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 Post subject: Looking for help
PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 2:32 am 
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Hello,

I'm 23 years old and I've been abusing opiates for the past five years. I started out small(like everybody else) with, you know, just popping a couple 5 mg Lortabs here and there. Then I worked my way up to Oxys... and then I graduated to Black tar heroin.

I've been going strong on the black for about 2 years now. In my five years of being in the "dope show"
I've tried to quit many times. The longest I went being sober was 6 months. But boy was that a living hell. The whole time I was juggling between the thoughts of either committing suicide or going out and getting my fix. So I got back on.

Now I'm in a situation where I'm pretty much borderlined homeless and I no longer want to live this dope sack to dope sack lifestyle. So I've been looking into treatment options... and at first I started researching about Methadone but it just seems like that'd put me in an even worse situation then I'm already in.

So then I started researching about Suboxone and with everything that I've read about it thus far, success stories, how it's used, side effects, etc... I really feel that this would be the best treatment option for me.

But unfortunately, I'm in a situation where money is scarce(literally literally) and I highly doubt that I'd be able to afford treatment. What little money I do come across goes to my addiction.

Honestly in the condition I'm in I really can't find a job. Not like anybody would hire a junkie anyway. It really sucks when you find help and the only thing stopping you from getting it is not being able to afford it. I guess there truly is a price tag on hope.

The only good thing,(well also it's a bad thing, but for an addict it's a good thing) where I'm from the dope is not only cheap but very potent. I live in a state that shares a border with Mexico. California. So I can literally cop a gram for 35 bucks and that will last me for a couple of days. I used to be a heavy IVer but now I just smoke...and I only IV when I'm running low and have to conserve.

Fuck, this really sucks and I don't know what to do. I really want out of this lifestyle... I want off this drug and out of this addiction! It's RUINED MY LIFE! LITERALLY! I'M TRULY READY TO QUIT! Right now the family I'm living with has already done for me all they can... I really don't blame them.... and I don't think I could stomach asking them for help... after all I've already put them through... But I don't think they would anyway.

So I'm pretty much in a catch 22... I'm out of options.... and I really really want to get treatment... not only do I want it I need it. So is there anyone out there who has been in a situation like this or anyone who may have some advice on what I can/could/should do?

I've hit rock bottom and it looks like a long way back up.... but I know if I can some how get the help I need, I CAN MAKE IT! I'm only 23, and I don't want to die at 25. I want to be a productive member of society...I want to get a job or perhaps maybe attend a trade school and train for a career. But in order to accomplish all this I need to get this GORILLA OFF OF MY BACK!

I won't give up and I know somehow I will find away to CONQUER this BEAST! No matter what it takes.

_________________
My name it means nothing
my fortune is less
My future is shrouded in dark wilderness
Sunshine is far away, clouds linger on
Everything I possessed - Now they are gone


Last edited by MorningSun on Sun Nov 09, 2014 4:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for help
PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 10:06 am 
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So is there anyone out there who has been in a situation like this or anyone who may have some advice on what I can/could/should do?

Morningsun, you are not alone. Everyone here has gone through hell. The difference is, when we all got to hell, some decided to stay...others fought their way out. You have a choice, and no matter what anyone tells you, its your choice, only you can decide...are you going to stay in hell or fight your way out?

The thing is, short term, its much easier to stay in hell than to fight your way out, but long term, the only hope you have of living a normal life is fighting it. It is possible, many have gotten out and live normal lives...although I still have issues I am dealing with, my life on Suboxone is a trillion times better that it was as an addict. Living everyday having to worry about where the next hit was going to come from, lying to my family, mood swings, lack of sex drive, it all sucked.

The day I got out of rehab, I was clean. I had no meds in my body. But after a week or so, something didnt feel right, I felt flat and sad and I couldnt get out of it . My doctor asked me about Suboxone and I decided to try it. For the first time since becoming an addict, I felt normal. I felt happy. I felt like my normal self.

Since then there have been ups and downs , but the lowest lows on Suboxone are better than my best days as an addict.

There are some programs for people with limited income, maybe someone here can shed some light on that.

Good luck, keep fighting, you have already taken the first step and asked for help...keep going, we are all with you.


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for help
PostPosted: Sat Aug 17, 2013 7:13 pm 
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You have a pretty good attitude for your circumstances, so that is a start! I think that the first thing you need to do is to figure out what services are available for people with little to no money. Are there any local organization that help addicts get on their feet again? I would start making phone calls to addiction doctors to see if any of them work on a sliding fee scale. Are there any avenues toward getting psychiatric help for low to no cost? Psychiatrists can prescribe suboxone (if they take the 8 hour class) and you may have more success finding mental help than addiction help.

The other potential good news for you is that generic suboxone has just hit the shelves. The price has started to drop and after a few months it will be even less expensive. Don't give up! Keep us informed about your search!

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Looking for help
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 4:13 pm 
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Hello, Thank You very much for the replies, it really means a lot. I haven't really developed a game plan yet... But will take Amy's post into consideration.

Again thank you for the replies.

Big dark places suck.... but it only takes a little light see where you're going.

I will CONQUER THIS! I SWEAR IT!

_________________
My name it means nothing
my fortune is less
My future is shrouded in dark wilderness
Sunshine is far away, clouds linger on
Everything I possessed - Now they are gone


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for help
PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 11:02 pm 
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Hi, I too was in this type is situation & homeless pregnant with twins. Everyone had turned their back. I was able to get state medical insurance so maybe u can too bcus it will pay for the medicine. Have u considered moving to somewhere else that an help u plus it would be great to get away!! In sobriety they say change people, places & things so maybe a move would help u! I know here on the East Coast there is a TON of help bcus Baltimore is the # 1 heroin capital of the US so in turn there is lots of help!! Consider finding a church that helps ppl with addiction issues & maybe they will help u into a detox & rehab or even pay for a ticket to get u to the East coast (Maryland area). It could save your life!! I've been on buprenorphine for almost 4 years, it's the white pills without the nalexone bcus I'm allergic to it & could never stay clean bcus it made me feel worse than being dope sick so I would just use. Idk how religious u are but pray, even if u don't know what u r prying to, just pray for answers & help! U really seem ready! I will be praying for u to find a way & I hope u consider the options I've talked about!! I know relocating saved my fiancé's life!!! He has been clean for 4 years now!! He was constantly in jail & prison & lived on the streets of Baltimore for 10 years!! If he can do it u can!! Don't wait until u r old like we did!!


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 Post subject: Re: Looking for help
PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 11:17 pm 
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There's a here to help patient assistance program done by the manufacturer of suboxone, reckitt benckiser. It's for people who are low income and have no insurance. Each doctor can have three patients at a time on this program, and if accepted you will get free suboxone for a year. If you're interested pm and I will find the number for you. I have it written down in my planner I believe.


So anyways shoot me a pm if you want the number or have more questions about it.

Keep your head up! You have to believe that if you put in the work good things will start coming your way. Just don't give up hope. Maybe you could also go to NA and see if anyone there has any suggestions for you?

_________________
"always be at war with your vices, and at peace with your neighbors."


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