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PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 5:54 pm 
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Location: Columbus,Ohio
Ok I'll keep this short as possible and to the point (which I tend to ramble so forgive me). As I'm sure others have experienced a dr who easiest their price and being no other docs who accept my insurance in central oh I was forced to taper my months supply over a 3 month period. I started at 8 gm strip a day and just played with my dose some days needing more some needing less. During that time I literally called every org, charity, faith based, anything I could for guidance only to be given a different number or a call back that never came. Keep in mind I have no support system and live back at home with my 2 girls desperately trying to get out on my own again. While I am grateful for my parents taking us in it has become a emotional mess for me. They don't believe in "addiction" and even make fun of me and degrade me. I don't go to a shelter because my oldest daughter has been through so much that I can't bring myself to sacrifice my happiness for hers. I had a car until my father learned I had been in contact with a place to go and he sold it. Keep in mind my grandmother (who is now in demansia) bought it for me when I got sober. Stupid me put it in his name because he said cheaper isnsurance. My grandma isn't in the mind to be able to help me anymore as my grandfather has taken her means of money away due to other family members abusing her kindness. She is my best friend and it tears me apart to see her feel so helpless with my issues that I brought on myself.

On to how I currently feel LIKE FREAKING HELL! My dr called in ativan which I know is a benzo and shouldn't take but it's all that takes an edge off clonodine and zofram. The worse part is having no idea what's next or when I'll be better. I was on suboxone for chronic pain and addiction stemming from an abusive relationship that literally almost killed me 7 years ago. Now that I'm off the pain is just awful and I don't know what to do. I made an appointment with a pain specialist late January but man I'm feeling so desperate and anxious! I am hoping that reaching out to others might give me some hope at the very least! Sorry for rambling and misspelling i just can't focus! Oh and MERRY CHRISTMAS !

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Single mom on a mission to reach out to others who have survived DV/Addiction as I have.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 6:57 pm 
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I am so sorry for the spot you find yourself in. I wish I had some great advice but I don't. Obviously getting back on sub would be ideal but it seems you've explored your options. You could try calling psychiatrists in your area, a lot of them that prescribe sub do not advertise it. If you find one you may have more luck with them taking your insurance.

Is it possible for you and your girls to move in with your grandma? It sounds like she is your only source of support and you could help to care for her. My grandma and I were very close too and her last 2 years of life she lived with my mom. I go to my mom's a lot and it was priceless to get to spend all that time with my grandma.

I know things seem bad right now but it will get better. You have your daughters and your health and the only way to go is up. I will be wishing for a Christmas miracle for you and your family. Merry Christmas!


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 11:31 pm 
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I too am a new poster but nonetheless I would like to welcome you to the forum and we can only begin to help by you posting and telling us a bit about yourself as you have. I am so sorry for your situation I can certainly relate for when I have to depend on my family for help of any kind then I am bound to their terms and....if I fail to "follow the rules", I pay a price etc....I am forty eight years old now and still dealing with it at times like you. Then....you put grandchildren in the mix, then it's for sure nothing we do there is right and so we remain always under scrutiny and the shadow of doubt. Do I have it close?

I had to choose methadone due to the expense of suboxone and I fear someday my "somehow I come up with the money each week" will run out and then what am I going to do? My mother does not know I am on MMT and if she did she would disapprove. Of course, thats all she can do is disapprove as I am not having to depend on her for the methadone, but if I did she would stop all funds at the moment she realized it. Even though I could look her in the eyes and remind her of how for the last two years she has told me and everyone she knows..... how well I am doing, how good I look and how proud she is of me. She still would not take those into account and give me credit any longer if she were to stumble upon the info I attend a Methadoen clinic. I would fall back into the role of the black sheep, drug addict, ill fated, life long disappointment.

I know all I have to offer you is the above story to let you know you are not alone in regards to the family dynamics being less than optimal for someone who needs recovery. Keep posting and reaching out for support who knows the perfect person could have all the answers for you and could read your post and have an idea or two. I guess Methadone wouldn't help because you usually have to go to a clinic daily for minimum 90 days and your dad took your car etc.. Have you tried contacting the maker of suboxone. I read this blog everyday by a suboxone doctor. She has some good info to share and she says for some patients who have struggled to pay and became unable to pay, she has helped them get free and/or discounted suboxone by contacting the company. This doc blogs daily and she responds back to anyone who comments on her blogs maybe she could help. I will post her link for you to get on her site and you can leave a thread for her to write you back and others comment back too. It's not the same as a forum but something like it.

http://janaburson.wordpress.com/2011/12 ... -question/

In fact the link I just posted is a blog of hers she just put up in the last few days called "To taper or not to taper that is the question". It is a very interesting piece and by reading it I find that you have not got an ideal situation that is good for a taper. SURPRISE HUH? You knew that huh? Anyways read it and then post your situation and I bet she could give you a pointer or maybe a contact or two. I am not saying this will happen to you, but in most cases when we taper or discontinue our MMT in a time of dispair or faster than we should or before we are ready, relapse occurs. I didn't really get a clear sense of your situation . I see you mention pain management and addiction so I worry for you. Thats why I want to really encourage you to talk and post daily regarding your recovery etc. There is also online NA and AA meetings. I find them helpful as I live way out in the country and meetings are not available daily etc..

http://www.intherooms.com/member/home

Above is a link to a very supportive and active twelve step community. Since you are forced into abstinence twelve step NA could be helpful. The community is a large one and there is always someone to talk to. I know suboxone would be the optimal solution to your situation and of course these are only some suggestions to try to fill in the blank where your situation is minus the suboxone. I hope and feel like if you keep reaching out, maybe praying too something will happen in your favor. These two suggestions I have given are in substitution as they can be carried out behind closed doors of your bedroom wherein your family will not be involved in controlling such. Please keep us informed of your dilemma and keep posting, talking, praying etc.... Things maybe looking better soon. MERRY CHRISTMAS my Friend.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:16 am 
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Hi ecigchic,
First I want to say how sorry I am for you and the situation that you are in. I just put myself through a rough situation that I don’t ever want to live through again. I had run short of my subs, so reading that you had to stretch your months’ supply over a three months period of time… Yikes, I feel for you girl. Omg I don’t think I could make it through it.
And then also I just want to share my thoughts on your situation... being that you are back at home and your parents are being VERY hard on you, it may be a good idea for you to go to a support group where you could learn how to use boundaries. Although we should always respect our parents at no matter what age we are, you are still an adult and also human and deserve to be treated with love and respect.
Whenever I am faced with hard times or scary things and I am faced with, what am I going to do situations? I go into survival mode. One of the things that I would be thinking about and it is not like what you would call a shelter is the YWCA. Also there is the Oxford homes for women and children but the only thing with them are that you could not be on sub or mmt.
I am not saying get off your treatment. I am just trying to help suggest ideas. If there ever was a time that you were staying clean/sober on your own without medical assistance then the oxford home would be one way to gain your independence and break that cycle your family has on you.
And you never know it just depends on the oxford homes in your area, they may let you live there and be on your treatment. It would be worth checking into. The link for them is http://www.oxfordhouse.org/userfiles/file/
Even if there were not any in your area you could possibly look in a surrounding area.
With the issue of your subs, I don’t know about the state assistance down there or if you have already tried that, but you could go to them and ask for assistance as you are a drug addict and need sub or mmt. I am in Wa state and I know that we have public assistant programs for people needing addiction treatment. I hope that things start to look up for you and I hope that you and your girls are having a good Christmas.
Keep us updated and I will be here to lend an ear and shoulder to.


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