my worst from crying and anxiety above and beyone anything I have ever felt. my husband drove me to ER and then I was a real wreck becuase it is exactly how I felt a year and half ago going to detox. ER.....my blood pressure 159/111 not good. Talked to 3 wonderful nurses and one ASS...... Doctor. After a full checkup and vitals and UA..........doc comes back and says I have talked to a doct down at your detox (not mine who I love) and he wants you admitted again? OK<I>>>>>>So I remember I had to take this horrible yellow medicine every night for the longest time. Then in 7th grade I stared Cross Country through high school and into my early twenties until we bought
this resort! It was only a couple years before the anxiety snuck up on me again and I treated it with legal drugs.
Then about 5 years after that it crept up on me again but with major heart palputations and enough to put me down.........so they changed me to celexa and 1/2 of alprasalm at night. That scared me so much that I bought a stair master and lost weight and my anxiety. Then I got pregnant with our 2nd so I had to go off alprazalm and after the birth of that baby when my anxiety came back I did it the wrong way...........drugs BUT honestly stemmed from csection.......Oxys........So I have 10-15 days to really work at this so I can get off the aprazalm.............I am really really going to try because this is the first time in so long I want to go outside for a walk and play with my kids:)


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 7:32 am 
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One Month or More
One Month or More

Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:44 pm
Posts: 31
How ya doin Lakegirl?


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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