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 Post subject: Little Relapse..
PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 10:16 am 
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Hey so I stopped taking sub like 13 days ago today, and went on a little binge and did some OC like 3 days straight.. I'm not going to start doing that every day, but felt sort of funny so I took .5 MG yesterday and the day before, now I seem to be feeling fine without anything..

Think that's ok taking a little bupe? Like do you think my bupe WDs are over at this point and I just needed a little detox from the OC?

I know it sucks, but it's super hard when you're just sitting around and realize you'll get high to not try it again. I know I can't be doing that alot, and I really don't like who I was high on OC. Like i was super self conscious of my pupils and just felt bad and uncomfortably itchy.

Thanks. It's a battle, but the main thing in my opinon is not being physically addicted to anything.... Being in control of myself and not have drugs control me.


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 Post subject: Re: Little Relapse..
PostPosted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 11:27 am 
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Joined: Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:02 pm
Posts: 1342
Location: West Tennessee
Hi Dzeman,

Good job on getting off the suboxone. I know how hard it is, and anyone who makes it through with any clean time intact shows promise in my opinion. However, I"m a bit concerned about the way you talked about your relapse. When you say you binged on OC and you know you can't do it very often...that's kind of a red flag to me. Relapse may be a part of recovery for many people, but at the end of it you should be in the mindset of not ever letting it happen again. It seems more like you are leaving the door open for "recreational use". Thinking that it is acceptable to use every now and then, and that you will be able to control it. That is a really dangerous game you are playing.

I understand that you are feeling ok now. You were able to use suboxone in a small dose for a couple of days and feel like you are past any WD and are good to go. In essence you were able to use for a few days and didn't really suffer any ill effects from it. That can really lead you down a bad path, making you feel like it will be that way every time. Your addiction will soon have you convinced that you can control it, and that you have somehow learned how to have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. I don't know your history, but if you were in suboxone treatment then you were probably pretty out of control at some point. Using recreationally isn't an option for addicts. It sucks, I know...but it just won't work. Very soon you will be out of control again. You've come to far to let that happen.

I would encourage you to look at it honestly, and figure out how you can keep this from happening again. Relapses happen, it's not good...but it's something that happened and you just need to learn from it and move on. What are you doing to work on your long term recovery? I feel kind of hypocritical saying that...but it's more important than ever for you now that you don't have that safety net of suboxone.

Stay strong man...let us know how you are doing and if we can support you in any way.

Q

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No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


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 Post subject: Re: Little Relapse..
PostPosted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 3:53 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 4:38 pm
Posts: 31
Thanks Alot for the response. Yeah you are completely right, and honestly I just feel grateful that I seem to be doing ok now.

I completely understand what you mean about not doing it recreationally, and I know that is the case, but I think I was just trying to legitimize my actions which were completely out of line.

And you are right, it is going to be harder than ever now that suboxone is out of my system. I'm at home now, where my addiction began, and am moving back to college wednesday where I have virtually no contacts and friends who make sure I'm doing well.


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 Post subject: Re: Little Relapse..
PostPosted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 4:21 pm 
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Horsegal's comments were all spot on dzeman, and I'm happy you took them in the positive manner they were intended. I just wanted to say something concerning your comment about returning to college and having no immediate contacts, and friends who make sure your doing well.

I would always keep your guard up if you have no intentions of using again. I'm a college grad myself and know there are drugs everywhere, even if our friends may not have them, or try their best to keep us from using again.. I've always said you could drop me off on a dirt road I have never been on before and I could find drugs before noon if I wanted them bad enough. Know what I mean?

You have to make yourself accountable in this fight. While I'm sure you have great friends that will do everything to keep you from using, there are always opportunies that present themselves when you least expect it to happen. Been there done that one is all I'm saying.

Like Horsegal said, relapses do happen, and I've certainly had my share of them. But I have learned a little from each of them too. I guess it comes down to just how bad we really want to be clean. I got real tired of the back and forth from subs to pills. I was headed down that dead-end road of no return and I knew it.

Anyway I wish you the very best with school, and wanted you to now you have my support as well here no matter what you do. Let us know how your doing.

Karen xoxo


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 Post subject: Re: Little Relapse..
PostPosted: Mon Aug 12, 2013 4:59 pm 
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Thanks Alot Brown Eyed Girl..

Are you back on sub maintenance now ?

Maybe I should just take like .5MG a day as maintenance just to take away any chance of relapse? this kinda sucks knowing how far I've come and now I sorta feel like it was all for nothing.

Once an addict always an addict, I need to remember that and that I cannot mess around and need to hold myself accountable. Life seems boring clean honestly, that is the hardest thing for me. Having gone through the whole cycle of having drugs and whatnot sort of gave my day to day a sense of purpose and doing. And now clean, I need to constantly have something to do.. Even though I'm not sick, I don't enjoy just sitting around doing nothing.

It's going to be a struggle, but doing well and having it resonate with myself as well as others is the ultimate payoff. Doing good in this world instead of always being dark.


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