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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 4:56 pm 
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This is NOT an attempt to say I'm "better than" anyone on here or that I don't agree with many of the points mentioned. It's just that I'm finding as I get older and deal with my own problems, I am able to focus less and less on others and things that piss me off. Really, no one has power to make me feel an emotion except myself. If I am angry about something/someone, that is because I am reacting to something I don't want to accept. Now, when I find myself getting super angry, I pull myself out of the situation and get away from it. It's so not worth ruining my inner peace to bother being angry at someone. Has anyone else found themselves feeling this way as their recovery progresses?

Bunny


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:06 pm 
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YES BUNNY, I know exactly what you mean!!!!

for instance, a few family members, I never used to have anything to do with, some of the 'personality' differences we have, ya know, when I was using, I just didnt do ANYTHING with my family, so it wasnt an issue.

Well, now in my recovery, Im around my family for holidays, birthdays, etc.

My therapist said something that shocked me................

"if _____ has been this way, acted that way for your entire life, why would you expect him/her to act differently now?"

That, was a perfectly legitimate question!! Why do i let MYSELF get SO 'worked' up over something they've always done??????

Nowadays, I still get worked up once in awhile, but I calm down fairly quick, becuase I keep these things in mind. And I only take my family in 'small doses'
which makes it easier for me, as well.

Thats a great point you brought up. This different way of thinking has REALLY helped me, in almost every aspect of my life. Kinda goes along with the 'forgiving others is more for YOU , not the other person" idea as well.

Great Post Bunnyman

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:26 pm 
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I hear you both. I also see it as learning to own one's own feelings. Instead of blaming someone else - "YOU hurt ME!"...we take responsibility for our own emotions...."I feel hurt by what happened." Often when we get so upset at something or someone it's because it triggers some old shit in us and it has little to do with the person who we think is upsetting us.

As for forgiving for our own sake, I definitely agree!! I completely forgave my very abusive mother, not for her, but for me. I had to stop living angry with her and blaming all of my life's woes on her. Somewhere, some time, I had to take responsibility for my life and part of doing that was forgiving her and just moving on from the past...all of the past. Boy, was that a turning point for me!

And Bunny, when you say you pull yourself away from a situation, I think that's an excellent coping skill. It's good to be able to step back. For me I have to do that to allow my emotions to lower in their intensity so that my rational thinking will come back. (We can't be both emotionally intense and rational at the same time.)

Interesting stuff...

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2012 11:49 pm 
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Thanks for the reply, Amber.
I think a lot of the reason I'm handling things differently now is due to my time in jail. I never, ever thought I had any anger issues until I got locked up this time. I literally HAD to find a way to deal with my feelings of frustration on a daily basis, as in jail there is no "escape" from your feelings. I was sober and had to face myself. And it helped me so much....I can see now that no other earthly power except being incarcerated could have stopped me from killing myself. And I'm in recovery now as a result!! Our Higher Power works in mysterious ways, indeed.

Bunny


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:22 am 
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This is a very good topic. I get worked up so easily at how and why people do certain things. I have just now, in my mid thirties, begun to figure out that I need to stop allowing myself to be so angry at other people, and focus on myself instead. It is a huge relief, like a weight lifted off my shoulders, to realize this behavior and start to try changing the way I think about things, instead of trying to change people. It really does help relieve some stress and frustration, and I know I still have a lot to learn!


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 12:28 am 
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I constantly have to remind myself that I can only control my own behavior, not anyone else's. My first impulse is to be reactionary instead of responding with maturity. I am slowly getting better at slowing down and processing the situation before I respond. I also remind myself that if someone treats me poorly, that says a lot more about that person then it does about me. I'm getting better at taking responsibility for my own behavior, but that doesn't mean I can expect the same from others.

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 11:08 pm 
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I totally know what you mean!! I'm about to turn 30, and for the first time in my life I am actually questioning why the hell I believe it when someone puts me down. I know myself, and I know I am a better person than some people may say/assume. Now, when people give me shit, I say "you know, what you say about me is your business based on your beliefs. I know exactly who I am and what I stand for, and long after you and your small-minded opinions are gone I will still be myself. I'm a good person and I don't need your negativity." I may say it aloud, but moreso I say it to myself. And then I get the hell away from that person before I start getting resentments. Easier said than done, but it's possible to change your own thinking. I think that is the number one message I have gotten from 12-step groups: that with work I can change my thinking, which changes my outlook. It is totally possible.

Bunny


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 3:11 am 
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Good for you, Bunnyman! It sounds like you are dealing with negativity in a very mature fashion! Imagine us all being this well-adjusted as teenagers. It would have made those years so much better, but maybe a little boring. :wink:

Amy

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:06 pm 
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Ha ha, that's a funny thought Amy! I think about that a lot too. Sometimes I wish I could go back and do highschool again with the frame of mind that I have now. I wish I knew then what I know now, or at least had this perspective, because I cared waaaaaaayyyyy too much about what other kids thought about me, and it made me so self conscious and miserable. I am still always aware of how other people see me, and how my actions effect others, but not to the point that I change who I am or will feel bad about myself because of it (most of the time anyway).


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