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PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2015 11:44 pm 
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I am 36, f, recently single mother of 3 teens. My addiction started about 3 years ago. My husband was a chronic pain patient but didn't take his meds. He sold them so we could survive. He was prescribed low-ish dose Oxy for quite a while and his prescribing doctor decided to leave her practice. My husband had to find a new Dr.
The new Dr. decided to switch him to OPs, no one wanted them. We decided to take them for fun one day and did it every day for about 2 weeks. He eventually complained the the Dr. that they made him sick and got switched back to Oxy. I had to stop using because of the switch but the seed was planted.
Shortly after, I developed a severe chronic pain in my hip. He gave me an Oxy for the pain. Then I took one here and there, sometimes for the pain, sometimes for the fun. Then more often, then more, more, you know the story.
I did it secretly, he never knew. Eventually the Dr. referred him to pain management because he complained the dose was too low (higher dose, more $$). He was switched to 60 mg. Morphine ER x2 per day with 15 mg. Oxy 3x day for breakthrough pain. My supply got better. I was in charge of the meds. Counting, tracking, selling, the income was more. He worked, I sold. We both spent our earnings and pooled for bills.
My use grew, my profit decreased, I began to sacrifice in other areas to make up for the $$ I was swallowing. I lied, borrowed, scraped, and was generally miserable for 2 years until we got into a rough patch in our relationship and he left me. That was a month ago. I am broke, 3 kids, forced to move, so very heartbroken, can't make rent, and still need to feed my habit. I currently take 120 mg. Morphine AM and 150mg. Oxy PM. Nope, not a typo. Supply has run out, he refuses to speak to me, never mind supply my fix. He found out about my habit about a year ago, was understanding, and that is not the cause of our relationship problems, directly. I'm sure it contributed. Just not in such a direct way as him leaving because he was upset over my use or money wasting.
I am out of drugs and out of time. I have about 36 hours of fix until I begin withdrawl. I can get into a Dr. tomorrow or the next day, in time to stop my worse fear, but I'm scared. I am not ready for this. I mentally don't want to stop almost as badly as I do. I crave it and smile when I think about how good it feels to swallow those pills. That's the best part for me, the ingestion, not the buzz. Knowing I staved off the devil for another 12 hours. Knowing I'm not going to be in the throes of hell for another day.
I really want to kick, and I know I need to. I'm just not sure I can. I have never been successful. I have tried to taper countless times. Never made it even close. Gobbled up my stash within a few hours every time. I'm so scared, sick of this, and especially lonely. Im so encouraged to read some of the success stories on here, I just hope that some day, I can be one of them.

Sorry for the rambling, I know no one wants to know my story, but it did feel good to get it out! Thanks for listening.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2015 6:51 am 
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Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2015 12:49 pm
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You can do this. I am on DAY 2! I haven't even taken my sub dose yet. I woke up - feeling normal?! Can you imagine? I haven't needed to get out of bed yet to do my first 30mg of many. As of just Sat I was taking minimum of 210mg of oxy throughout the day, 60-90mgs at a time ,morning - afternoon - night. And yesterday I was angry about not having it. But I was not sick either - I had the courage to just wait about 15 hours ... Take a small dose of my sub and begin the slow introduction. I did not get precipitated withdrawals! And I feel ok right now. I'm getting up soon, taking my sub and I plan to check back on here. I can update too? My point in writing all of this is... YOU CAN DO THIS! I need someone to help me so why not jump on now? The other choice is to keep taking them, increasing dose every day - some nights I would go to bed and try to stay awake because I was afraid I stop breathing. Does that ever happen to you? Don't get to that point. My kids (4 and 7) are both crying right now - arguing about god knows what. Just that would trigger me sometimes - but another coping mechanism needs to come into play. All I'm saying is, there will never be an easy time. Sure you'll miss it, but the other side already feels better for me ... Only 36 hours in.


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