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 Post subject: I lost my Fiance!
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:37 pm 
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My fiance passed away 7 months ago from a hidden addiction. I thought I was fortunate to have a nurse as a partner. I never really thought about her access to drugs . She wasnt wild and reckless, and didnt smoke or drink. She was 36, and we where together for 13 years, all good years. She was working as a temp doing Tele or ICU in a big city. She always seemed to handle stress and her job really well. I used to talk with her about work all the time . I tried to support her and console her as best I could. I always tried to be there for her. Maybe 2 years ago I had an idea that she might be doing something. I asked her and she denied. I wanted to believe her but I knew something was going on. She ended up having an issue at work and had to see a Doctor. He kept her off work for 6 months and put her on some medication. I thought that she was in good hands, and that she would get the help she needed. She was a nurse , so I thought she knew better. Why would she jeopordize everything she worked so hard on over the last 15 years. i wanted to trust her. I couldnt treat her like an addict/ junkie. She finally went back to work on staff at a Hospital she really liked. She worked ICU and after a while was even charge nurse many nights. Over the next 18 months I would watch her, look for signs, anything . I would ask her if she was using and she would say no. I began to believe her and trust her. My life seemed to be the best it ever was. Than 3 days after my 39 th bday she had passed away from a OD. Apparently she took some Fentanyl and somehow Fdup. They said it was an accident. I just cant believe that this sweet innocent person I was with for so long could succomb to drugs. I cant understand why she would take them in the first place or what led her to take something so strong. Im trying to forgive her and myself for anything that could have caused this. I wish I knew more about this problem of Opiate addiction before when I could have done something, but I was under the presumption that she knew better and the hospitals controlled their drugs. Im trying to learn how to live without her but this tragedy has really effected me . Any comment or help appreciated.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 6:47 pm 
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Hi Eddie,
My darling I am so so so sorry to hear your story. I don't know what I could possibly say to you that would help make it all sense to you. it is very brave of you to share what you went through and it just highlights again how this awfull illness can ruin the most unlikely of people. It just goes to show that it doesn't just affect the stereotypical sniffling dirty junkie with needle marks up their arms. It grabs people from all walks of life. Unfortunately in your case your beautiful wife must have felt so stigmatised and scared of the consequesnces that she could just not bring herself to open up to you. i am so deeply sorry for truely upset for your situation. No One is to blame - you questionned how on earth could she have even contemplated taking them in the first place. believe me it happens so easily and so quickly and before you know it you are stuck fighting to get out of it but you just don't know how. she is no longer tormented but i know it must be so difficult for you left picking up the pieces and trying to understand why all this happened to you.

Have you had any bereavement councelling? could they link you up with an addiction councellor - maybe that could be worth looking into and may help you to begin making some sense out of all this?

Take care eddie

lots of love

xxx c xxx


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 7:28 pm 
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Eddie,

I am so sorry for your loss. Im glad you posted here, there is lots of good support and maybe you can find some comfort in learning more about addiction.

I too am an RN that was addicted. Thank God my husband found drugs and needles from the hospital and confronted me. I ended up in detox and have been on suboxone for a little over a year now. I could have been your fiance...It is hard to be an addicted nurse because we are around these medications all day. It is amazing how much opiate we throw away let alone use for patients. It became tempting for me and I started using the waste. Im not sure why I started doing it. I am married to a great guy and have three beautiful children. My husband begged me to tell him why I did it.....I didn't have an answer. I have struggled with depression my whole life and believe that played a part. I just wanted to feel better.

Don't blame your self...addiction is a deadly disease that can effect anyone. There is a thread on here called What is Addiction that may be helpful for you to read....

Take care of yourself, love, orange doll.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 2:39 am 
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You must forgive to live.


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